Learning to Land by Suteishichic....

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Nine ~ Mukahi

2008-06-10T22:59:34Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Nine ~ Mukahi
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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Yuushi kept his mouth away to Gakuto's disappointment. The tensai kissed his cheek and then over to Gakuto's ear. Yuushi pulled his arms around him into a tight embrace, but it didn't hurt. It was more like Yuushi was very serious and how serious was kinda scary for a moment until Yuushi whispered fiercely like he was vowing every word, "I love you, Mukahi Gakuto. I really and truly love you. The honest truth is it's different with me because I would rather die than ever hurt you. I'm going to keep you safe and show you every day how much I love you. I'll do whatever it takes to alleviate all of your fears until one day they will all be gone. Until one day when what happened to you is only a distant memory. You will never feel hurt or scared again. From now on, I want you to only know love and happiness. I love you, Gakuto. I love you so much..."

"Uh...Yuushi?" Gakuto waited until he could get a word in and interrupted because the stupid tensai was in Yakkity Yuushi mode. He was going off on a tirade and getting himself all choked up. They didn't need more confessions or tears or bad things. They needed more of the fun stuff. The hot stuff. The nice comforting kissing stuff at the very least.

"Yes? What? Are you all right? Am I holding you too tight? Are you afraid? I didn't mean to hold you so firmly..." Yuushi sounded concerned.

Gakuto sighed, "No. I'm fine...and thanks and all...but...well...how long are you gonna hold me like this? Cause, you're kinda heavy." And it was kinda dull. Nice, sweet, and adorable, sure but also boring. Especially without the kissing to keep Gakuto's body and brain occupied.

Yuushi sounded like he was smiling, "Hmm? Am I too heavy? I am sorry sweetheart, but I thought I would hold you just a little longer like this. Gakuto, I'll hold you for as long as it takes."

Gakuto was completely lost. And this had been his stupid idea in the first place! This seriously could not be the hot making love thing Yuushi wanted to do, was it? He sighed, "As...long as it takes for what...?"

Sounding calm as if he was talking about something stupid like the weather Yuushi said, "For you to stop trembling."

"I'm not...?" Actually, he was kinda shaking, but it was more like he was shivering with cold even though he didn't feel chilled at all. "O...oh. I didn't know I was. Uh...but I don't feel scared or anything. I mean, I'm turned on and I feel safe and stuff with you so I don't think it's really me doin it. Maybe it's like nerves or somethin. It just kinda happens I guess, and I don't know how long it's gonna take to stop. When I'm playin tennis and everyone is watchin me it happens but only to my knees. I just kinda play and then when I remember about it, it's stopped by then. I think it just goes away on it's own. Sometimes when I get an idea or think about somethin I shake just my leg like that and then sometimes I get like that when I have to read in front of class."

He heard Yuushi's smile. It was this tiny clicking noise of his lips moving across his teeth. Dryly Yuushi said, "Yes. I know."

Of course he did. Gakuto sighed annoyed at himself for shaking like this and still felt kinda bored, "Well while we're waitin, can we do something else? I mean, it might stop faster if we kiss around and stuff. So...can we?"

"All right," Yuushi said and sounded all lovey. "Provided this time you kiss me properly and begin the kiss first."

"What? Properly...? You want me to kiss you first and kiss you good, right?" He was confused. Didn't he kiss Yuushi a hundred times or more? Hadn't they kissed each other a gazillion times by now? Why was Yuushi sounding so happy? What was the damn tensai up to?

"Mmhmm." Yuushi hummed as he pulled back from Gakuto's ear slightly. "That would be nice."

Gakuto sighed annoyed and said sounding hostile, "I've kissed you first and I've been kissin you good." He was bothered by Yuushi asking this since he certainly had kissed the tensai first and they had been kissing good all night. Really good. Gakuto was enjoying it so what the hell? Wasn't this good enough for the tensai? What, did Yuushi come down with a sudden case of amnesia or something?

"Mmm..." Yuushi hummed but it seemed like he was agreeing but not really agreeing at the same time. "Perhaps. Certainly, you've kissed me first and truly, those are some of my most precious memories. And while yes, you always return my kiss passionately, upon further reflection, it occurs to me that most of the time when we kiss properly, I begin the kiss..." The damn sneaky tensai didn't seem bothered by Gakuto feeling more and more annoyed at all.

As if unaware that Gakuto felt beyond annoyed and moving into feeling dangerously enraged, the tensai kissed Gakuto's forehead and then his right cheek softly in a long, gentle, loving press of his lips. It was just like when Gakuto kissed Yuushi nice on his own before, although Gakuto had done it on Yuushi's lips.

Feeling furious now, Gakuto tried to think of the last time he had kissed Yuushi in a way that could be considered "properly" kissing him. Damn it. Gakuto tried to figure out what the hell kissing properly meant and couldn't. He didn't wanna ask. Not when Yuushi was being so serious about it. Gakuto didn't wanna look stupid, especially in front of Yuushi. He guessed it would be kissing Yuushi all romantic or lovey--good enough to make the dopey tensai speechless and all moony. Gakuto tried to think of the last time he kissed Yuushi like that and did it first.

Damn it.

Gakuto couldn't remember. He was more angry now than ever.

Seemingly unaware of the danger, Yuushi moved Gakuto's hair in the front around. Yuushi did this sometimes and it was kinda annoying, but it was something only Yuushi would dare to do to him. The tensai absently moved Gakuto's bangs into a "V" shape as if thinking of other things. Gakuto usually hated when Yuushi did this. It reminded him of his widows peak which he tried very hard to hide along with his scar.

It was annoying. It was sweet. It was loving. It reminded Gakuto he really had no secrets from Yuushi.

And that Yuushi loved him. Really loved him.

Damn it.

Gakuto realized there was nothing he could do to stop Yuushi from annoying and boring him to death, except to go ahead and kiss the tensai the right and "proper" way. In a sweet hot kiss that took the tensai's very breath away.

It wasn't as easy as Gakuto thought. Usually when he wanted to kiss, Gakuto just held his lips out to Yuushi to hint that the tensai should go ahead and kiss him.

Damn. He realized up until now it had pretty much been Yuushi always starting stuff. In fact, except for that first night at Jiroh's when he had so badly kissed Yuushi while crying, and then later when trying to get Yuushi to have sex with him, Gakuto really couldn't remember kissing Yuushi first at all. Not like all hot or anything. Oh. Except there was that one time after he got all sick when he kissed the tensai on Yuushi's futon just before his mom came to see him. Yuushi kept saying he knew Gakuto didn't feel well so the tensai probably thought it was from that. He kissed Yuushi first earlier. Lots of times. Did those count?

Discouraged, Gakuto asked, "I really don't kiss you good first ever?"

The tensai's face softened into a gentle smile. Yuushi was feeling shy but only Gakuto would know it. Other people who didn't know the tensai would probably think he was just being smug or feeling cocky. He wasn't though. Yuushi just looked like that sometimes when he was really feeling other things. Things that mattered. Lovey things that he was embarrassed to talk about. Yuushi rarely spoke without thinking everything through first, but when he was like this, he was just being open and himself. He could be like this with Gakuto only. At least that was what Gakuto knew from experience and rumors and in the end hoped was true.

Slow in his accented drawl and sounding moony because he probably didn't wanna hurt Gakuto's feelings or something, the tensai said, "I didn't say never. You have kissed me first and...good...I love how you usually reach to kiss me after you have an orgasm which I always enjoy. I want you to know I truly treasure each and every kiss you've ever bestowed upon me, and I understand that you're not really like I am with regards to romantic gestures. I don't want anything to change, Gakuto, I just thought it would be a nice change this one time." Yuushi stroked his cheek gently, "I was thinking it would be rather nice to feel wanted by you and physically shown that desire. It isn't an important request, my love, and I don't mind if we forget it and proceed in our usual manner."

Suddenly Gakuto wanted to kiss him. Really wanted to. He wanted to show Yuushi how he was feeling for him. Wanted Yuushi to feel wanted and sexy and all that stupid lovey crap the tensai deserved to feel.

Gakuto really did want to. Really. He coulda sworn he wanted to, but when he went to, maybe it was nerves or something--although why he would be nervous around the tensai after all this time he had no idea--but Gakuto moved his face close to Yuushi's and burst out laughing right before he touched Yuushi's lips with his own.

Maybe it was the moony way Yuushi was looking at him like his one wish in the whole world was gonna be fulfilled. Maybe it was because they had barely slept and it was late. Maybe it was because they were both guys and acting all dopey. Maybe because being like this with Yuushi was nice and felt good but it still made Gakuto feel a little anxious although he couldn't say why. Maybe it was all of those things combined, but the more times Gakuto tried, the more times he laughed.

And the more times he laughed, the more Yuushi didn't. Which for some reason made Gakuto crack up even harder. Between fits of laughter and several false starts including the last one where he snorted just before their lips met, Gakuto wiped tears from his eyes caused by laughing so hard and said, "Sorry. Sorry, Yuushi. This time I won't laugh. I mean it..."

But then he tried to be serious again, moved his lips to Yuushi's, got close, closer, even closer, then snorted again, and laughed even harder.

Yuushi just waited. After a while of Gakuto cackling and convulsing with laughter under him, Yuushi sharply said, "It's okay if you don't want to or cannot."

The tensai's face was all serious and didn't change but Gakuto knew from knowing him, Yuushi was all hurt. It was just this way the tensai's eyes looked steely and hard like ice, but they were really just a mask hiding his hurt. Everyone else would think Yuushi was furious, but not Gakuto. Oh Yuushi might be kinda mad, but there was more to it than just anger. No one else in the world would notice or get that the anger was just hiding how hurt the tensai was really feeling.

"Yuushi? Please don't be mad. Please? I'm really sorry. I don't know why I keep on laughing, but I wanna kiss you. I do. It's not that I don't wanna." Gakuto held on to Yuushi a little tighter. He tried to keep Yuushi from moving away because it felt like the tensai was gonna get offa him. Maybe go to the other room and go to sleep without him or something.

"I...am not...mad," Yuushi said it very slow and quietly. He tried to sound like he was all fine, but Gakuto knew he wasn't. "I understand and I told you that it's quite all righ..."

Annoyed, Gakuto kissed him. He did it harder and with more force than he meant to so he pulled back in the middle of it and said, "I like you, Yuushi. I really like you and I want you and I wanna to kiss you. I'm sorry I laughed. I'm gonna kiss you again, okay?" Before Yuushi could say anything, Gakuto trapped the tensai's face in his hands and pressed his lips only on Yuushi's mouth. Gakuto felt very turned on suddenly and he felt that tingle between his legs along with the wet slidey fluttery feeling in his belly, but it was more than that. He had this urgent feeling as he pressed his lips to Yuushi's that maybe if he didn't do this enough or if Yuushi didn't like it that he would walk away.

Gakuto didn't wanna let him go. He couldn't let Yuushi go because that would hurt like hell.

He knew he was kissing Yuushi badly. Kinda intensely like he did on that first night when he was scared after Sato, but Gakuto couldn't stop. The more Yuushi didn't kiss him back, the harder Gakuto kept trying to make this work. It was stupid, but like the laughter, once it started Gakuto really couldn't stop. He felt kinda like crying again all of a sudden because Yuushi wouldn't kiss him back. It was like Yuushi was saying he really didn't like him back. That he really didn't love him after all. Thinking that, Gakuto whimpered pathetically as he held his tears in and tried to kiss the tensai more forcefully and even harder. Gakuto's throat got tight and burned from the effort.

"You're trembling again. Are you afraid? What's wrong? What are you thinking that has you like this? Gakuto?" Yuushi's brows came together in study and thought after Gakuto practically smashed his lips against Yuushi's again, "You're being rather...aggressive..."

"No, I..." Gakuto's voice crackled with raw emotion. His heart was pounding and he was feeling so desperate it made him kinda feel sick. Like this was his last chance to make this right with Yuushi or lose him forever. Didn't Yuushi get it? He asked Gakuto to kiss him and now Gakuto was kissing him, damn it! So what the hell was wrong? Why wasn't this okay? "I want you. I like you. Kiss me, Yuushi!" Gakuto went to kiss him hard again but Yuushi pulled back and held him away from his mouth. Annoyed Gakuto said heatedly, "If you really like me then show me! Damn it, kiss me back!"

"I really love you. I'm just trying to understand what has you all worked..." Gakuto took the opportunity during Yuushi's words to squirm out of his grip and kiss him hard again. Yuushi peeled Gakuto off of him and winced probably because their front teeth somehow collided painfully. "Gakuto? I'm right here and I love you. I just want to know what you're thinking. Why are you upset?"

"I'm not! Why do you think I'm...!" Well duh, probably because Gakuto was yelling. He took a breath to calm down just like his mom always told him to do just like when he got into a big argument with her. Gakuto's words still came out in a hot rush, "I don't know, okay? I'm stupid and I don't know. I just...I get like this sometimes, okay? And you should know that! You should know that better than anyone!"

Gakuto was a step away from demanding that stupid Yuushi leave him alone and storming away. Then at least he could be the one to leave first, but the fact was Gakuto really didn't want to leave. He just wanted Yuushi to kiss him. He just wanted things to be and feel like they always did between them. Everything right now just felt all awful and wrong. "Look," Gakuto heard his voice break and sound shaky with feelings, "I just want you to kiss me, okay? I need you to. It's stupid. I know it is! I didn't mean to laugh and I wanna kiss you and I just want you to kiss me back and want me back and you won't and it feels like you don't like me anymore and I don't want you to go into the other room and go to sleep without me, okay? I don't want you to go! It's stupid. I'm stupid and I'm sorry that I'm so stup..."

Rarely did Yuushi ever interrupt him but this time he did, "When you get this way, is it usually after you feel afraid?"

Yes... But Gakuto never thought about it before so he said, "I don't know. Maybe. I guess." He sighed annoyed and hated the way he felt. He clutched on to Yuushi tighter in case the damn tensai tried to stand up to leave.

"Gakuto?" He looked at Yuushi. The tensai was studying him and it was annoying, but he didn't want Yuushi to stop. He didn't want Yuushi to stop finding things about him interesting to analyze because maybe when he found everything there was to find, Yuushi would leave. Gakuto held onta him a little harder.

Yuushi winced probably because Gakuto was holding him so hard. The tensai pursed his lips in thought and after a moment gently asked, "When you feel this way, what makes you feel better?"

Oh. Well that was easy. Gakuto said it without hesitating, "Sex." Then he realized how bad that sounded and cursed before he could stop himself. Defensively Gakuto automatically said, "I'm not a slut. I just mean if I come, it always makes me feel better when I'm stressed."

"No my love, you're not a slut. I've never thought you were," Yuushi said it dismissively, kinda like he was thinking of something else. "Actually, you're very intelligent. Your EIQ is very high."

Gakuto looked at him warily but didn't let go, "EIQ?"

Yuushi looked more focused as if he just figured out how to map Gakuto's DNA and now everything made more sense, "Mn. It stands for Emotional Intelligent Quotient. Yours clearly is higher than my own." Gakuto looked suspiciously at him to see if Yuushi was somehow making fun of him. He worried that this was all some kinda joke and he was too stupid to understand the punchline, but the tensai didn't seem to be joking so he let Yuushi continue. "Gakuto, remember the first time when you stopped talking to me. The night when I became so upset? When I was worried you didn't like me and you wanted to leave? How agitated I became? And no matter how stupid I knew I was acting, I couldn't stop?"

Gakuto nodded. He guessed Yuushi back then felt kinda like he did when he was worried Gakuto would walk out.

Yuushi smiled at him as if Gakuto was doing something amazing instead of that he was acting all crazy and squeezing him to death. "Your way of handling your feelings is much better, Gakuto. Much smarter. Brilliant actually. Please don't worry because I promise I am not going anywhere without you. I won't leave and I'm not going to sleep in the other room without you. I could never leave you. I'm staying right here, with you. Will you kiss me again? Please? I would love to kiss you back, and I love you."

Feeling a strange mixture of relieved to hear Yuushi say the words, desperate to not let him go, and so turned on he felt dizzy, Gakuto moved to kiss him. He moved fast so Yuushi couldn't see the stupid tears stinging his eyes. This time when his mouth reached Yuushi's, there was no bubble of laughter between them. There was no pain or smacked teeth or panic that everything somehow was wrong and he didn't know how to make it right.

It felt like they were melting together in a kiss and everything felt like normal for them. Yuushi's lips moved exquisitely on his and when Gakuto reached out his tongue to try to part Yuushi's lips, Yuushi's tongue was already there. Gakuto whimpered as their tongues met and slid together exquisitely to stroke into each other's mouth. This time, it was a good feeling. It was like joy and pleasure mixed with that feeling when you get the one thing you really, really want and need from the only person in the world who can give it to you. Gakuto sighed in relief feeling less and less panic and more and more pleasure. He whispered between kisses, "Yuushi..."

Yuushi held Gakuto safely in his strong arms and kissed him. At one point Yuushi pulled back and said like a vow, "I love you..." Then he captured Gakuto's mouth again with his own. It was a good thing Yuushi kissed him so fast after because what Gakuto almost said back was muffled by their lips and tongues. It just sounded like a whimper of pleasure. But Gakuto knew. He knew what he felt. He knew what he almost said. Again. This wasn't just lust after feeling the fear because lust felt better than fear. This wasn't just liking someone a lot. This wasn't just because Yuushi was fun or because he promised to keep him safe. This wasn't like anything Gakuto had ever felt for anyone before.

He loved him.

And while it was scary as hell, at the same time, Gakuto never felt anything better.

Inwardly Gakuto cursed to himself. His mom was gonna kill him for falling for another guy. She wasn't anti-gay or anything, in fact she had several very close gay guy friends, but she was gonna worry. She was gonna point out all the flaws in this. She was gonna tell Gakuto that they were too young and that they couldn't possibly know what they wanted. She was gonna worry that they were both guys. She was gonna probably make things difficult for Yuushi, but in the end she was gonna love the tensai. When Gakuto thought about that he almost laughed. Because the truth is once Yuushi realized he had to win over Gakuto's mom, he would romance her just like he romanced Gakuto until he fell. Not even Gakuto's willful mom was gonna be able to resist the genius in love.

Gakuto cringed at how big a mess that would be and resolved to help Yuushi. Not just for Yuushi's sake or for his mom's, but for Gakuto's own peace and happiness. He didn't wanna see the two people he cared most about in the world go to war. Well war for his mom, but Yuushi wouldn't understand. The tensai would be all confused and hurt. Gakuto quickly plotted how that could help him. Once Gakuto's mom realized how all alone in the world Yuushi was, she was sure to open her heart at least a little tiny crack. That was all Gakuto needed because from there, he could squeeze Yuushi in the rest of the way. After all, just like his dad said when making a sale, all you need is a tiny opening and every no is just a yes waiting for a good enough salesman to sell it.

That was the nice thing about the tensai. He looked good on paper and would be an easy sale. And anyway, his mom being mad and worrying wasn't about Yuushi, or them both being guys, or them both being young, or any of the other objections his mom was gonna have at all. The simple fact was Gakuto was her favorite and she wanted him to have an easy life. Her dream was that someday Gakuto would have an ordinary boring normal life where he got married to an ordinary girl and had a boring job and maybe even a few normal kids. Just like his dad.

There was nothing wrong with that, but it was impossible. And anyway, Gakuto had a feeling that living the life she had wished for him was never gonna make Gakuto feel quite like this. And now that he had a taste for things with Yuushi, Gakuto wanted more. He never wanted this to stop.

The tensai could be called a lot of things, but Yuushi was in no way ordinary. Nothing with Yuushi would ever be completely normal, but in a way, for Gakuto that seemed like one of the best parts. Yuushi made everything different and better and with the tensai everything seemed fun or at least more intense and interesting. They were a good pairing. A perfect team. One was strong where the other was weak. They were balanced. Gakuto could play up front and be himself knowing Yuushi would always be behind him and have his back. Idly, he wondered how good they would be if they ever seriously tried to partner up for doubles. It might be more fun that playing singles when everyone else wanted to. Hell, they might be damn good if Yuushi could ever peel his eyes off Gakuto's ass.

Yuushi pulled back from their kiss as Gakuto was thinking of this. The tensai asked all lovey and formal, "Gakuto, may I make love to you in my own way?"

Gakuto smiled despite knowing the sneaky tensai was still calling him something other than his name in his head. Damn sneaky tensai. But he was smiling now even with that because secretly Gakuto really always liked how Yuushi always checked out his ass. And his legs. And the rest of him. Not that Gakuto ever told anyone this, but it was true. Gakuto could always count on Yuushi to check him out. Now he just knew why. It was nice to have something in the world to count on and someone to believe in.

He could count on Yuushi no matter what. Just like you could count on Atobe to act all conceited but always have the goods to back it up, on Jiroh to get suddenly excited over nothing but to make the nothing seem somehow new and interesting, and on how they could always rely on their Coach to have complete faith in all of them. Their whole was as their coach said made up of strong parts, but the whole was stronger than the individual pieces.

Silly tensai probably even knew Gakuto secretly liked being checked out by Yuushi all the time, but that was good too. It was all good because they were a good pairing. Tried, tested, and true.

"Yeah. I wanna. Make love to me, Yuushi." Gakuto's heart started to beat a little faster as he thought about it. About them really making love. How it would feel. How it would make them both feel. Gakuto wanted to. Bad. And if they couldn't do it all right now then whatever Yuushi wanted to do, Gakuto wanted to too. It was all gonna be good, feel good, and be hot. They were good together and they were hot on their way to becoming great together. Gakuto thought this and pressed his lips softly to Yuushi's sealing it for them. Because even if he wasn't ready to say the words out loud, he still meant them from the bottom of his heart and soul. But he could say this. Something he never said to anyone before. Gakuto kissed Yuushi softly, sweetly and said when he pulled back, "Make me yours tonight, Yuushi."

Yuushi made a little gasp at the phrase. It wasn't something most people said casually and for Gakuto, well he knew if he was saying it then Yuushi especially would know Gakuto was serious. He was. He meant it with his whole heart and the only thing sweeter was knowing how Yuushi was taking pictures in his head of the moment. Looking moony and touched Yuushi asked softly, "Gakuto?"

"Yeah?" Pulling back, Gakuto gave Yuushi a long look that ended with his sexiest smile. He heard his voice sound kinda husky with lust and emotions, but he shrugged and tried to act cool, "I just want you, Yuushi. I don't care what parts you use or don't use. Make us feel good, okay?"

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Hang in there. More soon. XDDDD

*backdated due to chapter disappearing*

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Eight ~ Mukahi

2008-06-10T22:31:47Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Eight ~ Mukahi
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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"Before you do what you wanna do to me, will you do me a favor? Please?" Gakuto added the please so Yuushi knew he was serious. He wasn't joking around about this.

"Of course." Yuushi agreed without even asking what he was gonna have to do. He answered so fast it made Gakuto feel kinda stupid...but this was important. It was something Gakuto had never been able to do with anyone else. At least, not without feeling terrified.

Gakuto figured that maybe, just maybe if he could do this with Yuushi, he would never feel scared like that again. He would never feel afraid again. Not of anything. Yeah. That would be nice. Well actually, that would be...really amazing. He would be...Gakuto realized to himself, he would be...free.

Okay, that sounded stupid. Especially when he thought the words out in his head before saying them to Yuushi...but even if it sounded stupid, it was true. True and important. Still, Gakuto felt kinda dumb even asking Yuushi the super tensai brainiac genius to do anything as stupid-sounding as this.

Gakuto sighed and tried to find a way to ask that didn't sound quite so lame, "Look...it's kinda stupid, and it's not somethin I'm good at, but Yuushi? You know, it's really not a big thing, but I wanna try this. With you. Will you...?" He laughed at himself, and felt his face flushing with embarrassment, "Gods, this is stupid. I know it is. It's really gonna seem dumb and you don't have to do it if you don't wanna but..."

He sighed again and tried to spit it out. Really Gakuto was trying to get this over with, but the words wouldn't come easily so he rushed what he was trying to say, "Look, I know this is gonna seem totally idiotic and completely pointless to someone as smart as you, but anyway will you just lay on topa me and hold me for a minute or two? And not do anything else but hold me? You know, kinda...in like...a hug, but while you're laying down on topa me?"

Yuushi didn't respond.

Gakuto waited for Yuushi to make a joke or crack some bad pun. Hell, Gakuto could think of fifty jokes about this without even trying. He held his breath waiting for the tensai to ask a few well phrased questions in that all too-serious way Yuushi just sorta had. The same way the tensai would often question one of their classmates or teammates whenever someone said or did something really stupid. Yuushi turned it into a hilarious game that up until now, Gakuto always loved.

Yuushi would ask the moron of the day a series of dryly phrased "inquiries" that in the end exposed just how stupid the person was. The tensai made Gakuto crack up at least once a day doing this. Gakuto would laugh even harder because as he and Yuushi walked away together he would ask why the tensai bothered asking such a stupid person anything at all. With a sober expression Yuushi would sigh dramatically and say something like, "I merely tried to ascertain proof of his idiocy."

It really was hysterically funny the deadpan way the tensai delivered the punchline. You had to be there to truly appreciate it, and Gakuto really did.

But now, it wasn't so funny. In fact Gakuto had this dreadful sinking feeling that any second Yuushi was gonna raise his one eyebrow, or make that certain smirk, or stretch his face into that horrible straight-man mask signaling the puns, jokes, or questions were about to begin.

Or maybe even worse the tensai would do what he did when he seemed to be humoring one of their teachers by being sincere--but if you knew the tensai like Gakuto did, only then would you know Yuushi was just being a completely sarcastic bastard. The best part usually was even their stupid moronic teachers weren't smart enough to get the tensai's jokes. Only Gakuto really was. They shared so many jokes like that together. Just the two of them.

He was so used to it that inwardly Gakuto cringed expecting Yuushi to do something like that now. Something along those lines.

Do something. Say something. Anything.

After a pause of about thirty seconds while he probably figured out where Atlantis was located, all Yuushi did was say, "Of course, I'll be happy to indulge you. So, precisely how would you like me to position myself?" Yuushi moved so he was above Gakuto but off him. Like the tensai was up in the start of a push up, "Is this acceptable? And would you prefer it if I put on clothing, or shall I bring you your underwear or other clothing for this?"

Oh. Gakuto kinda forgot he was naked. Damn, he kinda forgot Yuushi was naked too. Well it's not so much that he forgot, because they'd been naked and touching each other basically all night, but by now it just kinda felt normal.

It was kinda weird because he was usually not one to walk around with no clothes on but with Yuushi, Gakuto often forgot that he was naked. That they both were. A lot. Not that Gakuto minded. Yuushi was pretty hot. And if how much the tensai touched Gakuto was any indication, Yuushi enjoyed them being nude a lot too.

It was comfortable even if it was something new. And as for the touching, well no one ever touched Gakuto like this before. Gakuto woulda said before this that he wasn't a touchy-feely kinda guy, but the truth was he really liked it. It was fun and hot, but that was probably because it was totally different with Yuushi. Before guys had touched Gakuto always for a reason. Either they wanted sex and a little fun or they touched Gakuto to show other people that Gakuto was theirs.

But Yuushi didn't really touch Gakuto in front of other people. At least not any more or any less than normal.

And when they were alone, the tensai touched Gakuto as if he liked it. It was kinda like Yuushi wanted to explore his new roommate's entire body and was tryin to find every place on his body that gave Gakuto pleasure. He touched Gakuto as if the tensai loved the feel of Gakuto's skin beneath his fingers and like Yuushi couldn't get enough of touching Gakuto.

He touched Yuushi back too. All the time. All night he had been. He wasn't even completely aware of how much he'd been doing it but now that he wasn't touching Yuushi, the space between their bodies felt...wrong. Like they should always be touching.

And they had been. All night Gakuto constantly ran his hands all over the tensai's skin while they talked. He just kinda liked how soft Yuushi's skin felt. Soft but strong. Not squishy or girlie soft. It was soft skin, but nice and firm over hard, strong muscles almost coiled beneath.

Yuushi's body and his skin felt different from anyone Gakuto had known before, but it felt so right to touch. Like it was what Gakuto always wanted to touch even if he never knew it before and never thought about it before. Now looking back everyone else Gakuto touched and kissed girls, guys, Sato, Taki, and even Azukizawa felt wrong and foreign. Gakuto wondered if it was some tensai trick Yuushi developed so that even if somehow Gakuto left him, no one else would ever feel good or right again. It wasn't fair unless he could find some way to make it be the same for Yuushi if the tensai was lying earlier and did ever try to leave him.

Just the thought hurt, so Gakuto went back to looking at the tensai, admiring him, and wanting to get them back to the place where they were both touching each other.

Yuushi was a pleasant balance of contrasts and textures. Soft skin over strong muscle controlled by that gigantic gargantuan brain, and beneath it all lay hidden a too soft, too gentle heart. And only Gakuto knew this. Only he knew exactly what the tensai was like. Only he knew all the Yuushis.

Only he was right for Yuushi and it was looking more and more like only Yuushi was right for him.

After all, empirically speaking, the tensai's body really was perfect. Looking down his cut body hovering over him all Gakuto could think was...damn, Yuushi was hot. The tensai's huge erection bobbed nice and hard and looking tantalizingly delicious. It was hovering over Gakuto and practically staring at him.

Any other guy this big and Gakuto would be nervous or turned off kinda, but with Yuushi, all Gakuto felt was want. He wanted to touch it. Taste it. Gakuto wanted to touch Yuushi more and watch those too smart tensai thoughts fly out of his head. He wanted to taste Yuushi while looking up into his eyes and watch that too turned on Yuushi hot look come over him while he hummed in pleasure. Gakuto wanted. Right now.

He almost didn't wanna wait any longer for them to get to the good stuff or even to do this anymore. Yuushi didn't seem to mind when Gakuto softly ran his hands all over his body. Gakuto touched his hands to the tensai's chest and slid them down his sides. Over his muscles and his ribcage. Back up over his cut stomach and chest. Down again a little further this time. Down over his hips. Back up and feeling his hard nipples. The deep wells of his collar bones. Down his strong cut arms.

The tensai shivered from his touch like Yuushi liked more touching too. Wanted it. Needed it.

It was kinda new for Gakuto to wanna touch someone like this. You know, wherever Gakuto felt like touching. Knowing he could touch without worrying that the person would think he was strange or not like it. Yuushi actually really seemed to love whenever Gakuto touched and licked and explored his bare skin. It was kinda nice.

Sato woulda never let Gakuto touch him like this or do any of this stuff. Not that Gakuto wanted to, but still Sato never woulda let him do these kinda things. Stupid Sato was scared to death someone would think he was gay--even though the bastard really was just into guys.

The one time Sato was with a girl, that bitch Naomi at the sharing, he complained to Gakuto how bad she was for days after. What Sato didn't know was that night Naomi complained to Gakuto about Sato. She flat-out told Gakuto how bad Sato was in bed. She laughed and whispered conspiratorially how she was sure it was Sato's first time with a girl. She said she didn't even think Sato liked girls. She laughed and said how Sato really had no clue what to do. Naomi described how Sato seemed okay while he put the condom on so it looked like he had done that before, but then the moron didn't know what to do after. She snickered how he kept trying to have anal sex with her and tried to stretch her vagina like it was a butt until she finally stopped him. She cackled and told Gakuto she had to show Sato where to stick his flaccid penis. That she had to talk dirty to him about guys she fucked earlier in the night and things about gay sex to get Sato to orgasm.

She went on and on until after listening mostly stunned, finally Gakuto laughed. The bitch saying all that bad stuff about Sato was the only way Gakuto got through the sex with her that first time. Her jokes about Sato relaxed him enough to be able to get Naomi off before he faked his own orgasm. Condoms were good for that because Gakuto was pretty sure now Naomi had no clue he faked. Either time.

Because that second time, with Yuushi, he only got through it because Yuushi needed him. Thinking about Yuushi needing him made Gakuto feel a sudden spread of that strange orgasm warmth in the middle of his chest. At the same time, remembering it was almost a preview of how hot he and Yuushi would be when they finally did have sex. Thinking of that made some of the warmth turn into heat and race between Gakuto's legs again. It was gonna be so good. They were gonna be so damn good together if they could just get there.

The tensai cleared his throat softly as if gently reminding Gakuto he was waiting in this awkward position and probably had been for a minute or two while Gakuto lost himself in his thoughts. Yuushi was so strong he was holding himself up high with all his muscles flexed and not shaking at all. It was like the tensai was saying he could keep this up all night if Gakuto wanted him to. Which made Gakuto think hot nasty thoughts wondering what else Yuushi could do all night if Gakuto wanted him to. And Gakuto did want. Yuushi's position over him was too high and all wrong, but feeling all that heat and thinking of doing all kinds of sex things with the naked tensai made Gakuto feel a little dizzy in a good way.

Gakuto felt turned on and happy instead of his usual annoyed when someone didn't do things right. "Uh...no, I...this is okay, Yuushi. Just...come here..." He reached up to put his hands on the tensai's strong shoulders. He pulled Yuushi down and more on top of him so now Gakuto was almost covered by the tensai's nude body.

Almost because Yuushi was still up on his elbows over him. Most of the tensai's skin was not touching Gakuto's so it wasn't yet right. Still, Yuushi acted like doing this was normal. All of it. Like this was something the tensai was asked to do every day, and even though it wasn't and it was something stupid, it felt good that Yuushi didn't crack any jokes yet.

Gakuto had a thought that maybe he should hurry so Yuushi didn't. Quickly Gakuto arranged them so Yuushi's legs were between his by picking his hips up and lifting his legs. He pushed Yuushi's knees to the bed by putting his feet on them and gently pressing down. When Gakuto rolled his hips down, his heart started beating a little faster.

This was more of what he meant so Gakuto rushed forward, "Okay. Like this, and then if you could just lay down more on topa me with your all weight on me. All the way. Then just kinda hold me for a minute. I know it's stupid, but would you do it anyway?"

"Of course," Yuushi said mildly as if Gakuto was asking for something sane. Or even normal. The tensai very slowly lowered his body down onto Gakuto's. Yuushi slid his hands up to Gakuto's shoulders and he rested them lightly there.

Gakuto nervously waited. Something was wrong because nothing else was happening.

Clearing his throat again, the tensai asked, "Would you like me to kiss you? That of course, I would never mind..." Yuushi said it as if he'd never kissed Gakuto before but always wanted to.

It made Gakuto smile and look up into the tensai's eyes for the first time in a while. He swallowed hard feeling nervous, "No. This is okay. Just...you can put your weight on me more."

Yuushi's skin was touching his, but the tensai was still holding most of his weight off of Gakuto. It wasn't right yet because even though Gakuto's heart was beating fast like a drum roll, nothing else was going on. For a moment, Gakuto hoped maybe his heart racing like after he did an acrobatic workout was all that would happen with the tensai. Maybe the rest just never would. Maybe this was different.

The tensai said, "I don't want to crush you..."

Annoyed now and feeling frustrated because he didn't know exactly what would happen, Gakuto said, "You won't. I'm not a doll and I'm strong. Go on. Lay down on me." He added so he didn't hurt Yuushi's feelings, "Just go ahead. Do it, Yuushi. Please?"

"All right, my prince. As you wish..." Yuushi brushed his lips across Gakuto's forehead before he lowered the rest of his weight.

As the tensai's body pressed down on his, Gakuto reflexively sucked in a deep gasp of air. He held it in like before he dove into deep water when he was unsure of when he could draw his next breath. He felt Yuushi's now familiar body on his. Everything, 'logically' as Yuushi would say, was normal. It was Yuushi's same old soft skin and it felt like it was the same temperature Yuushi normally was. Gakuto knew if he could just exhale and inhale normally, he would smell only the good, clean, same old scent of the tensai's skin. It was still Yuushi.

Just Yuushi.

Nothing unusual about this.

They'd probably even done this before when they were kissing and fooling around and stuff. Still, Gakuto's heart beat faster and faster even while he thought furiously to himself that all of this was normal. Normal people, normal couples, they did things like this all the time.

This was Yuushi. Yuushi wouldn't hurt him. Not now. Not ever.

But it wouldn't stop. Gakuto's heart banged faster and faster like a hummingbird's after downing ten cups of coffee. So fast he was feeling dizzy and despite the fear that was rolling around his belly, Gakuto's erection throbbed and a parta him ached to be kissed and touched more just because it was Yuushi's body on his. It was Yuushi. Just Yuushi.

Gakuto exhaled slowly. He tried to breathe in normally. Just the tensai's smell. His skin. His warmth. His touch. His weight. It was okay. Yuushi was laying on top of him, pressing down on him, and Gakuto's heart was speeding faster and faster like a bullet train, but it was okay. Nothing else was happening. It was all right.

But then...it hit.

That hideous, brutal fear slammed into Gakuto from what felt like out of nowhere.

The ugly terror and sheer panicky feeling rose with bile in the back of his throat making a scream impossible. He couldn't take a breath. He couldn't make a sound.

This was it. This would never go away. He could never escape. He was being held down. He was being smothered. He was in terrible, grave danger, and nothing could save him. Nothing would ever be normal. He would never be free. It was going to always be like this. He would never be able to be normal with anyone. He was always going to feel this way. Gakuto gasped for breath, but couldn't find any air. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He was being held down. He could never get free. They would never let him go. He couldn't do anything but wait for the worst that was to come and he whimpered in pain...

In an instant, Yuushi's weight was offa him and the tensai was kissing his forehead, his cheek, his neck. Yuushi cradled him close and said softly, "Gakuto? Breathe Gakuto. You're all right. You're safe. Breathe slowly. That's it. I love you, Gakuto. I will never hurt you. No one will ever hurt you again. I love you. You're safe, Gakuto. I'm going to keep you safe. It's okay. You're all right..."

"I'm fine!" Gakuto said angry and annoyed by his stupid self. Hot angry tears blinded his sight for a moment and he blinked them away. He didn't want the stupid tensai to mistakenly blame himself or think he'd done anything wrong though. "S...sorry. I'm sorry, Yuushi. I just...this is stupid. It was really stupid, I know. I told you it was gonna be really stupid!"

"I'm sorry." Gakuto's chin was trembling and his throat was tight from that held back scream mixed with fresh tears he struggled to hold back. He took a shuddery breath in and tried to breathe it out slowly, "I just kinda thought...I...I thought it would be kinda..." Gakuto looked for the words, but nothing really explained how he was feeling or why he felt trembly and like sobbing his heart out. "I just...I thought it would be different with you. I'm sorry, it was stupid and...I...I kinda...I dunno...I guess I just..." He closed his eyes and nuzzled closer to Yuushi to feel the warmth of the tensai's skin. Gakuto whispered softly, "I really wanted it to be different with you..."

Yuushi kissed his cheek and slid his warm hands in a caress up Gakuto's naked back, "It wasn't stupid, and it is different with me."

Gakuto shook his head and went to protest that no, it was pretty much exactly like this every other time he tried it with any other person--even girls. Although, when he thought of saying how even girls scared him, Gakuto decided not to admit any of those facts. Not even to Yuushi.

Before he could explain Yuushi insisted, "It is different with me, Gakuto. I can show you, but we have to try it another way. You had the right idea, and I am amazed and impressed that you previously attempted this, however it could not be successful simply because you left out the most important three parts..."

Gakuto looked up at Yuushi. The tensai looked down at him all lovey and happy while Gakuto just felt miserable and still panicky. He wondered why the hell Yuushi was so happy. He wondered how the hell the tensai knew he tried this before. Of course when he tried it in the past with other people, Gakuto hid not only what he was trying to do but his freaked out reactions too. He yelled at the person and said they were crushing him. Or sometimes he would be mad at something they were doing too forceful that he didn't like. Or he said and did other things--whatever came to mind so they stopped. And in all that time no matter who he was with, not once did anyone ever notice.

No one else ever even knew what the hell he was doing--let alone figured out how to fix it. Stupid tensai with a ridiculously enormous brain. It just sometimes wasn't fair. Curious even though he was still annoyed, Gakuto had to ask, "What three parts?"

Yuushi kissed his forehead, "One is you like me and trust me. You know me and you know I will never hurt you. This is very important." Yuushi kissed his cheek and then his eye. All swirly the tensai kissed on his eyelid and Gakuto only just shut it in time to avoid getting his eyeball licked. The tensai said, "Two is I know you. Almost all of you rather intimately. I understand how you feel and I understand you. I know you, Mukahi Gakuto. I know who you are and I love you. That is also very important."

The tensai kissed across to Gakuto's other eye. When he was done kissing there, he held Gakuto's face in his hands and stopped. Even with his eyes shut Gakuto knew Yuushi was staring down at him all adoringly and waiting until Gakuto opened his eyes to look up at him.

Yup. The tensai with his colossal brain was staring down all lovey and dopey at him. You really couldn't be scared of someone looking at you so... moronically. As he watched the tensai, a slow big grin stretched Yuushi's mouth making him look even more moony and goofy.

Still smiling that ridiculous smitten smile the tensai drawled, "And three, you forgot to include the most important thing. To be successful, there must be swirly kissing. Quite a lot of swirly kissing actually. This simply will not work without swirly kissing. It is a vital requirement. Why do you think it didn't work with other people when you've tried before? It's not just that they were the wrong people for you Gakuto, it is that plus those three things combined. Consider if you will these are three crucial and necessary ingredients to make the formula work. And, I can prove it. What happened in your previous attempts? Have you tried this often?"

"No," Gakuto shook his head softly because it was still in Yuushi's hands. Yuushi didn't restrict his movement though. Gakuto only realized he was pouting because it was hard to talk and pout at the same time. He drew in a quivering deep breath and let it out in a shaky sigh, "I didn't do it all the time or anything, just once in a while. And I never asked anyone to do it before. It would just kinda happen that they were all on topa me pressing down and I would feel...I dunno kinda...trapped? Like I was in danger or something? Like I couldn't breathe? Kinda like that."

Yuushi nodded and kissed him swirly for a long time, but soft. And kinda gentle and sweet. Like the tensai had all the time in the world and didn't ever want to stop kissing him. It was nice. It felt comforting. It felt even better when he moved his hands back over Yuushi's skin while they kissed. He felt free to explore and just to do this. Even if he couldn't have that, at least he had this. Actually, at least they had this. And this, whatever this was, it was really good. So good it made the ache in his chest he felt whenever Gakuto thought he would never be normal or be able to be in love like normal people not hurt quite as much. It made all the bad stuff and all the bad feelings seem far away too.

When the tensai ended the kiss, Gakuto reached up to keep kissing Yuushi a little more. He put his arms around Yuushi's neck to keep the tensai there. He didn't pull real hard to force him, but just enough because he didn't want it to end. When they broke for a little air, Gakuto smiled up at him because he coulda kept kissing Yuushi like that all night and the damn tensai knew it. Yuushi was kinda teasing him with his lips and tongue, but in a nice soft way. It was gentle. Gakuto liked it because it made him feel like Yuushi really loved him.

He liked it, but he didn't want Yuushi to win him completely over so easily. So Gakuto went back to what he was saying as if they didn't spend the last fifteen minutes or so kissing each other in that nice lovey way. But even Gakuto could hear the husky rasp of lust that got into his voice whenever he was really turned on, "Even if a girl was on topa me, I didn't like it if I couldn't move easily or if I felt like I couldn't get away. It wasn't just when we had our clothes off. Sometimes even with clothes on and it always happens if I sleep next to someone. I feel it then too. I always wear clothes and I can't sleep if someone else is all over me, but it's different with you. Or at least, I thought it was..."

He must have been pouting again because Yuushi licked Gakuto's lower lip and then sucked it into his mouth making sure it made a wet and disgusting slurping noise. Gakuto giggled. He couldn't help it. It was just such a silly thing and such a Yuushi thing to do.

At his laugh, Yuushi smiled, "It is different with me, isn't it?"

Gakuto was going to make a joke about how based on him freaking out earlier it really isn't, but then Yuushi said all serious, "Gakuto, it feels the same for me. Everything with you feels different. More...vivid and more real somehow than when I've been with anyone else before. More meaningful and yet, despite all the mortifying things from my past you now know, when I am with you everything feels exciting and thrilling at the same time. It is admittedly a little frightening to be this open with you, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that more than anything else, I feel happy. And that is because of you so thank you, Gakuto."

Gakuto went to agree with Yuushi that he was happy too, but he was feeling all warm and kinda goofy from what Yuushi said. Before he could say anything or think of the right words so Yuushi didn't think he'd lost his grip somewhere, Yuushi pressed his lips to Gakuto's mouth in a sweet lingering kiss and when he pulled back the tensai said, "By the way, the fire was an incredible idea, and you look beautiful by firelight. I am well aware that you are a man Gakuto, but you are beyond handsome. Handsome I find best describes a plain girl or an average boy, but you truly are beautiful. I think the fire reflecting off your naked skin makes you look more gorgeous than anyone I've ever seen in my life."

"Me too." Gakuto said without realizing. Damn. He felt a blush creeping into his face at his stupid admission and slip up. Gakuto went to do some damage control, "I mean, yeah, you look hot Yuushi. You musta worked out really hard to be this cut and all. You look better than Shishido. Better than Atobe. You're like my perfect body type for a guy. I'm sorry I never noticed before. Hey, can you move your leg a little? Just so it's off my ankle? Thanks, I don't want my foot to fall aslee..."

Gakuto gasped as he realized.

He cursed in amazement before he could stop himself.

And then he laughed, "Yuushi! You bastard! You tricked me! You've been layin on me this whole time? Damn, you're good. I'm not even scared. How long you been layin on me?"

Yuushi smiled kinda sheepishly and looked like a little boy caught stealing a cookie before dinner, "Actually? I started when we began kissing. Since then so, for quite some time now. I told you it's different with me." Yuushi gave Gakuto another moony grin as if he adored him.

Gakuto didn't know why, but his heart started racing. It wasn't because he was scared or anything. Maybe it was thinking about the good kissing part. Or that Yuushi said we. Or the tensai's goofy smile. Gakuto didn't know why, but he felt like crying...but at the same time he also felt like laughing more because he was happy. Really happy. Yuushi made him feel happy. Unbelievably happy. So happy Gakuto felt...damn those words would pop out of his mouth again if he opened it. Gakuto clamped his lips tightly shut.

Yuushi was laying on him still and maybe he noticed the sudden quickening of Gakuto's pulse. Or maybe it was that Gakuto had his lips pressed tightly together to keep the words from coming out. The tensai asked, "Are you...all right?"

Gakuto thought about it for a second. He considered it to make sure and discovered amazed that he was. He shrugged, "Yeah. Like you said, I trust you."

But Gakuto had to stop with this mushy feelings crap or he was gonna say things he shouldn't, "So, okay thanks. That's done. So Yuushi, you gonna do the rest of it? That thing you wanted to do to me? Whatever you wanted that I'm gonna like as long as I don't think it's too weird? What'd ya call it again? Oh yeah. I remember. So, you gonna make love to me in your own way, Yuushi?"

The tensai blinked at him. Probably at the sudden subject change. Gakuto loved it when Yuushi couldn't keep up. The tensai smiled softly but his eyes were the hot turned on Yuushi, "If you would like me to? I may?"

Yuushi smiled more goofy when Gakuto nodded.

The tensai asked all formal as if suddenly feeling shy and overwhelmed by emotions himself, "May I...Gakuto, may I please kiss you properly first?"

Gakuto forgot and almost said yes.

He nodded. Gakuto wasn't even sure if they were still playing that game, but just as he silently reminded himself to play it cool, Yuushi's lips were already on his mouth. The tensai parted Gakuto's lips with his sleek tongue and swirly kissed him deeply before Gakuto's mind could catch up.

Gakuto's body however was completely tuned in to Yuushi's touch and kiss and it had a mind of it's own. His hands moved automatically wrapping around the tensai's neck, and his fingers wove themselves in through Yuushi's hair. His tongue was already busy trying to keep up with the complicated swirls and loops made by the tensai's clever tongue. Gakuto's voice betrayed him by sneaking a soft moan out before he could hold it back. Even his damn legs worked against him. All by themselves they wrapped around Yuushi, locked at the ankles, and pulled the tensai down to him hard and greedy so that as much of Yuushi's skin and all of the tensai's weight was back on him.

Yuushi made one of those nice humming moans in his mouth and they kissed each other hot as if they were going for it. As if they were gonna go all the way and neither of them were gonna hold back. Despite the sudden swelling of passion between them and the force behind how much they wanted more, Gakuto didn't have any time to be scared because Yuushi pulled away from the kiss first.

Gakuto was ran his hands down the tensai's back feeling the muscles on either side of the tensai's spine. He trailed his nails over Yuushi's back making the tensai hum again. Gakuto kissed the tensai's cheekbone and then his neck and his ear. He was really trying to keep it going because he liked how into it Yuushi was even if it was from the back court. Gakuto loved when Yuushi was all hot like this and really into it.

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Thanks for reading and reviewing!!!!! ^*^

More soon! Including Inui. XD
And I'll update suteishichic.com too ^_^

*backdated because somehow this chapter disappeared* ^////^

The story continues! First chapter of Learning To Play is up!

2008-02-11T08:17:35Z

You can find it here or here at suteishichic.com or here at learning_2_play plus lots of other places!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! XDDD

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Twelve ~ Izumi

2008-02-04T06:45:21Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Twelve ~ Izumi
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

The final chapter of L2L ~112. Next up: Learning to Play. Thanks for reading!
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Izumi Tomoya decided Fukawa Kimiyoshi really made him angry.

Sure, Fukawa was a great natural athlete and that was cool. They got along well enough that if they were in gym class or something and Izumi got the chance to pair up with the lean and lanky Fukawa, he took it. In fact, outgoing, popular Izumi made sure he got the chance to pair up with Fukawa whenever possible. Izumi picked Fukawa first no matter what team he was on or what sport they were playing.

Izumi guessed that was why people always thought he and the quiet, strange Fukawa were friends. But really, they weren't. Outside of sports or playing a sport, he had little to nothing to do with Fukawa. He didn't even know where the guy lived or how many siblings he had. Izumi wasn't the kind of guy to ask questions and it wasn't like Fukawa talked much. He just kind of went wherever Izumi told him to go and played well.

It wasn't just that Izumi didn't really care about Fukawa outside of sports, but Izumi was pretty taxed in his own life. He was the third child in a family with a total of eight children that ranged in age from twenty one to just under two years old. Izumi lived in a small, cramped apartment with his three brothers, four sisters, his parents, and two of his grandparents. His home was a loud, chaotic place where personal space and privacy were considered an impossible luxury. Early on, playing sports became Izumi's escape and his way of dealing with the stresses of his life.

His family with that many mouths to feed was not well off. His parents made sure their children's education came first and that they had all the necessities, but they stuck to a very strict budget. Everything that could be shared was from clothing to chores and everyone was expected to pull his or her own weight. If a child wanted a luxury item from a book to a game to a CD, they were expected to work to earn it and to share it with their siblings.

Izumi respected this, but with his oldest brother 21 and his older sister just shy of turning 19, he had the unique perspective of being the one that the younger kids were most likely to "borrow" things from. This was mostly because all his older brother and sister had to say was no and explain the item was "for adults". Instantly Izumi's parents backed them up, but Izumi in junior high had no "adult" excuses so his stuff was constantly borrowed. Although they had good intentions, his books, clothes, and CDs were never returned by his siblings in the same condition they were before being loaned out.

His only escape became sports and this was a lucky chance. Izumi's two next siblings were girls age ten and eight and neither one had any interest in sports. Both were really girlie girls which was great. This meant any sports equipment he bought for himself was left alone. Playing sports was about all Izumi could afford on a regular basis, and the more he played, the more into it he got. Sure, he had friends with the latest games and books and gadgets and he enjoyed visiting their houses, but there was something pure about playing sports.

There was something honest and exciting about physically exerting yourself and winning against opponents. It made Izumi happy like nothing else and gave him a feeling of individual accomplishment and pride unlike anything else. His family was great even if they were big and loud, and there were times when he felt almost drowned out in all the chaos and attention some of his younger siblings needed, but when Izumi played, it was just him.

The simple facts were Izumi loved to play, and he almost needed to play something to keep his sanity. He didn't like to lose, and he loved best of all sports where thinking and strategy were part of the game play. Izumi was good as an athlete, he was good at whatever sport he picked up as long as he practiced, but Izumi was even better when he had a partner or a team who followed his directions. Izumi was great as a planner. That was where he thrived. He made up the plays and the team would win.

Izumi enjoyed the chance to compete, but early on found it was way more fun to compete when you were sure to win. Since grade school, he was most sure to win with Fukawa because unlike some of the other guys, Fukawa had two things going for him. One, he was a natural athlete. He took to any new sport as if he was born to play it. Fukawa didn't need the hours of practice Izumi did to be really good at something. His body was lean but well-muscled and whatever he was asked to do, Fukawa did. His second advantage was Fukawa did whatever Izumi told him to do. Izumi made up the plays to be played and Fukawa made them physically come true to enable them to win. Combined they made a good team—just one Izumi usually thought of as convenient, instead of permanent.

The way to win was to make sure Fukawa was always on his team so the long-haired guy was picked first by Izumi to play on his side for everything from gym class dodge ball to ping pong. Izumi even dragged Fukawa with him to other sports from a bunch of friends getting together for a casual game of street baseball to the tennis club their freshman year. There was not much dragging involved. Izumi told Fukawa the day they were supposed to choose their club they were both going to sign up for the tennis club.

At the time Izumi reasoned to Fukawa (who never even asked why or said anything) that with so many people signing up for baseball that they'd never get a chance to play. There were sixty senior players already in the club, and the club wasn't that good. They rarely made it out of the first round of games and were usually eliminated in the first round. The baseball club was more like a social thing for the guys (and the girls who watched them) instead of a real sports club.

Fukawa shrugged and walked with Izumi to sign up. If anything, the quiet guy seemed pleased and Izumi knew Fukawa liked tennis. They'd first played tennis in grade school gym class and lately they'd gone to play around town at local courts whenever they could. Fukawa seemed to like it although he never said (but he was always up for playing). In fact, Fukawa gave him a sweet tennis racket for his birthday so the guy must have enjoyed playing. Fukawa said the expensive racket and gift was no big deal because it was an old one he didn't like. They weren't the kind of friends to give each other gifts and stuff, but if Fukawa was glad to get rid of it Izumi was thrilled to accept it. No way could he afford it on his own working part-time delivering newspapers.

To keep things from being weird though in response to the gift Izumi shrugged and said something casual like thanks and he'd try it. But Izumi was secretly thrilled. The moment he held it in his hands it felt...right. Like it was made just for him. The racket fit Izumi perfectly (even the color) and he was very happy to get rid of the nasty ancient wooden one he was using. Once upon a time it must have been his older brother's although he suspected the clunky ugly thing actually had once been his dad's or even older because he just found it sitting in a closet one rainy afternoon.

Finding that old racket though was the thing that made Izumi think of playing tennis outside of school. He was stuck inside with his little brothers and sisters making tons of noise but he knew of this indoor public court. He knew Fukawa was always up for playing any sport and that was the first time Izumi ever actually called Fukawa. After that first time all Izumi had to do was call and the guy would show.

Izumi finding he liked tennis more than any other sports started slowly. At first he and Fukawa just played tennis once or twice over a weekend and then by chance Izumi signed them up to play in a big local grade school match. That match really changed everything. He and Fukawa played doubles because those were the only slots open. They'd never really played doubles before and they were paired against a team that was unbeatable. Their opponents who everyone called "Yin" and "Yang" were the most incredible athletes Izumi had ever seen. It was like the pair could speak to each other without saying a word. It was like the two of them were dancing to music instead of running or playing a game. Their play was several levels above anything Izumi had ever seen and even to lose to them felt like a privilege because it felt like you were a part of history just for being there.

It inspired Izumi like nothing else ever had. Izumi and Fukawa were soundly beaten along with every other team the pair faced that day. Yin and Yang went on to win the national championship and Izumi and Fukawa were there to witness it. Somehow Fukawa scored two tickets and they went. As he watched Yin and Yang beat team after team, Izumi was so into it that his heart race was elevated and he barely remembered to breathe. He cheered so loud with the rest of the crowd when they won that he lost his voice for days (it was one of the few times Fukawa had to speak for him).

After that, all other sports paled. Even baseball seemed boring. His favorite baseball player left Japan to play in America and Izumi's favorite team was in last place. Again. Izumi usually got stuck out in left field where he was all alone sweating under the hot sun and waiting for a fly ball that would never be hit as far out as he was instead of moving. At least Fukawa got to pitch. The best in baseball Izumi could hope for was being a catcher which really sucked. Fukawa packed a lot of punch into his pitches and at the end of even a short inning (so little strategy, he'd signal to Fukawa to strike the batter out and Fukawa would...boring!), Izumi's hands would sting and his legs would ache from being crouched down so long.

But tennis was interesting. There was strategy in tennis. Each player you faced was a new challenge. Each match was a new opportunity for change and growth. You moved a lot in tennis. You were directly responsible for your own fate and plays. And Izumi figured that if after working hard at it, if he could play just half as well as either Yin or Yang--now that would really be something.

He wasn't delusional. Izumi didn't figure he would win at nationals, but he was good at tennis and he loved to play. Plus with tennis, you never knew what would happen. There was always that chance that you could win big against anyone.

The Gyokurin school team was small enough that if you worked hard you would get to play often and the senpais were cool. Some schools were obsessed with their tennis teams. At places like Hyoutei and Rikkai Dai everyone went more than a little crazy worshiping the players as if they were somehow better than everyone else. Not at Gyokurin. There was a balance between playing a match to win and having a good time. Even the senpais were laid-back and fun. There was a good chance that if he worked hard by his second year, Izumi could be playing matches as a regular.

Especially if he had Fukawa in his court.

The simple fact was there were far more people who wanted to play singles than doubles. Izumi just wanted to play. If that meant their second year he had to play doubles with Fukawa in order to play singles his senior year, then so be it. Fukawa didn't seem to mind either. At least he never said.

Club activities at Gyokurin started before school started. It was good for Izumi because club activities were included in the price of tuition. More importantly, joining a club got him out of the house and out of babysitting his brothers and sisters or stuck doing his part-time job delivering newspapers.

The first weeks of club were great. They worked hard and yes, and as freshmen they had to clean up after every practice, but Izumi was having a great time and learning a lot. There was a whole world of doubles play he and Fukawa never knew about. There were entire strategies Izumi never thought about. His mind was filled with game plays and combinations. All his spare time was taken up by researching tennis and thinking about it. Each day Izumi couldn't wait to work on this stuff with Fukawa.

He thought Fukawa was as into it as he was, but the week before school started though as he went to warm up, Izumi noticed Fukawa was not there.

It was pretty easy to not notice Fukawa. People often forgot he was around. The guy tended to blend in with the furniture or fade into the background unless you were specifically looking for him. He didn't talk much and tended to hang back away from everyone. But whenever it came time to do something, something like warm up or run laps or clean, Fukawa would just appear at Izumi's side. He wouldn't ask Izumi to warm up or anything, he would just sort of stand there and wait. If Izumi ever asked someone else to warm up or do something Fukawa probably wouldn't say a word, but he was always there so Izumi always warmed up with him.

He looked around. No Fukawa. Izumi was just about to ask the coach if he should call to see if Fukawa was sick when their coach smiled at him, "No Fukawa this week, remember? How about if you warm up this week with Suzuki."

Remember? He had no idea what was going on. It was when warming up with Suzuki that Izumi found out where the hell Fukawa was. Seemed like everyone but Izumi knew too and this bothered the hell out of him although he wasn't sure why. Probably Fukawa told Suzuki or one other person (it wasn't like the guy spoke much) and that other person told everyone else. Somehow what Fukawa said just never got around to anyone telling Izumi that Fukawa was away this week trying out for Hyoutei.

Hyoutei! Of all places! Whenever Izumi said how stupid Hyoutei acted over their tennis players Fukawa was standing right there and never said a word. When Izumi said how much he was looking forward to seeing everyone else and all the girls when school started Fukawa didn't utter a sound. When Fukawa walked with Izumi back to his apartment building, just like Fukawa did after every practice and like they had all through grade school Fukawa didn't say anything. And just like always Izumi said see you tomorrow and Fukawa said nothing.

Just like he always did. He waved. Just like always.

Izumi was angry and as the day wore on he only grew angrier. Everyone wanted to talk about Fukawa and how this was his big chance. Turns out everyone knew Fukawa better than Izumi did. Everyone else knew Fukawa was rich. Like really, really rich. Everyone else knew that Fukawa's dad went to Hyoutei. Everyone else knew Fukawa's parents were divorced and Fukawa lived mostly by himself in The Towers. The Towers! The richest, newest, most fancy place to live in their area. The entire building was designed so that the residents never had to leave the building for anything. The first twenty floors of the first tower were completed but when it was done, there would be thousands of new homes, places, parks, restaurants, and shops all contained within the towers and all exclusively available only to the residents.

He couldn't imagine how Fukawa must have snickered when every day he saw the poor, rundown, old apartment building Izumi and his family lived in. Izumi's tennis racket, once so prized, really might have been just a throwaway his wealthy classmate didn't want anymore. He must have looked at the old racket Izumi had been using and felt embarrassed for him. So Fukawa gave his discarded one away to the poorest childhood friend he knew.

Friend? How could Izumi call Fukawa a friend when he knew nothing about the guy? Fukawa obviously talked to everyone else about his life and this opportunity. He almost seemed to go out of his way to leave Izumi in the dark. Izumi wondered bitterly if Fukawa was looking at his watch and laughing thinking of how stupid Izumi must look sitting here stunned warming up without him and knowing nothing like a fool. Probably worse. Probably Fukawa didn't think about Izumi or how Izumi felt at all.

Izumi felt so angry and hurt it made him want to be sick. No wonder Fukawa didn't care about signing up for the tennis club. He wouldn't even be there! The entire week Fukawa was away Izumi was tempted to call him and tell him off. Especially the first few days. Fukawa screwed up Izumi's plan for them to be regulars together and he screwed up Izumi's playing because Izumi found he couldn't play well when he was this upset and there was no one to talk to.

If Izumi tried to tell any of the guys about how he felt they would make fun of him for sure. In fact, the person that Izumi would usually talk to about any of this or anything that upset him at all was always Fukawa. Not that Fukawa usually said much back, but whenever he needed to talk to someone Izumi could call on Fukawa. At least he always could in the past.

By Friday of that week Izumi mustered up enough anger and just enough courage to call Fukawa's cell phone. After practice that night, if no one had heard anything from Fukawa, he was going to call him. Izumi decided that since they would be talking over the phone and that most of the time when he called Fukawa it was to meet him somewhere to play tennis, he should probably keep the call short and simple. Izumi didn't want to come off sounding angry or bitchy like a girl in case Fukawa took it the wrong way. Or in case Fukawa told someone else that Izumi was mad at him or missing him or some other crap like that. Fukawa wasn't likely to do that, but on second thought with how much he apparently had talked to everyone else but Izumi about the whole Hyoutei thing, Izumi couldn't be too sure.

Izumi even came up with several excuses and reasons why he was calling in case Fukawa asked (which he probably wouldn't but just in case it was good to have these things in place). His first reason sounded a little angry but Izumi felt he had the right to know. He would say he was calling to ask if he should even bother to expect Fukawa to show up for the team's practice match with Fudasei the next day. The second reason was he really wanted to tell Fukawa some gossip about a girl in their class Iguchi told him was dating a guy in high school (yes, Iguchi said not not tell anyone but Fukawa wouldn't tell a soul if Izumi told him not to). And his third and final reason, which he decided he would only use if completely necessary was to ask Fukawa how the hell he was doing. As the days passed, Izumi had started to get a little worried about him.

Yes, Fukawa didn't talk much, but Izumi was really good at reading how Fukawa was feeling and what was going on with him by how he acted. They'd been in the same class since grade school and now that Izumi was thinking about it, that last day when Fukawa left Izumi in front of his apartment house, thinking back Izumi realized there had been something up with Fukawa. Izumi was just too distracted thinking of tennis plays, what day it was, and what his chores for the night were going to be to notice.

But when he waved goodbye to Izumi that last day, Fukawa had definitely...hesitated. That in itself was strange. Fukawa had this great memory. He could remember things that sometimes Izumi only knew had really happened from photographs. Little details too that most people forgot as they got older. Like the color crayon used for the sky in a drawing Izumi drew when they were in first grade. That sort of stuff Fukawa remembered as if it happened just yesterday. Fukawa could remember if it was a rainy day and if it was a Tuesday or a Thursday when Izumi had to go home sick with a stomach flu in the third grade.

For Fukawa to stand there waving was strange enough that Izumi should have asked if something was up or said something, but he hadn't.

And now it might be too late.

Or maybe not. Fukawa was good but what if he didn't make the team? Would that be hard for him? How bad did he want to join? Why did he want to join? Why did he want to change schools? Who would Fukawa go to if he needed to talk to someone? Izumi always spoke up for Fukawa. He never let Fukawa get forgotten. Sometimes when people would plan sleepovers and stuff they would forget Fukawa because he was so quiet but Izumi always made sure he was included. Without Izumi there to speak up for him in a group of guys that Fukawa didn't know, would he be okay? And Izumi heard things from their senpais about people trashing other people's rackets at competitive schools like Hyoutei or even putting razor blades in shoes and stuff. Fukawa was nice and kind and he wouldn't have any idea how to protect himself.

Izumi heard other stories about how brutal the practices and trials at Hyoutei were. Hell, everyone heard things about Hyoutei. How would Fukawa with his easy-going nature and gentle smile be able to handle all that pressure all of a sudden? If Yin and Yang were a nearly unattainable goal because those guys had been playing tennis competitively since birth, then Fukawa just starting at tennis playing at a place like Hyoutei would be as absurd as a junior high freshman playing in a major tournament against a pro. The more he thought about it, the more Izumi worried and decided calling Fukawa was the right thing to do.

Until he got to practice and found out Suzuki already heard from Fukawa. Izumi wasn't sure which one of them called the other (and was pretty angry either way because either Fukawa didn't call him or Suzuki beat him to calling Fukawa but Izumi couldn't ask another guy something likethat) but apparently Fukawa was just fine and would be back for their match the next day. Suzuki said he didn't have any more details than that because Fukawa had to get off the phone but said he would tell everyone what was up when he saw them.

Izumi was mad. He was so mad that he played like garbage all day and didn't care. He was so angry that he accidentally hit Suzuki with the ball in the back of the head when he went to serve in a doubles practice game. By the time he and Suzuki finished shouting at each other (it was an accident and Suzuki shouldn't have been standing there--Fukawa would never do anything that stupid) and they were ordered to run twenty laps, Izumi was seething.

As soon as practice was over Izumi stormed home long before their coach could corner him and talk to him. Their coach loved to try to get them all to talk about their feelings and crap like that (everyone made fun of it and all the feelings talks although they all liked and respected the coach a great deal), and Izumi wanted no part of it. His goal was to get home as soon as possible, take care of his chores for the night (Friday was his day to do the dishes and the laundry), take a bath, and go to bed. If he could do all that without having to talk to anyone, he would be...not happy, but not quite as angry as he felt now. Izumi just wanted to be left the hell alone.

But that was not going to happen. As Izumi went to cross the street to his apartment building, he saw his coach's car sitting there with his coach in the driver's seat. "Get in," his coach said. "I'm taking you out to dinner and we're going to have a talk."

Normally this would be fine. Great even except for the talking, but not tonight, "I can't go. I have chores, sorry."

Izumi went to walk past the car, but he was stopped by his oldest brother who hopped out of the passenger door of the car. His brother held the car door open for him, "I'll take care of your chores. Go."

Izumi tried to shake off his brother's arm, "Aniki, I can't go! I have things to do." He was feeling more desperate, "I have reading and homework still."

His brother though was a big guy and didn't budge no matter how hard he pushed and pulled, "You've been a monster all week. You can do your homework, which by the way you said was already done tomorrow or when you get back. Go." His brother smiled his fake hard smile which meant he was not going to give in, "Go or I'll tell my boyfriend to bench you for the rest of the year, and I'll start going to your practices to cheer for you."

In a panic Izumi looked at the coach, his brother's boyfriend (though no one was supposed to know and as far as Izumi was concerned no one did because no way in hell was he going to tell anyone). The coach smiled but not at Izumi, "You are wicked." He turned to Izumi, "Tomo-kun, you know I'd have to listen to my boyfriend. Let's go."

"Fine," Angry and feeling defeated, Izumi shook off his brother's arm and got in the car before anyone saw the three of them standing there or before his brother got it into his head to embarrass him any more. He never knew what his brother was going to do because the big guy was so annoyingly in love. Izumi was too busy thinking how all this was Fukawa's fault to really hear the mortifyingly mushy goodbyes his brother and his coach said to each other.

In the middle of his anger, Izumi had a sudden strange thought though. He thought how hard it must be for his brother and his coach to stand there and just say the words. He wondered at how they could see each other after not seeing each other all day and not be able to really hug each other or kiss goodbye because they were in public. That must really suck.

The two met in college and had been together ever since. Izumi's brother was in his last year at school now and this was his coach's first year as a real teacher (which was how he got stuck coaching the tennis club).

They were each so busy with work and school and things they rarely got to see each other and were each still living with their families to try to save up money to eventually move in together. His brother's dream had always been to be a teacher and his coach was a good coach and teacher. They were open with their families and very happy together. They were good together. They belonged together. Their relationship just was not able to be open as it should be.

Izumi felt a sinking sadness thinking about it, and the sadness lingered as his coach pulled into the parking lot of a popular burger place. His coach looked at him, "Do you want to eat inside or outside?"

The place was a theme restaurant made like an American diner. They had waitresses in roller skates both inside and outside. It was loud and more fun inside, but the car would be better. Izumi was stuck so he might as well get this over with. Izumi shrugged, "Outside is okay, I guess." He shrugged again, "It'll be quieter, is that okay with you?"

His coach looked surprised but agreed as he pulled into a parking space. A cute girl in a short skirt skated over to them with menus and after flirting with his coach she took their orders. Izumi was used to the flirting thing because their coach was a good looking guy. Good looking enough that the girls usually (and sometimes even men) flirted with him. Sometimes his brother did get jealous but anyone who saw them together could see his coach was completely in love with his brother (and vice versa, which was why Izumi decided long ago they should never risk it and his brother should never go to any tennis matches).

Izumi thought maybe at least he could eat in peace, but his coach had other ideas. Before the food even arrived his coach asked, "Why are you so jealous of Fukawa? You don't seriously wish you were going to Hyoutei, do you?"

Shocked and outraged Izumi answered without thinking, "Jealous? You think I'm jealous? I'm not jealous! Why would you think I'm jealous? I don't want to go to stupid Hyoutei! No way."

Shrugging the coach said, "Everyone thinks you're jealous. At least the other freshmen have all said they think that's how you're feeling. You know, it's okay to feel envious when a friend has an opportunity you might not have, but..."

Izumi couldn't believe it. He put his hands up in a stop signal, "Woah, wait. First of all I am not jealous. Mad, yes, but I don't want to go to Hyoutei and I never did. That's just...that's just stupid. I was mad because Fukawa never even told me he was going to try out. The first I found out about it was when we went to warm up and he wasn't there. He talked to everyone else but me about it. Everyone says we're such great friends, but I guess we're not because he never said anything to me." Before his coach could say anything he finished, "And then he went and called Suzuki and told him he'd be back tomorrow, but again, he never called me. Here I was all worried about how he was doing, but he doesn't think at all about how I am or about me." Izumi put his hands down and looked down at the floor. His bag with his racket, the racket from Fukawa, was resting between his legs. He kicked it off and told himself it was so he could eat in the car better.

"Tomo-kun?" His coach was the only one who still called him that. Even his parents didn't anymore, but he'd always felt close to his brother's boyfriend and had even gone with them on some dates when they were first dating. "Did you try talking to him about it, or calling him?"

"No." Izumi knew he was sulking. That's what his mom always called it when he was like this. When he felt someone had hurt him, it took Izumi a long time to warm up to them again. He just didn't like talking about feelings and all that kind of crap. That was for his sisters and stuff. Not for him. And anyway, "He's probably too busy or he would have called me. If he wanted to talk to me, he would have."

His coach sighed, "And if he told you before he went, what would you have said?"

Izumi hadn't thought about it. He shrugged, "I don't know. Probably it's stupid and not to go. We've spent all this time practicing and playing. I don't even know why he went."

"What if he didn't have a choice? What if Fukawa's father made him go tryout?" He could feel his coach looking at him and knew the look he would be getting. It would be the patient look while he waited for Izumi to answer. He was good like that and really listened when you talked with him, but it was kind of annoying when you didn't feel like talking. His coach wore glasses at school and most of the time although on dates with his brother, his coach wore contact lenses. It was sort of like he was trying to get people to stop flirting with him by wearing his glasses, but even with the glasses on his coach couldn't hide that he had a pretty face.

"I don't know. It's still stupid for him to go if he didn't want to." Izumi shrugged. Either way Fukawa didn't talk to him about any of this.

"Not everyone is as lucky as you to have a family that is so accepting or one that let's their children make their own decisions. I see it all the time at school and I know you have to have friends with strict parents. My grandparents are strict like that. My dad had a really rough childhood because his father pushed him and forced him to do many things."

Izumi looked at his coach. His coach's father died suddenly two years ago and although the death affected him deeply, he rarely talked about his father with anyone.

His coach got a very gentle smile on his face, one Izumi had only seen when his coach looked at his brother, "My dad was a very good dad. He let me grow up to be my own person and supported me no matter what. He even accepted me and your brother being together. A lot of parents won't, and to this day, my grandparents don't know. They would never accept it. But I was very lucky to have a dad who not only accepted me for who I am and for who I love, but one who really just wanted me to be happy."

His coach turned a little to face him, "I haven't met his parents, but if I had to guess from everything that I've heard, I don't think Fukawa's parents are very accepting. I think he had to go because he had to. I can tell you this though, Fukawa could play with anyone. He could warm up with anyone and walk home with anyone, but every day he picks you. He could have joined the baseball team, the basketball team, the volleyball team, or any other sports club. They all would have welcomed him, but he chose to join the tennis club with you. If he didn't talk to you about something, as his friend, you're going to have to find out why. Being angry and hurt because he didn't talk to you isn't going to help anyone and it's making everyone think you're jealous of your friend. You need to talk to him, and I think he probably needs to talk to you too."

The food arrived. His coach was busy with rolling down his window the right amount so the waitress could put the tray in the window and then passing out their food. Izumi was hungry, but he didn't feel like eating right then. He had too much on his mind so he took a drink of soda. Without thinking about it he'd ordered rootbeer. Not his favorite but it was Fukawa's favorite. Usually Izumi ordered it because he didn't have much money and they shared it. He wondered about Fukawa being rich and not buying his own.

Izumi spread extra mustard on everything. That was one thing he and Fukawa did not have in common. Fukawa hated mustard. He even sometimes said he was allergic to it just to keep people from putting it on things. Izumi loved it. Especially on cheeseburgers and french fries. If Fukawa was there, he'd have to split the fries up on two napkins and put ketchup on one pile for Fukawa and mustard and ketchup on his. The only nice thing about Fukawa hating mustard was ordering everything without mustard meant everything they ordered arrived hot and fresh. This cheeseburger wasn't as hot as it would have been if Fukawa was there. Izumi took a bite anyway and washed it down with rootbeer. He voiced the worry he had in the back of his mind, "What if he doesn't come back? Did you hear if he's really going away to Hyoutei? Hey, don't burn your mouth, coach."

His coach was wrestling with a hot onion ring and grinned sheepishly. He kept taking little bites and then having to take a drink because it was too hot for his mouth. He always ate his food too hot like he was starving and would burn his mouth. And for a skinny guy his coach could eat more than anyone else Izumi knew. If Izumi's brother was there, he would take the food away and make him wait until it cooled down or take it from him and blow on it to cool it down. They were annoyingly cute together. "You're just like your brother. I'm fine." He took another little bite and then quickly took a drink. "I don't know what Fukawa is going to decide to do. I haven't talked to him." His coach looked at him as if that had some sort of meaning or something. He rolled his eyes, "You should call him and ask him if you're that concerned. What will you do if he goes to Hyoutei?"

Izumi shrugged and ate a mostly mustard covered french fry, "Nothing I can do. I'll see him tomorrow and we can talk then. What? We're guys, we don't call each other to chat. It would be weird." He had a sudden fear about this whole dinner thing and the reason behind it, "Am I benched tomorrow?" In the practice match, everyone was supposed to play at least one set with the opposing team including the freshmen. The rules were almost like street tennis in that you kept playing new people until you lost.

His coach was now struggling to eat a hamburger that was apparently very hot, "Don't know. Do you want to be benched tomorrow? What will you do if Fukawa shows up and wants to play doubles? Suzuki wanted to play with you until you nailed him in the back of the head today. Nice shot by the way. Next time can you please not do that if you're upset and just talk to me?" The words were harsh but his coach was smiling.

Izumi grinned despite himself. "Totally not my fault. He walked right into that. He sucks at doubles. He only wants to play because he thinks he'll win with me and he'll get to play longer." Izumi shrugged, "If Fukawa shows up and wants to play with me I guess it's okay. Better than Suzuki. I'd rather play singles than with Suzuki."

His coach took a drink, "You can if you want but I don't think you'll last long at singles. They actually have a big team with over half of them senpais."

Izumi shrugged, "No worries. There may be a lot of them but they're not very good. We beat them in regionals last year twice. And that was before Fukawa and I were playing."

His coach laughed, "Confident or cocky?"

Izumi smiled, "Both." He laughed, suddenly feeling better than he had all week.

When Izumi opened his apartment building door the next morning, Fukawa was standing there.

Izumi did a double-take.

Yay! Finally! Now I know some people will be wondering probably who the heck Izumi and Fukawa are but I trust you'll figure it out. Plus, I sorta like them. Yes, they're important too so no worries. We're well on schedule and everyone else will be updated ASAP, k? XDDD

Now on to Learning To Play!

Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

I have more time now that the wedding is over and I'll be sure to reward everyone who's stuck through the hectic-ness where I was too busy to post with new chapters and some original things very soon.

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Eleven ~ Inui

2007-08-26T03:51:10Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Eleven ~Inui
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

Inui half-stumbled out of Kaidoh Kaoru's home a short while later. In a daze, he mechanically moved forward step after step after step while his mind raced ahead trying to just gather his thoughts. It was much like trying to hold on to a pure handful of water in a rainstorm as new drops of new thoughts kept flooding what he was trying to grasp tightly to in his hand. Inui was so lost in his calculations he wasn't even aware how his fists were clenched into angry knots or how his stomach was tightened into a sickening knot. His face was pale and his lips were drawn into a thin, grim line while he desperately tried to think of a plan.

Despite his dazed, angry demeanor all Inui felt was determined. He knew deep in his core, even with this newest setback, despite everything now being changed, he would see this through. He didn't even spare the time to reassure himself that he was going to make this happen. His brow furrowed while his brain skittered along in furious new configurations. The old plan was gone. Inui now looked back upon it and felt embarrassed. In many ways, now that he could see clearly, his old plan for Tezuka was only a childish ego trip. But this new plan was real. It was tangible. It was important. The new plan was to save the person Inui truly was in love with.

Inui continued to march forward and remained lost in his thoughts which were spinning like a hard disk. For the average person, thinking while moving was difficult, but Inui was quite used to working things out while on his feet. He considered for a nanosecond that perhaps he thought best while moving. This in fact was precisely how he was able to continue playing in a tennis match while his mind was busy gathering data and planning his counter-attack.

That was exactly what he was doing now. Planning.

If he tried to look at everything from an unemotional point of view he had to admit that he simply could not believe, could not even begin to fathom all the new data on Kaidoh Kaoru he now had. Of course Inui heard the expression regarding curiosity killing a cat, but who knew Inui's need for data would take him down such a dark and deeply disturbing direction?

And his heart along for the ride?

A part of Inui's brain simply marveled as a witness at all the sudden changes that now would happen. Inui discovering his true feelings in many ways was akin to someone discovering a new planet or a new species of life that before was never known to have existed but was always close. Always there but somehow, hidden and locked away waiting for the right moment. The right touch.

Everything about this wonder was all new and later when the excitement of the epiphany died down and a concrete plan was in action, Inui knew he would have to catalog and index this moment. From his newest feelings to his earliest impressions leading up to the momentous uncovering of his heart, it would all have to be carefully logged so he could maintain a record for posterity. For now though, he knew he had to put his self-discoveries aside to deal with the immediate situation.

Despite his initial feelings of shock and horror, Inui was able to note he was a forever changed man. It was as if in only five minutes at Kaidoh's house, Inui had somehow been given an entirely new operating system or a new, better pair of glasses. A pair with a built in telescope and microscope where he could suddenly see everything clearly. Everything was now changed. His view, his perspective, and his entire outlook upon his life was different and forever altered.

It was almost as if a sudden upgrade washed over Inui and his old childish ways of thinking were suddenly swept away as if by a tidal wave. Gone was the old. Shoved aside quickly with no order to clear room for what was new. There was a certain amount of debris and destruction left behind that had to be cleaned up to make way for the new, and Inui was trying to rapidly calculate that while he tried to think of a way to solve this newest dilemma.

The old him, the previous version of Inui Sadaharu just only a few hours ago would not be able to do this. He found this remarkable and would for years ponder the changes, but for now, with so much on his mind and so much at stake, Inui tried to live in the moment. He tried to just accepted things at face value and plan his next step.

Inui could see with clear hindsight that previously he was operating only on logic. Logic was cold and impartial. Now, with his new vision, and his new operating system, the upgraded version of himself was operating logically, but he was working from his heart being at his center instead of his head. Inui was stunned at the shift and the changes it brought about. He had a sudden sense of zen where he felt part of everything in the universe. He was one with everything and could see how time flowed like a river everywhere at once.

A distant part of him wondered for a moment about what Momoshiro said earlier. How you cannot fall logically in love. Perhaps somehow Momoshiro intuitively was able to operate in this zen way naturally. If this was true, Momoshiro might be an even more fierce competitor than Inui previously postulated. Momoshiro would have to be watched closely. Although later. Much later. Long after Inui figured out what to do about Kaidoh first.

Momoshiro was quite correct in that you cannot fall logically in love. Inui reasoned this was probably why until his feelings for the freshman practically hit him in the face, he had been unable to grasp their scope or depth.

This new-found passion at the center of his being made all the difference in the world and Inui had Kaoru to thank for this change. It was Kaidoh Kaoru who unwittingly excavated Inui's heart and practically handed it to him. It was as if Kaidoh handed Inui a discarded key the freshman picked up from the side of the road. Yet it was the one key Inui needed all along. The key to his heart was the key to everything, although Inui had never known this was what he needed more than anything.

Inui was well aware that many scientific discoveries were made by accident throughout human history. In fact, most of the major ones were quite by accident while the scientist was searching for something else entirely. Inui realized he should have taken this into account and added it into his calculations from the very beginning. This only added to a mountain of other facts that should have been obvious to Inui from the start. Such as his feelings for Kaidoh Kaoru.

He was no longer unclear as to his feelings for the freshman. Inui's feelings went deep. Deeper than even he previously was aware of. Inui's emotions were not rational, nor logical in the slightest. He and Kaoru would never be linked together by any computer doing perfectly compatibility pairings, yet somehow, they were each other's perfect match.

All Inui had to do now was convince Kaoru of this fact.

And then after that minor miracle was pulled off, next Inui had to save him.

The very moment when a shocked Inui put the pieces of Kaoru's puzzle and troubles together ironically was the same moment Inui knew one hundred per cent how he felt.

Not because Inui heard bells or saw angels like he had heard people often did when they realized they were in love. Yet at the same time a distant part of his mind wondered how many of those bell-hearing people were faced with falling in love with someone who had troubles of this magnitude. Probably very few. And of course, Inui realized he probably should have known that due to his intellect, falling in love for him would not be the same as he had heard it happened for most ordinary-thinking, common people. No. Instead of a chorus of angels or chiming bells, the instant he realized to his horror what the freshman was so desperately trying to hide, without even taking the time to formulate a a plan of action, Inui heard himself ask Kaoru to return to his home.

It was most unprecedented. It was the first time in as long as Inui could remember that he had acted and reacted without any plan or specific data. It was only a strong hunch. Nothing more than a gut feeling of what might have happened and what could be going on, but it was enough that Inui's heart acted before his head was even at that stage.

Continuing without forethought, Inui asked Kaoru's father if it was acceptable for the freshman to return home with him so they could continue their "lessons" together. Inui could not even believe his own ears or that he had spoken the bold, double-meaning question aloud. Even Kaidoh Kaoru looked at Inui stunned and then looked down and away. The freshman completely understood the meanings behind Inui's words and he turned completely crimson with an adorable blush.

A part of Inui's brain was still working however. He felt angry and resentful that he even had to ask a question like this -- ask permission for Kaoru in essence. Especially from a person who had so directly caused Kaoru pain and problems. A part of Inui, a very large part of Inui in truth, wanted nothing less than to throw the cowardly bastard of a man who called himself Kaoru's father up against the wall beside where they calmly sat and physically, violently hurt him.

Inui was not normally a violent person. Truth be told he had never even been in a fistfight before. When faced with a challenging situation, possible physical altercation, or even a bully, Inui had always been able to rationally reason the other party out of the brutality. However in that moment, Inui wanted to demand from this monster answers to his questions. He had several if he was able to ask them.

However, the one largest, most glaring question was, why? Why would you do this to your child? Why would you hurt your son in this way? Why would you ignore how deeply you've hurt him? Why would you pretend nothing is wrong and everything is normal?

As he watched the bizarre scene unfold before him, Inui quickly hypothesized the odds as well as the possibilities of how every one in the room would act and react if Inui took drastic violent measures. He figured out the percentages of what would happen if he repeatedly punched Kaoru's father in front of everyone. He went around the room having collected enough data on everyone in it to be able to predict with 78 accuracy what would happen if Inui verbally and physically assaulted the man who hurt the person he loved. It was admittedly a delicious and wicked revenge fantasy where Inui played the hero to a blushing Kaoru, but in the end, Inui knew he could not act as he wanted to. Brute force would not solve this or help Kaoru.

Indeed, brute force rarely solved anything, but Inui would have to admit at that moment, it would feel good. Unfortunately, that is all it would do. It would not get him the answers or Kaoru the justice they both needed. Indeed, sadly, Inui reasoned nothing would. All Inui could do for Kaoru was to love him, nurture him, and most importantly get him out of the situation as fast as possible.

And yet, Inui was denied even doing that. By Kaoru himself. Kaoru protested the idea of leaving with Inui before his father could even respond, but it was more than that. It was the way Kaoru's body posture indicated he did not want to go that had Inui feeling surprised and then keenly disappointed. Kaoru was rejecting him. Denying him. Almost...like when he felt Momoshiro picking on him a tad too much. Kaoru was not looking vulnerable or in need of saving. Instead he looked angry and defiant as if he was silently daring Inui to say or do anything more.

Somehow Kaoru seemed to intuit Inui knew his secret. Inui hoped that the freshman was just afraid of Inui reacting poorly. Or violently. Then again, perhaps Kaoru didn't yet understand his options because he had no way of knowing how Inui had changed so that his true feelings were fully realized.

Instead of wanting to go with Inui, Kaoru along with his father and brother insisted that he needed to stay home. Kaoru said he had to stay with his mother and it was getting too late and he needed to be up early to run in the morning.

Next Kaoru's brother said Kaoru had to stay home with their mother because his brother had plans to stay at his sensei's house that night for some test preparation. His brother's teacher was there and the two of them to Inui's eyes seemed indecently more than student and pupil.

A heartbeat later Kaoru's father stated Kaoru had to stay home with their mother because he had to return to work with his senpai to work on a new project. The man's co-worker was there and had been introduced to Inui as Kaoru's father's supervisor. They too were clearly romantically or at least sexually involved.

It was apparent what was going on between everyone from how the couples acted around each other. As he took in this new data, it slowly became clearer to Inui what must have happened. Especially when he saw how the brothers and their father acted and reacted to each other in a teasing manner that was more like ex-lovers or friends than siblings and their parents should act. Especially in front of company.

It dawned on Inui that the brothers and their father were acting in this teasing manner more like rivals all competing to show they each had the better, more accomplished, and more attractive boyfriend. Even Kaoru's father was more caught up in this ridiculous game rather than acting properly how a married father should act in front of his children, his boss, his son's teacher, his other son's schoolmate, and of course in front of his wife.

Inui tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that at least Kaoru's utterly inane and clueless mother was not going to molest him that evening. Kaoru's father and brother would be spending the night with their lovers, or boyfriends, or whatever their relationships were. Kaoru would be left alone with his mother and at least perhaps could get a good night's rest.

Although their mother was acting...strangely. She wasn't doing or saying anything necessarily wrong, but at the same time she was just doing too much and acting too right. She seemed like a robot or a j-dorama actress playing the award-winning role of best wife and mother. Indeed, she seemed obsessed with being the most perfect wife, hostess, and homemaker as possible. Inui wondered to himself if on some level she knew what actually happened and he came up with a high percentage of probability that she did. Somewhere in her too wide smile and inane chatter, she knew. Perhaps was the source of her manic good manners.

Still, it was some comfort that although he would be in his house, Kaoru would be safe that night at least from whatever happened between him and his father. And maybe his brother too. Inui continued to gather data while everyone talked around him. He tried to apply the data to several scenarios and wished he had his computer here to help him. Had Kaoru and his brother been experimenting and his father walked in? Had their father caught them? Perhaps their father molested them together?

The scenarios were as horrible as they were endless. Inui understood now why the freshman had no idea sexual experience-wise what he was doing. Also at the same time it explained why Kaoru was so needy for affection and acceptance...

Thinking of all this Inui recalled precisely what his beautifully damaged, desperate to be loved, Kaoru said was the extent of his sexual past. Kaoru kissed around with two men. Two lovers. They always used condoms. Kaoru was always seme...

Suddenly confirmation dawned on him and in shock, Inui stood up. The center of his chest physically ached for Kaoru and though he remained standing, his knees felt weak and he wobbled. Inui loved this boy and felt deeply moved by him.

He resolved to win Kaoru over. To win his heart. No matter what it cost or how long it took, he would win Kaoru's love and trust. Inui wanted nothing less in that moment than to take Kaoru away. Far, far away and love him. Cherish him and let him grow and flourish under the light and scope of Inui's love. Someday, Inui was going to mold Kaoru into his best possible self with the power of his love. He would build the freshman up and make him whole again. Make him feel secure and strong.

But tonight was not going to be that someday. Inui could see a look of near panic in Kaoru's eyes when he suddenly realized that Inui fully grasped the situation and had solved the puzzle. As if Inui's love was a strong light able to strip away all the darkness within the freshman's wounded heart and laying the horrible and ugly truth bare.

Brutal honesty was, Inui now knew, the only real way to help and heal Kaoru, but the freshman didn't understand because he had no idea how deeply Inui felt for him. Almost in a panic, Kaoru hastened to herd Inui out the front door into the dark night.

Beginning to formulate a plan, Inui walked to the door completely lost in his calculations. He was not really even aware that he automatically said the proper words of appreciation and departure to Kaoru's family and friends. He only paused for a moment to lay a warm, stroking hand on the freshman's shoulder and quietly say, "Then I look forward to seeing you tomorrow morning at practice, my Kaoru-chan..."

Karou's eyes widened alarmingly wide and the freshman blushed while at the same time managed to look confused and panicked. The freshman adorably sucked in a little worried hiss of a breath that Inui longed to kiss away.

Someday, but not today. Wanting to growl in frustration, Inui turned and stumbled out the doorway into the cool, dark night just trying to put all his newest thoughts in order.

Because Inui had to find some way to both save the freshman and to make Kaoru his. Inui smiled to himself as he thought this. He realized that Kaoru was more damaged than Tezuka could ever be. More of a project. It would be a pleasure and a trial to teach Kaoru how to trust and love.

Inui was going to enjoy every moment of it.

So was Kaoru.

Looking around, Inui realized he was headed in the wrong direction. His family's apartment building was the way he had been automatically going, but his parents were living in a rented home his father's company offered when their apartment was damaged by an earthquake the year before. The quake was not big and the damage did not seem bad, but it had been enough in just the right way. The older apartment building sustained enough structural damage to require rebuilding.

Mentally Inui mapped a new route to the temporary house. One that would take longer but would take him past the canal where he liked to run. One day, he resolved to walk along it with Kaoru. Perhaps they could even hold hands as they walked together. Or they could run past it as they jogged along together. The apartment building was very close to Kaoru's house. Suddenly Inui couldn't wait to move back. He wondered if Kaoru would help him move his things back. Help him paint over the walls where he sometimes wrote in the rented house. He would write love notes in code and teach their meanings to Kaoru much like he and Renji once did. Inui was still picturing them together, but now in college and living together when he stopped short.

A horrible, ugly thought popped into his head. If he had been Oishi, perhaps Kaoru would have returned home with him. Perhaps even eagerly. Inui felt intensely jealous now and it burned deep in his gut as he thought this and stood there.

"Hey! Watch where you're going four-eyes!" Some boys that must have been walking behind him collided into him. Inui went to apologize when one of them snarled and said in an angry growl, "Stupid four-eyed faggot."

There were three of them and only one of Inui. He did not know any of them but they looked to be a little older than he was. They looked about his size or a little larger, but he had this feeling something was wrong. The little hairs on the back of Inui's neck stood up and he felt an adrenaline rush like before a serious tennis match. He did what he thought would be best and like Kaidoh had done earlier, deeply bowed to them. Inui muttered something about how sorry he was and that he realized he left something at his friend's house. He had to return at once to get it.

Using his tennis skills, Inui turned on the ball of his foot and managed to avoid touching or bumping into any of them. He walked back in the direction he had come from at a slightly more brisk than usual pace. Inui had a sudden urge to run, but he kept it in check since he had a feeling if he ran, they would run after him. As it was, they began to follow him.

They walked behind Inui about ten paces or so, but they kept up even when he turned down a side street near Kaidoh's home. They seemed very excited and animated and this Inui took as a bad sign. All the attacks he had heard about or read about on the internet, the victims were unable to see the attackers faces. In some of the attacks they had worn masks but in many of them, especially ones where someone was raped, the victim was jumped from behind and badly beat up first. Inui saw their faces. He worried if they were going to attack him, that it might be more severe because of it.

It was late. At least past ten at night and many of the neighborhood homes were dark or only had their outside lights on. Ironically, Renji's family years ago used to live just down the next street before they moved away to Kanagawa.

Inui ignored his racing heart and forced himself to calm down. After years of methodical practice, Inui found he was able to center himself and focus. He withdrew into his calmer, more rational self, and began taking data on them. At the same time he tried to figure out the quickest route to Kaidoh's house or remember if there was anyone he knew who lived nearby.

He tried to listen in to the things they were quietly saying behind him. It was a jumble because he did not know the individual speakers. One guy had a deeper voice than the other two. The deep voice guy seemed to be in charge because he kept saying things like, "Keep looking until you find him. I know he's gotta be in there! Look his shorts say Seigaku. Check there. And search for glasses."

He was able to separate the other two voices better now. Their tones and speech patterns were similar which might indicate they were close friends or possibly even siblings although they did not resemble each other. The one though would laugh in a braying hyena type of fashion as he finished each statement, "He's gotta be in there, heeaaaaheeaaaheeaaah! He's gotta be worth a zillion points if he didn't come up right away in the search, heeaaaaheeaaaheeaaah!"

The third by the beeping sounds seemed to be using his cell phone to do some sort of search. A search on Inui? For points? Inui had no idea what this meant, but the third was annoyed. He kept saying things such as, "Yeah, I know! I'm looking, okay? You look it up yourself if you think you can do better! I'm going as fast as I can! Hang on! Glasses and Seigaku, I know!"

Then the third said, "Woah. Guys, hold up a minute. I think we just hit the jackpot. Is this him?"

Inui heard their footsteps behind him stop. He was again tempted to run. Especially as they seemed stopped, but all he had was one more block until he was back at the Kaidoh's. He just had to get past the park, round the corner on the next street, and then he was there. Inui and Renji used to practice tennis in this park during the weekends when they were little, so he knew it well. He vividly recalled places to hide and paths to safety if he needed to take them.

He was just thinking to himself that whatever these guys were up to, he was glad Kaidoh was not with him for this. It was better if Inui faced them alone or avoided the situation altogether by reaching the Kaidoh's home. Inui was even thinking of what excuse he could give them for knocking on their door so late at night. Perhaps he could say he twisted his ankle walking home? Or that he thought he left his cell phone there although he did not take it with him when he walked Kaidoh home. Would the freshman remember that Inui only grabbed some money and not his cell phone or wallet?

Inui was so lost in his thoughts for a moment, that he was startled when someone jumped out of the park entrance in front of him. One of the three. One of the two smaller ones who sounded alike. The guy stopped right in front of Inui and took his picture with his cell phone.

"Gotcha!" He said and seemed very pleased, "This is so great! You're worth fifty points! Okay, say it, I'm recording...now."

Behind him deep voice said, "Inui Sadaharu? This is from Renji."

Surprised at hearing both his name and Renji's, Inui began to turn to face the larger guy when an explosion struck him in the face from the front and the side pretty much blinding him. It was as if someone let off a firework in his face, but then the pain hit. Pain from his nose and his jaw. He had been hit. Someone or something hit him. There was another flash and more pain. Somehow he was on his knees and hands though he couldn't remember falling. Another flash and more pain around his middle. So fast he had no way of protecting himself as flash after flash hit him followed by more pain.

Inui just tried to keep breathing. Speaking or yelling or even screaming was out of the question as he gasped and choked on what he realized was his own blood. He didn't want to encourage them although from their cheers they were very excited and encouraged.

It was dark where he was on the ground now and he started to crawl towards a light ahead of him. Painful blows and more flashes followed. Inui was dimly aware that they were screaming things at him. Calling him a homosexual and a faggot. Telling him he was going to be their bitch and get what he deserved for being such a fag. Telling him this is what tennis fags deserve and he asked for this. Telling him Renji sent them to kill him. That Renji hates fags like Inui. Telling him they were going to kill him. Rape him and kill him. They were laughing, pleased, and having fun, but Inui didn't even have time to be afraid or to respond or to listen. All he could hear was the sounds of their feet and fists and whatever else they were using to hit him over and over again. There was the pounding of his blood sounding like a drum in his ears, and the one thought in his head was shouting at him to keep crawling across the ground over towards the light or he really would die right here.

Inui was kicked over and over again and instinctively curled his knees up into a ball to protect his vital organs. The second he did though he realized it was a fatal mistake as he felt his shorts and boxer shorts literally cut off him. Now Inui tried to scream. He tried to shout and say no and tell them how ridiculous it was that they were calling him a homosexual when they were going to rape him. He wanted to fight back and yell, but all that came out of his throat was a bloody gurgling sound and then he gasped to breathe.

They laughed at the noise he made as if it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. The hyena cackled with glee and told him he was going to suffer and then die. They told him to struggle and make more noise because it would look better on film and make them more points. That no one would come. That they were going to rape him and then kill him and no one would come or care about the death of just another tennis faggoty-ass faggot. There was a high-pitched noise from far away and then a heavy weight fell on him blocking all the light and sound.

Inui tried to breathe and coughed. He could barely see with all the stars sparkling around him. He was choking on something and was surprised again to find it was his own blood. He tried again to inhale and found if he just breathed in shallow pants, it was okay though he worried he would pass out. It seemed a shame to pass out before you died. Especially when nothing hurt anymore. He only felt sort of cold and numb everywhere. He wondered if this was one of those out of body experiences and tried to observe it so he could remember the data. He thought to himself how unfair this was since he just found out he loved someone. His last thought was he really wanted to make Kaoru happy and wished he could see the freshman just one more time.

One more kiss.

One more minute.

One more second.

Then nothing.

Nothing at all.

Inui struggled to open his eyes and wondered where he was.

When it was.

If that had just been a bad dream.

Inui was only able to open his right eye a tiny bit through great effort and he wondered at it. It felt as if this data might be important to remember so he tried very hard to. His vision slowly cleared and he was awestruck. Above him bathed in a pool of pure, white light was a fuzzy vision of Kaoru in a halo as if Kaoru was a shingami.

Or as if his beautiful Kaoru were an angel.

That could not be real. Inui struggled with the thought. For Kaoru to be an angel or a shingami meant he had to have died with Inui and the freshman had not been there. Perhaps this was hell and Inui simply could not reach Kaoru for all eternity. Inui tried to move and lifted his hand to Kaoru's face noticing when he held his hand up towards the light for the first time how bloody it was. He wondered why there would be blood in heaven or hell. And why couldn't he see even close up without his glasses. So this was real. That had really happened. Okay. First thing first. Where were his glasses? Inui tried to ask the question but wasn't sure how much of it came out coherently.

The angel said something but Inui didn't hear it over the drums. The Kaoru angel moved and Inui was blinded by the too bright white light. The angel moved again back in front of the light. It slowly dawned on Inui he was looking up at a streetlight and Kaoru was bent over him in the street saying something. It was hard to breathe when Inui lay on his back so he figured he should get up and out of the road.

Inui took a breath and opened his mouth to speak as he tried to stand up but searing pain in his mouth and his side and his head all at once exploded.

He knew nothing more.

The next time Inui was awakened by someone or something repetitively stabbing him in his side.

White hot pain blazed through him on his every breath and he hissed. He took more shallow breaths and it seemed to help but the stabbing did not stop. Inui opened his eye and wondered if he had lost his other one. It was certainly possible. It hurt bad enough but then again everything did. He reached his hand to his face but it was stopped before he touched his left eye to see if it was still there.

"Senpai! Sss...sss...ssssenpai? Can you hear me? Are you awake?" Kaidoh Kaoru sounded out of breath. Inui moved to try to stop the searing pain in his side or grab whatever was stabbing him but instead he started flying. Or falling. He wasn't sure what was going on and felt dizzy. "Woah! Senpai!"

Inui felt intense pain and then nothing.

The third time he opened his eye, Kaoru was talking to him. Or more specifically, it sounded as if Kaoru was talking at him and out of breath. And perhaps crying as he spoke. The pain in his side was back but Inui was growing used to it by now. Plus as bad as that was, it had nothing on how much his head, face, and jaw hurt.

Inui was a little more aware of the world around him and that he was being carried. Piggy-back style carried on the smaller freshman's back. Inui marveled at how strong the freshman was and wondered how long Kaoru had been carrying him. Where were they? What happened?

Inui opened his mouth to speak and was met with agonizing pain. He moaned in surprise at how bad it hurt.

"Sss...senpai?" Kaoru sounded out of breath. At Inui's noise, Kaoru stopped walking as if listening for Inui to answer. Inui realized the stabbing pain was happening each time Kaoru took a step because when the freshman stopped walking it blessedly stopped.

Keeping his mouth mostly closed to stop the pain and breathing shallowly since that helped as well, Inui said through his teeth as best he could, "Yes, Kaoru. Can you put me down, please?"

"Okay, but..." Kaoru hissed a little out of breath noise, "we're nearly there."

Inui tried to open his mouth. Just a centimeter and he wanted to scream in pain so he decided it was best to keep his teeth just barely together and talk with just his lips, "Nearly where?"

Kaoru huffed out of breath, "At...at your old house. You asked me to take you home."

"I...? I did?" Inui didn't remember that at all. He struggled to remember what happened, "The last thing I recall..." Inui's head pounded with the effort to think and his mouth hurt so bad he tried to choose words sparingly. "They attacked me. Three. What happened?"

"Ssss...easy senpai...easy..." Kaoru slowly and carefully put Inui down as if he was made of fine china and might shatter at any moment. Inui held on to Kaoru's shoulders for a moment to steady himself as Kaoru turned to face him. A wave of dizziness and nausea rolled over Inui. It felt almost as if they were standing on a boat and not the sidewalk. Kaoru was breathing hard but not out of breath. The freshman held him steady but lightly as if Inui was going to break. Without his glasses, Inui could only see close up with his one eye, but Kaoru was looking at him as if Inui was a ghost. Or a monster. His face was red with exertion, but Inui would bet Kaoru's pulse was quickly returning to normal. The guy was in amazing shape.

There was a red mark on Kaoru's cheek. Inui softly touched it with the back of his bloody hand, "Are you okay, Kaoru? What happened?"

Kaidoh blushed, "sss...I...I'm fine, senpai, you...you're the one who is hurt. They were...they were going to..." Kaoru's grip on him tightened slightly and he looked upset. The freshman hissed out a sigh, "I went to find you senpai. I tried to call you to talk to you, but you didn't answer your cell phone. I told my dad and brother I was going to spend the night at your house so I grabbed my things and came to find you. I was running by the park, going to take a shortcut when I saw them. I thought they were hurting a dog or a cat and I went to stop them. That's when I found out they were...they were hurting you...and they were going to...to hurt you more and I couldn't...I wouldn't let them so I...I stopped them."

"How did you stop them? What did you do?" Inui was alarmed. Kaoru looked that angry. Angry and dangerous enough to have seriously hurt them. A chill ran over Inui and he wondered if the freshman killed them. He didn't see any other way one freshman could have stopped three larger guys. "Are you okay, Kaoru?"

Kaoru hissed the last of his harsher breathing out. "Yesss... Yes, I'm fine. I didn't have a lot of time to think so I put my bag down and grabbed the first thing I saw to stop them. I took...I took the seat from one of the swings off the chain. I hit the biggest one in the back of the head. He was going to...just about to...and I kept hitting them until they ran away. They never saw me coming because they were so into what they were going to do to you. One guy got in a punch but I got them good. They ran so fast one dropped his cell phone...he was...he was taking pictures while they hurt you, senpai! I...I didn't want to hurt them but I didn't know what else to do!"

Inui hugged Kaoru to him. Out of instinct he would have smelled the freshman's sweat-slicked hair as it came right below his nose, but Inui found he was unable to. His nose hurt too. His side ached. And his head and jaw throbbed with pain as he held Kaoru close. "You saved me Kaoru. You saved my life."

Kaoru surprisingly let out a little sob so even though it hurt a great deal, Inui kept holding him.

"I..." Inui heard Kaoru exhale as he often did when he was upset and fighting his stutter, "I tried to wake you senpai, but you wouldn't wake up and then when you did you..." He let out another breath, "you said not to call you an ambulance and you made me promise to bring you home. To your real home. I couldn't take you to my house or my parents would have called the police or the paramedics and you made me promise not to so I...I was just going to bring you home...and then...then if you didn't wake up I was going to...break my promise to you to save you." Kaoru was trembling.

It hurt but Inui kissed his forehead, "Good job. You did the right thing. It's okay now, Kaoru. You saved me." Inui tried to back away to try to see in the blur around him where they were, but Kaoru cried a little harder and held Inui tighter. In pain, Inui hissed and an adorably tear streaked face looked up at him appearing very concerned. "I'm okay, just sore. Where are we? I can't see without my glasses."

Not to mention he could only see out of his right eye still. Inui wanted to feel his face because even with keeping his mouth as closed as possible, his words sounded funny to him. His voice was the same but his words seemed muffled. Like his face was in the way or swollen or something. He resisted the urge to touch because he had a feeling it might upset Kaoru more. He would have to check later.

He heard a sighed hiss and Kaoru put his head against Inui's chest in a light hug, "Your glasses...I'm ssss...sorry. They completely smashed them. Even the frames were shattered. I...I picked the pieces up and put them in my bag. And...and what was left of your shorts that they cut off. I...I put my running pants on you before I picked you up."

"Thank you, Kaoru." Inui was surprised he hadn't even remembered being dressed by the freshman. Still he didn't care what he had on as long as he wasn't being walked around the city naked. His glasses being smashed also surprised him. Those glasses were sports ones with thick plastic frames. In fact the ad for them showed them surviving even a car accident where they were run over. Luckily though they had a lifetime warranty. That was when Inui realized by squinting with his one eye that in addition to his own weight, Kaoru was carrying his tennis bag. And something else.

"Is that the seat from the swing?" It was a metal and rubber seat found on many older playgrounds, but what Inui was surprised about was the metal when he felt it, "How did you get this off the chain?" The metal that was left felt completely twisted and bent.

A hissed noise sounded as if Kaoru was laughing or embarrassed, "I...I was in a hurry. You were being hurt so I pulled until it came off. I thought," Another hissing breath, "Maybe I could fix it so that the kids won't be missing a swing. Maybe you could help me, senpai? When you're better?"

"Of course. You are amazing Kaidoh Kaoru." Inui said and sounded nonplussed, but inside, he was stunned. This was thick industrial-type steel that the freshman had bent? Inui had heard of people in dire situations finding super-human strength but this was the first time he had seen anything like this. He wondered if the steel was weak or if the freshman was just incredibly strong. He was impressed either way and resolved to get more data on this in the morning. Again he had to ask, "Where are we?"

"Ssssorry senpai. Your old house is just up the street and over there. You said...you said we could spend the night there because you knew a way in and you wanted to stay with me." Kaoru pointed but in the dark without his glasses and only one eye working Inui couldn't see.

"Yes, I very much do." Inui put his arm around Kaoru's shoulders at first feeling more affection than need, "Will you come home with me my very brave and beautiful, Kaoru-chan?"

Kaoru looked at him with a strange look on his face. "Yes, s...ssenpai."

YAY! One more and then it's on to learning_2_play XDDDD

Thanks and much love to everyone!
I've updated suteishichic.com with stufffff and am still writing originals.
I could always use more betas for those if anyone is interested shoot me an email. (Pretty please?)
Talk to everyone soon! (more very soon editing tonight) XD

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Ten ~ Inui

2007-05-05T06:56:49Z

<lj-cut text="Learning to Land. Chapter One Hundred Ten ~ Inui">
Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Ten ~ Inui
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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Despite his resolve, Inui found he was quite... (truth be told, Inui could not find the proper word to summarize precisely how he felt about Kaidoh. Taken was his first choice, but on second thought, Inui decided taken sounded too much as if he felt enraptured by the freshman. Really, to say he was quite taken by Kaidoh would not do. That might seem to indicate Inui had strong, romantic romantic for the shy younger boy, and this simply could not be true. After several moments of searching and rejecting other choices that also did not seem to fit, Inui had to admit even with his sizable vocabulary he was unable to choose the exact right word for how he felt. Annoyed and putting the matter aside for the moment to be dissected and analyzed later, Inui settled on at least admitting he was rather...) ...impressed with Kaidoh.

After their "session" together Inui began to dress. When he glanced back he couldn't help but admire the view. The freshman remained naked in his bed. Kaidoh looked at Inui in a way that made the freshman appear rather...rumpled and disheveled but in a most sexy and approachable manner. Inui turned away to dress simply because he had to admit, Kaidoh in his bed like that looked quite adorable.

Adorable and intriguing. He had an odd thought that Kaidoh like that in his bed was something Inui could get used to.

And thoughts like this could not be allowed.

The problem was Kaidoh like that made Inui contemplate doing things he found he was unprepared to contemplate doing. He was also not prepared to think of all the things it made him think of. The possibilities and potentials portended were akin to the strange expression of opening up a new can of worms. A strange expression and yet, suddenly a new can of worms began to look beguiling.

There were other issues and things it made Inui think of. Things like, in all honesty, Inui never enjoyed sex or even kissing someone without feeling at least some romantic attachment to his partner. And either because Kaidoh was looking so adorable and needy or because of Inui's inability to separate sex and his emotions, Inui found to surprise he was entertaining feelings and thoughts of a romantic nature involving himself and Kaidoh Kaoru.

Inui quickly decided the wisest course of action would be to separate from the freshman and sort out these unwanted and unplanned emotions on his own. He knew that the most fair thing to do was to think this through away from the freshman because after all, Inui had feelings for Tezuka. Long standing feelings. Didn't he? He should not be thinking of Kaidoh or anyone else at all.

And regardless of his own stray thoughts, Inui had to keep in mind that data did not lie. Clearly, Kaidoh had feelings for Oishi.

Why Oishi? What could Kaidoh possibly find attractive about...?

This was not good. Just thinking about Kaidoh's feelings for someone else had Inui feeling bewildered and out of sorts. Inui discovered he had to suppress another horrible side-effect to his having some feelings for Kaidoh, because he now felt strong irrational jealousy towards Oishi. Feeling jealous was not new, Inui would admit even if only to himself he felt jealous of Fuji for some time now. However, what surprised and alarmed Inui was how quickly his feelings of jealousy turned from Fuji to Oishi. And how strong these jealous, irrational urgings to make Kaidoh his were. A part of himself seriously started calculating the data and probabilities of if Inui returned to bed with Kaidoh right now, what he could do and how long it would take to make the freshman forget Oishi forever. Inui began to rush to put on his clothes before Kaidoh noticed his returning erection or before he acted rashly.

He knew the freshman would have no idea of his inner turmoil but as he finished dressing, Inui noticed the freshman still in his bed (and still looking temptingly vulnerable and in need of more kissing). Kaidoh lay there staring at him and seemed to hesitate. The freshman sort of was frozen and looked at Inui as if stunned. For a half-second, Inui irrationally wondered if Kaidoh could somehow read his thoughts. Dismissing this as paranoia, Inui handed Kaidoh some of his clothes to wear home to indicated the freshman should dress himself. This way Inui could expedite walking Kaidoh home. Afterwards, on his way back home Inui planned on sorting through all the data and on figuring out his next step once he was able to sort through all this objectively. Inui shook his head no at the impossibility of it all, the inconclusive data, and at his own bad timing.

Up until then, just before Inui discovered he had these stray feelings for Kaidoh, everything had been going along rather splendidly. Even better than Inui initially anticipated and for once, he was rather glad for merely having inaccurate data. Initially Inui worried that perhaps Kaidoh's inexperience might hinder their sharing some sexual pleasure. Happily this was not the case at all. Not that given the minimal data Inui had on the freshman could ever predict how erotic a sexually curious and turned on Kaidoh Kaoru was.

Not even in Inui's fantasies... Not that Inui ever actually had many... Or even any fantasies about the freshman before. At least not any one in particular Inui could recall. Not specifically. Certainly nothing one could categorize as a full-fledged or fleshed-out fantasy. No, it was more like Inui would be occasionally watching Kaidoh or thinking about him and once in a blue moon he might have a few... minor... minuscule... random... idle... musings. That was all.

It was the same way Inui would happen to... oh that little hiss of a pleasured sigh as Inui ran his tongue along the freshman's teeth... casually notice... such sexy and surprisingly soft to kiss lips...anyone male or female who happened to be particularly attractive...when Kaidoh moans in pleasure his voice sounds husky and so hot... and as a fertile male of the human race it was only natural for Inui to have fleeting thoughts... and the oh so seductive the way Kaidoh's legs wrapped so naturally around Inui's body when they lay like... of a sexual nature. Really, it was nothing... Kaidoh's eager hands reached out to touch more of Inui's skin and pull them closer together... just a few... gentle licks and soft tender kisses along his sensitive neck and jawline... lust-driven momentary... that thrilled smile whenever Inui praised him... primal urges. Nothing more and of course... his dazed look of contentment just after he came... thoughts of this type... his kiss-swollen lips and the intense gaze of hazel eyes following Inui's every move... were common among men at Inui's age and it was... Inui wanted him and if they stayed in bed together any longer Inui just might have taken things too far... well it was... Inui next would have kissed his way down the freshman's perfect body knowing Kaidoh would enjoy it... natural and completely normal... knowing Kaidoh wanted more he would take the freshman's erection in his mouth while continuing to move his fingers inside him... it really didn't mean anything... stretching him and preparing him for when Inui entered that tight hot passage into his perfect body...

Kaidoh Kaoru was just attractive... and he wanted Inui in that moment--Inui was sure it was only him Kaidoh wanted right then and not Oishi... with a nice body... and in that moment Inui was only thinking of Kaidoh... a beautiful smile... of being with Kaidoh... the most adorable laugh... of making love to Kaidoh and no one else... and... they both wanted to... truly, all it proved was that Kaidoh was an attractive person... Inui had to stop because he wasn't sure of the long term implications of these racing thoughts, feelings, and desires...so he just tabled the entire matter for another time... and really didn't it just mean if one based their findings purely on well documented data regarding normal hormone levels in an average teenager that Inui was just a normal red-blooded male?

It was exhausting to contemplate so Inui resolved to stop. Stop thinking until he was alone again and could get a little perspective. Until he could think clearly without all these... hot little sighs and hisses turning into moans... annoying... full lips and soft kisses... distractions.

Annoyed with himself, Inui decided to be rational.

So, he and Kaidoh turned out to be beyond merely...physically compatible. So, Inui discovered he had more than a few random feelings for the freshman. So what?

Logically it should not matter. It did not matter. For a relationship to be successful and to be truly pair-bonded with someone meant you had to go much further than judge by simply surface signals and base interactions. Love was folly. Physical lust did not last. It was opiate for the masses. Like pop radio, common love between ordinary people was a concept created to distract the weary drones from their unhappy, uncelebrated, meaningless lives. Love was common, but a pair-bonding based on logic and rationality truly could be forever.

Intellectually speaking, the simple fact was Inui worked hard to train his mind. He wasn't born with the distinction of being a tensai or genius from birth. In fact, if anything, Inui was born with several gaping flaws to overcome. All Inui was given is a slightly higher than average IQ, a fierce drive to succeed, and a ruthless determination to overcome anything that held him back from his goals despite his given set of obstacles.Inui's parents taught him from an early age that anyone who works hard enough can overcome anything. Poverty, class, defects, and hardships were the complaints of quitters. Anyone can overcome their flaws.

Anyone can work hard to train their brain and increase their IQ. Much like Kaidoh daily worked hard to train his body, Inui worked out his brain. After years of rigorous mental gymnastics, Inui was light years beyond other average guys his age in intelligence. Thus he knew he was light years beyond Kaidoh Kaoru's simple, average, common thoughts. Therefore a romantic relationship between them lasting though at this moment tempting, inevitably was completely hopeless.

In conclusion, it was much better for Inui to just dismiss any of kind of romantic nonsense right now. It was healthier for him to let Kaidoh go to Oishi (despite how right now it made Inui want to growl, kiss the freshman senseless, and drag him back to Inui's bed until only Inui's name was on Kaidoh's lips).

Inui's feelings here did not mean anything. This desire and these lust-driven thoughts didn't mean anything significant. It could even be oxytocin causing a false bonding after a good shared orgasm. It was most likely hormones and truth be told, Inui felt a bit weary lately. A little tired. He was up late the last few nights and had not been sleeping well. It was nothing more. Oxytocin's effects were proven and could be recreated in a lab setting. It bore no long term meaning and tomorrow at practice Inui intended to demonstrate that fact to everyone.

The bottom line is the freshman would never be capable of truly understanding Inui. Kaidoh simply wasn't going to be as mentally challenging as Tezuka. At least Tezuka seemed more mature and more well-rounded. True their captain had few friends, but you never looked at Tezuka and thought how lonely he looked. Or how he could use a friend. Or a kiss. Or a lover...

Damn. Inui was doing it again. Thinking when he resolved to not think. This was a bad sign. This had to stop.

The freshman didn't even seem to understand the need for them to stop. After all, if Kaidoh was so "in love" with Oishi, it didn't make any sense for him to want Inui to continue. And if he wasn't as into Oishi as he seemed to be, then his wrongly bonding with Inui now would only bring problems later when Inui wound up with Tezuka. There was a plan. Kaidoh needed to stick with it and if he could not, then Inui as his senpai had to keep them on track.

Clearly, Kaidoh was not on track at all. Instead the freshman seemed rather lost and confused. Especially when Inui said he would walk Kaidoh home. As if Kaidoh didn't expect it or possibly did not want this. It was not that Kaidoh was a girl or needed special treatment. On the contrary, Inui believed it would be healthy to do this for several reasons.

First and foremost, due to all the recent attacks, there was no way Inui was going to allow Kaidoh to walk home at night alone. Inui reasoned Kaidoh and the other freshmen might not even know about the attacks. Few people outside the regulars did, but even if he did know, Inui wondered if the smaller boy mistakenly thought he could take care of himself against several larger attackers.

Although perhaps not. It might not be about the attacks or Inui treating Kaidoh like a girl at all because the freshman was looking at Inui as if somehow Inui did or said something...wrong. As if Inui stopping their session because it was the sensible, right, and proper thing to do--somehow broke Kaidoh's heart. Clearly, that could not be the case, but it was confusing. Inui tried to think of what he could have done or said wrong and could not come up with a single thing. He determined more data was needed before he could make a guess as to what upset Kaidoh. Things seemed to be going well. They shared a pleasant time. Kaidoh finished his lesson and both of them shared what Inui thought was a nice orgasm. A bonus. Kaidoh should be happy, not looking so... wounded.

It was strange, but Inui almost felt... guilty. Regardless of the irrationality of guilt, he felt bad and had no clue what he did to upset the freshman.

Inui resolved to watch Kaidoh closer.

As they left Inui's home, the freshman seemed to perk up enough to shrug off whatever upset him. Inui wondered if the freshman was just the kind of person who was happier when moving. If he needed to move to feel good or if moving now soothed whatever unforeseen hurt Inui unknowingly inflicted earlier. At least anyone not knowing Kaidoh would assume the freshman was fine but as they walked, Inui observed several times Kaidoh giving him sidelong glances. The freshman didn't say a word, but every now and again, Kaidoh gave a quiet little sigh. It was the smallest hiss of sharply exhaled air but it seemed as if Kaidoh was a bubbling pot letting off steam so it didn't explode. Indeed, Kaidoh after their "session" was still acting strange.

Inui tried to figure out why. It was possible that it could just be a touch of Kaidoh feeling shy after they were intimate together. It could even be that the freshman was reconsidering the entire situation. It was a serious concern. Oh, Inui wasn't stupid enough to think Kaidoh had feelings for him, but it was within the realm of possibilities that if Kaidoh was given enough time and space to think things over, the freshman might want to cease their sessions and give up all together. Much like Momoshiro, Kaidoh held rather charming old-fashioned, romantic notions when it came to love.

If Kaidoh was left alone too long that the freshman might reconsider the options. If Kaidoh felt insecure after what he and Inui just did, the freshman might decide to never confess to Oishi. He was such a serious fellow Inui could see Kaidoh taking his crush to his grave and never touching another person for as long as he lived. Kaidoh was that kind of bleeding-heart, determined romantic. This simply could not be allowed to happen. Besides the loss to Kaidoh's future happiness, Inui's data showed that when Kaidoh made a decision, even one to quit something, that decision would be final. Nothing would change Kaidoh's mind once it was made up. If Kaidoh somehow became convinced that it was better for him to never confess, he would hold his feelings in to the bitter end of his life all alone. It hurt Inui to even think about Kaidoh like that. All alone and lovelorn.

On the other hand, if earlier Inui gave Kaidoh too much confidence in his skills the freshman might decide to confess to Oishi on his own without any more of Inui's assistance. That hurt just as much to contemplate. If Oishi was going to get Kaidoh, then Inui would do his part to ensure they were happy together.

Perhaps if Inui won Tezuka once and for all, these idle musings about Kaidoh would dissipate.

Kaidoh's role in Inui's plan was vital and thus Inui had to proceed with extreme caution. Inui could not allow the plan to fail. There was no mistake, Inui's calculations showed this was literally his last chance with Tezuka. If he lost Tezuka now to Fuji well, that was bad--however if Kaidoh also ended up unhappy after all this effort--it felt so wrong it felt criminal. If Kaidoh ended up all alone after he trusted Inui so... It was unthinkable. An emotional waste of time that would only distract Inui from the goal. Better to not even go there. Better instead to focus.

With his own mindset determined, Inui tried to figure out what to do now. Besides walking Kaidoh home, he needed to carefully instill a little confidence in Kaidoh. Just enough to continue these sessions by allowing Kaidoh to believe his goal of Oishi was attainable, and yet at the same time Inui had to leave the freshman hungry enough to want more training so he would not attempt to act on his own. It was a precarious balancing act and Inui was just going to have to get to know Kaidoh better so he could adjust his tactics constantly. Inui mused this was much like a tennis game against an adversary without complete data. He would have to instantly take in new data, reconfigure his findings, and perpetually adjust his tactics each time his opponent moved or stepped up his game. Of course, Kaidoh was not his opponent, but for Inui to achieve Kaidoh's future happiness, he would have to think of the freshman as more of an opponent than a teammate. Or a partner...

No, thinking of Kaidoh as that simply would not do.

First order of business was Inui needed to find out why Kaidoh was acting so standoffish now.

Second was to win more of the freshman's trust in order to learn more about him. Inui knew by now if he asked a direct question, Kaidoh was apt to become flustered and shut down. However, if Inui creatively asked in such a way that drew Kaidoh out, he could learn just about anything. In this manner Inui might even learn where Kaidoh picked up those bad habits in bed as well as who his last lovers were. Inui reassured himself that finding out these intimate details were not just feeding Inui's own need to know or any jealous feelings but instead they were actually research for the plan to help Kaidoh.

Inui's decided he could accomplish his first and second immediate goals by sharing a meal with Kaidoh as soon as possible. It was be the best way to reassure the freshman and provide Kaidoh some friendly support.

In addition to reaffirming to Kaidoh the feelings of camaraderie that often happens when a meal is shared between fellows, it would be a good opportunity to gather more data. Inui was certain after the meal he would be able to better gage the freshman's reactions and responses regarding these new lessons and the entire situation. He could see if these "sessions" were helping Kaidoh or maybe creating problems for him as they were for Inui.

It would also be a good opportunity to learn more about the freshman by directly observing and there was the added benefit of any verbal data Kaidoh might unwittingly give during mealtime conversation. Blend these benefits with the fact that Kaidoh would be distracted and happy when he returned to his home and this meal would more than pay for itself. Inui bet himself that Kaidoh would fall asleep thinking about how Inui was his good new friend instead of wondering if maybe he should not proceed. The returns would be well worth another serving of empty calories.

Thinking how Momoshiro and Kaidoh were rather similar in many ways, at first Inui tried to stop to eat at the same fast food place where he had been forced to take Momoshiro earlier. Momoshiro mentioned during their visit that the chain restaurant was a place everyone loved, but Inui could see, Kaidoh did not want to go there. Not that Kaidoh said a word to indicate in any way he was not happy. On the contrary, Kaidoh said nothing in words, but he spoke volumes in other ways.

Inui was pleased to note he was beginning to uncover the many subtle intricacies and delicate body posturings that gave Kaidoh's true feelings away. The quiet freshman was unfailingly and almost painfully proper and polite. Even to the point of causing himself pain, Kaidoh would always choose propriety over his own wishes and wants. Inui was his senpai and if he wanted to poison Kaidoh, then the stoic freshman was willing to almost the point of eagerness to allow Inui to do so. If Inui walked into the fast food place, Kaidoh would have obediently followed and politely choked down the food because that was what was expected of a good underclassman. Inui was intrigued as he postulated Kaidoh further would have even ordered and consumed exactly the same items Inui did even if every bite disgusted the freshman. Even if Inui ordered things Kaidoh was allergic to, the freshman would have probably attempted to force it all down, smiled politely, and then gone home to suffer in silence.

Kaidoh would have suffered because the freshman was simply too polite to cause problems or show any disrespect. In this day and age where most students rebelled out of habit or because rebelling was conforming, Kaidoh followed his heart. For Kaidoh that meant he was respectful, obedient, and followed proper protocol at all times. To Inui, Kaidoh's strict adherence to societal rules really was rather charming. It spoke volumes about this quiet, unassuming freshman's character and inner-strength. While making Kaidoh ill was one guaranteed way to get Kaidoh's mind off Oishi, Inui would rather choose less harsh measures. Inui tabled the interesting idea of making someone ill for later.

Inui's expanding data clearly showed there were clues Kaidoh gave as to his inner emotions. Ones the freshman was probably not aware of, but when one put the data together in a logical manner they gave a clear insight to the freshman's real feelings and inner-most thoughts. Kaidoh was not a very social creature and thus had unusual body postures. Often he stood with what could only be called an odd stance. Originally, Inui had surmised it was because Kaidoh enjoyed being intimidating, but now it seemed that the truth behind the poses instead was painful shyness. Kaidoh had no sense of how he appeared. Instead the freshman had a deep rooted sense of insecurity hidden behind a wall of shy ashamed silence yet it was all backed by a will of solid steel. And between the cold steel will and shy insecurities, Inui was uncovering a surprisingly deep and passionate, yet lonely and wounded boy.

Judging from how he handled Momoshiro, Inui determined long ago the freshman's emotions were most likely immature. Kaidoh probably still saw things in black or white as a child would. The freshman seemingly never explored his feelings or developed any friendships or attachments to anyone outside of his immediate family. Inui had a growing sense that something happened to Kaidoh. Someone Kaidoh trusted deeply on some fundamental level let the freshman down. Somehow Kaidoh's child-like intrinsic faith in someone he cared a great deal for was broken and Kaidoh was betrayed. Almost irreparably. Inui knew the signs of someone close to you betraying you. He recognized all too well the heartbreak caused when someone you love turns against you and hurts you deeply. He knew the self-doubts and insecurities that can cause.

Unless the right person studied Kaidoh long enough to find a way inside, Inui had a feeling the freshman would remain alone. It was almost as if Kaidoh chose to be alone because it would hurt less than being hurt again. Unless the right person reached out to him in the right way, Kaidoh decided somewhere along the line that no one would ever know him. But if no one ever knew him, he would never heal or moved past what happened. The result was a nearly palpable feeling of sorrow and an even greater passion simmered in Kaidoh. It let off little bits of steam in his every action and reaction. Yet, because he chose to be alone, it had no where to exit so like magma beneath a volcano, it bubbled and churned.

Inui was attracted to that in people. Something similar long ago had first attracted him to Tezuka. A burning dark secret that only Inui could uncover, expose, and because he cared so much, eventually heal. Tezuka took his secret to a dark place where no one could see it, notice it, or get close. He pushed it aside so that it was forgotten in a dark corner where he never needed to go. Tezuka would succeed despite whatever it was that happened to him.

Kaidoh took whatever happened to him to a different place. It drove Kaidoh relentlessly forward to try to push past it alone. Kaidoh took his secret and centered whatever it was so that it became a part of who he was and he locked everyone else out. Yet he was not completely able to. Kaidoh practically burned from an interesting need to talk to someone and a fear of telling someone whatever it was. Inui had watched the freshman enough to know, he wanted friends and to be well-liked. He was never far from the popular kids, but add his shyness and his fear of whatever being exposed and Kaidoh was trapped on the fringes watching everyone else having fun. Kaidoh chose to keep his secret and that kept him all alone.

And lonely. The freshman was so lonely you could almost feel the burning ache of it just from spending a little time with him. And perhaps Kaidoh was still too afraid to reach out.

Inui guessed that was what Momoshiro in his initial attempts to befriend Kaidoh never realized. He watched the two freshmen boys closely at the beginning of tennis practices for the year. In his journals all this data was meticulously recorded as Inui watched the two boys almost become friends and mysteriously turn into bitter rivals. He carefully observed the entire situation from afar although at the time, Inui would not have been able to tell someone who read his notes why (not that anyone could read his notes, they were all triple encrypted with Inui's own cypher system just in case).

Now noting he had some feelings for the freshman, for Inui many things now were starting to make sense. Much like a puzzle with pieces suddenly found to fit, but the picture was not clear yet. There were questions Inui had about Kaidoh that as of yet had no answers. Like why Oishi?

Well, whatever else Inui's classmate might be or do, Kaidoh on a basic instinct level must have sensed gentle Oishi would never laugh at Kaidoh or divulge his secrets. Oishi would never knowingly hurt him or break his trust. There were a lot of good points to Oishi, but that didn't mean he was the right person for Kaidoh. In fact, Inui was quickly calculating that Oishi probably was not the right person for the freshman at all. Not that Inui had spent enough time figuring out who the right person for him was, but Oishi would never push Kaidoh in the directions the freshman needed to be pushed to get past whatever happened. Gentle Oishi would only see the freshman's positives. He would never go to those dark places and thus with Oishi, Kaidoh would never be stretched. He would never be challenged. He would never heal.

Kaidoh was a fighter. He needed to be pushed and stretched to build muscle where he was weak and build up strength in all the places he was hurt or damaged. This was as true for the freshman's smaller body as it was for his strong spirit. Kaidoh didn't need someone who would baby or coddle him. He needed a rival or an equal. Someone who would constantly push and challenge him. Someone who might even push all his buttons and annoy the hell out of him, but at the end of the day it would be that person Kaidoh would want to reach for. The freshman would need that person to be there every time he reached. That would help heal him. And most of all, Kaidoh needed someone he could trust with his secrets and his heart.

Clearly, Kaidoh was hiding something. Deeply hiding something big behind walls and walls of protection. There were secrets inside Kaidoh. Maybe even secrets bigger than Tezuka had. There was something hidden that happened and Inui sensed it was more than a guy discovering his first crush was on another guy. Yet, while Kaidoh struggled to maintain this secret and his walls and his little world, remarkably at the same time the freshman in some areas was extremely confident.

Inui's initial observational conclusions that Kaidoh enjoying being alone and took pleasure from seeming intimidating were very wrong and thus the more interested in all this Inui was. Inui was most intrigued by secrets. He loved nothing more than to carefully excavate and expose the inner workings of someone's mind like an archaeologist of the psyche. Especially someone who clearly would be a regular on the tennis team and thus a future rival. Inui even theorized that perhaps this was why he had always paid such careful attention to a freshman. To Kaidoh.

But the closer he got to Kaidoh the person and the more away he got from Kaidoh the data, the less Inui thought that was the case. And tonight after their "session" Inui felt an unfamiliar stirring within himself. It was most unexpected and better if he didn't think about this until he returned home after he finished with Kaidoh.

It was must safer to note how Kaidoh was secure in himself and his abilities when it came to something physical. Then the freshman fought with a fierce tenacity that surprised even Inui. This was why Kaidoh was unable to let his squabbles and battles of will with Momoshiro go. It was stupid. Even Kaidoh knew it was stupid, and yet something inside of him could not walk away when Momoshiro challenged him. Inui realized that the battle between Kaidoh and Momoshiro for Kaidoh took place on an ego level. This was why Kaidoh couldn't let Momoshiro win or walk away. Losing would mean he let himself down in the only area he felt confident and secure about.

Surprisingly, other than the physical strength and tenacity, the freshman had what might perhaps be the lowest self-esteem Inui had ever observed in another person. Inui surmised it probably had something to do with Kaidoh's secret, but more than that, Kaidoh was so self-conscious and worried how others saw him that it was painful to watch him struggle against himself.

The awkward stance was Kaidoh always trying to stand up straight and at the same time look casual. He usually ended up looking a cross between fiercely intimidating and painfully constipated. He was his own worst competition because Kaidoh struggled to be perfect one hundred and ten per cent of the time. He never relaxed or went easy on himself. Inui quickly realized with a few negative or insensitive remarks he could probably shatter Kaidoh, and he found that deeply upsetting. He didn't want that to happen. Despite all the deep-rooted insecurities, Inui found something about Kaidoh so pure it was painfully and starkly beautiful.

Inui had been so curious about this odd little freshman the beginning of the year, he even dug into Kaidoh's background. The freshman came from a family where both parents were still together and he had a sibling he seemed fairly close to. His father had a secure job with a recent promotion and his mother was a homemaker. All the data looked positive. There were no struggles or stresses in Kaidoh's home life. With such a tight-knit family and such driving passions to succeed, it seemed that Kaidoh might just have no need or desire for friends.

Yet that was not the case at all. Kaidoh was so hungry for love and affection and acceptance he was practically starving. Inui knew orphans who were less needy and more secure in themselves. Kaidoh was like a drowning man alone in the middle of the ocean that was grasping desperately for someone, anyone to see him and save him. When Inui met Kaidoh he found the freshman painfully shy and so quiet that many did not even notice him in a room--even Inui dismissed him.

But then Inui watched him play. Kaidoh was like a different person on the courts. He went from a lamb to a lion in less than a second. The dramatic change piqued Inui's need to know. He was curious. Curious enough to finally discover something. Inui found out when he was a little boy, Kaidoh had a stutter when he spoke. It was something Kaidoh overcame with hard work but he apparently still struggled with the scars the affliction left on him.

Inui never heard him stutter and yet, Kaidoh still did the breathing exercises when he spoke because his fear of stuttering was worse than if he actually allowed himself to stammer. Kaidoh must have worked almost overly-hard on overcoming his stutter to the point where the exercises to relax his jaw became habits themselves. It was this discovery more than anything that made Inui realize he would have to watch Kaidoh closely. It occurred to Inui that in Kaidoh's relentless drive to be number one, to overcome any obstacle he faced the freshman would make an amazing opponent. Inui surmised long before anyone else yet had that the freshman was probably overdoing his tennis club self-training and would not stop until he reached his goal. To be the best.

At first Inui wondered why.

He theorized that to Kaidoh the tennis club must represent a way to fit in. A way to be accepted and feel like he had peers and friends even if Kaidoh was too ashamed of himself to speak up when he was actually with people. Even if he was standing off in the corner alone, seeing everyone else around him start to respect how hard the freshman worked gave Kaidoh a sense of pride and a feeling of belonging that he desperately needed. Kaidoh somehow decided he would let his physical strengths make his acceptance a reality.

Inui both admired and pitied him. From the time they met, Kaidoh stirred up all kinds of feelings that Inui wasn't even aware he could feel. Inui respected him and at the same time always felt a strange kind of affection for the freshman. He felt protective of Kaidoh and the more he got to know the mysterious boy, the more interested Inui became.

Kaidoh went to obediently follow Inui into the grease-laden nutritionally devoid restaurant, but Inui saw everything in Kaidoh's stance screamed that he did not want to go inside. Never before had he gathered this much raw data on the freshman as in that moment. At least, never before they were in Inui's bed kissing together.

Inui was fascinated.

He tried to come up with hypotheses as to why Kaidoh would not want to go to such a popular place. It might not even be the food. Inui had to consider that possibility. Maybe he didn't want to go with Inui. Inui was not exactly popular. Maybe he didn't want to go because so many students ate there. It was a social place and he might be seen--but a quick glance inside showed it was nearly empty at this hour.

Mustering up a quick data review he recalled that Kaidoh usually ate his lunch alone in an empty classroom every day. Inui discovered this because he was curious. With how much working out on his own he suspected the freshman did, Inui calculated the sheer volume of food the freshman must consume every day and he wanted to check if his calculations were accurate.

Inui was also curious as to what Kaidoh's diet and eating patterns were. You could tell a lot about someone just based on how, what, and where a person ate. After many questions and much searching, Inui discovered Kaidoh ate alone everyday. It took some doing to find a reason to speak to Kaidoh when he was eating, but Inui found a way when he volunteered to help manage the team. Inui was not surprised that daily Kaidoh consumed a massive amount of healthy foods that all were homemade. The freshman said his mother made his bento box and the food for him daily. Kaidoh said it as if it was a sacred thing his maternal parent did out of love.

So knowing what he ate, thinking of how he tended to eat alone, and knowing how hard Kaidoh trained, Inui was shocked to quickly calculate there was a 98.2 per cent probability that Kaidoh did not eat fast food. Ever. Inui asked, "Kaidoh? I don't really like this place. Is there somewhere else better? Somewhere healthy? I do not dine out frequently."

Kaidoh seemed to carefully weigh his words. He exhaled to relax his jaw and prevent any possible stammering without realizing his habit of exhaling before answering, "There's a...family restaurant near here that is good. It is nothing fancy and it isn't a popular place for students, but we used to eat there, my father, brother, and I when my mom was in the hospital. It's good, very clean, and it's...healthy, but wherever you want to go is fine, senpai." The freshman exhaled again but this time as if relieved he got his words out without any stutter.

Inui thought this quirk was strangely adorable. He was becoming enraptured with learning all these little habits and realized food was an easy topic for he and Kaidoh to converse about. In fact, Inui decided he really should accurately learn Kaidoh's daily caloric intake, training schedule, and then perhaps he could try to put together something for the freshman. It was a good safe topic for discussion and one laden with new data to crunch when Inui returned home. Inui said, "That sounds good, Kaidoh. Let's go there." Inui gestured in the direction where Kaidoh's right foot was pointing for the freshman to lead them. Kaidoh had to lose that habit before others playing against him in tennis picked up on it. To distract Kaidoh and because he was interested Inui asked, "Is your mother all right now? When was she in the hospital?"

Surprisingly, Kaidoh sharply exhaled as if stressed, "Oh." He exhaled again. Clearly, this was a sensitive subject. His odd rigid body posture said so and the freshman would not meet Inui's eyes as he answered, "She is fine. Thank you for asking, senpai. My mother takes such good care of us that sometimes she exhausts herself and neglects herself. The end of last school year, she was doing a lot of cleaning after we converted a third bedroom into a den and office for my father. We helped as much as we could, but she wore herself out. Sometimes the hospital is the only place where she can get any real rest because she is always doing too much. My mother is very delicate, but she's fine now. The restaurant my family likes is just up ahead."

Inui was intrigued. The answer sounded like a fabrication that a family agreed would be the best given answer to hide a deeper or more embarrassing situation or problem, and that was fine. However, the way Kaidoh said it made Inui feel as if was the first time the freshman specifically spoke the words to anyone. It might be. The freshman was close to his parents. His mother had been in the hospital, perhaps frequently, and because Kaidoh was so alone, indeed it was possible no one knew or had ever asked before.

It was another wall Inui tore down and a step closer to Kaidoh just by asking. Inui decided to pace things and not rush them. He knew he had a bad habit of pushing too fast when he was on the verge of making a point or a new discovery. He also knew pushing too fast and rushing things could skew the data and even ruin any possible desired results. In scientific experiments, rushing to get faster results had resulted in all kinds of problems. Once for example one of his special teas that worked so well on a small scale when brewed and consumed after refrigeration somehow chemically fermented.

It was supposed to make the drinker feel relaxed and unfettered so they could divulge potential secrets to Inui. It ended up getting a rival tennis team's manager drunk. Very drunk. Embarrassingly inebriated. Inui was even more embarrassed as the rival manager confessed his love and admiration--for Fuji just before passing out--but not before first becoming violently ill--all over Inui. The team manager woke up also with the worst hangover. He was ill for days and had Inui not quickly dismissed his illness and symptoms as a severe allergic reaction or had the rival manager been the least bit more intelligent, there could have been serious repercussions.

Haste they say makes waste. While the taste and the confessing results of Libertea were excellent, in the end it had to be categorized as a failure. For now, anyway. At least until Inui and his rivals were in university. Then he could begin experimenting with fermentation again and next time he would not rush.

Similarly, when speaking with others, Inui learned to take his time. It was painfully slow for him to extract answers from "normal" people. Normal people to Inui thought slow and spoke even slower. If you pushed them too fast or shocked them, they tended to startle like a spooked lab rat and avoid you. It completely ruined any data when they began avoiding you like you had the plague.

Inui through trial and error found it was best if you took your time with normal people and gained their trust. Food often helped because it made people bond faster when you consumed things with them especially in an environment where they felt comfortable. After you gained their trust and fed them, normal people would open up and tell you just about anything you asked--even if it seemed strange to them. Inui postulated it was because after sharing a meal normal people considered you to be their friend.

Friendship was a strange concept to Inui. He understood the benefits both mentally and physically and while he logically comprehended the concept, he decided long ago that for anyone who was not normal and slow-thinking, friendships were a waste of time. The rapid way people around Inui made and lost friends in school was evidence of the fickle folly of friendship. Love and a love relationship was basically all you needed in life if you had your work and were passionate about it. If you were close to your lover and partner, there was no reason to have friendships. Friends tended to take up time and space that could be better utilized pursuing either your career, your hobbies, or spent with your lover. Inui felt sure that normal people were not able to closely bond with their lovers and partners as more intelligent people were and thus needed friends to fill in the gap that their mismatched pair-bonding left in their lives.

So, when Inui and Kaidoh sat across from each other in the family restaurant sharing a meal, Inui was completely aware that what he was attempting to do was to, in Kaidoh's "normal" mind was befriend the freshman. This would gain Kaidoh's trust. Kaidoh would then answer any questions Inui had and it would serve the dual purpose of ensuring Kaidoh's help in Inui's plan. When this began Tezuka's heart was Inui's only goal. He knew he had to remain steadfast and driven to assure himself victory. He had to remain true to form even if doing this might later hurt Kaidoh's feelings should the freshman want to continue a friendship with Inui--once he won Tezuka to his side, Inui's friendship with Kaidoh would be irrelevant and unnecessary.

After all, it was not Inui's fault if Kaidoh was not intelligent enough to properly pair-bond with Oishi so that Kaidoh had a need for friendships outside of his romantic relationship. At least, that was what Inui was telling himself as they ordered and haltingly made small talk while waiting for the food to arrive. Haltingly because Kaidoh's end of the conversation was stilted. Inui could see the freshman was struggling to come up with things that were proper, not said with a stutter, and at the same time interesting enough to keep the conversation rolling along. To put it as kindly as possible, Kaidoh was fighting instead of talking, but the freshman seemed to be trying with all his heart and will.

And that was sort of the problem, because Inui found it both fascinating and endearing. Clearly, Kaidoh was not used to talking to someone like this, but he very much wanted to. And while Kaidoh was not a mental giant, the freshman was beneath it all surprisingly intelligent. While he was not well-spoken, Kaidoh was surprisingly well read on a variety of subjects and the world around them.

Kaidoh obviously took learning as just another part in his training and studied hard. So when Kaidoh spoke on something, from how he wanted a dog but couldn't have a pet because his brother was allergic to the recent weather, Kaidoh was not repeating information as some children did to impress their parents. He was not repeating what he heard someone else say to try to appear smarter or more mature than he actually was. Instead, amazingly, Kaidoh thought things out and had insightful opinions. Several times Kaidoh said a comment or made an observation that had Inui almost hanging off his every word waiting to hear the next pearl of wisdom Kaidoh Kaoru had stored away in his brain.

Kaidoh was no tensai, but he was a bright and caring person with a lot to give. Perhaps this was why Inui felt guilty about his earlier decision to not be Kaidoh's friend after the plan was ended. Inui's mind raced along and he reasoned with himself that there was no reason to not have any friends. Often he saw couples going out on double dates together and perhaps since Tezuka and Oishi were close friends before this (but only friends, Inui had carefully watched to be certain), Inui could try to continue his friendship with Kaidoh. It would be like what normal people did, but for the first time, Inui thought that being friends with someone might be...nice.

He was in fact so wrapped up in his thoughts of for the first time wanting for himself something he considered only "normal" people would desire--a friendship outside of his romantic relationship, that Inui did not hear what Kaidoh said as they were finishing up their food. Inui was musing over how it might be healthy to have a kouhei, a little brother, that he could guide, "I'm sorry, Kaidoh, I was lost in my own..." Inui realized he almost said feelings. He was being very unlike his usual self and adjusted his glasses. "...thoughts. Could you say that again, please?"

Kaidoh was blushing as he exhaled which was most curious, "I...said thank you for coming here and for the food. I haven't been here in a while."

Inui had to clench his jaw to keep his mouth from hanging open. Kaidoh was clearly giving him an opening to ask questions. While Inui wondered at it, he didn't want to miss the opportunity, "It's my pleasure, Kaidoh." Inui meant it too. He found Kaidoh an enjoyable companion, and more intelligent and thoughtful than Inui had originally postulated. To maintain the conversation and see the freshman's reaction, Inui took a chance, "You and your family were last here when your mother was ill?"

Very defensively, Kaidoh visibly bristled and struck without warning, "She was not ill senpai, she just needed a rest!"

Inui instinctively jumped at the sudden change.

Kaidoh though was instantly regretful and hissed a sigh, "Ssssenpai, I...I'm sorry..."

With a wave of his hand Inui dismissed the apology, "No..I'm sorry Kaidoh, I should not have asked something so personal..." He figured it would be better to end the evening now since Kaidoh was so agitated. Tomorrow if the freshman calmed down enough to allow them another session, Inui could work on re-building the trust between them. He just wasn't sure how and Inui was annoyed at himself for pushing. "If you're ready then...?"

Inui paid the bill and they stepped outside. A light rain must have fallen while they were inside eating. It made the streets shine with moisture and filled the air with a slight damp chill. Inui turned as he released the door after Kaidoh walked through. He knew where the freshman lived and had already mentally mapped out the most expedient route for them to take, but when he turned to start going south, Kaidoh was standing in front of him. Inui stopped short and it was only years of tennis that kept him from colliding into Kaidoh.

For a moment he wondered if Kaidoh knew he could stop in time, and he surmised the instinctively freshman did. Kaidoh watched Inui play at least enough to know how far it would take him to stop. It was impressive, Inui thought to himself and then all thought flew out of his head for an instant because he suddenly realized what Kaidoh was actually doing.

To his shock and amazement, Kaidoh was bowing low to him. The freshman's hands were clenched up into fists and Inui saw there was so much tension and emotion in the freshman's body that he was practically vibrating as he stood there bent as if in deep apology or begging for forgiveness.

Inui couldn't imagine why. "K...Kaidoh...?"

More soon! XD

Thank you for reading and reviewing!
More goodies are up on suteishichic.com for download. ^__^
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Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Seven ~ Tachibana

2007-03-18T07:24:36Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Seven ~ Tachibana
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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He stood and closed the curtains. "I'll be back soon," he promised and closed the door to Ibu's cold, dark room.

Tachibana's first move was to find the laundry room. There didn't seem to be one. He went back to the kitchen to look there because most people usually had at least a washing machine and sometimes they had one there. Tachibana didn't see one. He was annoyed with the lights being out and decided to fix that right away. Using a tiny flashlight he had on his key chain, after a bit of hunting he located the circuit breaker. Nearly everything including the heat, water heater, and water pump was switched off. Ibu must take freezing cold baths and showers though he couldn't imagine how the freshman was surviving that.

The breakers all were clearly marked in Ibu's neat handwriting. Tachibana switched on the kitchen, the one that said Ibu's bedroom, the water heater, water pump, and refrigerator. He then switched on the one for the heat and after a little more searching located a thermostat down the hall. He left the thermostat off for now because for all he knew the electric might not even be turned on.

He was looking for a light switch but the first one he found was in the kitchen. He tried to test it. Tachibana snapped on the light and felt very thankful when it worked. Now that he had power, he filled one side of the sink with cold water. The old pipes made protesting noises as he ran water through them and he had to let the water run several minutes until it looked clean enough. Using dish soap because it was all he could find, Tachibana started soaking Ibu's bloody school clothes in a large pot he found under the sink. That finished, he dumped out the stale water that was sitting in the now working refrigerator, and washed out the pot. He turned the freezer up to a warm temperature so it wouldn't run since he didn't think they would need it. Before he left Tachibana peeked in on Ibu and then safely locked the freshman inside with his key. He set out to find a nearby store.

He remembered a decent small local shop just down the alley street and up around the next corner. Along the way he called his great-grandmother to fill her in on some of the details. He told her his school friend was sick with a cold and needed looking after. He told his great-grandmother she or Tachibana's parents could call him on his cell phone if they had any questions, but he was going to spend the night with his friend because his parents were busy with work. She seemed to understand and even offered to come help him if he needed it. He thanked her and said he didn't.

That task finished Tachibana hung up the phone. He picked up a basket on his way inside the store and quickly filled it up. He liked to cook. He already decided on making a few things thing that Yasuo always loved when he made them for him.

Ibu loved pickles. You couldn't help but notice how much he adored them. Kamio always ordered extra pickles for Ibu whenever the freshmen bought something to eat, and all the other freshmen always gave him theirs too. Kamio often joked Ibu would gorge himself on pickles if he could.

With that in mind Tachibana bought pickles, seasonings, meat, rice, mushrooms, and vegetables. He wanted to make Ibu a good lunch and a good dinner. Nothing too heavy in case he hadn't been eating much lately, but hearty food that would help Ibu recover faster. Tachibana picked up a few boxes of tea in both green and black. He even grabbed some better ramen from the refrigerator case in case Ibu loved it. Tachibana tried to be prudent with his purchases. He tended to be very frugal with his money because he knew how hard his family worked to earn it. Still, he kept thinking of Ibu's cupboards all being bare and probably bought more than he needed to. He reassured himself that at least it wouldn't go to waste.

Luckily, the food at the corner store was of excellent quality and pretty inexpensive. He was used to the pricey stores from around his former school where everything was jacked up way too high for the wealthy students. Now that he thought about it, this was the first time Tachibana had been to the grocery store since he left school. His mom never made him go with his family. Sometimes he missed cooking, but he always felt it wouldn't be the same making a meal without Yasuo there to enjoy it. It was strange, he knew, but for some reason his family and sister eating what he made just was not the same.

After he paid and was on his way back to Ibu's struggling to carry everything he bought, Tachibana had another urge to call Yasuo. If he had a free hand he would have. He knew around what time it was and that Yasuo would be in his second or third class. Tachibana wondered how the weather was there today and how the morning practice had gone. It had been a while since he talked to Yasuo, and he wanted to a lot, but what was odd, he only thought about calling when it wasn't a good time to actually call. Tachibana with the freshmen had been so busy lately that he only thought about Yasuo when he was alone which means right in the morning or before bed. He didn't want to wake Yasuo. Sometimes Tachibana thought about Yasuo during class and wanted to call, but he couldn't call then. The last few letters Yasuo sent he hadn't answered yet. Hell, he had been so busy Tachibana hadn't even read them, but once again he told himself he should when he got home.

That decided for the hundredth time, he let himself into Ibu's house as quietly as possible. Despite his being in great shape, Tachibana was breathing harder from carrying all the heavy groceries and the fast pace he had taken to get back. He guessed he should work out a little harder. Watching the guys and occasionally running with them wasn't enough. Although, whenever he bought this much in the past Yasuo was with him and he didn't have to carry it all home alone.

He set everything down and checked on Ibu. He opened the door quietly and though he couldn't see well, the blanket Ibu was under wasn't moving so Tachibana guessed he was still asleep. Which was good. Ibu needed to rest and Tachibana could wake him when the food was ready.

It had been a long while since he made anything more than tea and he found he was looking forward to it. With Tachibana's sister, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother all living in one house the kitchen was usually a loud place where the women in his family gathered. He picked up enough pointers as a little boy to be interested in cooking. When he was on his own at school, he learned the rest through a lot of trial and error. Because he felt as if he had basically grown up at a school dorm, one pot and hot plate meals were his specialty. His great-grandmother was Chinese and she was an amazing cook. She taught him to appreciate different spices and combinations of food than many of his wealthy school friends were not used to. Every ingredient she used though was picked thinking of the people she cared about. She was an amateur herbalist and loved to explain what each thing did to heal and bring the person into balance. She was very focused on balance and it was a philosophy Tachibana tried to adopt in his own life and diet.

His grandmother on the other hand only really enjoyed Japanese foods and her husband, Tachibana's grandfather who died when he was little was reported to be something of a gourmet. His grandfather had expensive tastes on a shoestring budget so his grandmother became an expert in how to make things stretch and in substituting cheaper ingredients. She was so good at it the substitutes often ended up tasting better than the expensive harder to find real things. It wasn't until Tachibana went away to school that he learned what the original expensive items were—and how skilled his grandmother was as a cook.

His mother never really had the chance to be good at cooking. She often was stuck trying to appease all her older relatives so his mom's skill was more in the way of negotiating each meal so everyone was happy rather than actually doing any of the cooking. Sadly, for as much time as his younger sister spent with the other women in the kitchen, An has absolutely no interest in it. In fact, An usually jokes that she wants to marry someone wealthy so she never has to cook.

Tachibana turned on the kitchen light again pleased it worked. Along with the groceries he picked up strong bleach and laundry soap. He first bleached out Ibu's shirt which seemed to get out a lot more of the blood. It might not be able to be worn again though. The shirt seemed well used and he wondered if the freshmen also handed down clothes to each other. It would make sense if they did. He hoped Ibu had more than one shirt since he was apparently so strapped for cash when an idea hit Tachibana.

A good idea. Tachibana's parents were always asking if there was anything they could do to help him, and they seem so disappointed whenever he said nothing, thank you. They would be happy to do this and he bet himself that it wouldn't cost very much. It might even be good for their business. He knew the company they worked for sometimes made knockoffs, but nice ones. Originals with a high quality at half the expensive price would be sure to sell. The idea further bloomed in his mind and once he started thinking of how to do it, more and more ideas fell into place. It was a crazy idea, but it made many other crazy ideas come to him.

He always thought well when he cooked. He started chopping ingredients and was amazed at how much clearer he thought when his hands were busy. This only happened when he was playing tennis or cooking. He was completely free to let go and think.

The whole scheme when he thought it out really wasn't such a crazy one. With what these freshmen had in raw talent and burning desire combined with his skill and the connections Tachibana had it wouldn't be that expensive or outrageous. He might even be able to get some used older equipment that otherwise would just be thrown away if he asked some of his old teachers and coaches who still wanted him back. They would gladly give him these things to get in Tachibana's good graces—never knowing that they were in reality only doing a good deed.

It might work.

It seriously might work.

And no, it would not be easy. In fact, he was looking down the barrel at a ton of work and dedication but they could do it. Together. It would be everything the freshmen wanted, and then some because Tachibana suddenly realized deep down in his heart this could be his retribution. This was his chance to really start over and make amends. His helping these freshmen was perhaps the best karmic way to clear his own debt for all the horrible things he had done. It would be building something very positive from something very negative, and helping people who truly needed and deserved to be helped in the process.

It might work. He just had to think of a way to convince the freshmen to stop trying to become part of Fudomine's current team—and create one of their own. From scratch.

It was outrageous. It was unheard of.

There was no reason in the world why a school, and such a poor one at that, would allow two of the same clubs. They would argue that they didn't have the resources, so Tachibana had to make sure he and the freshmen had their own. The school would argue that there was already a club, so there had to be a reason they couldn't join the existing team. A good, clear reason. One that even the administrators could see. Tachibana didn't have an answer to that yet, but felt certain that this was destiny and his purpose in coming home. There was a reason for everything if you just looked hard enough and if you worked hard enough, things would come together. He was sure of it. He believed that some things were meant to be, especially if you wanted them and worked for them. Tachibana was certain when the time was right, everything would fall into place.

He felt elated. He felt relieved. He felt as if he could do the impossible.

He just finished making the soup and turned it down on a lower flame to keep warm when Ibu appeared looking half-awake. He stood at the doorway. He looked alarmed and immediately moved to turn off the light. Tachibana was closer and beat him there, "You're worried about the cost? I'll help you pay for it. You need electricity for living and studying. It is not a luxury, but a necessity. Ibu, you can't live like this. You've done very well on your own, and I admire you for sticking it out this long, but it's time you realize that you do need help. Let me help you. Please?"

Tachibana placed his hand on Ibu's shoulder. The slender boy was always wearing baggy clothes so up until now he hadn't realized how skin and bones skinny Ibu was. Recalling how he looked when they first met, Tachibana knew without a doubt Ibu wasn't eating enough. He was losing weight and not the good kind. He was losing muscle.

Ibu said nothing. His head was down and he seemed to be embarrassed. The pajamas he wore were too large for him. They were probably once one of the other freshmen's or his father's. They were also probably once a brighter blue. Now they were gray and drab and like a costume just didn't fit the strong, beautiful person wearing them at all. As Tachibana watched two dark spots appeared on the front of Ibu's shirt. As if something was dripping or leaking. Tachibana almost looked up to see if the roof was leaking on this little old home, but then he realized what it was. Ibu was crying. Silently.

Before he could say anything or react, Ibu gripped him fiercely in a hug and buried his face in the center of Tachibana's chest.

Tachibana was always uncomfortable when anyone cried. He just really never knew quite what to do. When his sister cried when she was little it was usually a loud temper-tantrum type of affair that was mortifying. When Fuji cried Tachibana felt totally shocked and stunned because he had never been that open with anyone before. Lucky for him, Yasuo had known what to do the very few times Tachibana ever cried.

Not sure what else to do, Tachibana mimicked what Yasuo did for him. He rubbed the freshman's back and held him strong and close. He didn't say anything but let Ibu keep silently crying. His entire body shook with what must have been racking sobs, but he made no sound. When the freshman seemed to be finished, softly Tachibana said, "Everything is going to be all right. I'm going to help you. You've just had a bad day. Are you hungry?"

Against his chest Ibu nodded slightly.

"Good," Tachibana said. "I'm starving. Have a seat. I hope you like hot and sour..." Ibu was looking at him alarmed. He let go and gestured that Tachibana should sit. "No, sorry. You're injured. You don't get to play host. Listen to your senpai. Sit down. I set the table already and was just coming to get you to eat."

Ibu hesitated a moment, deeply bowed, and then did as he was told. As he sat, under the dim yellow kitchen light, Tachibana noticed that a bruise was forming on Ibu's right cheek, and another by his left eye. The freshman looked up at him, and he saw on Ibu's thin, delicate throat, bruises were starting to form there too. Bruises that looked a horribly lot like finger marks. Tachibana tried to not stare at them. He wanted Ibu to eat. If he made a big deal about the injuries, Ibu might cry again and it was impossible to cry and eat at the same time.

As he served up the soup he had made, Tachibana resisted the stupid urge he suddenly had to kiss each ugly bruise on the freshman. He couldn't kiss it better and the last thing poor Ibu needed was his senpai suddenly acting gay and doing gay things to him when he was so down. The best thing to do, the junior reasoned to himself, was to make Ibu comfortable and pretend like things were fine. Ibu needed some normalcy in his life.

Tachibana sat and gestured for Ibu to take the first bite.

The freshman hesitated and took a first tentative taste. He looked at Tachibana amazed, and then inquisitively.

"I'm glad you like it. I learned to cook while I was away at my old school. My roommate always enjoyed this dish and I know you like pickles so I hoped you would like it too." Ibu ate while Tachibana talked so he went on filling in the empty cold house with the sound of his voice, "I miss cooking actually. I rather enjoy it. With my mom, grandmother, and great-grandmother always taking over the kitchen, I don't get a chance to cook anymore." The tea kettle whistled and Tachibana jumped up to reach it before Ibu had a chance to move. He poured them both a cup and sat back down. "Here. I hope you like oolong. I was in the mood for it. It goes well with this soup, although my family never serves it at home with a meal, but I got used to it because Yasuo, my roommate at school, he always enjoys a beverage with his meals. He didn't like oolong at first, but the last time we spoke, he said he missed it and bought some."

Ibu looked at him inquisitively and then went back to eating.

"Oh. My family rarely serves water, tea, or other beverages with a meal. My great-grandmother is Chinese,. She and my great-grandfather had an arranged marriage. When they met and married she didn't speak any Japanese and he only knew a very little Chinese. Somehow, it worked though, and she says he was the love of her life. Even though he brought her here and although he was Japanese, she ended up keeping the Chinese style of cooking and meals. My grandmother, her daughter doesn't like it. She tends to only enjoy Japanese foods. She was made fun of as a child for being half-Chinese and tends to be overly Japanese most of the time. Although this one thing my family does is very Chinese. Each meal there is usually a soup served instead of a beverage as a common dish and everyone drinks from it. I suppose I adapted to both and don't mind either. It's nice to keep traditions."

Ibu nodded looking pensive.

Tachibana noticed the freshman's bowl was empty. "I'm glad you like it. May I get you more?" Ibu seemed to hesitate, so Tachibana stood to fill it before he resisted. The freshman needed to eat something nutritious. "I made plenty of extra and it will keep for several days. I also restocked your pantry. Even though you might enjoy it, you really shouldn't live on ramen..."

Ibu shuddered as if even the name made him disgusted.

"You don't like ramen?" The blue-black head shook strongly back and forth saying no, but stayed down and eating as if he was embarrassed. Tachibana had a thought, "You've been eating it because it was cheap?" A bob of his head indicated yes. "Why? Why haven't your friends helped you? Are they not able to? Financially, I mean?"

Ibu shook his head no, and then raised his hands, palms up as he did when he had too long an answer to give with a yes or a no. This was not good enough for the junior so he got up, went to his schoolbag and took out a notebook. He returned to the kitchen with it and a pen for Ibu to write his answer down. Tachibana was thinking to himself it had better be a damn good reason why the other freshman didn't help their friend when he saw what Ibu wrote.

It was one word.

PLEASE

Tachibana was lost. "Please what? Please help you? Or please have your friends help you? Please...?" He just noticed that Ibu's head was down. The freshman was staring at the floor. "Ibu, please look at me when I'm talking to you. It's hard enough without you saying anything. That's the least you can do to make it easier for me. Ibu help me to understand. I'm just trying to help you here, and..."

Ibu looked at him. His face was crimson red in a blush. He looked away.

Tachibana suddenly understood. He also remembered something Kamio said. That the freshmen usually spent the weekends at Ibu's house with him. "They don't know, do they? They come over here every weekend and things seem normal then, but during the week you've been living like this." Respectfully Ibu put his head down, and his hands in a supplicating manner. He was asking, begging, please. Please don't tell them. But why? "Why? Are you embarrassed? Because they're your friends. They would want to know."

Ibu picked up the pen and started writing.

Please! Please do not tell them! They can't know. I do not want to burden

Tachibana covered Ibu's hand with his own which stopped his scrawling. He loved how Ibu wrote in such a precise and yet flowing manner even when agitated. The freshman always weighed each word and knew where he was going with everything before he started writing. It was much the same way as when Ibu played tennis. Tachibana wondered what his voice sounded like for the hundredth time and said, "It would be more of a burden for them to discover that you're in trouble and that they didn't know. Ibu, you've done well on your own, but not good enough. This is unacceptable. Living like this is stupid and dangerous. I won't let you put your health at risk anymore. As your senpai, I have a responsibility towards you, and as your friend, I can't look the other way and pretend that I didn't see this."

For the next several minutes Ibu tried to bargain with Tachibana. He wrote asking for more time, and alluded that his father might come home soon. He asked if he could be the one to tell his friends. Ibu was crafty and tried everything he could think of, but Tachibana wouldn't budge, not even when Ibu seemed to get angry. He accused Tachibana of not being his friend, and seemed close to tears.

Tachibana put his hand back over Ibu's to stop the writing, "I am your friend and you know that I am by now. I think you're tired and have had a difficult day or you wouldn't be questioning me. Things need to change around here, and I don't just mean with you, but with all you guys. Will you hear my idea out and tell me if it seems sound to you?" At first he thought Ibu would resist, but then it seemed his curiosity got the better of him. He looked at Tachibana questioningly. Tachibana smiled, "Because you alone can point out any flaws before I suggest it to everyone else. I wouldn't want to get the other's hopes up if my plan needs major revising, and I feel that you're the best person to run it past first."

Ibu pointed with his other hand towards his chest. He seemed to be asking "me?" and was looking rather astonished that Tachibana wanted to ask him.

Tachibana smiled. They were sitting quite close and he still had his hand over Ibu's. "Yeah." He suddenly felt shy and his heart started racing. "I think you're pretty smart...when you use your brain to think instead of being stupid."

Ibu made a little exhaled breath noise. It was his almost silent version of a sudden laugh. The freshman put his head down, and then surprised Tachibana by moving the top of his head so it was touching Tachibana's collarbone above his heart.

Tachibana had seen this gesture between the freshmen before. If one of them lost or was scolded or they fought, eventually one of them approached the other and did this. Tachibana had seen Kamio do this to Ibu a hundred times. He had seen Mori to Uchimura do this even more than that after an argument or debate. Tachibana didn't know what this gesture meant, but none of them had ever done it to him before. It felt natural to move the fingers of his free hand up through Ibu's soft, silky blue-black hair. Tachibana had his fingers there before he realized what he was doing. Ibu's hair smelled of citrus. Lemons and oranges and spice.

It was only then that Tachibana realized what he was doing. He was running his fingers through Ibu's hair, and he was cradling Ibu's head. He was smelling Ibu's hair! As if Ibu was a girl!

He froze and waited for Ibu to react and pull away in disgust. He waited for Ibu to respond at all. Tachibana figured he just had stunned Ibu so bad that the freshman was locked in place and afraid to move. Ibu was just too polite, right?

On the table, Ibu's hand under his that had been holding the pen dropped it. Tachibana thought the pen dropping was the only show of shock Ibu would probably give him. He wasn't able to talk so maybe that was all he could do. And then he felt it.

Ibu's hand started softly feeling his in an exploring way. Ibu felt his callouses and his fingers before tentatively and slowly closing his hand around Tachibana's.

To Tachibana's shock, Ibu was now holding his hand!

Tachibana's mind was racing almost as fast as his heart was pounding. He was trying to think of something, anything, clever to say because he had a feeling that Ibu might kiss him. That wasn't the biggest problem though. The biggest problem was if Ibu kissed him, even if he tried to resist, Tachibana knew without a doubt he would kiss Ibu back. He had to stop. Just thinking about it and being this close to the freshman had him hard. He had to stop and think. He had to stop and think of all the problems and complications a kiss like this at a time like this would bring to his life. Irrationally, he wished Yasuo was here because at least Yasuo would be able to tell Tachibana what the heck to do at a time like this. Yasuo would know. He always did.

But what would Yasuo say now? Tachibana didn't know. He couldn't think of Yasuo right now. He felt like he shouldn't. For a second he wished Ibu was Yasuo and decided that was a bad idea because if this was Yasuo they would be kissing by now.

More than kissing. It would start off hot, sweet, and after all this time it would get so passionate they might not even make it to that mattress on the floor. Damn it. It had been a long time since he had touched anyone. Since he had touched Yasuo.

Hell, for all he knew maybe Ibu wasn't gay. Maybe he and the other freshman were just friendly and just friends and Tachibana just didn't know how to handle being friends with anyone. Maybe Ibu was freaked out that Tachibana was gay. If he was gay. He still wasn't completely sure. It could also be that Tachibana was just a terrible friend. Hell, he'd only had one real friend before and he and Yasuo ended up being way beyond just friends. Hell, he still didn't even know what he and Yasuo are or were, but he knew regular friends like these freshmen did not do what he and Yasuo did.

Tachibana thought maybe he could find some way to distract Ibu, but he couldn't distract himself of the soft feel of the freshman's warm breath on his skin through his uniform shirt. Tachibana couldn't breathe in Ibu's scent anymore. He couldn't think straight. Tachibana was just about to suggest that he tell Ibu about his plan, when Ibu's cell phone rang. The sound made them both jump away from each other like they were doing something very wrong and Tachibana was sure it startled years off of his life. In a smooth movement, Ibu reached for his cell phone and handed it to Tachibana.

Before he could stammer a greeting, Tachibana heard loudly, "Hey! What are you guys doin? Where's Shinji? What's goin on? Is something goin on? Is Shinji all right? What happened?" It was Kamio and he sounded...upset.

"I..." Tachibana stammered and then looked at Ibu who was rolling his eyes and smiling. "Shinji said he's fine. We were just finishing lunch. You're not supposed to be using your phone in school." Tachibana glanced at the clock, "You're supposed to be in class..."

Kamio sounded mad but his anger seemed to be fading, "Yeah well...all of a sudden I had a bad feelin and just wanted to make sure nothin bad happened. I'm in the washroom in one of the stalls so no one can see me. Shinji's really okay?"

"He is, but there are things we all need to talk about later." Tachibana glanced over at Ibu who suddenly seemed to find something interesting on the floor. Ibu went to stand and take their dishes to the sink. "Ibu, don't get up. I'll do that. You're injured. You need to rest."

"Tachibana-san, please? Can I talk to Shinji? I'll tell him to listen to you." Kamio sounded desperate to talk to him. The words themselves were calm, but the frantic way Kamio was saying them had Tachibana on high alert. In fact, for the first time he wondered if somehow Kamio wasn't envious of him spending time with Ibu. Or maybe something else. Kamio seemed jealous, almost like Ibu was his...boyfriend?

Tachibana quickly dismissed the thought. No way was any of that going on. Ibu wouldn't say anything so it wasn't like Kamio was missing the sound of Ibu's voice. He must have had something to tell Ibu...badly. Tachibana shrugged and said into the phone, "Of course you can speak to him. Please tell him that he needs to rest. I'll stay with him today and will not be attending practice. As Ibu was too injured to go to school, he shouldn't go to practice, and actually, Kamio, have someone walk you home after school too. I want you to rest also just for today. Can you ask Ishida to run practice without us there?"

Sounding hopeful, Kamio suggested, "Yeah, okay. And then I can stop by after school to bring Ibu his homework...?"

"No. I'd rather you go straight home and rest. I know the hospital said you're fine, but at my last school we learned to take it easy the day of any injury. Even a minor one can turn into a major problem if you don't take care of yourself. Rest is important. Go home Kamio, " Tachibana said, "but be sure someone is with you. I don't want you walking around alone after what happened today. Have someone else drop off Ibu's homework, and my own if you get a chance to collect it. All right?"

"But...but...Shinji shouldn't be alone after what happened. I should stay over with him tonight." Kamio sounded very put out. Like a little boy not getting his way when he was accustomed to everyone giving into his whims.

Although the freshman did have a point. "I'll stay with..." Tachibana almost said Shinji by mistake, but caught himself just in time, "Ibu tonight, okay? Don't worry. He's fine. And he'll see you tomorrow. Here, I'll let you talk to him. Hurry though and return to class. I don't want you to be alone and I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Okay." Kamio sounded meek and defeated. And then he sounded as if he was begging, "Tachibana-san? Please be sure to take really good care of Shinji for me? And let me or someone else know if he needs anything? Please? And thank you very much for all your help."

"It's no problem. He's my friend too. Here's Shinji." Tachibana handed the phone over and Shinji took it. He stood and silently walked down the hall with it.

Tachibana washed the dishes while he strained to hear if Ibu made any sounds at all to Kamio, but he heard nothing. Around three minutes later, Shinji returned and deeply bowed a thank you. He set his phone in a charger on one of the counters and then sat to finish his tea.

"Would you like more tea or soup?" Tachibana got a head shake no. "I'm sorry, I think Kamio would have gone to practice and then ran over here if I didn't stop him. After what you both went through this morning he needs to rest. Do you agree?"

Ibu shrugged and seemed to think it over, and then he nodded. He looked around the room as if thinking or something. The freshman must have noticed his air drying shirt which Tachibana had washed and hung up to dry. Ibu pointed at it with an inquiring look.

"I'm sorry. I was able to get most of the stain out from the shirt but not all. The rest will be dry by the morning. Do you have another shirt to wear tomorrow? I can lend you one of mine from home if you don't."

Ibu nodded indicating he did have another one.

"Good." Tachibana suggested, "Want to go to your room? You can help me with the details of my plan."

Ibu nodded again, but instead of going down the hallway to his room they remained sitting next to each other. Tachibana had a million questions. He wished he could ask Ibu what happened and get a reply in words. He wanted to ask Ibu a lot of things about the freshmen and even if it wasn't verbal was sure he would get some kind of answer. The trouble was, he just didn't know where to start. He also thought to himself like with Fuji, sometimes asking a person about their troubles was really opening a horrible potential "can of worms" as Yasuo used to say. Yasuo said it was an old fishing expression when Tachibana asked him and Tachibana always silently wondered to himself if worms were ever sold in cans.

Just then Tachibana realized while talking to Kamio he made a decision for the freshmen without checking with them. He already did things like that several times that morning and should try to not be so overbearing. Yasuo used to remind him constantly to ask people things instead of running over them with what he said was the Tachibana style of a bullet train. "Ibu, do you mind if I stay over? Someone should stay with you tonight to make sure you're all right. If you would rather it be someone else...?"

Ibu shook his head to say he didn't mind.

For some reason, Tachibana felt relieved even though he knew where he would be sleeping. On the worn floor in not very luxurious conditions. But even at home in his own bed, he still felt like a stranger. Tachibana really hadn't slept well since the last night he slept next to Yasuo. "Okay, I'll call my parents later when they're home and tell them. By the way, I made something really good for dinner which I think if you liked my soup you'll love this."

Ibu raised his eyebrows in surprise. He lifted one hand as if holding a spoon to his mouth and his other to rub his stomach as if he wanted more of it.

"More soup?" Tachibana asked with a laugh. "You can have more later if you want, but no, I made something else." He saw Ibu's inquisitive look. "Se-cr-et. You'll know in a little while. First, you're going to lay down. You're supposed to be resting. We can talk while you rest. Let me tell you about my plan and you can tell me what you think."

They went back down the hallway to Ibu's room and Tachibana didn't miss that as they left the room, Ibu's hand snaked around to turn the kitchen light off.

Tachibana meant to tell Ibu. He had every intention of just sitting and talking with the freshman while he lay down resting. He clicked on the light and waited for Ibu to get settled. Ibu lay down under the Frankenstein blanket and patted the bed next to him indicating Tachibana should sit beside him. After what almost happened, Tachibana didn't think that was such a good idea but it would look weird if he refused, wouldn't it?

He sat on the edge of the huge mattress far from Ibu and tried to explain, "I'm in my school clothes. I shouldn't get them wrinkled or...what?" Ibu was pointing to a corner of his room covered by an old worn sheet. Tachibana stood not sure what Ibu was asking for. When he moved the sheet back it was a closet neatly arranged and like everything else in the room completely organized but made of mismatched furniture and shelving units all made into one. Where Ibu seemed to be pointing there were pillows and blankets. "You want an extra blanket?" He got a head shake no and a smile. Ibu pointed more insistently and now it looked like he was pointing to the left of the pillows and blankets. A pile of pajamas. "You want new pajamas?" Tachibana turned to look back at the freshman when Ibu made that exhaled noise of a laugh. "What? Oh. For me to put on? Now?"

Ibu applauded and Tachibana had to laugh at that even though he was thinking to himself it was early. They just finished lunch but then again who walked around in their school uniform when they weren't in school? It would be weird to insist on staying in his clothes and it wasn't like he would be more comfortable later on sleeping in his workout tennis clothes. Tachibana couldn't imagine sleeping in his jock. Truth be told though, Tachibana had to admit after the hand holding and all he felt a little uncomfortable getting undressed in front of Ibu. He selected a t-shirt and pants from the top of the neatly folded stack but hesitated. If he went to another room to change that would be strange. He didn't know what to do so to buy time he decided to ask, "Is this what the other freshmen wear when they sleep over here on the weekends?"

Ibu looked at him as if curious about the question and after a moment nodded. The freshman went to stand up as if he thought Tachibana might need help selecting something to wear.

"No, you don't have to get up. I guess if these are okay, I'll put these on?" Ibu nodded and then turned as if arranging the pillows on his big mattress. Maybe he was uncomfortable too or maybe he was just being polite. Tachibana quickly undressed and dressed noticing that the clothes smelled of sunshine. They must have been line dried although they were nice and soft. He found a hanger and hung his uniform up in case he didn't stop by his house in the morning to get a fresh one. It wasn't as if he had worn this one very long. Clothes changed he sat back down on Ibu's mattress keeping his feet firmly on the floor, "Thanks Ibu. This is much more comfortable. So, what I wanted to talk to you about is...what?"

Ibu was patting the mattress next to him. Tachibana moved slightly closer but all he got was a smile and more patting. Fine if Ibu didn't mind him sitting next to...

When Tachibana went to sit down, Ibu put his hand up to stop him. Tachibana asked, "What?" Ibu pointed at the light switch. "Lights off? Oh, well you are supposed to be resting." Tachibana stood and turned it off. He sat back down and followed the patting noise until he was sitting next to Ibu. The freshman sighed, sat up half way, and pushed Tachibana back as if ordering him to lay back. Tachibana asked, "I have to lay down to talk to you? Fine. You're the one who is injured."

Tachibana lay back on a pillow. Ibu threw the Frankenstein blanket over him. Tachibana tried not to sigh in annoyance. He hated being ordered around. At least when Yasuo was bossy he spoke and asked for things he wanted. Sometimes he would ask to be kissed more after. Or be held after. Tachibana didn't mind doing either, it's just that it felt nicer when Yasuo asked because he knew Yasuo really wanted to do that too. He missed that. Going to sleep with Yasuo. Waking up with him. There were things from his old life he missed like the curry place and playing tennis on a top team, but most of all what he had to admit was the only thing he really missed was Yasuo. Tachibana decided he really should call him later.

"So anyway what I wanted to talk to you about is...oh, hello." Like a kitten Ibu moved in one fluid motion to curl up around him. The freshman's head was on his shoulder and his arms and limbs were wrapped securely around Tachibana. Very different from how Yasuo slept next to him, but not bad. "Um...are you comfortable?" Ibu nodded against him. He felt the freshman move his arm and one finger pointed on Tachibana's chest. Oh. "Me? Sure. Fine. So what I wanted..." Ibu put one finger to Tachibana's lips in the universal shushing gesture. "So, you want me to be quiet?" Ibu nodded against him. Tachibana could feel the freshman was hard. It was light but still pressing up against him and not the kind of thing one would miss. Heart starting to beat faster, Tachibana asked a loaded question, "So what are we supposed to do now?"

Ibu shrugged. He moved his finger from resting on Tachibana's lips to his eyes and moved his hand down like he was trying to close Tachibana's eyes. It reminded Tachibana of what they did to dead people in the movies to close their staring eyes. Tachibana asked, "Sleep? But I'm not tired." Ibu didn't answer at first. The freshman took Tachibana's hand that was behind his head. He moved it so Tachibana could feel with his fingers that Ibu's mouth was smiling. Why was he smiling? Unless...? "You don't believe me?"

Ibu shook his head no while still smiling. He kissed Tachibana's hand and rest it on his thin shoulder. Then he put his finger back on Tachibana's lips to say be quiet. "Fine," Tachibana said with a sigh, "but you'll be sorry if I fall asleep. I snore like a chainsaw." He kissed Ibu's hand back without thinking about it and put it to rest on his chest. Ibu's skin was warm. In fact he thought to himself the freshman might have a slight fever and he should check it. Maybe later. Right now Ibu needed rest and he was resting. And the truth was Tachibana slept at most an hour the night before. He was a little tired. A catnap wouldn't hurt.

That was the last thing he thought of for several hours. Tachibana slept hard. Literally.

Tachibana woke up groggy. He was having a strange dream that Yasuo couldn't reach him on the phone but he kept calling and calling. It made no sense when he felt Yasuo laying in his arms. Which was nice. Really nice. He missed this. He stretched and realized he hadn't slept that well since the night before he left school. He was hard. Very hard and very horny. They never went to sleep without fooling around first because Yasuo decided otherwise Tachibana tended to wake up too grumpy and way too horny.

Yasuo liked to joke that when Tachibana was grumpy and horny in the morning, Yasuo's lion turned into a bear. A bear who hibernated all winter and woke up cranky, starving, and insatiable. Cranky his ass. Though if whoever down the hall didn't answer that phone ringing off the damn hook Tachibana was going to have to turn into a bear and maul them. But first thing first. In one swift motion he rolled a still sleeping Yasuo on to his back. He ran the fingers of the arm Yasuo had been sleeping on up through his roommate's hair while at the same time with his free hand he cupped Yasuo's partial erection and testicles. Just as he moved his lips to kiss Yasuo awake Tachibana wondered why they were wearing clothes when they usually slept naked.

The person beneath him gasped in surprise at his touch and only then did Tachibana startle himself almost fully awake. Yasuo's hair was completely different. His genitals were completely different. His build was completely different. His smell was completely different and by now Yasuo would have made some sound....

Damn it. This was not Yasuo. Damn it. No sound. Damn it. This was Ibu. Damn it, damn it, damn it! Tachibana let go of the freshman's genitals, cursed, and tried to stammer out an apology, "Sorry! I'm so sorry. In...in my sleep, I thought you were someone els...?"

Ibu's arms snaked around Tachibana's neck and were trying to pull his mouth back down to the freshman's. The only sounds Tachibana could hear was the pounding of his own heart and Ibu's breath. The freshman was breathing hard. Their lips were so close. In the dark Tachibana could sense how close. Centimeters away at most. Ibu was trying to pull Tachibana down and at the same time the freshman was trying to press as much of his slight body up against Tachibana as he could. "Ibu...please...don't!" Tachibana protested because he knew himself. This close to the edge when he went over he wouldn't stop. He couldn't. "Ibu please...don't do this unless you really want...."

In response, Ibu pulled them closer even more insistently. He wanted. Their lips were so close. Even closer. Millimeters apart. Tachibana could feel the freshman's moist breath, panting warm teasing heat against his own lips. So close....he wanted this...wanted him...it was almost perfect...if someone would just finally answer that damn phone....

Tachibana broke Ibu's hold and cursed. It was his damn phone! Then he heard another phone ringing. Ibu's. He looked at the clock. It was after eight! Damn it! He cursed again and jumped up, "Ibu, we overslept! Our phones!"

He flipped the light on and spared Ibu no more than a glance as the shock of light stunned their eyes at the same time. Ibu's hair was sleep tousled. He looked confused and turned on but at the same time as stunned as Tachibana felt.

Tachibana ran down the hall to answer the phones. His stopped ringing. He picked up Ibu's but before he could finish his greeting a shrill voice rang out, "YOU BASTARDS! YOU STUPID AND COMPLETE TOTAL BASTARDS! I'M COMING OVER AND DON'T TRY TO STOP ME! TELL SHINJI I'M LEAVING NOW!"

Ibu stood in the hall looking pale and dazed. He was half wrapped in the Frankenstein blanket. His hands were spread in a waving gesture which meant Tachibana should go ahead and tell Ibu what he just heard.

Still feeling stunned and unsure of what it meant Tachibana said, "Uh that was Kamio and he's furious. I've never heard him so angry. He and everyone else was probably trying to call and we didn't hear our phones. Kamio said he's coming over and to tell you that he's leaving right now...."

Ibu's eyes got so wide Tachibana thought they might fall out of his head. He dropped the blanket and pointed down to the ground with both of his index fingers. Tachibana guessed Ibu was silently asking, 'Here now, right now?'

Running his hands through his short hair and wondering if Kamio wasn't a jealous boyfriend after all Tachibana said, "Uh, yeah that's the last thing he said to me. 'Tell Shinji I'm leaving now' and then he hung....hey! Where are you going?! Ibu! Shinji!"

In all that time training the freshmen, Tachibana never saw Ibu move so fast. He moved as if his life depended on it. In less than two seconds Ibu grabbed a random coat in his hallway, slipped on shoes, threw a coat and shoes literally at Tachibana, and gestured urgently as if to say hurry! Now! Hurry!

Without a look back at Tachibana and leaving his front door wide open, Ibu looking completely panicked bolted out into the rainy night as if he were set on fire.

Tachibana stood there with his mouth hanging open. What the hell? He cursed. He threw on his own shoes. He cursed more. He grabbed both of their phones. He cursed some more. He threw on the jacket Ibu tossed him. He cursed even more. He locked the door using Ibu's keys. He was out of curses so he made up some new ones. Tachibana ran out in the rain after Ibu praying to any gods that would listen that he could catch up with them before anything worse did.

More soon! XD

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Six ~ Tachibana

2007-03-18T07:22:48Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Six ~ Tachibana
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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As they reached the corner on the street where the hospital was, Ishida very politely said, "Tachibana-san? Please know we are all very grateful for all of your support and help. You've been...very kind to us and we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. The thing is, we really don't wish to involve you in this any more than you already are or cause you any trouble. I've been to this hospital several times—we all have through the years, and if it's okay with you...well...see....there's a system we've come up with to handle these kinds of things. Instead of tryin to explain it to you because everything is so...complected, if you'd please just allow me and the guys to handle things now, I'll be glad to answer any questions you might have after we're done? Please?"

It was an extremely odd...request. The big freshman's tone and mannerisms were as if he knew he was asking Tachibana for a huge favor but there was a steely determination behind Ishida's eyes. Tachibana was even more confused when he looked closer at Ishida. He clearly could see the high level of stress stretching out Ishida's normally handsome face turning his smile into one so fake it was almost a grimace. The big freshman was so worried and intense about whatever this was, he was practically begging. Tachibana seriously worried that Ishida right there, on a busy city street in the middle of a Thursday morning was going to collapse to the ground and dramatically start kowtowing to him.

"Uh...sure...fine...okay. As you wish...?" Tachibana had to agree because the last thing any of the freshmen needed was him adding to their stress. After he agreed he watched amazed at how much Ishida visibly relaxed. It was like when the big freshman was done crying earlier, Ishida was able to put his emotions aside because they were so on the surface. He expressed everything he felt the moment he felt it. That's how these freshmen were. Totally open with no shame over their feelings. It was unlike anything Tachibana ever experienced before. Not even gentle, kind to a fault Yasuo was this open. If he had been, Yasuo would have been prey. He would have been too vulnerable and thus torn to pieces in his old school by the vultures everyone secretly was.

A second after Tachibana agreed, a very relieved Ishida practically fell all over Tachibana in his gratitude. The big freshman hugged him bone-crushingly hard all of a sudden then released him and patted him on the back. Hard. Not even realizing his tremendous strength in his exuberance. Ishida must have also not realized his volume because the strong freshman exclaimed, "Tachibana-san, thank you! Thank you! I knew we could trust you. I knew you were one of us, Tachibana-san! We all did! We just knew it. Now, okay, I gotta warn you it's gonna look a little crazy at first or kinda like we don't know what we're doin, but don't worry. Please do not worry. You know us and if we say we're gonna handle something, we are. I promise we can handle this. So Tachibana-san, if you wouldn't mind when we get inside the hospital, if you could just stand back and kinda outta the way? Let us handle things? I'll explain everything once we get everyone outta here. Or if you'd rather Tachibana-san, you can even go ahead on to school and we can meet up with you later? That way you don't have to be involved any..."

"No Ishida, I'm already involved and I'm going. I want to make sure they're both all right, but as I told you, I'll let you guys handle it and I will follow your lead in this." For now, Tachibana silently added.

At least until he had a better grasp of what the hell really was going on. He had no idea why Ishida was so stressed, or why he wouldn't want Tachibana to 'handle' this situation. Tachibana felt slighted and rather aggravated. He was their senpai after all and as such they were his responsibility. Didn't they trust him by now?

While these freshmen may have had a system, he couldn't imagine that it was anything he didn't already know how to do. After all, he was the only one out of all of them who had lived on his own. Only Tachibana been out in the real world and already had to make some adult decisions. He really wasn't at all sure if he should let the freshmen take charge like this, but he reasoned to himself if things got out of hand once he saw where the situation was going he could jump in and take over. He knew these guys from playing tennis well enough that he could predict how they would act.

Or so he thought.

When they walked through the sliding glass automatic doors into the hospital, Tachibana wondered if he somehow made a wrong turn into an alternate universe. Utter chaos and pandemonium did not even begin to describe the scene before them.

It seemed to be nothing less than a three-ringed circus with the freshmen Tachibana thought he knew so well all acting outrageously and inappropriately.

Mori and Uchimura on his left were loudly and animatedly arguing the best treatments for a sprain including some crazy-sounding folk remedies with two young doctors. Sakurai to his right was bothering three of the nurses. He asked first for directions to the toilet, next for the telephone, and then for the water fountain. He apparently couldn't find any of them on his own so the giggling nurses started drawing him a map. Kamio stood before him in the middle. The red-headed freshman was busy doing what could only be called outright flirting with the other nurses. He was actually juggling what looked to be a dozen or so tongue depressors while telling the serious-faced nurse closest to him she looked dazzling in her uniform. "...like an angel of mercy. I wish I had a sister as pretty as you. I wish any of my friends had a sister as pretty as you!"

With his mouth hanging open, Tachibana turned to look at Ishida but the big freshman was gone.

Ishida already was jumping in next to Kamio and his normal quiet, polite demeanor disappeared. His personality completely changed in the span of three seconds to what Tachibana could only call aggressively obnoxious. The tall freshman bumped Kamio which caused the freshman to lurch to the side and the tongue depressors flying through the air to clatter to the ground like pick-up sticks. Loudly Ishida said, "Kamio-kun why is it that you are always surrounded by the prettiest women in town and all you can do is play with wooden sticks? Look at the mess you made. You're such a little kid. I'm so sorry, has this clown been bothering you, ladies?"

To Tachibana's surprise the nurses didn't tell Ishida to be quiet or apologize. Instead the group of them girlishly...laughed.

Kamio loudly said while he quickly picked the depressors up, "Oh please! You're just jealous because I'm cute. I didn't get the bright idea to cut all my hair off." Kamio rolled his eyes and said to the women in a loud fake whisper, "Be kind ladies, he's sensitive about his hair—or lack of it. Don't say anything about how scary and egg-shaped his head is...whatever you do!" He pushed Ishida back and stepped in front of the big freshman.

Tachibana thought Ibu was going to get angry or possibly even push Kamio back for his harsh and insensitive remarks. Truth was Tachibana always thought Ishida was one of the few people who looked good without hair. Tachibana certainly didn't look at all good when he shaved all his hair off before he left his old school. Even Yasuo just looked at him like he was worried Tachibana just lost his mind. Tachibana was about to reprimand Kamio for his behavior—especially inappropriate in a hospital where sick people were, but before he could move the nurses surrounded Ishida and asked him to remove the scarf from his head. When the big freshman reluctantly did blushing and smiling, the nurses all cooed and touched his head. One after the next fawned on him and told him having no hair made him look very handsome—and much older.

Tachibana's jaw dropped open wider and he looked around trying to make sense of the madness. He couldn't.

Amid the chaos he noticed for the first time, Ibu sitting off in a corner alone—forgotten.

Ibu said nothing as usual but he wiggled his fingers in a brief greeting. Tachibana wondered if anyone remembered him at all over the ruckus that was being made. Poor Ibu. It was almost like his friends were going out of their way to ignore him. Ibu was the one who was injured after all. Tachibana didn't know what happened, but Ibu's white school shirt was covered in blood. Ibu looked fragile and pale and when their eyes me, the freshman stood up. It looked like he was a little shaky on his feet so Tachibana's instinct was to go to help him. Despite his friends being all around Ibu looked completely alone in the world. Their eyes locked and Tachibana felt his heart go out to the guy. Whatever happened must have been bad, and his friends were all ignoring him when they should have been helping and comforting him.

For a moment, Tachibana remembered the last time he was in a hospital. He had been waiting for news in a very hostile environment with no one on his side. No one except Yasuo. If Yasuo hadn't been there, Tachibana is sure he would have gone crazy with grief. He might have even hit some of the people who challenged him to a fight as soon as they noticed him there. He would have fought them and probably lost on purpose just to try to right things, but Yasuo, loyal to a fault Yasuo, quietly asked him not to. He asked Tachibana to go home together with him. Yasuo stopped the fight by pointing out to everyone there was nothing more there they could do. That hurting Tachibana for what happened wouldn't undo any of the damage done. All they could do was wait and see.

Yasuo is the one who made Tachibana realize he was making things worse just by being there. Tachibana was angry. No, furious with Yasuo for making him feel stupid. He grew even more enraged with Yasuo for the way he finally tricked Tachibana into leaving by saying they would just stop by home for a change of clothes. Only when they were out the hospital doors and down the street did Tachibana realize they weren't going to be returning. That Tachibana's presence was making things worse for everyone and Yasuo knew it so he was dragging Tachibana home.

They walked home in silence. Tachibana was so angry and upset he could barely see straight and it was only Yasuo walking beside him that kept him going in the right direction. His smaller roommate matched him step for step. Yasuo said nothing the entire way. He didn't make a sound. They walked the entire way. They never even talked about getting a cab or hopping on a train. Nearer home after all this walking, Tachibana started to calm down.

He realized Yasuo was right to make him leave. Tachibana was a stupid, angry, malevolent idiot. All he was good for was destroying things and hurting people who didn't deserve it. People relied on him and cared about him and all Tachibana did was let them down. He figured Yasuo never wanted to talk to him again after what he had done—there was no way they were ever fooling around or anything like that ever again. It was over. Everything was over. With one clever shot Tachibana ruined everything and there was nothing he could do to fix any of this. Tachibana knew he was going to lose his only friend in the world, and hell he deserved it after the monster he had become did so much damage when unleashed.

As they walked towards home Tachibana went from being furious at Yasuo to now only feeling bitterly angry and disappointed in himself. Yasuo leaving him that night and not wanting to be his friend ever again hurt so much that he still felt the pain of that loss stuck in the middle of his chest now sucking the life out of him. It hurt worse than anything. It hurt worse than Fuji. It still hurt to think about it now.

Even though that wasn't what happened.

Instead, when they got safely to their room, Tachibana was surprised to see Yasuo had been crying. He never cried—not even when he was badly hurt. He once saw Yasuo get his kneecap smashed to pieces during a match. His roommate never shed a tear when that happened. Hell, he wanted to keep playing but their coach stopped the match. Tachibana wasn't even aware how bad his injury was until later when the doctors said Yasuo needed surgery, but that night walking together from the hospital silently, Yasuo must have been weeping. His face was tear stained and puffy—a mask of sorrow and loss.

He waited to hear Yasuo say that he couldn't stand Tachibana anymore and that it, whatever it was that they had and whatever it was that they were to each other, was now over. Yasuo would tell him that he finally figured out what a bastard his roommate was and to get the hell out. He waited for Yasuo to tell him to go sleep somewhere else that night and that he never wanted to see Tachibana again, but that didn't happen. Before Tachibana could respond or say he would get his things and go. Before he could even do that to try to cling to just a shred of his pride, Yasuo was clutching him tightly.

Tachibana protested. He told Yasuo to let go. He told his roommate he would leave. He tried to push Yasuo away. He thought in his heartache Yasuo was just doing this because he felt he had to. Tachibana would not let someone pity him. He said it was fine and that he understood. He understood it was for the best although he felt his heart breaking worse than it ever had.

He didn't tell Yasuo that.

Tachibana never said how bad it hurt or how bad he knew it was going to hurt for Yasuo to let him go, but it scared the hell out of him because he didn't think this time he would recover. Not like he had from Fuji because this time he wouldn't have Yasuo at his side. Tachibana bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying. He bit down so hard he tasted the salty copper tang of his own blood and still had a scar back there. He refused to cry. Yasuo didn't deserve to see him weak like this after discovering what a ruthless monster bastard he was. He didn't want Yasuo to feel guilty.

Yasuo didn't say a word. He just kept holding onto Tachibana with his damn strong hands. He held on to him so tightly that Tachibana realized he would have to hurt him to break his grip and pry his hands away. For a smaller guy, Yasuo was incredibly strong when he wanted to be. And that's around when Tachibana realized that Yasuo was being strong and holding him—not letting him go because he wanted to. He wanted to hold Tachibana. Wanted to be there for him. Wanted to...

Tachibana shook off the memory because he realized he was standing there in the hospital stupidly staring at the scene unfolding before him because he was stuck in the past again. Hell, he could call Yasuo later that night to talk to him instead of putting it off like he had been. He didn't know why the hell he kept putting it off. He wanted to talk to him, didn't he? He did. Hell, remembering back then just now made him miss Yasuo for a moment with an almost overwhelming ache.

Almost. Because it was an ache he promptly put aside.

Again.

He had to focus and handle this terrible situation right here and now. This was no time to drift off into things that already happened. He went to go to Ibu to help him. Tachibana decided after he helped Ibu, he would reprimand the other freshmen for ignoring him. But before he could move, Ibu shook his head silently no. Tachibana had barely taken a step towards the freshman when he was told no and stopped short.

His urge had been to go over and hold on to Ibu like Yasuo had done for him. Just hold him in his arms, make Ibu feel safe, and let him know someone cared about him. Someone cared a lot about him. Ibu might cry. Tachibana knew that and decided he was okay with it. He cried. That night when Yasuo held him. It had taken a long time, but eventually Tachibana broke and a flood of tears poured out of him. He ruined everything and they both knew it.

Yasuo didn't say a word for what felt like hours. Tachibana cried in racking sobs that hit so hard that he pulled the both of them down to the floor, but Yasuo held him firmly even then. Eventually when Tachibana's tears wound down, probably because he wept so much he cried himself dry, Yasuo kissed him.

He kissed his lips and his face as he held him. Instead of asking Tachibana why he was such a monster or why he had to ruin everything they had that was so good, all Yasuo said was Tachibana's given name. Over and over again he whispered it as he kissed him, "Kippei...Kippei...Kippei..." Yasuo didn't say it in a singing kind of baby comforting way or in a fake everything is okay way, but in the sweetest way possible. Every time he said Tachibana's name, Yasuo was letting Tachibana know that he was okay with what happened. He accepted what happened and even the consequences. Yasuo was saying he would stick by his side. Yasuo was saying he forgave Tachibana even if Tachibana wasn't able to forgive himself yet. If ever.

Okay, so Tachibana wasn't going to let things with Ibu go that far or anything, but he wanted to be there for the freshman like Yasuo had been there for him. Tachibana figured he could just hug the freshman and let him know that even after whatever happened, he was okay and everything was going to be all right. Apparently Ibu didn't even need him to do that. Tachibana felt stupid and useless as he stood there. His feelings were hurt, not to mention his pride. He wondered why the hell he was even there. He should be on his way to school before he was late. Maybe he should just leave and he wondered if anyone would notice if he left. Or care.

He also noticed that Kamio had blood on his shirt. It must have been Ibu's blood. Kamio now held an ice pack in one hand that the nurses kept laughingly reminding him to put on the back of his head.

In the maelstrom of activity, a passing nurse accidentally knocked over a huge stack of papers and Ishida was blushingly helping her pick them up. Eventually everyone else within earshot seemed to join in helping with the cleanup. Even waiting patients and people just watching moved to help. Everyone was participating in Kaimo's jokes and the rest of the freshmen's antics and it looked like a comedy sketch from one of the stupid shows Tachibana's little sister and grandmother liked. They were all laughing and smiling like the freshmen were a comedy team sent in to entertain everyone that day. Everyone except for Tachibana and Ibu.

Several of the nurses and even one doctor were all laughing along with the freshmen as Kamio told a story about when the freshmen were kids in a club learning archery. It was a story Kamio told to Tachibana before so he knew how it went. Somehow by accident Kamio shot Ibu in his left butt cheek with an arrow during their archery lesson. The arrow even with a blunt tip hit its mark. It stuck there like a peacock's plume and Ibu ended up needing to have it removed and get several stitches. He still had a scar and although Tachibana never saw it, Kamio said it was a heart and Ibu's future wife was going to wonder what girl Ibu once got a tattoo for. The way Kamio told it this time though with everyone focused on Kamio and laughing at Ibu, Ibu might as well not even been in the room.

Ibu was smiling, but the smile never reached his eyes.

Tachibana wondered what the hell all this was about. Why everyone, especially the freshmen were completely ignoring Ibu. Was it a strategy? Why? What could it possibly do? What could it...?

Slowly, it dawned on Tachibana that maybe the entire thing was done to distract the adults from Ibu—although Tachibana had no idea why.

Within the flurry of activity, stories, and laughter somehow the group of freshmen paid for both Kamio and Ibu's treatments. They paid in cash so fast Tachibana wasn't sure which one of them actually paid. He guessed only by the speed it was Kamio who settled the bill.

Just after they met Kamio told Tachibana the freshmen all pooled their meager amounts of money together and shared everything they had. Birthday money, gifts, and anything else got thrown together into a communal pile. The subject of money came up when Kamio asked to borrow some of Tachibana's video games and CDs. He discussed arranging a trade if the junior needed or wanted anything that the freshmen had. Kamio explained how if one of them got a new CD, movie, book, video game, or anything Ibu was very good at making everyone copies. The original would be re-sold for cash. Kamio joked he ended up being the treasurer but Ibu was the banker. He said the freshmen did better when they kept their financial assets liquid and pooled for rainy days. Apparently today was a rainy one.

Luckily, from the instructions Tachibana overheard the nurse giving Kamio, it seemed Kamio did not have a concussion. All he had was just a painful knot on his head which he kept forgetting to hold the cold pack to. The nurse who seemed to have the stern face when Tachibana walked in with Ishida now actually giggled as Kamio brushed his hair out of his eyes and flirtilly said to her that he should warn her he had a hard head and a soft heart.

Ibu's injury apparently was more serious judging by the amount of blood on their clothes. Tachibana listened closely to the instructions on how to care for the stitches and what the nurses were saying. Something or someone cut Ibu behind his ear so that when he and Kamio first walked into the hospital, as one nurse joked, "...your friend's poor ear was hanging off his head. Imagine a good kid like that getting mugged for his lunch money. What is the world coming to?"

With several more jokes and laughs, somehow the freshmen got Ibu out of there. They got the staff to give them a written excuse for being late for school. They even were able to dismiss the stern nurse's who insisted that Ibu's parents come to pick him up.

She said Kamio could return to school with his friends, but Ibu should go home and rest. The nurse said she would call Ibu's parents to come get him, but Uchida was the first to respond. He stopped debating the doctor long enough to coolly lie. He said Ibu's mom didn't have a car and if they called she would be very worried.

Before anyone could ask any other questions and having a sudden inkling that this was what they freshmen were trying to distract the adults from, Tachibana volunteered. He wasn't even aware he was going to lie, but somehow the words just flew out of his mouth. Tachibana knew he could sound older and more responsible when he needed to and he used that tone of voice to talk in.

He said he and Ibu lived right down the street—practically around the corner. He said as Ibu's senpai he could walk Ibu home before Tachibana returned to school and this way it wouldn't be a shock to his mom. The hospital staff at first resisted. That one gruff-faced nurse Kamio had been flirting the most with said she wasn't sure. She said Ibu really shouldn't be alone but Tachibana assured her the freshman wouldn't be. Tachibana promised her Ibu would be with him and then home with his family in under five minutes.

If someone insisted that an adult be called, Tachibana quickly thought to himself he could have the hospital call his home. His parents and his grandmother were out at work but his great-grandmother was home. Even at her age she was active and did most of his family's cooking while everyone else was busy working. The bonus was his great-grandmother pretty much refused to speak Japanese. She usually pretended she didn't understand it but he knew that she did. Tachibana just hoped if someone did call his house they didn't speak very much Cantonese. His great-grandmother loved to babble on and on for hours in her native tongue.

As luck would have it, after Tachibana volunteered to take Ibu home and mentioned again it was less than a block away, that stern nurse and the rest of the hospital staff agreed.

With big smiles plastered on all their faces he and the guys left. In the end, no one needed to call anyone's parents. Tachibana sent the freshmen on to class and went with Ibu to his home. It was the first time Tachibana had been there though he knew where it was from walking past it.

Ibu's house was a tiny old dwelling down an even older side street that was more alley than street. It was too narrow for even a small car to fit through. The house was small, with fading paint and looked dark because it rest in the shadows of larger multi-family dwellings all around it. It leaned more to the left side resting on the house next to it. It looked rundown, but outside there were lots of plants and it looked orderly and well maintained. Everything was neatly arranged as if a great effort was made to make what little someone had seem welcoming and presentable. When they got to the front door, Ibu bowed in thanks and went to go inside, but Tachibana insisted, "I promised everyone I would make sure you were all right. I'll stay with you for a while, that is, if you have no objections?"

Ibu shook his head no, shrugged, and gestured for Tachibana to step inside after he unlocked the front door. Tachibana noticed that the home seemed dark and empty. It had a feel as if no one lived there. Almost like it was abandoned and when he thought about it, sometimes that was the feeling he got from Ibu. As if he too was left behind, neglected, and forgotten. Ibu did not turn a hallway light on while they removed their shoes. The house slippers he loaned to Tachibana were soft but so well-worn they were almost worn through the soles. The house was cold, felt damp, and their every sound and footstep rang with a hollow echo.

As they entered the kitchen, Tachibana asked Ibu if he could use the phone. He figured he should call his great-grandmother and explain why he was missing school that day. He figured it would be better to say it was due to a classmate's illness. He had never gone to public school and had no idea if he was absent if they would try to call his home. At his old school, attendance was considered a student's responsibility, but at this one he was unsure of the rules. This way at least if the school did do anything his great-grandmother could tell his parents when they got home or if there were any questions. Tachibana knew his parents trusted him and they would understand probably without asking any questions. He had told his parents earlier he might be late coming home because he intended to try to get answers out of Kamio. Somehow ironically he ended up with Ibu who wouldn't say a word to him.

Ibu handed Tachibana his cell phone.

Tachibana wondered about it as he waved the portable phone away. He hated cell phones and detested that he had one. His family insisted he needed it. He never used it when he was away at school. He carried one but only used it a few times at school when he would have Yasuo meet him for dinner or something.

All the freshmen used their cell phones frequently and were on some pay as you use it plan Kamio showed Tachibana. They text messaged each other constantly. Every time Tachibana was with one or two of them, they text messaged the others at least once if not many more times.

Kamio and the other freshmen often text messaged Tachibana. He never answered. He thought texting was annoying. If you had something to say you could just call the person and it would take less time than trying to type out each message. He never sent anyone a text message in his life and was rather proud of that.

When they first met Kamio showed Tachibana how he and the other freshmen were on some combined pay as you use it plan that really cost much less than the one Tachibana and his family used. Tachibana's phone was paid for by his parents so he really couldn't switch to the freshman's plan. He explained this several times although Kamio still tried to get him to switch usually after a long sales pitch. Sometimes even now Kamio asked Tachibana to reconsider by saying his joining the freshmen would cost all the rest of them less every month. Kamio was quite a salesman. He offered Tachibana everything from a free phone to a month for free never getting that Tachibana hated his phone and never used it.

The only phone number he had programmed in was Yasuo's and that's only because his roommate put it in there for him. He didn't even know how, although Kamio offered to put all of their numbers in for him. Tachibana didn't see the point when he could just remembered their numbers. He remembered Yasuo's too but something wouldn't let him delete the entry. Not that he called the number much. He really should give Yasuo a call later today.

Since he moved back home the one who called Tachibana the most was his little sister. Usually she was calling to bother him with questions like when he was coming home, where he was, and who he was with. It was annoying. At least Yasuo never did that. Not even when they lived together. Now Yasuo sometimes called him and left messages. He usually just said hello and that Tachibana could call him back whenever he got around to it. Sometimes he noticed Yasuo called and didn't leave a message. He was probably busy. No pressure. That was nice.

Anyway, for a guy who never talked and who was supposed to be so short on money, why would Ibu even have a cellular phone? It confused Tachibana and he often wondered who answered Ibu's phone for him. On accident one time Tachibana called Ibu to tell the freshmen that he was going to be five minutes late meeting them in the morning because his sister that day had a morning club meeting. She got in the bathroom first and took so long doing her hair and things he couldn't get in the bathroom to even brush his teeth. Kamio smoothly answered Ibu's phone and talked as if it was his own. It wasn't until he was on his way to see them when Tachibana realized on accident he'd called Ibu and not Kamio. Their numbers were only one off from each other. All the freshmen's were. Kamio said that was part of the deal from the store they got their phones and the plan at. It was owned by the father of a childhood friend of theirs that now went to another school somewhere else. They were no longer friends, but they still got a discount.

Still he wondered if Kamio wasn't around, who answered Ibu's phone and said hello?

Ibu was looking at him so Tachibana explained, "I have a long distance call to make later today. It's going to be a long call probably and I don't want to waste any minutes on a local call. I'm just going to call my house to tell my parents that I'm with you and not going to be in sch..." As he talked, Tachibana picked up the receiver to Ibu's house phone and put it to his ear. There was no dial tone. He stated the obvious, "This phone doesn't work."

Ibu shook his head no and as Tachibana watched a blush spread along his face.

"Do any of your home phones work?" Talking to Ibu was like playing twenty questions. The only thing more annoying was trying to get Yasuo to admit when he was mad or upset about something stupid Tachibana inadvertently did. When Yasuo was mad it was often like talking to Ibu, Tachibana realized. You had to ask a million questions while he sat there silently and would occasionally hint by shrugging when you got close to what was bothering him. He wondered if it was his practice with Yasuo that made it easier for him to get to know Ibu. "What if someone needs to reach you or the school calls or something?"

Ibu shook his head no and shrugged. He pointed to his cell phone and handed it again to Tachibana.

Tachibana gave up and dialed his home number on Ibu's phone. When his great-grandmother answered, Tachibana quickly filled her in and told her she could call him if she had any questions, but otherwise he would try to give her an update later. He was just getting off the phone with her when Ibu gestured to get his attention and pointed to the tea kettle on the stove. It was only then that Tachibana noticed how many stumps of burned down candles were spread all around the room. A few on every surface it seemed.

Tachibana shrugged and then remembered Ibu was supposed to be resting, "Sure, but you sit down and let me do that. You're supposed to be resting. Thank you for letting me use your phone."

He handed the phone back to Ibu who set it on a counter next to a charger but not in it. He wondered if the power was out and glanced at the stove to make sure it was gas and not electric. It was. There was water in the kettle so he turned the burner under it on. Tachibana thought Ibu was going to protest or not budge but after a moment of being stubborn, the freshman did sit finally down.

The counter tops were bare so he asked, "Where do you keep your tea...?" Tachibana opened the first cabinet to find it was completely empty. He opened the one next to it to find it was the same. He opened the next but all that was in there were some plates and cups. He started opening cabinet after cabinet and other than utensils, pots, or candles he found nothing. No tea, no food, and nothing else. Not even any spices. He opened the refrigerator and Ibu was on his feet. Except for a large pot of what looked like water, there was nothing in the refrigerator. Or the freezer. In fact, they must have been unplugged because the light was off in both and there was no sense of cold coming from either.

He closed the doors to find Ibu standing there with his head hanging down as if in shame. His face was red again in a blush.

Angry and worried Tachibana demanded to know, "What have you been eating?"

Ibu gestured to the top of the refrigerator. There was a box that was one of those huge industrial packages of instant ramen noodles. The gross too-salty kind laden with chemicals instead of anything nutritious that you had to choke down once you were over the age of five. Tachibana reached in the box. There was one packet left and a small resealable bag with three tea bags in it. The tea was the cheap brand their school used. Tachibana suddenly suspected Ibu had been drinking tea-less tea—hot water during the week and pocketing the bags for...? Really, he had no idea why. It was all strange. And heartbreaking.

Ibu was gesturing that he would "cook" his last ramen packet for Tachibana and the junior knew that the freshman was most likely starving. He probably hadn't eaten anything since the day before unless he ate one of these disgusting ramen things for dinner the night before. Thinking of yesterday, Tachibana remembered how everyone gave Ibu some of their lunch. They always did. Ibu never brought or bought lunch.

When Tachibana asked why Kamio with a shrug joked that Ibu was their garbage disposal and never let anything go to waste. Why Ibu's friends didn't know how bad things were, or why if they did know they didn't do anything, Tachibana had no idea. But the freshman might have not eaten any dinner the night before either. Certainly nothing healthy or good.

"Where is the store nearest here?" Tachibana asked and tried to sound gentle. Yasuo always told him he was too abrupt when he spoke. He said Tachibana often sounded gruff when he didn't mean to. It was a bad habit.

Ibu looked at him confused, or perhaps exhausted. Tachibana turned the burner under the kettle to off. "Never mind, give me your house key. I'll be back in a little while, go get some rest." Ibu blinked at him. He looked even a little unsteady on his feet. He still had his bloody school clothes on. "Come on. Your room is this way?" There was only one hallway so it could only be in that direction. Tachibana put his arm around Ibu to steady him and lead him down the hall to his room. He tried to switch on the light when it occurred to him that indeed the lights were out. Tachibana wasn't sure if they were shut off for Ibu not paying the bill or if it was something the freshman did on his own. The small bedroom felt very cold but more lived in than the rest of the house. He managed to get a sleepy Ibu out of his clothes and back in his pajamas.

Adorably, even though he lived alone, the freshman folded his pajamas up and put them under his pillow to use again.

In fact, everything in Ibu's room was neat. Everything was exceptionally clean, but his entire room was comprised of basically things most people would have long ago discarded as trash or replaced. Certainly everyone Tachibana formerly went to school with. The students at his old school had nicer furniture in their dorms. Even Tachibana did although the better stuff he had actually was Yasuo's things that they shared.

It was almost literally a bed room. Ibu slept on a huge mattress that took up most of the space. It lay right on the threadbare and worn floor. Tachibana was surprised that Ibu didn't sleep traditional style since he was almost doing that anyway, but he didn't for whatever reason. There were more used unlit candles scattered everywhere but the majority were around around a table made of milk crates in one corner of the room. Tachibana guessed by the spine-split and dogeared books piled high this was where Ibu must do the majority of his studying. He must study while sitting on another milk crate which seemed to have only a thin worn square of cloth as a cushion.

On Ibu's bed there was only a top sheet, very worn and repaired in places, six old flat pillows piled up where one side of the bed touched the wall, and a very big very worn and repaired comforter. So repaired it looked like the Frankenstein of comforters. His room was freezing cold but the curtains were open to the little bit of daylight the buildings around his little house didn't steal. Tachibana folded the tattered blanket in half to let Ibu sleep under both halves for warmth, but before he was finished fixing it, Ibu snuggled between the halves with an exhaled contented little sigh. It seemed as if that was how he slept and he was comfortable. The freshman was clearly exhausted. He needed to rest and he needed to eat.

Tachibana took Ibu's bloody shirt and uniform and went to stand up. Ibu grabbed his arm though and looked up at him in question.

"I'll be back in a little while. I want you to rest while I'm gone. Don't worry, okay? I'll leave your phone here right next to you in case you need to reach me for anything. Is there anything you need? Or anything you would like me to bring you?"

Ibu was looking at him dazed and half-awake as if the questions were strange ones.

Tachibana smoothed his hair back, and when he got Ibu settled back down he was finally able to notice all the tiny ugly black stitches that ran up behind the freshman's ear. Why someone would hurt this sweet, gentle soul Tachibana had no idea. It made him angry and afraid for Ibu and the other freshmen, both at the same time. They were doing the best they could. They didn't deserve this. It wasn't fair. Not when other people had so much and never appreciated it.

On impulse, Tachibana kissed his temple after he smoothed back his hair a little more, "I'll be back before you know it. Rest now. If you need me for anything just call my phone and I'll come running right back. I won't be long or far."

He stood and closed the curtains. "I'll be back soon," he promised and closed the door to Ibu's cold, dark room.

------------------------------

More soon! XD

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Five ~ Shishido

2007-01-03T09:42:24Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Five ~ Shishido
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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"Yes, it...it doesn't feel bad, Shishido-san, just...just kind of strange...or different...and I always like when you touch me, but..." Choutarou licked his lips as if gathering up his courage, "Can I...May I do it to you, Shishido-san?"

"Because of Atobe?" Shishido heard himself sound much harsher than he intended. He shrugged to make it seem like a small thing, "He never did this to me, and like I said, I never did this to him."

Choutarou looked down, "Not just because of him, but more because I..." Choutarou met his eyes, "I want to know what you like, Shishido-san. A little because of him. Because he did other things to you and I want to be the last person to touch you. Just like...if Takeo did those kinds of things to me you'd want to be the last person to touch me, right Shishido-senpai? And I'd want you to be. I mean, even if we had sex all the way right now, I wouldn't tell Atobe-san or anyone because it's not any of their business. I don't want to do it just so I can tell him I did, but it would matter because...because in my heart I'd know I was the last one to make you feel good. That's really why. That's...I just want that...I want to be the person to make you feel really good. Better than anyone, Shishido-san. That's why I want you to...come the same time that I do. If you come with me I think nothing would feel better than that. Us doing that together to me would feel the most like making love even without having sex all the way." Choutarou shrugged as if he ran out of words finally, "May I touch you, Shishido-senpai? Earlier you said I could touch you where I wanted, and where I want is anywhere you wouldn't let someone who wasn't...special to you. Somewhere that makes you feel really, really good. That...that would make me happy. So happy that it wouldn't matter what any girls or even Atobe-san said tomorrow or ever, because in my heart, I'd know."

Shishido thought it over. He tried to weigh the consequences, "Baby, if we do things like this, I might pass out again. I won't mean to or be able to help it. I've never done things like this with anyone else, so I'm not sure. I don't know if I can come with you because of that, but I want you to come even if I pass out and we don't get to together. But we have all the time in the world to practice that so even if it doesn't happen right now, we can some other time. But maybe there is something we can try together now. I haven't done this with anyone else..." Shishido had something in mind. It entered into his thoughts earlier, but he would never ask to do it or talk about it. Something he wanted and something he hoped would feel as good with someone else as when he rarely did it to himself. Rarely because it was so intense, he actually felt afraid. Something from that very hot drunken dream. Setting conditions helped Shishido feel in control and it also helped knowing Choutarou would just accept whatever it was, "But if we do this, you can't edge. You have to come. You have to try to come with me baby, but even if I pass out you still have to. Promise me you won't hold back. Or we can wait..."

"I promise, Shishido-san. I swear. And I won't worry if you pass out again because this time I'll know you're just feeling really good and I won't worry." If Choutarou was a puppy his tail would have been wagging furiously. He looked that eager and excited over this even without knowing yet what this was. "I won't hold back, I swear. Shishido-san, you've really never done this with anyone else before?"

"No." Shishido said and felt more embarrassed now that this might happen than how annoyed the word came out sounding. He combed his fingers through his hair to get it out of his way, "This isn't the kind of thing you'd ask a girl to do with you, but I was thinking, I don't know. I guess in a way...this is a way for you to pass Atobe. In a way, even though we wouldn't be having sex, you'd be doing more with me than he did. Not that I want you to tell him we did any of this."

"I won't." Choutarou eagerly promised. "I won't tell anyone, Shishido-san. Not ever. What do I need to do? And may I...can I please kiss you, Shishido-san?"

He looked so happy, Shishido smiled. He held Choutarou back from kissing him when the freshman reached for Shishido's lips with his own. "Wait, I just licked you," he warned. Choutarou looked confused Shishido felt he had to explain, "Some people don't like to kiss after you lick or taste them."

Choutarou's brow furrowed as if he was even more confused, "Why? I love kissing you, Shishido-san. Oh. Do you mind kissing after?"

Shishido kissed him and moved up to lay more on him, "No, I never mind kissing you. Actually," he looked into Choutarou's eyes for a long moment thinking only how amazing he was, "I really love kissing you too, baby." And Shishido did, except he didn't mean kissing. Both of them knew it. Shishido didn't even feel any pressure to hide his feelings or try to cover it up, instead he kissed Choutarou tenderly and sweet trying to show the freshman how he felt in actions instead of stupid words.

Without hesitating, Choutarou kissed him back, deliciously whimpering in his mouth. It was as if Choutarou agreed and kissed him back to show Shishido that he felt the same. It made the kiss feel and taste that much more meaningful.

While they kissed, Shishido moved them so he was on his back and Ohtori on his side as they kissed. He pulled back to look at Choutarou, "You're sure this is what you want to do, baby? If you don't want to, we can just do it how we did it before? We can save this for later."

"No...I mean yes, Shishido-senpai. Please, I want to do this. If it's okay with you and if you still want to with me?" It was just submissive enough to not feel threatening but also said with so much affection, Shishido felt reassured.

"Sure." Shishido said with a shrug, but it mattered to him. Choutarou just somehow knew it and Shishido liked that he didn't have to spell it out to him or talk about his feelings. "You know, thinking about what Atobe said," Shishido handed Choutarou his own lube in the small white jar. He absently set his own bottle back behind him on his cheap nightstand because they would use Choutarou's until the freshman's scratch healed. "He was wrong. He never did this to me and when we had sex, we always used a condom. No part of him or his skin actually touched inside me. Not like how he said to you. Look, I'm not saying I'm a virgin or anything, and I don't think we're ready to have sex yet or anything, but I thought...well, while we're touching each other like we did before and you touch me inside, you know with your finger inside me while we do it? If we kiss and try to come together? I can't think of doing anything more intimate than doing that together. The only person in the world I would do this with or want to do this with is you, baby. What do you think?"

Choutarou looked confused, "Okay, Shishido-san, but you'll have to show me what you mean because it sounds like something that I've never done before and...I...I don't want to hurt you, but if you help me, I want to." Choutarou smiled, "But the kissing and coming together parts sound good and I want you to feel good."

"I guess it sounds more complicated than it is. Okay, I'll walk you through it." Choutarou nodded looking serious and determined so Shishido continued, "First get some lube. We'll use yours until you're healed in case mine stings your scratch. Put some on yourself for me, baby." Choutarou did looking embarrassed to touch his own waning erection. "That's it. Now make sure you're good and hard for me, okay? Gods, that is so hot baby, watching you touch yourself. Are you all nice and hard and slicked up for me? Good, now do me." Choutarou touched him soft at first and then when Shishido kissed him, more confidently. Shishido kissed the freshman because he had to. Choutarou touched him better than he touched himself. Whatever this lube was, it almost melted into the skin and Choutarou spread it all over his erection, testicles, and even pulled down Shishido's foreskin to slick his sensitive tip up. "Mmm...it feels so amazing when you touch me, baby."

Choutarou kissed him with a lot of tongue and whispered soft and sexy, "I love touching you, Shishido-san..." He had sweetly thrown one of his legs over Shishido's as if he couldn't resist getting closer or touching more.

Shishido grinned, "I love you touching me too, baby." Choutarou rewarded him with an adorable giggle and Shishido added, "I love touching you even more though. Okay, next part. I want you to lube up your index finger really well. Where are you going?"

"Other side, Shishido-senpai. I'm right-handed. Oh, but there's an indent from my bow on my finger and people don't like to touch it...?" Choutarou bit his bottom lip in worry.

Shishido kissed it away and then kissed him until he settled back into the same position he was on the opposite side a minute earlier. "It's fine. Don't worry, baby I love every part of you and touching every part of you. Is this side better for you now?"

"Yes, Shishido-san." Choutarou lubed up the finger on his right hand as if it was a serious matter. "And now? Is this right?"

"Yeah," Shishido felt shy all of a sudden. He hesitated, but was sort of committed at this point. He took the freshman's hand between his own legs and placed it just on his own entrance. "Okay, take your index finger and gently just touch me around there on the outside. Good. Just spread some of the lube from your finger around like you are."

He looked at Choutarou who seemed to be somewhere between captivated and determined, "Okay, Shishido-san?"

"Yes. Good." Shishido resisted the urge to move his hair behind him and the newest urge he had to kiss Choutarou. He decided to not resist and when he didn't say anything for a moment, finally Choutarou looked at him. Shishido kissed him. His heart was beating hard. He wasn't even sure Choutarou really knew what they were going to do, but the freshman seemed to. He knew by now, right? Shishido softly kissed him again and decided he was ready. They were ready, "Okay baby, now with just that finger, go inside me gently. Go slow please, and just in for right now. Not in and out. Just slowly into me. I haven't done this in a while and no one has ever done this to me or been with me." Choutarou so slowly moved his finger in. Shishido tried to relax like he learned to with Atobe. Choutarou was just going really slow. Sort of like he was afraid or unsure so Shishido asked, "How does it feel inside me?"

"H...hot. It's very hot. Like...the temperature inside you I mean, and dolce...soft. You feel so soft there. And it's hard to move. It's very...tight. Shishido-san, even doing this pianissississississimo, I think my finger might be too fat to fit in you." Choutarou's face was full of both wonder and worry.

Shishido kissed him and when the freshman resisted concentrating on the kiss, Shishido kissed him more and touched Choutarou's erection. "I have no idea what half of what you just said was, but don't worry. You won't hurt me. And you don't have fat fingers. It will fit. It stretches. You'll see. Just keep going like you're doing."

"But I can't go in any more, Shishido-san. That's as far in as it can go."

Shishido smiled, "You're barely inside me, baby. You just need to relax me. Know how?"

A frowning Choutarou shook his head no.

"Kiss me, baby." Shishido kissed Choutarou and parted the freshman's lips with his tongue. He pulled back to instruct a little more, "To relax me you have to tell me you want me. Tell me you want to be with me. Tell me you want to be mine and you want me to be yours. Touch me. Make me feel good. Let me touch you more and make you come with me." A sudden rush of heat washed over Shishido as he realized Choutarou was touching him and was inside him. Damn. That was so unbelievably hot. He kissed Choutarou passionately, almost desperately and when Choutarou kissed him back and gently started touching his erection, Shishido moaned with want.

Choutarou looked at him as if wondering why he was suddenly so turned on, but Shishido couldn't find the words. The only thing he could coherently say right then came out in a growl, "I want you. Baby, I want you so much..."

"Oh." Choutarou looked at him as if surprised, "Now I can move in you more, Shishido-san. Am I doing okay?"

"Yeah, baby. Don't stop. It feels good. Real good." Shishido reached to kiss him again. He realized his hand on Choutarou's erection was barely moving so he started moving it more and added his other hand to caress Choutarou's testicles. He loved to feel their weight in his hand and Choutarou moaned at his touch in one of those soft whimpers. "That's it baby. More more inside me. Hey, wait a second, want to know what the prostate feels like? Don't push on it or you can make me come without an orgasm, okay? If you can't find it, don't worry. It's not easy to find, but it feels like you're close. It will feel sort of like a walnut but it might be swollen too. If you touch it, it'll make me feel good if you do it lightly, but if you touch it too hard, it won't be good, okay?"

"Okay, but I don't feel...oh. Do you mean this, Shishido-san?" Choutarou softly touched right on it but with this light, gentle stroking touch that was unlike anything Shishido ever felt before.

Shishido thought he was going to die of pleasure. He heard himself moan and he fought to not come right then. "Yeah...baby...gods..." He cursed and was almost panting. "Wait...don't do anything...don't move...in or out...but...baby, kiss me..." Shishido tried to just focus all his will and heart on this kiss. He was close to coming because of how hot it was for the freshman to be doing this to him and because Choutarou found his prostate right away. Shishido cursed silently to himself because if he had thought ahead he should have guessed Choutarou had sensitive fingers being a musician and all. Through the kiss, Shishido kept stroking Choutarou's erection. He was trying to bring the freshman as close as he was. Shishido knew one thing that might work. "Baby, can you not touch me for a little while? I want you to take your one finger out of me slowly and use your first two fingers together."

"My...my index and my middle finger, Shishido-san? Why? They won't fit...it's too small there and my...my fingers are too big...I don't want to hurt you..."

Shishido tried to kiss the worry away. "Shh...you won't hurt me baby. It feels good. It feels so good that I'm too close to coming. I'll try to get you caught up while you use both fingers inside me so that we can come together. Like you wanted. I want to. I want to come with you, baby. Will you try for me, please? I'll tell you if it hurts, but you won't hurt me, don't worry. Want to come with you, Choutarou..." He reached to try a different stroke on Choutarou.

Choutarou looked suddenly shy and flushed with heat, "Ohh...that feels good how you're touching me now, Shishido-san."

"Yeah?" Shishido gave him a long, hot kiss. "It feels amazing when you touch me, baby. Almost too good. You're incredible, Choutarou."

Choutarou smiled and bit his bottom lip in that happy, pleased way he had. Shishido still kissed it away because he could. When the kiss broke, Choutarou said, "I'll go slow, Shishido-san and I'll tell you when I'm close so you can tell me when to touch you again, okay?"

"Yeah, baby. Gods, you're so hot." Shishido kissed him and felt Choutarou gently, slowly withdraw his finger. Two started touching around his entrance before slowly pressing into him. Words seemed to have an effect on Choutarou so between deep wet kisses, Shishido talked. "Mmm...that feels good baby. You know just how to touch me. Kiss me more, baby. You feel so good. You taste even better." Choutarou whimpered as Shishido sucked on his tongue. He scraped his teeth against Choutarou's lower lip. "I want to make you feel so good, baby. I want to feel you come. I want to hear the sounds you make when you come. I want to taste it."

Choutarou whimpered a groan and then said, "I'm inside you. My fingers are inside you, Shishido-san."

This seemed to turn him on a lot so Shishido went with it, "Yeah you are, baby. You're touching me deep inside me. Skin on skin. Deeper than any one has ever touched me. Move your fingers for me baby. Gently in and out of me while I touch you. Gods Choutarou, just like that. Damn that feels so good. Baby, you're so hot you can probably make me come without you even touching my dick, you know that? Move your fingers for me now. In and out and oh yeah...like that. Just like that. That's good. Find a rhythm, your rhythm. The one you do when you touch yourself or when I touch you. When you jerk off or when you fuck there's always a rhythm. Everyone has one. Show me yours, baby. Mmm...yeah...just like that...that feels good. You feel so good moving in and out of me. Moving in and out of my body. Making me feel so good. I want to know your rhythm, baby and I want you to know mine." Shishido kissed him and tried to match the kisses to the motions inside him Choutarou was making. It was starting to feel damn good and Shishido was feeling close again. Close to coming but not close to...that. He was a little disappointed and then he reminded himself he would at least get to see Choutarou's orgasm. "Mmm...baby that feels so good..."

And then he felt it.

He didn't know what Choutarou was doing different or why, but suddenly it was exactly damn right. The blood started to pound in Shishido's ears and he whimpered a moan of his own because it was just damn right and he was so close to...that. Shishido heard himself moan and it came out sounding like a growl, "Ha...yeah...don't stop baby...keep doing...exactly what you're doing...gods...just like that...mmm..." Shishido wanted it. Wanted it to be with Choutarou. Hoped he didn't feel like an idiot when it was over but right now...damn he wanted it so much and it was so close he couldn't resist chasing it. He moved suddenly shoving Choutarou over on his back and getting on top. Shishido did it so fast he heard Choutarou gasp, but the freshman's fingers stayed inside him. After a split second they kept moving perfectly, "Keep moving baby...just like that...yeah...so damn good baby..." Shishido pushed back on Choutarou's fingers to chase the feeling more. At the same time he put his erection on top of Choutarou's and started stroking both of them together. Like they were riding each other's erections.

Shishido had never done this before, but it was almost a primal urge that he couldn't help but respond to. His wet tip and this slick melting lube helped him slide as he ground down against Choutarou's hard hot erection and then at the end, Shishido pushed back to meet those fingers moving so damn nicely inside him. "Hell yeah, baby. You feel so amazing. Don't stop. Want you to come. Come for me baby, don't hold back. Don't hold anything back from me..."

Choutarou looked close but worried. He looked away and then down.

Shishido kissed him before the freshman could bite his own lip, "You still worried about how much you'll come, baby?" How the freshman could even begin to worry about something like that at a time like this when he was doing that to Shishido, he had no idea. But he did have an inspiration, "Choutarou, don't you see? The more you come, the more it means you want me. The more it means you feel for me. Show me how you feel, baby. Show me with your body now and I'll show you, okay? Your body won't lie. Mine won't either. Come for me. Baby, I want you. I want you so much..." Somehow in Shishido rocking his body back or Choutarou moving his finger they found Shishido's prostate again and did that stroking dance over it. Shishido groaned, cursed, and felt himself start to shake. He cursed again because he wasn't going to be able to hold back and now he was worried about where he would land when he passed out. He shut his eyes and felt the room spin.

When he opened them again an instant later, somehow Choutarou was above him and he was flat on his back. His fingers were still inside Shishido moving...dancing...touching... Now Choutarou's hips were moving and he was grinding down against Shishido's erection and moving his fingers on the back swing at the same rhythm. Shishido moaned and Choutarou kissed him. "Like this, Shishido-san?" If it was anyone else, Shishido would have hit them for teasing him and getting the upper hand at a delicate moment. Choutarou looked down at him so adoringly, there was no way his smile was smug. "Like you showed me, Shishido-senpai? With you. I won't hold back..."

But his fingers inside Shishido kept moving again and again over that spot and hitting right there, "Gods, baby...just like that...faster...faster...yeah...baby, I..."

Choutarou covered his mouth with a kiss. Shishido was at the point of whimpering he was so close and trying so hard to not come. The freshman made a whimpering sound and then another. "Oh...Shishido-san...I'm going to...now...with me now..." In a whimper he said whisper-soft, "Ryou..."

Shishido felt him coming. Felt it hit across his chest in hot, sweet droplets, but he was only distantly aware of it because Choutarou's fingers inside him moved somehow different...faster...even better...oh gods...there...over the edge. This orgasm hit Shishido hard and came from somewhere deep inside his body. He felt everywhere in him and on him shaking and he wouldn't be surprised if later he found out there was an earthquake under them at the same time. He was barely aware of cursing and saying things like, "Baby... oh gods...oh Choutarou..."

The only thing he was sure of was Choutarou was coming and kissing him and touching him and holding him close. Shishido even thought before the wave finally hit him fully and he was gone he might have heard Choutarou say, "Go. Go and come back to me..."

When Shishido opened his eyes, he found Choutarou in his arms smiling and looking at him. When their eyes met, Choutarou smiled wider. Shishido pulled him closer and kissed him. He kissed him for a long time. Long enough for Choutarou to slowly withdraw his fingers. Long enough for them to roll around the bed a little more and somehow snuggle even closer. "You're amazing, baby. You are absolutely amazing." Shishido said when he could find his voice, meaning every word.

Choutarou blushed and smiled, "Shishido-san that was..."

"Yeah, baby it was." Shishido was smiling and had to keep from laughing at how damn good that felt because he knew somehow Choutarou would feel embarrassed by how intense that was. He figured that Choutarou might even be embarrassed remembering that at the end he took control from Shishido. Like Shishido cared about that. Little thrills of lingering pleasure made Shishido shudder now and again as they kissed like aftershocks.

It felt incredibly intense. Even better than that drunken dream. It really was an earthquake-worthy orgasm and now all Shishido felt was sated, spent, and like snuggling. It felt like he couldn't get close enough to Choutarou or get enough of his touch, his smile, his body, or his mouth.

On impulse Shishido licked his wettest hand tasting both that melty lube and a distinct salty-sweet flavor that could only be Choutarou. Choutarou smiled a little at that and did the same thing. Then Choutarou kissed him as if mixing the two of them together in their mouths. To maybe to prove a point that he didn't mind kissing after. He wasn't sure and the kiss was so sweet Shishido forgot to ask.

Shishido kissed him a long time and ignored the uncomfortable wet pool between them mostly on Shishido's abs. To clean them up, Shishido broke the kiss and Choutarou looked shyly away. He wondered how long it would take before Choutarou was no longer like that with him and decided to do whatever he could to reassure him now. "Choutarou? Baby, are you all right?" Choutarou nodded but wouldn't look at him so Shishido asked, "No more pain, right?"

Now Choutarou looked at him surprised. He must have forgotten they supposedly started all this because it hurt but the truth was, they both wanted to do that. That and more.

Shishido kissed him hard now that he had his attention, "Choutarou, gods, that was so hot. You are so hot," Shishido kissed him again. "You said my name when you came. My name makes you come. Damn you're incredible, baby." Shishido smiled and held Choutarou close. He wasn't sure if he needed a moment after an orgasm to come back to himself like Atobe always did after he came or if the freshman was suddenly sad thinking of his dead friend.

Choutarou said shyly, "Shishido-san, it was all right? I did it okay?"

"No." Shishido said teasingly, "Not all right, incredible." He thought for a moment, "Next time though you have to show me how to touch you better. I want to know how to make you feel as good as you made me feel. Okay?"

"N..next time?" Choutarou sounded surprised.

Now Shishido worried, "Unless I was terrible and you don't want to do it anymore? Did I do something...?"

"N...no Shishido-san, I liked it. I really liked it. Its just..." Choutarou smiled, "I didn't know if you would want to do it again."

"Well I do. Of course I do. That was amazing." He kissed Choutarou lightly and then Shishido pulled his pants the rest of the way off. Somehow they'd stayed wrapped around one of his ankles. Choutarou looked at him confused. "Don't move." Shishido used his pants to wipe the freshman off first and then himself. He balled his pants up and shot them towards his hamper without really looking, easily making the shot.

"Nice," Choutarou commented with a smile.

"Practice," Shishido said without thinking and was glad there was just the one light on in his room. He just admitted he did that on a regular basis. Shishido shrugged and smiled, "Now you know my bad habits too. Guess you might as well if you're going to live with me. You know, I haven't lived with anyone in a long time. I might have turned into a slob and if I am you'll have to let me know. Oh." Shishido had a thought, "Sorry. If you want I can go put some other clothes on to sleep in." He honestly hadn't thought about it which he considered sort of strange. He just felt comfortable around Choutarou and forgot that he probably shouldn't sleep naked. Why, he didn't know, but he was trying to be on his best behavior for the freshman.

Choutarou grinned, "Why? Then you'll really be overdressed, Shishido-san." Laughing, he whipped his pants off and threw them. They just caught the corner of the hamper as if to show Shishido he could make the hard shot too. Choutarou was a competitor after all.

Shishido laughed, "You don't sleep naked. I shocked the hell out of you when you walked in on me." He kissed Choutarou to soften the teasing.

"I used to before I came to Hyoutei. Around Taki I wear more clothes to sleep in." Choutarou grinned and surprised Shishido by pressing himself naked up against him and kissing him deeply. He said sounding completely turned on, "I don't just draw it. I also think about that a lot. That morning."

"Yeah? What do you think of?" Shishido was turned on again and curious.

"All the better ways I could wake you up, Shishido-san." Choutarou smiled and looked wicked again. The perfect innocent devil.

Shishido laughed and wondered what he just got himself into, "If I didn't have a match in a few hours, I'd want you to show me. But, baby you're welcome to the morning after our date...well I guess it's tonight. So tomorrow morning, you're welcome to wake me and show me." Shishido suggested with a half-smile while he reached up to click off his cheap clip-on light. He thought about saying sorry to Choutarou again for how bad some parts of the night went but he decided not to ruin the moment. He really liked how warm and willing Choutarou felt and responded as they kissed and cuddled. Choutarou was completely different from anyone Shishido had kissed or fooled around with before. Hell, he was completely different from anyone Shishido had feelings for before. Choutarou stretched during the kiss and Shishido figured he was tired. Still kissing him, he pushed Choutarou onto his back and curled up next to him like they had when they went to sleep to give Choutarou the hint that he should get some rest.

Choutarou slid his hand over Shishido's erection and smiled, "You're hard."

Shishido laughed and did it back to him, "So are you."

"And you're wet," Choutarou said. He kissed Shishido lightly while still smiling.

He said it as if this was a good thing so Shishido shrugged after the kiss and said, "Sorry. Can't help it. You turn me on too much. You know, since this is your fault, you'll have to take responsibility for this Choutarou," He wasn't sure why it hadn't happened in a long time but he was embarrassed about it. He would have moved away from Choutarou but the freshman's hand was cupping his testicles and holding part of his erection.

"Okay, Shishido-san, I will." Choutarou laughed in a delighted little chuckle. "So...um...Shishido-san? Is it okay if I hold you now?"

Shishido wasn't sure exactly what he meant, but then the freshman's hand on his erection moved to cup his testicles and erection, "This is holding? Oh. Like this when we sleep?" Choutarou wanted to hold him there...like that...while they slept? No one had ever done that before. It was a little strange but for some reason felt soothing too. Hell, Choutarou knew how to touch him better than he touched himself. Shishido shrugged, "Sure. Want me to hold you too? You'll have to show me how you like it."

Shishido rested his hand there and Choutarou moved it so it was more of a cradling hold than a clasping grip thing. Interesting. And oddly comforting. This was certainly new.

Choutarou was quiet for a moment and Shishido wasn't sure if he was going to sleep or thinking. "Shishido-san?" Shishido made a noise for him to go ahead. "Does sex..." Choutarou hesitated and Shishido wondered what he was going to ask. "Does it hurt?"

He hadn't expected that, "Did what we do hurt?"

Choutarou shook his head no and Shishido was relieved.

"You mean sex with a guy and not a girl, right?" Shishido needed the broad question narrowed.

Choutarou made a noise as if he wasn't sure how to answer. "All of it. What's sex like? Does it feel better than what we did?"

Shishido went to say yes and then sometimes and then his brain kicked in. "It's completely different...in a way. It's hard to describe. Sex with a girl doesn't hurt. Usually. Unless she's dry or bends you the wrong way or something. And with a guy, I'm really not the best person to ask. I've only done it one way with one guy and it was okay I guess, but what you and I did together tonight actually felt better." Shishido thought about it, "Both times. Especially the after part. And actually the before and the during parts. Hell, I don't know."

"Did your first time with a guy hurt?" Choutarou seemed terribly curious and Shishido figured the freshman had no one to talk to about this. Shishido knew he wasn't the best person to do this but Choutarou was probably as confused as Shishido had been in the beginning of when he was with Atobe.

"You really want to know this? I don't want you to be upset or jealous or anything." Shishido didn't and worried that it would be a huge turn off. "I'm jealous thinking of you doing what we did and kissing your friend so if you really don't want to know, I understand."

"Please tell me. I'm jealous, but you say I should ask you if I want to know something." Choutarou looked sincere and Shishido figured he had better tell him. The rumors were probably worse than the reality. He remembered how shocked Choutarou was when he told him how long ago the last time he had sex with Atobe actually was.

"Okay, the truth is, I don't really remember the first time. I was drunk. Too drunk for the one drink I had and I've always thought that he might have even put something in my drink." Choutarou moved. In the dim light it seemed like he was looking at Shishido in shock.

Shishido sighed. "Yeah, I know. I was really stupid back then. Anyway, all I do remember is that it hurt like hell. He just kind of did it without any warning or prep or anything and I was sore as hell there for days after. It was a long time before I was with him a second time and I dated a few girls in between."

Choutarou surprised him by saying their names. In order. Damn. He knew Shishido's past all too well it seemed.

Shishido shrugged. "Yeah. I dated the last one the longest. I don't know if I really liked her or if it was just to forget what happened. She's pretty, but boring. She doesn't have any hobbies or do much except school and cheering. I wasn't very nice to her and she kind of lay there dead and didn't move when we kissed so no way was I having sex with her. The meaner I was the more she seemed to like me and...I don't know...she was annoying and...it was just all messed up." Shishido sighed and ran his free hand through his hair still damp from their earlier shower in a nervous gesture. He tucked some of it behind his ear.

"Did it hurt the next time w...with him?" Choutarou sounded still very interested.

"Yeah," Shishido admitted, "But it doesn't have to. I've had sex that way with girls and if you think about it, that part of your body, its pretty much the same thing guy or girl. Everyone has one. I've never hurt anyone because you...you just take your time and make sure you don't hurt them. Like you did with me. I won't be sore tomorrow. What we did just felt good. Amazing actually." Shishido realized, "But if you're with someone who doesn't care about you or cares about themselves more than you then they won't...take care of you. Are you worried that sex hurts? Because it shouldn't and you should never let anyone hurt you. The person you're with should put you first. You should walk away from anyone who hurts you." Shishido practically heard the unasked question, 'Why didn't you?'

He didn't have an answer to that yet. Not really.

He was relieved when Choutarou didn't ask it. Instead he asked, "Shishido-san? Why does the bigger guy always have to be the seme? I didn't want to ask Gakuto, but is that a rule? Is he breaking a rule?" Shishido didn't expect that question or any of the next ones either. "And the older guy is usually the seme but sometimes he looks like a little boy and he's the uke but Gakuto said he's a good seme when he offered to have sex with me so did he think I would be the uke? Can you just tell when someone is an uke? Does it always have to just be one way? And what happens when both guys are around the same age and the same size? What are the rules? And what...?"

Shishido kissed him because if he didn't he would have laughed and hurt his feelings. When the long, tender kiss ended, he ran his hand through Choutarou's curly, soft, now sweat-damp hair and smiled at the freshman, "You've given this a lot of thought, baby. Way too much thought. And you've been spending too much time talking to Gakuto. You even picked up too his stupid damn accent."

Against him, Choutarou nodded very seriously and somehow managed to still sound adorably perplexed, "Sorry, Shishido-san, but I just wanted to know...?"

He pulled Choutarou into a hug, "It's okay, baby.You can ask me anything you want to." Shishido's heart went out to him especially because he'd had some of the same questions with Atobe. But back then there was no one for Shishido to talk any of this over with. He suddenly jealously caught something from back in the middle of Choutarou's questions, "And when the hell did Gakuto offer to have sex with you? That day he clung to your side and gossiped your ear off?"

Choutarou nodded but he felt the freshman's mouth against his cheek was now smiling. Probably at Shishido being jealous.

"He's as bad as Taki--no, he's probably worse!" Shishido made a noise to show his disgust of Gakuto. He forced himself to calm down because now was not the time to be angry at stupid Gakuto. He would threaten the little bastard later to stay the hell away from his Choutarou or else. That little shrimp saying Choutarou was the anti-sexy or whatever and then offering to have sex with him! He was dead tomorrow.

Shishido put his focus back on Choutarou for now, "Where did you get all this information from anyway? About these rules?" Shishido suspected where only because he'd done the same thing, "The internet? Rumors? Advice columns? Books? Manga?"

Choutarou nodded. Shishido suspected his face was deeply red. He felt Choutarou look down and away before he probably bit his lip.

Shishido thought a moment. "You've thought about making love? Us making love?"

Choutarou's head whipped up and in the dim light of his alarm clock, Shishido could see him. The freshman looked shocked at him, but his face could get no more red.

"I have," Shishido reassured him and nodded when Choutarou looked surprised at his confession. "Of course I have. We're guys. That's what you do when you like someone. You fantasize about being with them. Have you thought about us?"

Choutarou nodded and Shishido could practically feel the freshman's heart beating faster.

"Okay, when you think about us making love?" Shishido surprised himself by re-using that term because it sounded so old fashioned but it fit somehow, "When you fantasize, who is on top?"

Choutarou looked away and said, "I...I don't know. I...um...I don't think about the details, I guess..."

Shishido remembering what he said about the bigger and older guy suggested, "So you've thought about me? Making love to you, baby?"

Choutarou slowly nodded again, but wouldn't look at him.

Shishido found that sweetly interesting. Knowing what Choutarou was fantasizing about was hot and a bit of a thrill ran through Shishido at the images it stirred up. And positions. Like the one where he was on top facing him earlier. "And you were worried it hurt because what you saw looked like it hurt?"

Choutarou looked at him wide-eyed and nodded as if amazed that Shishido understood. He did because he'd had the same thoughts about a year before. And gone to the same sources. And ended up more confused after than before, because Shishido knew it could hurt like hell even though it didn't have to. Shishido eventually figured that hell, men had been doing that with other men for thousands of years so it had to feel good, but with Atobe, it never really did.

He could fix this for his little brother now though. Shishido said, "It doesn't hurt. Men have been with other men like that for thousands of years, so you know it has to feel good, right? People wouldn't do it if they hated it, right? And if it is me with you, baby, you know I will never hurt you. I'll even tell you a secret. The thing about being on the bottom that no one really talks about is that it feels incredibly good."

Choutarou looked stunned.

"You couldn't tell from what we just did that it felt really good?" Shishido looked at him surprised. "Have you ever thought of doing this with anyone else?"

Choutarou shrugged. He said haltingly, "My best friend wanted to try it. He wanted me on top of him but I didn't want to. It wasn't...right."

Shishido wondered if Choutarou was really a bottom. He didn't have much experience in these things but liked how Choutarou took charge earlier and thought Choutarou did too. Shishido previously just figured they would sort it out over time. Maybe even take turns. Who was on top was not the important thing but he kept his thoughts to himself and just curiously asked, "Did you want him on top?"

"No. I didn't want to have sex with him at all because I wasn't in love with him. He was in love with me though." Choutarou took a deep breath. "I knew I wasn't in love with him when I saw him having sex with that girl. I know he was jealous that I liked her and maybe he was trying to get her away from me because she liked me first." Choutarou sighed. "But that might not be true. I don't know why she did it but I think I know why he did. I think he thought if he could get her to have sex with both of us then I would have sex with him. He was using her. The thing is, I wasn't jealous of him having sex, I felt just relieved that he was moving on and I could too. I did feel jealous of him having sex with her because at the time I liked her. He knew I liked her and I was angry not just because of what he did but who he did it with and also because if he saw me do that, he would accuse me of cheating on him. I don't cheat." Choutarou said and Shishido wondered who it was he said it to.

He smiled, "Good. Neither do I." Choutarou looked at him as if surprised for some reason. "I don't. I'd break up with the person face to face before cheating." Shishido shrugged and wondered why that surprised Choutarou. "What else do you want to know?"

"Why didn't you kiss him except when he was asleep?" Choutarou asked out of the blue. His being with Atobe still really bothered Choutarou.

"Because he wanted me to more than anything." Shishido said without hesitating. He snuggled closer and closed his eyes. He kissed Choutarou's cheek softly and nuzzled his ear.

"And...if I want you to kiss me more than anything Shishido-san?" He could hear the tease in Choutarou's voice, but also there was a small plea there.

One he could easily answer. Shishido kissed him and nibbled on his full lower lip with his teeth gently as the kiss broke.

He smiled until Choutarou asked his next question, "Is that why you were the uke with him, because he wanted you to be the seme more than anything?"

Shishido now looked at Choutarou shocked. He had no idea how far the rumors went and felt a surge of anger at them. But not at Choutarou who was just trying to piece together everything from the little bits he must have picked up here and there. "I'm sorry you heard that, baby. I'm so sorry." Shishido kissed him and wondered at him. He knew Choutarou had a little bit of a big brother hero worship thing for him and it must have really upset the freshman to hear the rumors. The rumors Shishido was sure had them hot and heavy together with apparently Atobe on top and lots of sexual escapades, but that wasn't exactly true.

Atobe was never on top. Just behind. The truth was the last time he and Atobe had sex, Atobe teased him in a very nasty cruel way. He said things he knew would hurt Shishido and then made Shishido beg for release. Shishido didn't just want sexual release though, he wanted to leave. Instead of being gentle, Atobe roughly held him down. He took Shishido suddenly and so hard from behind Shishido bled. Shishido lay there shocked, scared, hurt, and bleeding while Atobe lost in his own lust finished by coming on Shishido's face. It scared the hell out of Shishido that he would allow someone to treat him this way.

Sometimes Shishido thought he would make Atobe fall for him just to hurt him back, but most of the time he kept hoping for something to change. He hated himself for sticking around and hoping to win Atobe by giving only so much when he was good and withdrawing when he was selfish or cold. It did make Atobe fall for him, but the more into him Atobe was, the less into Atobe Shishido felt. Finally Shishido was left with only lingering anger at the two of them.

Now months later the anger was gone. He was able to just be Atobe's friend but he still didn't know why he stayed for so long. In his heart though, Shishido was done with Atobe. He honestly only wanted Choutarou and to move on. Shishido didn't have the words to say that though.

He caressed Choutarou's soft cheek, "I guess it may have been partly that, baby." Shishido tried to think of the words, "It wasn't like...affection or love, it was more infatuation and each of us trying to get the other one to fall first. It was more like tennis and one of us was a pro and the other just an amateur, but neither of us would admit when the other would win a point. We both wanted to win more than we wanted to be together." Shishido thought a moment, "You have a great serve. I've been hoping to play you for a while. If I was playing you for the first time, I'd let you serve first because you'd feel in control believing you can rely on your serve but I'd actually be in control by letting you show your serve first. It was sort of like that. It's hard for me to explain. The other thing is, the thing I never told anyone, is that I was really upset about liking a guy. I know it sounds more acceptable or more masculine to be the top, but somehow because I was being chased, because I wasn't the one chasing him it was easier for me to deal with. I didn't feel like a girl with him though. It wasn't like that at all. He was chasing me, and I would let him chase, but I would never fall for him and never kiss him and never yield. It was a game."

"Do you still feel that way, about liking a guy?" Choutarou looked concerned and Shishido smiled.

He kissed Choutarou. "No, baby. I don't, and everything is totally different with you." Shishido shrugged, "I heard somebody say it's about liking the person and not worrying about their gender. Of course having the entire school and anyone who plays tennis know intimate details about a my dating a guy forced me to get over it back then too. I can't change that I was with him but I'm not proud of it either. I was really stupid back then even though I thought I was being so smart. You've probably heard that I really haven't dated anyone seriously since then and I told you I haven't had sex with anyone. I feel ready now. With you. And before you ask, I don't believe in the curse." Shishido shrugged. "My parents started dating in Junior High, broke up, and went back out in High School and lasted through college. They married and they're really happy."

Shishido grinned, "Hey, did you know my Mom and Atobe's Dad used to date when they went to high school here? Before my Mom got back together with my Dad?" Choutarou shook his head no. "Yeah. Actually Atobe and my Mom are a lot alike. Atobe showed me what I don't want to date more than anything so even when I've been on a date in the last year with someone else, the moment they seem anything like him at all, I am totally turned off and gone."

"What am I like, Shishido-san?" Choutarou asked and stifled a yawn.

Shishido covered them with his hair again to block out the offending light that now peeped into their room. The storm must have blown over. It would be dawn soon enough and soon after his tennis match. They should get some sleep or at least Choutarou should. Shishido moved closer to him. "You're incredible, baby." Shishido kissed him. "You're too good for me. I can't wait for our date tonight." Shishido said and kissed him again. "Are you okay with what I said?" Shishido worried about it. Maybe Choutarou wouldn't want to be with him now, especially now that some rumors, one in particular Shishido just confirmed.

"Yes, thank you for telling me, Shishido-san." Choutarou snuggled down with him. He held Shishido a little closer which felt nice especially as Shishido remembered the freshman was completely naked except for his socks. Which Choutarou probably still was wearing properly and perfectly pulled up to the middle of his calves.

That made Shishido smile and reach out to kiss him. Choutarou returned the kiss just like always so Shishido felt that nothing was wrong. Things were fine. Relieved, he shrugged, "Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. Don't worry about things like sex and position and all that. Really. We'll go at our own pace. We have all the time in the world to figure it out and we'll do what feels good and right for us, okay baby? I like you. I want you. I want to be with you. That's all that matters."

"I want you too, Shishido-senpai." Choutarou smiled and kissed him. He was quiet for about a minute before asking, "Yes...but...um...Shishido-san, when you think of us making love, who is on top?"

Shishido smiled, "Its about 60/40 me." It actually depended on the fantasy, but it was true enough.

"Shishido-san, being on the bottom really feels good?" Choutarou sounded sleepy and curious.

"Yeah. What you did to me tonight felt incredible, baby." Shishido smiled remembering and closed his eyes.

Choutarou nuzzled closer and "held" him a little better, "It...it felt incredible for me too, Shishido-san." The freshman's voice sounded a little husky with lust and Shishido holding him felt Choutarou's waning erection returning to life in his hand.

So sexy. With his eyes still closed, Shishido kissed him once softly, "Good. Hey, what's your favorite number?"

"Hmm?" Choutarou sounded sleepy. "Right now it's twenty-three. It changes. Why?"

Shishido grinned at him and glanced at his clock, "Because that's how many minutes I'll win my match in tomorrow. Just for you, baby. So even if I don't get to see you much until after we get back, you'll know I'm thinking about you and our date tonight, okay?" Choutarou was looking at him surprised, so Shishido kissed him, "Good night. Close your eyes Choutarou. If we go to sleep right now, we'll get two good hours of sleep." Shishido snuggled down and kissed around Choutarou's neck and ear. "Now sleep, baby. Don't say another word until the sun comes up."

He felt Choutarou nod against him and smiled. He peeked out to make sure Choutarou's eyes were closed, although he saw the freshman was smiling. His even white teeth looked surreal reflected in the glow from his cheap alarm clock. Shishido closed his eyes in case Choutarou tried to watch him as the freshman usually did and he moved the covers up to Choutarou's right sore shoulder to keep it warm. Then he put his hand back down to "hold" Choutarou again.

Shishido wasn't sure if he would really sleep or not. He was sleeping more lately than he normally did and sometimes falling asleep was difficult. He started going through a historical time line of the wars around the world and integrating Japanese history in with the western civilizations of Greece and Rome like he did whenever he couldn't sleep. Shishido over time was pretty very good at it because usually it took three or more passes for him to get his brain to turn off completely. The first time around though he didn't even make it out of B.C. before sleep took him.

More soon! XD

Thanks for reading and reviewing <3333

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Four ~ Shishido

2007-01-03T09:40:19Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Four~ Shishido
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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"She lied to you, Shishido-san. She didn't write it. I dimmnf..."

Before he even knew what he was doing, Shishido's lips were on Choutarou's like they had a mind of their own. In a flash Shishido's body moved to hold the freshman, kiss him, and at the same time push Choutarou back so Shishido could lay on top of him to better kiss him quiet. It felt so right to kiss Choutarou that it turned out to be a nice surprise when Shishido's brain caught up to his body's natural reaction to comfort him. So since he was already there, Shishido kissed the freshman long and deeply. He tried to use all of his body to express his feelings, because it was too soon to say the words and even if he did try to say the words, Shishido felt so much that he didn't know where to start. He felt more than lust or like or even love for the shy freshman who in just a matter of months managed to turn Shishido's entire world upside down in the nicest ways. Shishido didn't have or know the words to say, but at least his honest body instinctively knew in actions how to get his major points across.

After a startled second where he resisted, Choutarou relaxed into the kiss. A moment later he practically melted into Shishido's arms with one of those sexy soft whimpers. It was as if he understood and accepted not just Shishido, but everything he was trying to say he felt. Choutarou responded by kissing Shishido back sensuously and intensely. Like his little brother needed to kiss and be close to him. Needed him.

Being needed felt nice. Better than he thought it would have. It didn't feel constricting at all. Usually when a girl said she "needed" Shishido what she meant was she needed him to help her out in some way or do something for her that he probably wouldn't want to do. Choutarou never asked so it felt easy to give to him. Natural to be needed and to need him right back.

Shishido figured this was the best he could do for Choutarou right now. This and after the kissing, he guessed he would have to once again reassure his little brother with however as much comforting and complements Choutarou needed. Shishido pulled back to see Ohtori's expression so he could better gauge how much work he had ahead of him. Amazingly, it didn't appear to be very much. Just a little time, attention, affection, and touching and Choutarou seemed stronger.

Choutarou looked back at him with that shy but pleased little smile he only gave Shishido. The freshman also looked very turned on but also slightly dazed as if he couldn't figure out why Shishido was kissing him so passionately. Even confused, Choutarou seemed happy and willing to go along with more kissing. It was very nice.

Shishido half-smiled back at how cute he was and explained, "When Yuri gave me that song, even though I turned her down, I thought it was the nicest and most romantic thing anyone ever did for me. It was almost hard to turn her down, but I had to. I had feelings for someone else so how could I go out on a date with her?" Shishido gave Choutarou a lingering kiss to demonstrate exactly who the other person he had feelings for was before the shy freshman wondered or worried. "And now I find out it was you all along? You did something like that for me? That is so...you're amazing, baby. You're really amazing."

He smiled honestly and was pleased, but deep down Shishido was angry. Angry and concerned. Yuri treating Choutarou like this wasn't a small thing to Shishido by any means, but there was a bigger problem Choutarou wasn't even aware of going on.

Clearly Choutarou was being bullied by the girls instead of respected as he should be. Even though he was only a freshman, he still was a sub-regular with a well-known and as far as Shishido knew a well-respected big brother. Choutarou was even about to be initiated, but for whatever reasons, his high status was not being taken seriously. Shishido silently vowed to protect Choutarou more, but at the same time he knew he needed to talk this over with Atobe.

The whole situation was unreal and unheard of. Normally, hell, for as long as Shishido had been at Hyoutei, even in grade school everyone practically bowed down to the entire tennis team. The entire team -- not just the regulars and sub-regulars. The teachers, the administrators, and even other clubs gave the tennis club the largest amount of respect to where it often bordered on homage. At Hyoutei the who's who of the most popular and most powerful students were always members of the tennis club. And it had been that way since Shishido's parents went to Hyoutei, hell, it had been that way since his parent's parents went to Hyoutei.

No one would dare to treat a sub-regular this way. It was damn near unthinkable. And if this level of disrespect was going on from the girls, then the entire situation was dire and not just about Choutarou. Shishido was out of the loop, but something huge and wrong was going on at Hyoutei. If this was happening to just Shishido, then that would be one thing. He would probably just blame it on Atobe or some girl he dumped getting her revenge. He would suck it up and directly take on anyone, girl or guy who dared to say a word against him, but this was Choutarou.

His little brother simply was too kind and his ego too fragile to be treated this poorly. Choutarou didn't have a thick skin to withstand attacks like this and he really didn't understand yet how things were supposed to work at Hyoutei to begin to protect himself. Hell, Choutarou was too new at Hyoutei to even really even know just how wrong all this was. The freshman already suffered enough heartbreak this year. He didn't deserve anything except the admiration and adoration he was due from a status he earned through hours of practice and liters of his sweat. Choutarou was a great tennis player so this was not about tennis. He was well-liked by everyone as far as Shishido knew or could tell. If Choutarou was not as well-liked and accepted, the freshman wouldn't have lasted this long. Early on Atobe would have found a way to make the freshman disappear the instant he noticed Choutarou getting too close to Shishido. Sure Atobe was jealous as hell of him, but even he liked Choutarou and respected his playing enough to want him around.

He thought about Choutarou casually mentioning winning regionals and nationals. No way was Atobe going to get rid of someone with that level of experience, skill, and future potential. All this happening to Choutarou just did not add up. There was no reason for anyone to hate the freshman and no grounds to see him as a threat. There were no scandals around him. Choutarou's family wasn't at war with anyone else's family. Choutarou never dated and dumped a bunch of girls and he wasn't a threat to anyone socially, academically, or in any other way. Choutarou being a sub-regular didn't interfere with anyone else getting his place. The freshman didn't knock out an older or more popular player for his place. He was just brought up because of his skill by Atobe. Shishido's little brother never caused any problems for anyone so it just did not make any sense.

It was unthinkable for this to happen--especially from the girls. Shishido half wondered if Atobe would even believe him or if he would just think Shishido's feelings for Choutarou or the freshman's shyness was causing some issues. But Shishido heard enough tonight to know this was not just one or two isolated incidents. He could only imagine how many other little things must have happened. There were probably numerous other slights, attacks, hurts, words, and situations that too-kind, too-friendly Choutarou never mentioned, but Shishido knew Hyoutei. Bullies there didn't pick their victims randomly. Problems like that on an everyday basis must have happened. It had to bother and confuse Choutarou who did nothing wrong. He didn't deserve this.

The girls were cowards. They only attacked someone when they were either together in a large group or when they thought they could win with no retaliation. For them to so savagely go after Choutarou who was well-liked, secure in his place in the tennis club, and no threat to them meant somehow, somewhere they discovered a major new weakness or flaw. But that weakness was not Ohtori Choutarou.

No. This was something bigger. Maybe even bigger than the two of them and Shishido needed to do something about it. But all he could do right now was be there for Choutarou, care for him, and reassure him. Tomorrow though, Shishido was going to talk to Atobe and he was going to find a way to put a stop to this once and for all. Earlier Shishido thought it was just Naomi and her little clique, but Gakuto's little sister Yuri was not friends with Naomi. In fact, Yuri and Naomi were bitter rivals who competed against each other for everything.

Yuri was captain of the girls cheer leading team and Naomi was Atobe's little sister. Their power and status was about equal so they battled each other tooth and claw for any millimeter of ground gained over the other. They counted their successes in conquests and confessions from the guys, but their true power was amassed by just counting the number of kowtowing "friends" each had following them around. They would court and try to win over new and powerful girlfriends like a broke but handsome bachelor almost desperately courting an ugly heiress.

All their brutal secret battles ended in a draw though. Naomi held the numbers, but Yuri was a year older and from old money. They were evenly matched even if they remained locked in silent war against each other. Shishido only knew this from the many girls he dated, because the guys at Hyoutei for the most part ignored the girls and their dramas. The guys were more than happy to focus on their own lives and let the girls fight it out. As long as it didn't directly affect a guy's status, most guys didn't know or care to hear the details of the girls dramas.

In fact, Shishido always respected Yuri because even though she came from old money, she truly gained her position as head cheerleader through hard work--not on her back like Naomi. Yuri was a tiny girl, but not delicate by any means. She and Gakuto were about the same size. Not only in height, but in build too. They were both muscled about the same and they were both skilled at acrobatics. Shishido was no expert but to him Gakuto seemed a little better and more apt to take risks with his moves. Yuri had a few impressive flips and tumbles she was very good at. She incorporated them into moves that won them many cheering competitions. While she wasn't the prettiest girl, her hard work on herself, her loyal group of friends, and her cheering skills seemed to pay off for her. She even fell and was hurt the beginning of the school year falling off some pyramid thing, but a day after she got out of the hospital she was back at practice. Shishido always respected her dedication.

Other than that, he really didn't know Yuri well. She was a grade ahead of him and they rarely interacted with each other. It was pretty common knowledge that Shishido and Gakuto weren't friends so they were not friends with each other's little sisters. In fact, because of the way things were at Hyoutei, even if Shishido's painfully socially shy little sister was a more aggressive girl, because he and Gakuto didn't get along, their little sisters never would be friends. It was just the way things were.

So it had been strange when Yuri confessed to him. She should have asked Gakuto if it was okay first and from what Shishido heard later, it was not. Gakuto loudly objected and probably was thrilled when he found out Shishido turned her down.

When Yuri confessed, Shishido told her he liked someone else. The same way he told everyone else who confessed since he was with Atobe, but the difference was he wasn't thinking of Atobe at all. He'd only been thinking of Choutarou. While he thought the song she said she wrote and recorded was amazing and very sweet, he didn't consider dating her seriously. He was interested in Ohtori, but even if he wasn't, physically she wasn't really Shishido's type. Add to that he did not want to deal with Gakuto at all, and he barely knew her. In all the years they'd gone to the same school they maybe said ten words to each other so when she confessed love it seemed like a ball from another court.

Something she said that day though struck Shishido as odd and he only remembered it now because he was thinking about it. She said almost the exact same thing Naomi said at the sharing. That with Shishido by her side, she and he could together rule the school. Shishido didn't really understand what it all meant or why both girls said something so similar to him even if it was said months apart, but adding up just the little bit he did know, it didn't bode well.

What he did know is she would never mess with his little brother or give him any grief again. Shishido would see to that personally. She just made an enemy out of Shishido.

And yet he wondered at what she did. Stealing the song and giving his little brother such a hard time. Did she know all along Choutarou recorded it? Was she trying to make Shishido look bad or his little brother? Why confess then? Why not just write a song? She was talented in that area because she put together music all the time for the cheer leaders. Maybe when people came into power they just tended to get lazy, but Shishido couldn't see going through all that trouble or telling all the lies she did just for a confession. It didn't make sense to him, but then again lots of things people did at Hyoutei in the name of love or gaining power didn't seem logical to him. Or honorable.

It's the one thing Shishido really respected about Atobe. He never got lazy. When he wanted something, he ruthlessly went after it.

People didn't often see Atobe practice but he did. Constantly and extremely hard. Atobe practiced like his life depended on it and Shishido always figured that to Atobe, in a way it did. The guy for four years had been working on all these secret moves like a machinist designing the ultimate weapon. The main one was some rondo thing Atobe saw at a match happen as an accident, but he told Shishido over a year ago he was close to perfecting it. He was still working on it every day, just where no one could see. Shishido never saw it but he knew enough that he never hoped to face it.

Atobe challenged anyone he thought was talented at tennis. He played anyone from High Schoolers to College kids to pros just to learn from them and work on himself. He would flatter them to get them to play him. He would court and woo them to make them think he wanted to be their friend. Atobe would then play the same person over and over until he knew how to defeat them. He would play an older, better version of any upcoming rival just to break down his rivals possible flaws. Hell, Atobe'd been working on some secret serve for two years that when he first started figuring it out, whatever it was hurt his back so badly he had to see a chiropractor. He literally could not get out of bed after a day of practice. His wealthy family sent for massage therapists, doctors, and acupuncturists, but this one chiropractor was the person who brought the most pain relief. The chiropractor was eventually brought in and made the team chiropractor. Atobe worked through the pain trying to fine tune his ideal of the perfect, nonreturnable serve. Shishido had never seen that serve either, but he learned through experience that Atobe was no slacker. He worked hard and earned everything he obtained through relentless effort. Atobe would no sooner claim someone else's work than allow an illness or injury or being lazy to keep him from a goal.

Choutarou was the same way. He had the same fierce drive and the same determined work ethic, but Choutarou's goals were very different from Atobe's. Choutarou's goals, motivations, and his gentle heart were so pure. Looking back at how each person who liked him pursued him, Yuri, Atobe, and then Choutarou, Shishido felt a rush of affection for the shy, but driven freshman. Shishido half-smiled and decided to tease him to get them back on track, "So my amazing boyfriend wants to kiss and touch me more? And hold me?"

He got and nod and then that shy smile in return, "Yes, please. And hold you while you hold me when we sleep, Shishido-senpai."

Shishido didn't expect that and wasn't sure what it was. He realized he jumped to conclusions earlier. Choutarou did have different names for things after all. His little brother warned him as much. Shishido reprimanded himself and reminded himself that he shouldn't judge until he knew what 'holding' involved. Intrigued he asked, "I don't know how to hold someone when I sleep...?"

He got a wider smile in return, "You don't? So you never did it with anyone before? I'll show you when we sleep, Shishido-san. I think you'll really like it. I...I really hope you do."

Choutarou looked so eager it made Shishido laugh, "I'm sure I will. So far, I really like everything we do in my bed together. And in the shower. And in the locker room. And in closets in houses where we shouldn't be." Shishido ran his hand up the back of Choutarou's neck and wove his fingers between the freshman's soft curls. To his surprise, Choutarou made one of those hot little noises so he kept moving his fingers gently through the freshman's silky hair. Shishido smiled and wondered at his little brother not coming yet. The poor guy. The least Shishido figured he could do is make it really good the first time Choutarou came with him. "Baby, is there anything else you'd like to do? Any fantasies you have about kissing or touching? Tell me what you like. Tell me what you want. Whatever it is. Anything. I'll try whatever you want to do. I want your first time coming with me to be as amazing as mine was with you. Please?"

Shishido always liked the way Ohtori watched when someone spoke. Choutarou would focus all his attention on the speaker and when it was Shishido talking, the freshman intensely watched his face and especially his mouth. When they first met, it felt a little disconcerting to have someone standing so close to you watch you so completely but over time, Shishido really came to love it. It was like when they talked, no matter the subject, their time together and the conversation really mattered to the freshman.

In return, Shishido found himself watching Choutarou back closer than he normally would with someone. Shishido didn't normally hold steady eye contact so long with someone before, especially not with another guy, but with Choutarou it became a natural thing. It made Shishido feel very close to his little brother in ways he never felt with anyone, even with a girl before. It also made Shishido over time start to notice all of Ohtori's own small habits and gestures.

Sometimes when he spoke, Choutarou would make hand gestures like he was acting out what he was saying for emphasis, but they were unfamiliar motions to Shishido. From practice Shishido slowly was learning each of them. He wondered about the little mannerisms soon after they first met and guessed they were probably gestures Choutarou's family and friends made.

Shishido also began to notice his own movements when he talked to people. He found that everyone he knew at Hyoutei tended to have the same mannerisms and emphasize the same words or phrases when they spoke. It was an interesting perspective Choutarou gave him on their own little bubble of a world, but it also enabled Shishido to know Ohtori better.

For example when the shy freshman was worried about stuttering or was hesitating to say something, Choutarou tended to look away from Shishido, look down, and then chew fully on his bottom lip. He only did this series of things when Shishido asked Choutarou something and he worried that Shishido might not approve of what he wanted to say. He was doing that now and it was like Choutarou was trying to think of the right answer instead of saying what he really felt.

Shishido moved his fingers through his little brother's curls and reached over to kiss Choutarou's lips softly. A kiss was always nice and it was a simple way to get his little brother to stop gnawing on his lip. He held Choutarou a little closer and kissed around his ear. Softly he said in his ear while nibbling gently on the soft lobe, "It's okay, baby. Just take your time and tell me what you want to say. There is something you want to do that we haven't done, isn't there?"

Choutarou gave got a quick little nod in response and held Shishido a little tighter.

He wondered if the freshman was waiting to do whatever this was to come. Shishido decided to try to draw it out of him, "Ask me, baby. Whatever it is, all you have to do is ask. I won't laugh. I promise. Even if you don't know the right name or the right words, we'll figure it out, but first I need to know what it is before we can do it, right?"

Choutarou nodded again. Shishido felt him take a deep breath and then softly, so soft it was almost a whisper he said, "I...I want..." Shishido felt his little brother take another breath before saying a little stronger, "I really want...and Shishido-san if it's something you don't like or don't want to do, or if you feel it's an unreasonable request then I totally understand and thank you for letting me ask because you're right, there's no way you can know until I ask you so thank you, but what I think I really would like and want to do is to be the last, Shishido-san."

Shishido was lost again, "The last...? The last what?"

"The last...the last person who touches you..." Choutarou pulled away to look at Shishido and he seriously said as if confessing his truest feelings, "Shishido-senpai, what I'd like to do almost more than anything else in the world is to be the last person to deeply touch you inside and intimately know your most private and embarrassing personal place."

Shishido looked at Choutarou and his mouth dropped open. He realized this and closed his mouth. It opened again. He shut it again. It opened again and he realized if he kept doing this he would only end up looking like a fish. He was too stunned though to speak or even react any further.

Meanwhile Choutarou was looking oddly...triumphant. He smiled and exhaled as if he had been holding in his breath, "I did it. Oh god, I really did it. He really must have thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I did it. Did I do it okay, Shishido-san? Did I ask you alright?" Choutarou looked at Shishido's face and his smile faltered, "Oh no. What? I did it wrong? I'm...I'm sorry. I should have practiced first but you said to ask you and I decided to take a chance...Oh god, did I ask you wrong, Shishido-san? Did I not ask it right?" His smile slipped completely from his face and he looked worried again, "Did I...did I ruin it for us, Shishido-san?"

Shishido blinked at him in surprise, "You have no idea what you just asked me to do, do you?"

Choutarou adorably began to blush. You simply couldn't get angry at someone while they were looking that cute and innocent, "Well, no...not...not exactly, I was going to look it up but there wasn't really time but...but if it's something you like to do then you can show me, right? I mean...I should know what you like, Shishido-san and I want to learn how to do everything you enjoy, and you...you're a really good teacher and even though I might not be really good at it at first, I'll work really hard to be really good at doing all the things you like for you and..."

Feeling a little annoyed, Shishido covered Choutarou's mouth with his hand, "You basically just asked me if you could have sex with me."

Underneath his fingers Choutarou's mouth gapped open and he gasped. His eyes went wide, "Oh...god...I...I did? But...but...but when? When did I...?"

Shishido quickly put it all together. Including the long-winded specific phrasing Choutarou used. Really, Shishido should have known the first time he heard those words come out of Choutarou's mouth what must have happened, but it really had been a long time since Shishido heard anyone actually say something that...ridiculous. Angry now he asked, "Exactly what did Atobe say to you?"

Choutarou looked mortified, "Oh god. Oh god, Shishido-san I...I didn't know. I didn't. I'm...I'm so stupid. Oh god. I didn't mean it...I didn't mean that...I'm...I'm so sor..."

Shishido covered the freshman's mouth with his hand again. Despite his latest spell of anger and Choutarou's newest blush and horror, Shishido cracked half a smile at the entire thing, "So...you don't want to have sex with me?"

Under his hand, Choutarou gasped again, "No! No, I...I didn't mean..."

He was so cute that despite it all, Shishido laughed, "Baby, I am not mad at you. I'm not at all angry at you. And you're not stupid. I'm pissed off at Atobe for being such a sneaky bastard, but I'm not mad at you. I just want to know what he said, so tell me exactly what happened."

Looking miserable, Choutarou said while looking away, "It...it was just before I ran into the girls. When Atobe-san was looking for you and couldn't find you. He...he took me aside like we were going to look for you but he pushed...he pushed me up against a wall and said, "Na, do you want me to teach you how to kiss now, Ohtori-kun?"

It was a nearly perfect imitation of a dangerously furious Atobe. It was so good Shishido felt a chill spill down the back of his neck as if they were in danger. He had to resist his urge to pull Choutarou closer to him to keep the freshman safe.

Choutarou went on sounding more and more upset, "Then he asked where you were, Shishido-san. But I didn't know. Atobe-san didn't invite me and he made it seem like just he and you were leaving together. He said you were going on a date together. And he used the word date. Atobe-san had one of those candy-things in his mouth that smelled bad and when I said I wouldn't kiss him because someone might see us, he said he would find you without me. That he didn't need me. That it was pathetic that I even try to compete with him for you. That it was absurd of me to try. That he felt...he felt sorry for me. Then he said that...that I shouldn't ever forget that he was the last person to deeply touch you inside and intimately know your most private and embarrassing personal place and that you loved it. You loved it when he touched you there like that and you would never be able to forget him or his touch. And then...Atobe-san, he...he laughed and said I wouldn't have the courage to even ask you to do it so he was telling me all this because it really wasn't fair to me anyway because you would...you would never be mine. He said I would lose you to him before you even gave me a chance, Shishido-san...and I...when you asked what I wanted to do...I just...I thought if that was what you really wanted and liked to do..." Choutarou's voice cracked a little with emotion and it sounded like he was close to tears, but then he took a deep breath and said very determined, "Shishido-san, I know I didn't ask you right, but...if...if you want to go ahead and have sex with me, you can...I...I might not be very good at first because it's my first time but I'll try to get better and better so you really..."

Shishido hugged Choutarou. Hard. His chest hurt suddenly from how worked up Ohtori was getting himself and Shishido's eyes stung with tears. "He's wrong..." Shishido tried to say but it came out sounding as if he was snarling or growling so he tried again, "Baby, he's wrong. He's wrong because there's nothing you have to do. If you want me, I'm yours. I'm already yours. You've already won me, Choutarou and there's not going to be any rematches, because to have you like me, baby, I'm the lucky one. I'm sure he thought he was being real smart challenging you like he did, but Atobe's still stupidly trying to play a game that you've already won--only he's too lame to even see the score. I know what he said probably made you feel jealous, hell if I think about your best friend touching you I feel jealous as hell, but when we're together, it feels like you're with me and just me. Baby, I'm with you and just you. Even if Atobe was right here and promising me everything I ever wanted, Choutarou, I'd still choose you because you are everything I've ever wanted. There is nothing for you to feel jealous of, and I told you earlier, I'll handle Atobe. Give me a chance, Choutarou and I'll make this right. I can do this. I'll make my boyfriend really happy." Shishido pulled back to look at him, "You know, I've never wanted to be someone's boyfriend this much? And I've never wanted someone to be my boyfriend or even wanted a girl to be mine this much either. I've never wanted anyone or anything as much as I want you."

Choutarou was looking at him with a surprised expression on his face and tears in his eyes. He suddenly hugged Shishido hard, pulling them tightly together, "I want you too, Shishido-san. More than anything and anyone I want you too. I'm yours too, Shishido-senpai, and I would choose you too even if Takeo was standing here..." He held Shishido even tighter and his voice now trembled, "I'd choose you. Shishido-san is everything I want and you do make me happy and oh, you can't breathe..." Choutarou let him go a little but still held him close, "I'm sorry I didn't know what Atobe-san meant, Shishido-san, but I..." He pulled back to look at Shishido with an expression of pure adoration on his face, "I want to be yours, Shishido-san. Really yours. More than anything in the world, so if you want to have sex with me..."

"I don't," Shishido said without thinking. Choutarou looked suddenly shocked and crushed. He went to move away as if struck or pushed away, but Shishido held him fast, "Listen to me, baby. Please? Just listen. My whole life it feels like people are always asking me to have sex with them and what I've learned is having sex doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you get closer or that things are better. It's just sex. That's not what I want. Not with you. You're too important to me and being with you means too much to just have sex. It sounds stupid and like a line but it's the truth so I'm going to say it, okay?"

Choutarou was looking at him hurt and completely confused but Shishido kept trying, "When the time for us is right I don't want us to have sex, I want us to make love. I've had a lot of sex with a lot of people and I'm sorry about that. I can't undo what's been done. I can't give you anything special like you can give me in that way, but what I can give you is myself. All of me. I've never felt this way about anyone before, but every time we're together, every time we touch each other, that's what it feels like we're doing. Not fooling around or playing around or kissing around or just having sex like everyone else, but every time I touch you or kiss you or hold you, and every time you touch me or kiss me or hold me, it feels special and important. Like we're making love. I don't need to have sex with you to make you mine or to make me yours. Sex doesn't make you belong to someone else, because if it did, hell, I'd belong to too many people and I don't. I just belong to you and that has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with the way I feel about you. And when I say to you I want you, that is what I mean. Those feelings. Not sex. Any two people can have sex. It doesn't mean anything, but I've never felt this way before and I can't imagine that I will ever feel this way for anyone else ever again. I can't imagine being without you. I love kissing and touching you, and yes, I physically want you, but it's way more than that." Frustrated because he couldn't read the freshman's expression, Shishido said, "Choutarou, I want you. I want...baby, I want to love you..." He paused to think of how to say what he was feeling and absently tucked some of his hair behind his right ear.

"Then go ahead, Shishido-san. Love me." Choutarou said it quietly and almost in a teasing, challenging way and he looked almost like he was going to smile. Before he could ask the freshman what he meant by what he said, he was softly kissed on the mouth. Choutarou's arms went around him and when he pulled back from their kiss, Ohtori rested their foreheads together, "I want you too, Shishido-senpai. More than I've ever wanted anyone or anything in my life too."

"Then please trust me. Please baby? I don't want us to rush, but I don't want us to stop either. I want this to last..." Always and forever was what Shishido thought of but it seemed too soon to say that, "...for as long as you want to be with me."

"Forever...?" Choutarou softly asked and then stammered, "I...oh god, I mean...uh..."

Shishido kissed him and smiled, "No. Forever doesn't feel like long enough." He kissed him again and thought out loud, "How about through this life and into the next? And maybe the one after that and the one after that one too? How about always, baby?" Shishido felt a blush creep up his face as he said such sappy things, but he meant them. Choutarou had to understand these weren't just lines, "I'm...I'm not usually like this, but...but that doesn't mean I don't mean what I'm saying. I do. That's...when I'm with you...you make me feel so much..."

"Then maybe forever and always?" Choutarou asked with a smile and then a lingering kiss with a flash of tongue, "That sound okay, Shishido-san? And I...I know you're not usually like this and not like this with other people, but I...I like it. I like how you are with me. I lo...I mean I like how you are when it's just us. Somehow, that makes it even better."

He nodded because always and forever did sound good. "Oh yeah?" Shishido decided enough with the feelings talk or he was going to confess before it was time. He decided to tease with half a smile, "You say that now, but I haven't punished you yet."

"Punished?" Choutarou looked as if he never heard the word before.

"Of course, for saying you wanted to have sex with me." Shishido grinned in what he knew was a sexy way. One of these grins and girls were all over him, unable to resist. He flipped his hair back for good measure. "So ready for your punishment?" At this point girls would be on their back and turned by Shishido teasing them.

Choutarou gave him a sober little nod and looked heartbroken, "Should I go sleep on the couch or the floor, Shishido-san? Or...back to my own bed?"

Shishido looked at him stunned. That would punish him more than Choutarou, "No. I was just teasing you, baby." He thought about how victorious Choutarou seemed after he first asked. "And actually, that was pretty brave of you, to ask me without practicing first." Adorably, Choutarou looked like he was pouting. He was so easy to love. It just took a little encouragement and affection to make him so happy. Shishido thought about the night he had and honestly said, "I'm proud of you, baby. And not just for being brave or honest with me, but you had a pretty bad night baby between Atobe being a bastard and the girls and probably other things you've gone through that I don't even know about yet. You're tough. And very strong. Lots of people have left Hyoutei for less, but you not only stayed, you've been brave through it all and have come out ahead. You're stronger than you know, Ohtori Choutarou and I'm proud and happy that a guy as amazing as you wants to be with me."

"Shishido-san, none of that matters to me, none of those bad things because...because you want to be with me. You made...made what felt like one of the worst nights into the best night of my life. You wanna..." Choutarou gave a little laugh as if just realizing how much of Gakuto's accent he picked up, "You want to be my boyfriend and you want me to be your boyfriend, Shishido-senpai. That...that's better than anything. I couldn't ask for anything more."

Shishido smiled at him and at the best night of his life thing. So damn sweet. But it was fun to tease him too, "Yeah, but now I am going to have to punish you for talking like Gakuto again. Prepare yourself, Choutarou." It was something Atobe said before he challenged someone.

Choutarou gave an adorable giggle, "I'm ready, Shishido-san."

"No, you're not." Shishido said still smiling. He moved quickly to his knees between Choutarou's legs and before the freshman could object or think, Shishido pulled Ohtori over flat on his back and his hips up so that the small of Choutarou's back now rested on Shishido's thighs. His legs were spread and his knees were bent but he was trying to put his feet on the bed. Shishido pulled his knees up higher so his butt was in the air. He rested Choutarou's knees on his shoulders and pulled Choutarou's hands away from his waning erection. "Hands at your sides unless I say and now you're ready." Shishido looked at him. Choutarou's face was completely uncertain, but his body in this position, there was no doubt what Shishido was thinking, "Damn baby, you look really sexy like this..."

"S...sexy? Shishido-san?" Choutarou looked like he thought Shishido was going to make fun of him. It broke Shishido's heart.

"Yeah baby. Very sexy. I can see just about all of you like this. These look really good." Shishido caressed his testicles. They were big and normally hung nice and low. Shishido liked earlier how their weight and size felt in his hand, but this angle they fell forward towards Choutarou's cut stomach. They were clearly outlined. It was pretty erotic so Shishido decided to taste.

"No, they're too big...nnngh..." Choutarou started to protest, but he must have liked Shishido's tongue moving wetly over them.

"No, they're perfect." Shishido murmured between kissing and licking the soft skin, "Very masculine. Not like a little boy's at all. And I love how good they feel in my mouth." Shishido again took one gently in his mouth. He licked it with his tongue and liked the way it fit and felt. Even better was Choutarou's reaction. His eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned. Nice. Shishido licked and kissed his way over to the other side wanting more. When he took the right side in his mouth, Choutarou gave a slightly louder version of one of his sweet moans. Shishido licked back to the center and then under to his root. Slowly he worked his way up from the base with lips and tongue wetly licking up the thick and now very hard shaft. Choutarou had a thick nice ridge and tonguing it seemed to make him whimper again. Nice and very sexy. Shishido smiled at him.

"Am..." Choutarou whimpered again as Shishido liked around where his foreskin met his tip. "Am I punished yet, Shishido-ssssnnnn..."

To take his tip in his mouth, Shishido had to move Choutarou a little more over to reach, but he was flexible enough that it could be done. Shishido licked around under his foreskin and then lapped at the now wet tip. Juicy and wet with a lot of saliva, Shishido concentrated on just the exposed tip in and out of his mouth. He treated it like a nipple or a girl's clit and even though he had never done this to a guy or had this done to him, it must have felt good. Choutarou moaned and whimpered through it all. Shishido let his hair fall forward and spill over Choutarou's legs and stomach figuring the softness would send the freshman over the edge, but Choutarou held on. He was biting his lower lip and trembling though. "I'm just getting started baby." Shishido smiled, "You can come if you want, you know? I want you to. Is there some reason you haven't?"

Still shaking and totally turned on, Choutarou effortlessly begged, "I...I come a lot when I come and I...I want to come with you. Please, Shishido-san?"

Shishido was not done teasing though, "You come more than I did?"

He was rewarded with a sweet but shy smile, "I guess...about the same, Shishido-san. I can only...come..." he said it as if testing out the word, "once but it's a big one. So I flash a little and then splash a lot. At least, that's what my friend and I used to call it. When we came."

Shishido smiled, "But you flash a lot. What do you mean you can only come once?"

Choutarou shrugged, "Before I could come I could do it a lot...uh...have a lot of orgasms in a row...but then once I started coming I became a one-hit-wonder."

Shishido half-smiled, "Bet I can make you come more than once..."

He got a sweet happy laugh from Choutarou, "If anyone can, Shishido-san you can."

It was said with such belief and reverence that Shishido smiled and felt warm all over, "I'll do my best. Hey, when did this happen? Did I do this to you, baby?" Shishido noticed a long scratch on the side of Choutarou's erection he hadn't seen or felt before. The skin was red and swollen, but not cut and only visible from this angle. Shishido worried he maybe did it without meaning to. It was thin skin and easy to scratch up with his callus hardened skin or a ragged fingernail. Shishido looked at his hands though and they looked pretty okay. Not manicured like Atobe's but nothing looked like it could scrape up Choutarou's most sensitive skin.

"Huh?" Choutarou felt. "Oh. No. It was probably when the girls touched me earlier. Shiori had on a ring that was sharp. It caught on my sweater, but I'm not even sure it was her." Choutarou must have seen the anger in Shishido's face. "She...she took the other girls and Naomi's hands off me, Shishido-san. She told Naomi and their friends I was hers and she would take care of me later. That's when I got out of there to get away from them and her too. That's...that's when I hid and waited for you, Shishido-san."

"She's not allowed to touch you again, Choutarou." Shishido was very angry, "No one is allowed to touch you again. This part of you is mine, do you understand? In fact, all of you is mine and no one else is allowed to touch you. If anyone else touches you, and I mean anyone from Taki to Atobe to even a girl wanting to kiss you at a party, you tell them they have to come talk to me first. You're mine and you belong to me and me alone, do you understand? And before you ask, I belong to you and only you. All of me. No one else is allowed to touch me or kiss me or anything. We belong to each other and no one else. All right?"

"Yes, Shishido-senpai." Choutarou bit his lip but around it he smiled so sweetly and looked so happy for some reason it cooled Shishido's anger like someone pouring ice over lava.

A minute ago Shishido wanted to punch something or better yet knock some sense into one of the bitches who felt his Choutarou up and scratched him. Shishido never hit a girl before and used to think he never would, but Naomi was close to being the first. But now looking at how happy Choutarou was with him, and at how sexy he looked still held in this position, all Shishido wanted to do was make him feel amazingly good. He exhaled and felt like he was literally blowing off steam.

Shishido nodded in agreement and was glad they had that settled. "Okay, I have to clean your scratch. Tell me if it hurts," he said and gently licked it. At least the skin wasn't broken, but he worried his lube might have hurt or stung earlier. Choutarou's probably wouldn't and they should have used that. He wished the shy freshman would have mentioned this earlier. "Okay?"

Choutarou looked completely turned on, "Yes, thank you. Shish...nnnn..."

Shishido went back to licking over Choutarou's testicles and noticed a nice clear string of wetness dripped from Ohtori's swollen tip down to pool on his stomach. That was pretty sexy because Shishido didn't really touch him much while they'd talked. His sexy Choutarou was turned on and probably badly needed to come. A hot image of having sex with Choutarou in this position flashed through his head. Maybe even have sex with him this way and take Choutarou's erection in his mouth during sex. Shishido didn't even know until right now that position was possible during sex between two guys. He assumed that most guys did it like he and Atobe did with one always behind the other. But this was completely do-able and it brought up a lot of other interesting possibilities.

Still thinking this, Shishido licked lower down the center line of him in that between area behind his testicles but not quite at his entrance. In that between area, Choutarou had a very solid, distinct line. "Know what this is?" Shishido asked in a tease between tracing over the seam with his tongue again and again, "If you were a girl, this is where I'd go to be inside of you." Shishido licked it again feeling it was hard because Choutarou was.

"Do you ever...?" Choutarou sounded strangely strained so Shishido looked at him. "Shishido-san, do you ever wish I was a girl?"

Shishido thought it was strange, "No. I never thought about it. Why, do you ever wish I was?" It seemed sort of absurd. Choutarou quickly shook his head no, but he looked like he was waiting for Shishido to say more. Shishido thought out loud, "No, I mean I like you how you are. That doesn't matter to me and anyway, I don't think I could ever be this close to a girl. I've dated a lot of them and I never felt this way for anyone before. And hell, I like these parts of you too much." He cupped the freshman's testicles and erection. "Why? Have you thought about this?"

Choutarou looked up at him and bit his lip before smiling. When he did that series of things, it meant something Shishido said pleased him. "No. I was...just wondering, Shishido-san. I really like you how you are."

"Hn." Shishido half-grunted. He couldn't imagine anyone wishing he was a girl. Even with long hair, even if his hair was loose and down and the other person was behind him, it was rare for someone to mistake him for a girl. Sure if Choutarou was a girl Shishido's mom might not flip out when she eventually finds out they're dating, but then again, Choutarou would be an awfully...large girl. No, he was much cuter like this. They were closer because of them both being guys, on the same team, and having so many things in common. Shishido looked down and wondered something else, "Has anyone ever touched you here?" He pointed without touching but Choutarou looked confused. "I mean here...?" On impulse, Shishido licked him there with a wide lap of his tongue.

Choutarou gasped after finally getting the basic idea, "Shishido-san that's...!"

Shishido was prepared for the objection, "It's not dirty, we just showered. It is however your most private and embarrassing personal place. Guys don't have a place here, so they go inside other guys here." Shishido gestured with soft caresses of his hands at each place. "And you can have sex with girls here too."

"But you licked me there...?" Choutarou looked shocked still.

Shishido felt sort of embarrassed, "Yeah, well it's called rimming and it feels good. I never did it to a guy before and girls are weird about it. They're either too into it from BL manga or they don't want you to even see that part of them. Like you're not supposed to notice it or something when everyone has one. So, I've never done it to anyone before really, but I wanted to with you. Did it feel good?"

"I..." Choutarou smiled and looked like he was teasing, "I was too surprised to really feel. Maybe you can try it one more time?"

"Okay, " Shishido smiled and decided to do it nicer this time to make sure Choutarou liked it. A thought crossed his mind, "You didn't answer my question before when I asked if anyone ever touched you there or not?" Choutarou looked down and away and bit his lip. Worried that Shishido wouldn't like his answer. "Tell me, please. I won't get mad."

Choutarou started that nervous talking thing, "Well this guy Arata, he's Takeo's older cousin, and one time when we were little he tried to..."

"But he didn't?" Choutarou shook his head no, but Shishido could see there was more to the story so he said, "You tell me, and I'll do this while you talk. Let me know if you want me to stop or if it feels good, okay?" Shishido tried to listen while he gently started to lick around the outside of Choutarou's entrance. Here again was that pretty perfect pink color. Very sexy. So small a space. So perfect. It tasted like Choutarou and the soap from earlier. Shishido held back because didn't want to lick into Choutarou just yet. They had all the time in the world, but he did want Choutarou to not be afraid to touch or be touched here. A girl once did this to Shishido badly and like he said, most girls were not into being touched there. Atobe never did this to Shishido. Not in real life. Once drunk at a party, Shishido had this really hot dream where he did though. In the dream, it felt beyond amazing. Their hottest, sexiest time together was just a drunken dream of Shishido's.

He licked around and just a millimeter inside Choutarou. Shishido felt very pleased with being the first person to touch him there.

He listened while Choutarou talked in that nervously fast way about Arata and their escape. The freshman went on to say basically how Takeo wanted Choutarou to do things to him, but Takeo didn't like to do things back to Choutarou. Apparently Takeo didn't like to do oral sex. That before they could ejaculate they would give oral sex to each other, but once they started to come, Takeo refused so Choutarou stopped too. This made Choutarou refuse to experiment further or do anything other than the hand jobs they gave each other. Hand jobs that sounded nightly.

Shishido was jealous, but pleased too. It reminded him of how young Choutarou and his best friend were when they were together. Like two little kids or brothers fighting over who would get to do what first. He licked into Choutarou just a tiny amount again because he could and because Choutarou was his. Shishido was worried because Choutarou rambled his story the whole time and didn't moan or whimper once.

Instead the freshman just kind of drifted off mid-sentence and Shishido felt one of Choutarou's hands on his erection touching him softly, "You're hard, Shishido-san." Choutarou made a whimper-moan sound, "Ohh...you're wet too."

Shishido smiled, "Yeah, I can't help it. Touching you turns me on, baby." He asked, "Does it feel okay?"

More soon! XD

Happy New Year!

Don't forget there's goodies & presents up at suteishichic.com

Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone!
Next chapters are being edited now. XDDDD

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Three ~ Mukahi

2007-01-03T09:38:04Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Three ~ Mukahi
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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Just when he was about to tell Yuushi to stop, the tensai looked at him. Sounding raw and vulnerable, Yuushi finally said, "Ask me anything, Gakuto. Anything you want to know about me and I'll tell you."

A million questions popped into Gakuto's head and he shook them away. Yuushi musta mistook his gesture to be him saying no.

"Oh." The tensai sagged and deflated as if Gakuto told him that he didn't like him or something.

Gakuto put his hand back on Yuushi's mouth before Yuushi could fill the silence with a bad joke to cover his hurt feelings. He said to Yuushi, "I shook my head because I didn't know where to start. I wanna know everything, Yuushi. I really do, but I want you to tell me when you're ready. It's not gonna change how I feel if I know or not, and what happened to you took a long time to happen. I don't think you can just tell me everything right now anyway. When it's the right time, you'll just tell me. But Yuushi, I do wanna know." Gakuto looked at him. Yuushi's eyes had tears in them and it made Gakuto feel like crying again. Which sucked. They had been crying all damn night and this was supposed to be fun. "I wanna know everything Yuushi, but when you're ready, you know?"

Yuushi nodded. His fingers were still on the tensai's mouth. Around them Yuushi said quietly as if Gakuto gave him some kinda present he had always wanted, "Thank you."

Gakuto smiled a little and shrugged, "Welcome." He thought about everything they had shared and talked about that night. It was too much. Too much bad and not enough good--although there had been parts that were unbelievable. The bath, dinner, the kissing, and that orgasm for starters. He looked at Yuushi who seemed to be trying to find something to say. Gakuto spoke first, "Know what I want? I want that feeling back. The one after how good you made me feel. When I just wanted to kiss you and I felt all good and wanted you to feel that way too. So, will you kiss me, Yuushi? Please?" Gakuto had this sudden dread that like that first night at Jiroh's, Yuushi might say no.

That Yuushi might have, but this one, Gakuto's Yuushi, he didn't. Instead he made Gakuto smile by saying overly-lovey and serious, "Of course my prince. You're wish is my desire." Yuushi took Gakuto into his strong arms and kissed him. It felt safe and warm and lovey but in a really good way that pushed away everything negative that they had felt, said, and done, and even all the things they still had to deal with in the coming days. It all got pushed far far away.

This felt good and important and fun enough that it was okay to stay in the here and the now. Plus everything felt deeper as if it were all amplified somehow. Magnified. That's the word Yuushi would probably use and then make some lame pun about magnificent and magnets. Gakuto stored that away and tried to focus on the soft touch of Yuushi's lips and the rush of the tensai's breath. Yuushi pulled back and smiled all dopey and Gakuto knew, knew, that the tensai was thinkin something stupid. Like next stop heaven, or back to heaven we go. Something lame like that, but still kinda funny. Just funny enough that when Gakuto tossed back his head and snorted a laugh, Yuushi joined in.

And the next thing he knew, Gakuto gasped because it felt like his every nerve ending suddenly screamed back to life. Because in that fraction of a second, the little time it took for Gakuto to laugh, the damn tensai already started moving. Yuushi's mouth was on his right nipple all swirly, his right hand was on Gakuto's partial erection, and the fingers on Yuushi's other hand were teasing Gakuto's entrance. If it had been anyone else, Gakuto probably woulda kicked them for moving too damn fast. Actually, he thought of hitting Yuushi, not real hard, but hitting him still.

But then the big dope glanced up at him with this look of pure adoration before giving Gakuto's left nipple some action. And Yuushi drawled as if he had all the time in the world, "I do so love it when I have your full attention to the task at hand, my beloved..."

The tensai bent his head and sucked kinda hard at Gakuto's left nipple. Not hard enough to hurt, just hard enough to let Gakuto know Yuushi noticed that his attention kept drifting away. But hell, they had been talkin about a lotta crap tonight. Yuushi couldn't get annoyed at him when it was the tensai's own damn fault for makin Gakuto think about all this stuff in the first place!

Anyone else and Gakuto woulda definitely punched them. "Sh..shut up Yuushi!" Gakuto spat back but only half-heartedly because the tensai was doing that really good thing where he flicked around Gakuto's nipple with his tongue. There was no way Gakuto was going to moan to let him know he liked it. No way in hell. "You want me to pay attention then don't let me get so bored..." Gakuto grinned. That was a nice one. He thought better under pressure.

But so did the tensai, damn it. Whatever Yuushi was gonna do, it was gonna probably be good. Gakuto was a little thrilled at their playing like this. It was exactly what they needed after how serious everything else was. At least, he hoped Yuushi was playing.

Yuushi raised one eyebrow, but it was the left one. The one he did when he wasn't really mad, just playing. With a very straight face and sounding bored like Atobe did, Yuushi said painfully slow, "As you wish, my prince. Your every wish is my desire. Any requests?"

Gakuto laughed. If he told Yuushi to sing the guy probably woulda. "Yeah, make it good. Make it hot, and if you can give me another one of those like before that would be great. Bet I wouldn't pass out if you made me come during too." Gakuto smiled wide at the thought, and then he worried slightly, "Um, nothin that hurts or too weird, okay Yuushi? And, um...if it's okay, I wanna play with you too either during or when you're done. And then, um...can we go to sleep like we always do? Cause it's gettin kinda late, but I still wanna do this first, you know?"

Yuushi's serious face softened to the goofy one. He smiled and nodded, "Okay sweetheart. Nothing that hurts and it will be your turn next if you would like. Gakuto, what I would like to do we haven't quite done yet, but it is not anything too weird and I believe you will enjoy it. May I try? Please? If you want me to stop or switch to something else, just tell me and I will, but...I really do think you will like it...and it's...it's something I've wanted to try with you for a very, very long time." Yuushi just froze in place as if he was giving Gakuto time to think it over.

So Gakuto pretended to think because he already knew without any doubts if it really was something Yuushi really wanted to do, and by the way Yuushi was looking at Gakuto it very much was, Gakuto eventually was gonna have to try it. Not because he necessarily wanted to or because he was even being nice, more because Gakuto knew if it was something Yuushi really wanted, the tensai would figure out a way to get Gakuto to agree. In a lotta ways, Yuushi was very good at bargaining. Mostly because he had already out-thought whoever it was that was stupid enough to try to pull one over on the tensai. Gakuto was not dumb, but he wasn't that stupid to think he could fool Yuushi. About the best he could do was try to get something he wanted in exchange, "So you really think I'll like it? And it's not too weird and won't hurt? And if I don't like it or say stop, you'll stop? You promise?"

"Yes. I swear to you, sweetheart." Yuushi somehow kept his face serious.

Gakuto couldn't and laughed, "Shut up! Don't think I didn't hear all the other stupid crappy things you called me either! I was bein nice, but quit it! I'm not a girl! You'd better not say that in front of any of the guys, Yuushi. I mean it. You ever say that kinda goofy crap in front of another living soul, and I will never forgive you! I mean it! I'll make you wish you'd never met me, Yuushi."

Yuushi smiled and blushed slightly. Gakuto thought he was making some kind of headway with cutting out those stupid phrases from the tensai's vocabulary when Yuushi said all dopey, "That will never happen...Gakuto."

Gakuto could see Yuushi wasn't getting it. He was just gonna say stupid things like that in his head if he couldn't say them out loud. Which was better than all the guys hearing, but still! Now Gakuto had to wonder how long Yuushi had been saying his name while silently calling him other things. Gods, Yuushi was such a dork! Gakuto sighed annoyed but he also couldn't help thinking no one had ever said things like that to him before. He had to fight the smile off his face when he thought about it. Who would call him sweetheart? It was ridiculous. And even more stupid because Yuushi had meant every word he said. Yuushi would only call him sweetheart if he meant he thought not only that Gakuto was a sweetheart, but that Yuushi thought he had a sweet heart.

Over the years, Gakuto'd been called a lot of things. At school Gakuto had been called everything from mean to cold to heartless to a bastard to a slut. Usually he didn't mind because Gakuto knew deep down he was a good person, even if no one ever saw that he was, he knew it. Well, he did and his mom did, but no one else. His mom told him all the time what a good and big heart he had. How he was a loving person who deserved the very best and who deserved be loved. Sure, Gakuto sometimes felt like he was a bad person because of things he said or did, but he tried to do more good than bad. He tried to right any wrongs he caused. He tried to look out for the underdogs and give everyone a fair shot. People were jealous of Gakuto because of his social status. He was a sub-reg and that made things tough for any guy at Hyoutei. Plus, people worried because he had so much information on everyone. But when they said things or judged him, they didn't know Gakuto. Not really. No one really did. Except maybe his mom.

And Yuushi.

Stupid Yuushi who called him sweetheart as if it was a natural thing. Yuushi really knew him, even more than Gakuto's mother did, and Yuushi musta thought that it was true or he wouldn't have said that. Stupid tensai for making Gakuto feel all good and lovey like this. Damn it, Yuushi had him thinkin like a stupid girl. So stupid that Gakuto almost said okay without remembering to bargain more.

Yuushi didn't forget though. He musta thought Gakuto thinkin through all that sweetheart crap was Gakuto hesitating or wanting more before he agreed. "Gakuto," the tensai said, but in a lovey way to let Gakuto know he was thinking something goofy like sweetheart or darling, "Is there anything I can do or say to perhaps..." Yuushi kissed him all soft once by the corner of his mouth. "Persuade..." Yuushi like a whisper brushed his lips across Gakuto's. "You?" Gakuto could feel Yuushi's lips were more puffy than normal from all their kissing. It felt really hot. Even hotter when Yuushi licked his tongue between Gakuto's lips, parting them softly and then he pulled back knowing Gakuto wanted a better kiss than this light, soft teasing.

Gakuto smiled at him in a perfect re-creation of his father when he had a hot sale on the line, "I'm not sure. How bad do you want it, Yuushi?" He heard the rasp of lust in his own voice, but he didn't care when he saw the effect his words were having on the tensai. He reached his mouth up like he was gonna kiss Yuushi, but at the last moment went for the tensai's ear instead. Softly he teased, "How bad do you wanna do this to me, Yuushi? You can at least tell me that. Help me to help you. How bad?" He sucked on Yuushi's earlobe to give the tensai a little time to think. He even thought about leaving a little hickey there because no one but Yuushi would know what it was, but everyone would ask about it. Gakuto smiled at the wicked thought and whispered, "Just how bad do you want me, Yuushi?"

Yuushi to his surprise gave a low, sexy laugh, "Does 'desperately' sound too needy? Because I've been told needy is a turn-off."

Gakuto smiled, "Depends. How desperately we talkin? Like you'll make me dinner for a week desperately? Or we talkin you'll switch and be my lab partner if I let you do whatever it is you wanna do?"

"Whatever I want?" Yuushi raised both eyebrows in surprise and kinda like in a challenge.

"Maybe..." Gakuto said and then quickly qualified, "I guess...as long as I'll like it and it doesn't hurt."

"And..." Yuushi reminded, "as long as it isn't too weird? Do you trust me, Gakuto?"

"Yeah," Gakuto said with a shrug, "I trust you. Of course I trust you. So...what's it gonna be?"

Yuushi trailed his hand suggestively down Gakuto's chest stopping at a nipple to stroke it to full hardness, "That all depends on what exactly is being offered. Dinner for a week doesn't qualify me for whatever I want to do, does it?"

Gakuto had to laugh, "Ha! Not even close, Yuushi. Lab partners. Switch with me. You won't regret it. You know you wanna. Come on! Tell you what...I'll throw in bein your first also." He turned more to face Yuushi and looked deep into his eyes. Gakuto teasingly gave Yuushi what was supposed to be his most wanton and lusty look, but Yuushi was looking at him so intensely and strange it felt weird, but not in a bad way. Everything got changed up somehow to where for several moments they just kept looking at each other. For a long time. It wasn't like a staring contest, but it was something Gakuto never did before and he was feeling a strange tingle in his chest. It wasn't so much a turn-on, although he was turned on, but this was more like a warmth. That spread everywhere. Like the peaceful warmth he felt after that orgasm but this was in his chest instead of all over his body. It was strange, but it was so good. Gakuto wondered if it was from the orgasm, or from Yuushi, or from what, but he felt it would sound stupid to ask.

Not that Yuushi ever said he thought Gakuto was stupid, but he had seen first-hand several times Yuushi dumped people for being really dumb. Or saying stupid things. Or asking idiotic questions. Gakuto didn't want Yuushi to now think maybe he was like that, but he wondered if Yuushi felt it too.

The tensai's hand was on Gakuto's hip. The rounded part of his palm was over Gakuto's hipbone and his fingers were spread over the hollow Gakuto had there. Yuushi's thumb rubbed softly in a nice way. Yuushi was looking at him all goofy and lovey, but it was kind of nice. Gakuto started to wonder what Yuushi was thinking while he looked back at him. Maybe Yuushi was worried. Or scared. He didn't look like it, but just in case Gakuto said, "I wanna, Yuushi. I wanna be your first. I wanna be with you." His inside arm was curled up and his hand was touching the middle of Yuushi's chest. He could feel the tensai's heartbeat. He could measure the rise and fall of Yuushi's every breath. Gakuto's other hand was resting on Yuushi's big upper arm muscle. It was solid as a rock and sculpted perfectly from hours of practice.

Yuushi had a tennis tan. Gakuto knew without looking Yuushi's lower arm was suntanned but his shoulder was a much lighter color. His skin was naturally a little darker than Gakuto's and warm. His skin always felt warm to the touch as if Yuushi had just been standing out in the sun. On impulse, Gakuto kissed the hollow at the base of Yuushi's throat. Then he kissed and licked his way up Yuushi's neck, over his Adams apple and when Gakuto kept going he felt Yuushi moan. His throat vibrated against Gakuto's lips and felt like Yuushi was growling. Or purring. Yuushi sighed softly, "Gakuto..."

The sound of the tensai's whisper made that warm melty feeling in Gakuto's chest combine with the turned-on butterflies kinda feeling he usually felt in his belly. Gakuto reached Yuushi's chin and he pulled back to look at the results of his work. Yuushi looked all goofy and like he was swimming in a sea of lovey feelings and lust. To try to get something from him now Gakuto felt would be unfair and just wrong. He smiled having decided, "You don't have to switch lab partners or make me dinner for a week, Yuushi. I trust you. You can do whatever you want." Silently out of habit Gakuto added and wished... just please don't hurt me...

"No Gakuto," Yuushi said and went to adjust his glasses which he didn't need and wasn't wearing. He smiled slightly as if just now getting it was a silly habit he had. "A deal's a deal. Gakuto, I want you to be my first. I want to be with you. I want to make dinner for you this week. I want to be your lab partner. And, I want to make love to you now in my own way. I will not hurt you and I will not do anything too weird. I promise. You can even stop me if you don't like it and I will hold up my end of the bargain. I swear it. I love you."

"I..." Gakuto went to answer and before he could bite back the shocking word that he went to say without thinking, he realized it was stuck in his throat and wouldn't come out. He figured it was strange and lucky at the same time. Instead he said, "I swear it too, okay?" Gakuto grinned before Yuushi could answer, "You really suck at bargaining, Yuushi. I woulda done it for one dinner if you'da asked all nice." Thrilled he laughed, "You're really gonna be my lab partner now?"

A slow smile spread across Yuushi's face. It was the same look Yuushi always had when he beat someone good at chess. Right after they made a fatal mistake. It was the same one he also had when he figured out an easy way to defeat someone good on the tennis courts, "Yes. I suppose we should wait to switch until after this week's project so our teacher doesn't object, and please let me handle my current lab partner. We've had some problems lately..."

"Yeah. I know. He's been cheatin off you. Did you only just notice?" Gakuto rolled his eyes exasperated, "Why do you think I've been pushin you so hard to switch? Yeah, it'll be fun and yeah, I hate the crazy one I have now, but I was tryin to help you before the teacher..." Gakuto loved chemistry. It was something he had never expected to be good at or into, but he just was. It was kinda cool and interesting. Gakuto really liked it and he was pretty sure Yuushi knew how much he did.

Even though their teacher was not a very good sensei and an idiot because he clearly despised Yuushi, it had become Gakuto's favorite class. It was one of the reasons Gakuto didn't jump on Yuushi's offer of lab partners the beginning of the year. Gakuto found it funny how so many of their teachers seemed to go out of their way to not like Yuushi. And the more they didn't like Yuushi, the harder the tensai went out of his way to get in their good graces which failed miserably. Eventually, Yuushi turned their hating him into a joke. The more rude a teacher was to Yuushi, the more sincere and respectful the tensai appeared. It was comedic genius on Yuushi's part that made the teachers look bad, but Gakuto lately didn't think it was funny anymore.

Back then it was hilarious. Yuushi seemed so weird and goofy. Gakuto's current lab partner seemed nice and pretty. She said if he agreed to be her partner she would do all the work. This was back when Gakuto didn't know how much he would like the class. This was back when he didn't know how much his turning Yuushi down for the pretty girl musta hurt the tensai. Gakuto wanted to set things right. For a lot of reasons.

Because now he knew Yuushi woulda been the better choice. The girl was a psycho stalker. She was way too into Gakuto, and her father was a pharmacist. She knew too much about strange chemistry stuff, and because of that and a lot of other things she did and said, Gakuto strongly suspected she was the one who drugged his drink that night.

Sato just happened to conveniently show up. Just more bad luck and crappy choices for Gakuto.

Not for the first time, Gakuto realized he had really awful taste in people. Or maybe he just got suckered in by someone who seemed all nice because when they met, he thought she was kinda cute.

She wasn't so cute when she so easily got Gakuto more of that drug for Atobe. Of course, she never knew it was for Atobe. She thought it was for Gakuto and she also thought they together were gonna use it to have some fun. She had no idea it was for Atobe--just like Gakuto had no idea Atobe was gonna use it on Shishido. Wheels within wheels. The Hyoutei way. Gakuto learned a lot that day. About her, about Atobe, about Shishido, but mostly he learned he made a really idiotic series of mistakes by only seeing the now and not the possible problems the future could hold if you were too stupid and trusting.

"You...noticed? Oh, you couldn't tell me?" Yuushi frowned and between his eyes this little crease formed and then relaxed as he probably solved what was buried under the sphinx. Gakuto couldn't have told him about his lab partner cheating. They had an honor code--laughable as that seemed--but at Hyoutei it did work. It was just a little warped so everyone could live with it. If Gakuto told Yuushi then the tensai was honor bound to tell their teacher. If Yuushi knew and didn't report it, he was in trouble too for 'helping' the jerk who was using him to cheat. Cheating meant expulsion. "How long ago did you notice?"

Gakuto was surprised and annoyed, "Damn it, Yuushi! You knew? How long did you know? I knew for sure from the last quiz two weeks ago. I thought he mighta been before then, but I saw him that time do it with my own eyes. And I didn't tell you because the teacher is one of the ones who is a real bastard to you. I don't know why you don't stand up to him. He's just jealous of you, you know? But if I'da told you then he woulda found some way to blame you. He woulda loved that! Genius tensai caught helping other kid cheat and both expelled. I've been tryin to get you to switch and I was gonna set a trap for your stupid lab partner when our next quiz happens. Not sure what yet, but I was gonna. Yuushi, you can't let people do things like that to you or bring you down. You're too trusting!"

Smiling as if Gakuto said something lovey, Yuushi said all moony, "I am?"

"Yeah," Gakuto was really annoyed and thought how to get Yuushi out of this delicately. "Look, I'm gonna handle our teacher for you. The guy really likes me and he'll let me switch. I'm gonna make it so I'm asking for the favor for me and you're stuck with me. He'll do it if he thinks you won't like it at all. And we're not gonna wait until this week's project. I'll get the teacher to give us an extra credit thing or something..."

Suddenly Gakuto grinned at his wicked inspiration, "Hey! I know! I'll have him give us and them projects to make up for this week being screwed up with the switch. Your idiot former partner will cheat off her and she's dyslexic. I know and the teacher knows, but your idiot lab partner won't know. She gets the right answers but her math is always screwed up on paper! When he copies her stuff, he'll be busted! It's perfect! And Yuushi?" This was important so Gakuto paused for dramatic effect.

He flopped over to his back and sighed trying to find the right words. Words that wouldn't hurt Yuushi, "Look, I'm not good with sayin stuff like this so I'm just gonna say it. I like you, okay? I like how damn smart you are even if it is annoying and even if it screws up the grade curve in every class. Hyoutei's an escalator school. We're all automatically accepted into Hyoutei high school. There's no reason for you to dumb yourself down so everyone likes you. And you need to stop bein nice to the teachers thinkin that if you're nice to them then they'll like you. They aren't gonna like you and it's their own damn loss. They're idiots and they're jealous of you. Seriously, I know you act stupid all the time and it bugs the hell outta me."

Gakuto turned his head to look up at Yuushi. He met Yuushi's eyes and said, "Just be yourself. I know you're the smartest, so be the smartest. I'll still like you. I'll bet that I'll like you even more if you do. With me by your side no one can touch you here. Not the students and not the teachers. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you or make fun of you. Don't be less than who you are and don't take any more crap from anyone. As a favor to me, will you try it my way and be yourself? 'Be your potential'...?" The last was said in the tone of their Coach, but it wasn't mocking. Gakuto respected the man too much to make fun of him in any way despite all the brilliant guy's eccentricities. Some things and some people you just did not make fun of.

Yuushi stared into his eyes for a long moment. Gakuto wondered if Yuushi felt caught or surprised because he looked kinda like both. Maybe other people didn't realize just how damn smart Yuushi was, but Gakuto did. He saw Yuushi make wrong answers on tests and make other mistakes on purpose to not mess up the class average. Gakuto saw how the teachers smugly made fun of Yuushi to his face while fake-acting like they liked him. It had to stop. Yuushi was too good for all of that.

When he spoke, Yuushi was quiet and his voice sounded rough, "If that is truly what you want then I will, but I warn you it will not be easy."

Gakuto began the part he remembered of another one of their Coach's frequent inspirational speeches, "'Nothing worth having is ever easy and most of the time to get what you want, you are going to have to fight'..."

Yuushi the brain finished it, "'But when you are done, you will have earned your victory with your own blood, sweat, and tears which will make it all the more sweet and rewarding. You have been brought together here and given these chances and opportunities because it is believed you are the best of the best. Prove it. Show everyone that you are the best. Be your potential.'" Yuushi was quiet for a long minute and then sighed, "So, do you think anyone else has noticed?"

"That you dumb yourself down?" Gakuto thought and shrugged, "A few of the teachers maybe. And Atobe probably. But I don't think anyone else. So? You gonna really do it?" Gakuto was a little awed by the possibilities, but at the same time annoyed by them. Taking the muzzle off that giant brain was like letting loose his own personal tsunami. You didn't know where the waves would wash but you knew they were coming and the after-effects would be globally landscape altering. At the same time it kinda sucked because Gakuto would be one of the people who would have to work harder so that when the curve was gone his grades wouldn't suffer. Yuushi would just have to help him if he started to fall behind, because Yuushi deserved to be his best self. Everyone did.

Gakuto had a feeling this was a very good and important thing he was doing for Yuushi. Very good, important, and loving. The kind of thing someone with a sweet heart would do for someone they really cared about.

The tensai's hand was on Gakuto's cheek. His thumb was tracing the contours of Gakuto's cheekbone where it once upon a time was cracked and broken. In a very off-handed way Yuushi said, "Yes, for you I'll be my best self. You're worth it." Yuushi smiled slightly as if thinking some silly tensai pun to himself in his head. The pad of his thumb traced around Gakuto's lips and then his thumb crossed over the center of them, parting them slightly in the middle and slipping into Gakuto's mouth. Gakuto sucked on it teasingly because he could. He enjoyed watching that hot turned-on look return to Yuushi's eyes as Gakuto flicked his tongue around between sucks. Gakuto liked watching with Yuushi. Everything was totally different with the tensai.

Usually Gakuto watched out of a need to protect himself from Sato's wrath or to know how much longer he was gonna have to endure some idiot's hands all over him before he was free to go. With Yuushi, Gakuto watched because it was...enjoyable. It was fun turning him on. It was pleasurable to make Yuushi feel good and that was new.

So was the other reason Gakuto watched Yuushi. He watched to make sure Yuushi was okay with what was going on. It was Gakuto's own way of caring about him. With whatever Yuushi had been through and even though he had done lots of sex stuff, in a lotta ways, Yuushi was innocent. Innocent and naive and even though he seemed okay, Gakuto knew from experience Yuushi really wasn't as okay as he seemed. Sex was weird like that. It felt good and at times like this fooling around was fun and all, but you never knew when something might make you suddenly feel worried or scared. Yuushi took very good care of him and it was the least Gakuto could do to do the same for the tensai.

He smiled around Yuushi's thumb thinking about how good Yuushi took care of him. How good Yuushi made him feel. Gakuto thought to himself if this was as real as Yuushi was makin things feel, then whatever was going on with them was very good. It suddenly made sense to Gakuto that feeling like this about someone and having them feel this back for you was the reason all the fangirls went crazy and why people cried so bad when things ended and you broke up. Gakuto always maintained that love and everything about it sucked. All the times people came to Gakuto insane with jealousy and longing left him feeling jaded. All those people who were desperate and willing to pay whatever price just for a scrap of information on the person they loved left him feeling ill. He held too many hands while someone cried bitterly over love lost. Gakuto just never saw the point of love before.

But as he watched Yuushi looking at him so adoringly while he was just doing something as stupid as sucking the tensai's thumb, Gakuto suddenly understood the rest of it. It was like everyone else understanding a joke, but Gakuto not getting the point until just now. Or like everyone read a book on love and said how wonderful it was, but all Gakuto saw before now was a bunch of miserable and hurting people and what the hell was so wonderful about that?

This though, this feeling between him and Yuushi, how things were, all of this was wonderful. It was like that unbelievable orgasm earlier. He never saw it coming but he wanted more and more. Gakuto knew without even thinking about it--he was hooked on these feelings. He wanted more and more of them. He never wanted it to stop and he wanted Yuushi to feel this incredibly good feeling too.

It occurred to Gakuto for the first time this is why people make themselves so unhappy and crazy over love. They have a small piece of this feeling between him and Yuushi and they get hooked. Most of the time though, Gakuto knew the people who came to him desperate for info and crying, they were in love alone. The other person sometimes wasn't even aware of them or interested in them so Gakuto always thought they kinda broke their own hearts.

It never made sense to him before, but now that he was here and feeling this, it was all clear. Normally, all this lovey stuff woulda scared the hell outta him. The difference now was because these feelings were with Yuushi. Gakuto was pretty sure Yuushi was feeling the same things, so Gakuto felt guarded but at the same time he realized he felt--safe. Maybe because this felt too good to worry. Yeah, they had a lot of bad stuff that happened to each of them, but Gakuto felt good about things. He felt high and happy and hopeful. It was crazy. It was ridiculous. It was wonderful. He felt hopeful together they could get over all the bad stuff. Together. And he would bet anything that Yuushi felt the same. Maybe that was the secret of love. That you both had to feel it. And maybe both had to want it.

Gakuto didn't know. He wasn't even a hundred percent positive that was exactly how he was feeling because he never felt anything like this before. It was wonderful and scary both at the same time and because he knew Yuushi took such good care of him, he decided to take a chance. "Before you do what you wanna do to me, will you do me a favor? Please?" Gakuto added the please so Yuushi knew he was serious.

He wasn't joking around about this.

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More soon! XD

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Two ~ Mukahi

2007-01-03T09:35:46Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Two ~ Mukahi
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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Yuushi promised, swore, and said their oath. Instantly.

Gakuto nodded and lowered his voice just in case anyone could possibly hear, "Atobe slipped the drug to Shishido the night he first he had sex with him. Atobe forced Shishido. He...he raped him. That was their first time together."

Yuushi looked at him shocked, "You can't know that...? How do you possibly...?"

"Yeah, well that's why I had tell you about this. Whatever someone put in my drink at the party that night with Sato made me feel drunk. Like really drunk, and kinda dizzy, and then I felt all hot and really kinda...well, really...horny. But it was more than that. I felt like all turned on and...sexy. Later Sato told me I was me kissin him first and I was really turned on and stuff, but he said after a little while of my being that way that I got real...I dunno, he said kinda like...upset and emotional. He said I started actin like a girl or somethin. Sato said it was weird. I was cryin and tellin him he broke my heart and I needed him and stuff. That kinda girly crap, I guess. All I remember was I felt...vulnerable and at the same time really, really horny. Like more turned on than I ever felt in my life--and it lasted for days after. I felt upset and horny and drugged from it for at least a week after. Maybe even longer. I felt really bad the whole time too, like you know when you're lovesick or gotta broken heart? But at the same time, I felt really sick like I had the flu or something the whole freakin time. But here's the thing Yuushi, what I drank, it was a watered down drop compared to how much Atobe stupidly made Shishido drink."

Gakuto took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to find where to begin, "Okay, so about a week before, Atobe asked me to get Shishido's information for him. Like all of it and he said he would pay me lots but only if no one was to ever know. He said he wanted me to get him even more than I got for other people. I was still workin on gettin it all for him, but Atobe suddenly told me to stop and lose whatever I found. He told me to never ever search on Shishido again--or else. He really threatened me and I couldn't figure out why at first, but what I think happened is that behind all the games and stuff, the truth is Atobe really liked Shishido. He liked him so much that maybe Atobe even had the people of his, these pros we're gonna meet with tomorrow? I think he had them look into Shishido's past and they dug up some something that made Atobe like him even more. Think about it. I mean, you know how Shishido acts sometimes?"

Yuushi nodded.

"Well he has to act like that for a reason. Maybe something like what happened to me or you, maybe somethin like that happened when Shishido was a kid or somethin. I don't know what, but whatever Atobe found out is the kinda thing that made Atobe really deeply care for Shishido. It also musta made Atobe wanna protect Shishido even more than he ever had. So look, I know what Atobe did was horrible. Really horrible, I'm not making any kinda excuses, but you gotta remember this was probably the first time Atobe really liked someone or maybe even loved them, but Shishido kept saying no to him. No matter how Atobe tried to get Shishido to like him back or hell, even just kiss him, Shishido kept sayin no and that he wasn't interested in guys. Atobe didn't know how to handle it. At all. I mean, Atobe isn't used to anyone telling him no or that they're not interested, you know? I think it made Atobe go kinda crazy, and actually, I know Atobe drank some of the drug he gave Shishido. It was like he wanted to share in the way it felt and damn did he. I could tell Atobe was feeling it too that night. But I mean Atobe musta had a tiny sip, and Shishido had a lot--at least hundred times more than what I had. And they were drinking alcohol too so it was even worse."

Yuushi was still looking stunned, "How do you know this? What happened? Why were you there when this happened?"

Gakuto shrugged, "Atobe probably figured he could seduce Shishido with the drug. Plus he saw me and thought I was all into Sato again because of the drug. I guess Atobe musta desperately thought it would do the same thing for him and Shishido. The drug is a clear liquid. It comes in this tiny vial and it has no smell and no taste. You are supposed to put like a drop in someone's drink but no more. I told Atobe that when I got some for him. I didn't want to, but Atobe made me. He said it was to keep me outta trouble with a drug screening and it was my duty because he said it was up to me to keep the team safe. I didn't know he was gonna use it on Shishido, Yuushi. I swear I didn't know, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna take it again. Hell no. Not after how sick it made me. I told Atobe that too because he asked me if I kept any. I told him hell no, and I gave him the whole thing. I told him everything, including how strong it is and that it's dangerous. Hell, his doctor told him when I was given it, but you know Atobe when he has something he really wants. Nothing can stop him. He'll do whatever it takes to win."

Gakuto sighed annoyed remembering, "Atobe later told me he poured the whole damn vial into Shishido's drink while they were drinking together. The idiot put all of it in there and Atobe swallowed the first sip from the glass and then handed it to Shishido who drank it down. Hell Yuushi, what I drank musta been like a watered down drop. Atobe said he and Shishido were kissing at first and everything was fine. He said Shishido was really into it and they had sex and stuff, but then he said...Shishido kinda...lost it. And how I know is because Atobe called me in a panic and sent a car to come get me. Yuushi, when I got there, it was really bad. Atobe was crying. Crying, like real tears and saying, "What have I done, what have I done?" But Shishido...Yuushi, he was...he was bad. Real bad. He was sobbing and then he...." Gakuto shuddered remembering the noise and the sound.

Yuushi held him a little closer and Gakuto thought to himself he never wanted to hear Yuushi make noises like that. Not ever. He didn't even care how stupid the thought was, instead he just went on with his story because it was best to rush right through things that were hard, "Atobe turned the lights out because Shishido was covering his face. I remembered that the light kinda hurt my eyes when I was drugged so I told Atobe to turn them out. When it was dark, he had me hold Shishido while he called his doctor because he didn't know if he should call an ambulance. Shishido cried and cried and cried until he made himself sick and I was thinkin that was good because maybe he would throw it all up, but it made him worse. He got more and more upset. He didn't know where he was or who I was...gods Yuushi, he was in so much pain and he cried so hard...he...he howled..."

Yuushi looked surprised and then confused as if he couldn't relate to hearing that. Or maybe he could.

Gakuto well remembered the sounds of total despair that came out of Shishido's mouth...hell, it sounded like they were coming out of his soul. He shuddered again at the memory and tried to explain, "Do you know the way it sounds when someone cries because they've lost everything or they're hurt so bad they can't stand to be alive or because the one person they love dies? It was like that Yuushi. Just like that. I mean, I've heard people do it in movies and on TV but it was nothing like when someone does it for real. Nothing. It was horrible. And I got angry at Atobe. Look, I know what Sato did to me that night could be called rape because I was drugged, but I don't think he drugged me. I wouldn't put it past the stupid bastard, but Sato didn't think of it or plan it. He's not that smart of a guy. He just happened to come along when I was in a bad way and took advantage of the situation probably stupidly thinking I was into him again. But Atobe, when he saw Shishido like that, when there was nothing he could do and the doctor was racing over and said Shishido might even die, Atobe lost it and got upset. He had no right to get upset when this was his fault. And he planned to do this because he musta figured it was the only way for him to get Shishido. He stupidly did it out of love!"

He shook his head no at the thought because really, deep down he was still angry at Atobe about this. "Look, I've known Atobe since I started at Hyoutei. I know he's not a perfect guy like everyone thinks he is, but he shoulda known better than to do this. Maybe this was the only time Atobe's even been such a bastard and maybe it taught him a lesson. Maybe not, but I couldn't just let it go even if Atobe was on the drug too. I had to do something, or even just say something. A little later, Atobe's doctor showed up and took care of Shishido. Atobe wouldn't call an ambulance saying Shishido hated hospitals so he shouldn't go unless it was life or death, but when the doctor got there Atobe had to be kicked out of the room because he wouldn't leave. Then he lied when the doctor asked what happened. He said Shishido drank at a party and must have had that stuff there. That they both did, and then the idiot told his doctor to check Shishido out everywhere because Atobe thought someone mighta done something to him. He asked to make sure Shishido was okay down there! As if it hadn't been Atobe at all and he acted all mad at some bastard who hurt Shishido. The least Atobe coulda done was to take responsibility for what he did--but he didn't. He was the bastard who hurt him!"

"Know what, Yuushi? I think the doctor knew. Maybe Shishido even told the doctor about what Atobe did to him, I don't know. I do know Atobe during all of this was a mess. I've never seen him like that before or since. He was crying and upset, but still, you know? It was his damn fault. The doctor finished with Shishido and said he would be okay. Shishido wouldn't have to go to the hospital because he threw everything up, but enough was in his bloodstream that the doctor decided to stay the night. Then he gave Atobe something to make him sick so he could get it out of his system quickly, but he warned Atobe he was going to be ill. He said hey were both gonna be. That it would take days to recover. As soon as he got sick and just after he heard Shishido would be okay, Atobe told me to leave. To go home like he was dismissing his damn butler. And then he told me that if I ever told anyone, he would destroy me."

"I couldn't help it Yuushi, before I left and even though Atobe was sick I slapped him right across his stupid perfect face. I told him what a bastard he was and what a disappointment he was. How he had not only let me and the team down, but he let Shishido down and himself too. He was an idiot and someone had to tell him. I told him Shishido would never forgive him and Atobe deserved that more than anything. Atobe looked upset, but a minute later, he was furious. At me. Like I did anything wrong but tell him the truth. He's never forgiven me, and you know what? I don't care. If I didn't say anything to him, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself for not standin up to him!"

"Hell, I was just bein honest that night, but all the rest of the weekend I worried about what Atobe was gonna do to me. I was sure he was gonna do something like shun me or have me expelled, but that first practice, he didn't even say hello to me. He looked like crap, but he completely ignored me. A few days later supposedly after having the flu Shishido came back to school. He musta been still under the drug cause he was lookin like crap too, but I tried to be nice to him. I wanted to tell him it was just the drug and that he was gonna be fine and that I would never tell, but I don't think Shishido even knows I was there that night." Gakuto shrugged, "Maybe Atobe never told him."

"Shishido's never mentioned it, and he's not that good an actor. Plus, you know if Shishido got the chance to say something to piss me off he would. Which is okay I guess, but ever since then, Shishido really hates me. Like maybe some part of him deep down really does know I was there and he blames me. I mean it is my fault in a way cause I got Atobe that drug, but I didn't think any of that would happen. I had no idea Atobe would go so far. For a while, I even thought Atobe told him it was my fault or somethin. I mean Shishido and I were never good friends or anything, but he never was like how he is to me now. You know how he is to me now." Gakuto shrugged, "Anyway, that's what happened. So, thanks for listening. I'm kinda glad you know."

Yuushi kissed him. He kissed Gakuto sweet and swirly and kinda like he had been holding it in for a long time. He kissed Gakuto until he laughed and sighed at the same time. Gakuto laughed because of a sudden rush of feeling really happy, and he sighed in pure pleasure because Yuushi's fingers started moving in him so good again. It felt even better after the pause for them to be touching him again. Yuushi was moving his fingers kinda slow though, like maybe he was worried about Gakuto's feelings or something stupid. Gakuto decided to make them go a little more to his liking than just these sexy back and forth little motions. Gakuto lifted his hips on the bed and started moving with Yuushi's hand. He added rocking back and forth to moving them in and out of himself.

That was feeling kinda good, so he propped himself up on his elbows for more leverage. Yuushi was looking at him strangely. As if he couldn't figure out why Gakuto was doing what he was doing so he explained, "Feels good, Yuushi."

Yuushi kissed him or at least he went to, but Gakuto was already at the tensai's mouth with his own. He suddenly felt very turned on. He kissed Yuushi hot and heavy and he smiled because it felt like he was on that drug but this time, it was for real because he wasn't. That surprised him, but at the same time, it felt really good.

Gakuto really liked that Yuushi met each kiss just as passionately as Gakuto was feeling. Sometimes Gakuto would be really into kissing but the other person wasn't and that or something else could break the mood, but this was hot. Yuushi wasn't holding him too tight and was letting Gakuto do whatever he wanted. He let Gakuto reach for him to keep kissing and let Gakuto decide if the kisses should be short and flirty with just a little teeth or long and deep. Gakuto moaned and kept moving his hips. He started doin these tiny circles with the in and out of Yuushi's fingers and curled his lower back up and down. He could feel his erection bobbing in time with his moving and even that felt good slapping against his own taught muscular belly. What Gakuto was doing probably looked stupid he guessed, kinda like he was having sex with the air or something, but things like looking stupid when it felt really good never bothered Yuushi.

Yuushi laughed in this sexy chuckle, "Show me what feels good, Gakuto. You look so beautiful when you're excited like this." Yuushi kissed him all hot and good. So good it made Gakuto whimper. The tensai moved to kiss Gakuto's ear all swirly and whispered, "That's it, Gakuto. Fuck yourself on my fingers..."

Surprised, Gakuto stopped and pulled away to look at Yuushi. It had been feeling really good, but he was tempted to stop completely because that wasn't something Yuushi shoulda been saying. Sure, it sounded hot, but it didn't sound like something someone who cared about you should say. It kinda sounded like something a sex friend would say or stupid Sato. Gakuto's feelings were kinda hurt, but Yuushi didn't even seem to notice.

Yuushi kissed him again and said sounding all turned on, "I love how sexy you are." He kissed Gakuto again but Gakuto did not kiss him back.

Hell no. Gakuto even stopped moving and dropped his hips back down to the bed.

Immediately Yuushi was attentive, "What? Do you want to stop? What's wrong?"

"No. Nothing's wrong." Actually, now Yuushi was looking so concerned at him that Gakuto felt stupid. He shrugged, "You just don't... I dunno, you just don't...really swear or curse...usually. Well, actually you don't ever."

"Oh." A surprisingly cute blush worked its way up Yuushi's cheeks. Gakuto mentally cursed himself out for ruining the moment while the tensai tried to explain, "I apologize. It's just...you looked so beautiful...I felt excited and very turned on and the words just...sort of...came out...but, I didn't mean anything negative by it."

Gakuto kissed him. Otherwise he figured Yuushi would say how sorry he was all night. He laughed a little, "It's okay, Yuushi." He laughed a little more when he saw how confused Yuushi was by him. "It's really okay. It just kinda surprised me. I think I've only heard you swear like four times and tonight you've done it twice. Once when you hit your leg earlier and just now. But I," Gakuto thought about it and decided it was true, "I kinda liked you using words like that now. It surprised me, but at the same time, it was kinda...hot." He shrugged and smiled, "It was really sexy, Yuushi. You were sexy. I...I liked it."

A blush from the complements began crawling back up Yuushi's cheeks. It was kinda adorable because Yuushi always seemed so stoic around other people. Gakuto loved getting to him.

Yuushi moved back to Gakuto's ear and kissed it swirly. At the same time, he began moving his fingers inside Gakuto again.

Gakuto started moving with him one more time and Yuushi whispered, "I love you. If I look sexy, it's because you make me look that way. You turn me on so much, Gakuto. I want you. I want you more than you can ever begin to imagine."

Yuushi's lips found Gakuto's and then the tensai's clever tongue licked along the seam of Gakuto's mouth. Gakuto started moving himself a little faster and doing those small circles again. He was trying to keep his lips shut and enjoy the teasings of Yuushi's tongue, but the tensai's fingers flickered deep inside him. Just over that really good place inside of him and Gakuto moaned softly. Gakuto felt that hot ache settle low in his belly, along his thighs, and deep into his groin like fire.

Yuushi used the opportunity of Gakuto's mouth being open to slide his searching tongue inside. The tensai licked at his tongue and teeth and after teasing him a second, Gakuto couldn't resist any more. He returned the kiss just as hungry for more. With Yuushi's tongue tangling seductively against Gakuto's, the tensai brought his other hand around to touch Gakuto's throbbing and bouncing erection. Yuushi stroked him lightly from the base of his shaft to his swollen head, and teasing his foreskin back slid his thumb across the swollen crown, lubricating Gakuto with his own slick moisture that seeped from the tip.

Gakuto's breathing quickened. He felt warm all over and heat building up in him from somewhere deep inside. Gakuto started moving faster and faster on Yuushi's fingers, "Ohhh...Yuushi...ahhh...you'd better hold me back because ohhh I'm gonna come..."

He waited for Yuushi's hand to clamp over him, but nothing happened. Yuushi whispered all lovey, "Lover, tonight I'll let you come as many times as you can. Come for me Gakuto. You're so gorgeous."

He didn't plan on doing this, but Gakuto wanted to keep that warm feeling going. Maybe even make it more so he started moving himself on Yuushi's fingers faster and faster, almost frantically. It was like he couldn't stop. Taki had this toy computer robot and when they broke it by feeding it too many commands before it short-circuited, it started acting all spazzy and jerky, That was how Gakuto felt right now, but he couldn't stop moving. It just felt too good to stop. He whimpered never wanting it to stop and hoping Yuushi didn't think he was acting too weird or something. He hoped Yuushi didn't take his fingers away or stop touching him. He felt more and more heat build up in him and he whimpered again.

Yuushi whispered all lovey and like Gakuto was doing something astounding insteada something weird, "Gakuto, yes, yes...just like that. You're so beautiful. Don't stop, lover. Does it feel good? That's it. I'll help you. Here..." He didn't know what the hell Yuushi did inside him, but it felt as if something amazing burst and suddenly there was even more warmth in a flood all over him. Gakuto felt his entire body shaking like there was an earthquake coming from his insides out. He kept moving furiously fast up and down in almost a blur. His breath was coming in ragged pants and the pleasure and heat felt almost unbearable. Yuushi whispered, "I love you Gakuto...."

Gakuto mouthed, "Yuushi..." And then the damn inside him broke. Gakuto threw his head back and went to scream because it felt so incredible, but no sound came out of his mouth. His every muscle and joint locked and he gasped for air and then huffed it out as soon as he got some. He felt his insides pull Yuushi's fingers more into him and then push them out and then back in and each little motion flooded his body with more and more rolling waves of liquid heat and ecstasy. It seemed to go on forever and left him dazed and weak when it finally stopped. Gakuto sagged like he was boneless and spent on his elbows and heels. Yuushi cradled him in his arms before he could flop to the mattress unable to hold himself up any more.

But that pleasurable warmth remained with these unbelievable tingling aftershocks everywhere Yuushi touched his skin. Gakuto was still trembling as he reached out to kiss Yuushi to keep that feeling going and make the contact more. What was left behind was the strongest sense of affection and...peace he had ever known. As if everything was right in the world just as long as Gakuto could stay here in Yuushi's arms and they could kiss forever. Gakuto didn't want the feeling to end and he didn't have any idea how to explain to Yuushi how he felt about everything that just happened, so he just kissed the tensai for the longest time.

Yuushi was smiling and looking at Gakuto as if he was the goose that just laid the golden egg. He was looking at Gakuto all nice and goofy and like Gakuto just did something remarkable insteada have an orgasm, "That hit you hard."

Gakuto felt stupid, but still very, very good. Too good to worry about how stupid he just acted, "Mmhmm Yuushi...cause...wow." Gakuto smiled at how he couldn't even talk and for once, that was fine too. He thought his smile probably looked as lovey and goofy as Yuushi's, but right then he felt too good to give a damn. "Hmm....I think that was the best damn orgasm I ever had. I'm still feelin it. I never want it to end, Yuushi." Gakuto kissed him affectionately. After all, it was all Yuushi's fault he felt so damn good.

"What does it feel like?" Yuushi looked even more pleased with him--as if that was even possible.

Gakuto sighed contentedly, "Hmmm...feels like warmth...heat...everywhere and like something exploded inside me...I'm sorry, I bet I came everywhe...what the...!" Gakuto felt his chest and stomach and only then realized he was still hard. He hadn't come at all. Alarmed he asked, "What the hell did you do Yuushi? Why didn't I...? What did you do to me?"

Yuushi kissed him smiling. The tensai kept kissing him with a sexy little chuckle. The kissing brought those good feelings rushing back to almost take away the panicky ones of something being wrong. Almost.

The tensai held him a little tighter and said in a comforting voice, "It's okay, my prince. I promise you, it's all right. You've never had an orgasm like that before?"

Gakuto shook his head no and blinked back tears. He was scared and confused when just a minute ago it had been the best sex thing Gakuto had ever felt. Maybe those bursting and exploding feelings had been things inside him breaking. But, it felt really good at the time so Gakuto didn't understand. Or think it was fair. If Yuushi played a trick on him, then this was the meanest thing anyone had ever done to him.

Yuushi softly kissed him and parted his hair as if that mattered at a time like this. While he separated the hairs on side to side, he said, "I swear, it's alright. It just feels very intense. It's called an anal orgasm and while both men and women can have them, they are exceedingly, exceptionally rare. Once someone has one however, in theory they can have them again. Some people are reported to have them one after another. Remember when I told you that you can have an orgasm but not ejaculate? And that you can ejaculate but not have an orgasm? That one doesn't always have to do with the other? That is what happened. It is perfectly normal and nothing is wrong with you. It's nothing I did and I swear to you that I didn't do anything weird. I would never hurt you, Gakuto." Yuushi's voice sounded all funny so Gakuto looked at him. For some reason, the tensai had tears in his eyes, "I love you. And you...that was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced...I could feel your muscles contracting around my fingers...and it was so...you were so beautiful..."

Gakuto's voice sounded like he had been gargling with rocks or screaming even to him, "You ever had one?" He was curious and still felt dazed. He wasn't sure why Yuushi was so moved and he wasn't sure if he was okay with this.

Yuushi nodded, "Once. When I was nine. Never since. Although," he looked suddenly shyly over at Gakuto and said softly, "I really want to with you someday. I...I mean it when I tell you that they are very rare. Most people never experience one during their entire lives. After one happened to me, I tried to make it happen again on my own for a little while, but never could again. And then things went downhill from there as you know, but I remember how it felt. I remember that very well."

Gakuto asked, "Did you come when you had one?"

Yuushi shook his head no.

"Can someone?" Gakuto was very intrigued now that his fears were receding. It was incredible. He could still feel a small bit of that warmth. He couldn't imagine feeling more. In fact, part of him wanted to try it again immediately just to keep feeling it and to see if he could again. He had an idea that if he couldn't, he would keep trying for the rest of his life. It had been that pleasurable. For the first time, Gakuto kinda got why some people became addicted to sex. Hell, something feeling that amazing was probably why people got hooked on drugs and stuff.

Yuushi nodded. "In theory, yes. But from what I've read, when someone does ejaculate while having that kind of orgasm, they usually pass out from the pleasure. People who have experienced it say it's too intense and one account I read, the person said it washed them away, but when they woke up they felt the after-effects and they notice they've ejaculated."

"It only happened the one time to you?" Gakuto was curious and suddenly jealous. "You didn't want to try it again with someone?"

Yuushi slowly shook his head no. "For me, when it happened, I felt afraid because it was so..."

Gakuto felt his eyebrows raise because Yuushi was never at a loss for words. He tried to fill in the blank, "Intense?"

"Yes." Yuushi nodded, "Yes, that is a very accurate description. Intense. However I knew even then that I was positively with the wrong person. I knew without question that while I had feelings of affection for my tutor, they were not feelings of love or of being in love. How did you feel right after the orgasm?"

Gakuto looked at Yuushi suspiciously. "I don't know what you want me to say. And don't say all serious the truth because...because...Yuushi, I'm a person, not a lab rat or...or an experiment!"

Yuushi's eyebrows met each other in a furrow like they always did whenever the tensai was confused by something Gakuto said.

Gakuto sighed, "Look, I don't know if you realize it or not, but you ask crap that to like every person you mess around with. Yeah, you do, and they all tell me that you ask them all these questions and then outta nowhere you break up with them, Yuushi. So, I don't know what answer is the right answer, or if anything is, or if you just ask questions like this when you're done with someone, or what, but...I'm not playin your damn head games, tensai!"

There.

Gakuto told Yuushi exactly how he was feeling. So why did he feel worse about having said it? That space between them was back and felt bigger than ever. Gakuto crossed his arms around his chest and wondered how this had all suddenly gone so wrong.

"Gakuto?" Yuushi said softly after a long moment, "I do not want to break up with you. At all. Ever. There is not a right or a wrong answer. If I have asked people before you questions, it was only because I was confused by love and trying to make sense out of it. The people I dated before you did not even know that they and I didn't even have intercourse. They had no clue regarding my past. They did not know me, I barely knew them, and yet they kept telling me that they loved me."

Gakuto was really jealous suddenly. Of everyone who had ever been with Yuushi or even kissed the tensai before him. Every single one of them who had been swirly kissed. And tensai tricked. Every one of them still somehow turned Yuushi's head. But what really burned is all those people could throw around a word like love so easily when for Gakuto he couldn't even say that word when he was joking around. There are some things you just shouldn't say unless you really, really mean them.

"I just wanted to understand." Yuushi continued explaining. "When I had one of those orgasms, it was intense and frightening, but the moment it was over, all I wanted was to be away from my tutor. I knew right then I saw him as an older brother only and that my feelings for him were a mixture of hatred for what he had done to me, revulsion, and pain because he should have been my best friend and my older brother and would never be."

Gakuto looked at Yuushi and wondered if he was crazy, "Yuushi, do you think I wanna be away from you now? That I find you gross or something? Is that what you're worried about?"

Yuushi looked like he was afraid to answer.

Gakuto rolled his eyes, "Look, you wanna know how I felt? It sounds all stupid but what I wanted more than anything was to kiss you. During and after. That's all I wanted was to kiss you and hold you close and I wanted it to never stop. That's what I felt!" Gakuto turned his back on Yuushi with one quick flip. He kept his arms folded and said in a huff, "You supposedly lo...like me so much and have for all this time, but you dated and messed around with person after person after person, Yuushi!"

He was bitterly jealous and confused. Stupid tensai! This was all probably some stupid big mind game. Gakuto felt stupid hot tears stinging his eyes and he blinked them back. No way was he going to wipe them away and let Yuushi see that the stupid tensai made him cry. It had been a long and difficult day and Gakuto was tired. And he felt so good just a moment ago...he tried to find that little lingering piece of warmth but...it was gone. Like it had never been there at all.

Yuushi moved and put his chest on Gakuto's naked back. It was warm and solid. So were his arms that had been around Gakuto this entire time. Even when he turned away, Gakuto hadn't gone far. Because he hadn't wanted to. In fact, Gakuto was a little afraid that if he went into the other room, it could spell disaster for both of them. So he stayed and felt one hot tear slide past the bridge of his nose and fall into his other eye. The combined big stupid tear dropped to the bedspread with a barely audible sound. A stupid little plip that gave away his crying.

His tears had fallen before. They fell just like this his and Yuushi's first night together. In Jiroh's room.

As if remembering that too, Yuushi's arms tightened around him, "I love you."

Gakuto shrugged after a moment of silence. He wanted Yuushi to continue and was willing to listen.

Yuushi sighed, "Now you are going to think I'm insane. Gakuto, do you remember the name of the first girl I dated at Hyoutei?"

"Yeah. Hiromi-chan." Gakuto said it instantly. He knew Yuushi remembered everything so why the hell was he asking Gakuto?

"She...has eyes like yours." Yuushi said as if he was embarrassed by this. Gakuto went to tell him to open his eyes and look again because she certainly did not when Yuushi said, "Not your color, of course. No one has eyes as amazing as yours, but size and shape, I later realized my attraction to her was because she has eyes like yours. Remember the second girl? Jun's mouth is similar to yours and she loves dancing so she is very lithe and flexible. Much like you, but not as good as you. Remember the first guy? Nao-kun is around your height and build. Kai has a similar hairstyle and hair type to you. Yoshimi has hands very similar to yours. Gakuto, what I'm trying to say is that even I didn't realize this at first, but everyone I've ever dated, every single person, even before I met you, every one of them has similarities to you. Yes, nearly all of them confessed to me first, but if they had nothing in common with you, then I was not interested or attracted to them."

Yuushi shrugged. Gakuto could feel him do it from behind and he could feel Yuushi's breath warm and moist and sweet on the back of his neck. Yuushi said, "I didn't know that I would be lucky enough to be with you like this, but what I'm trying to say is that I have always loved you, Gakuto. Perhaps even before I met you. I don't think it's that you're my type, instead I think...rather, what I feel is that I've been always looking specifically for you. Had I not met you here, I would have continued to search my entire life for you. When I first realized this, my feelings for you and the depth of them awed me. I asked a lot of people questions because each person seemed so certain they were supposed to be with me, and I was so certain they were not. I wondered perhaps if being with you, if being in love with you was just wishful thinking on my part as it seemed to be on theirs. Do you want to know what they answered when I asked?"

Gakuto turned slightly so he could see Yuushi, "They told me what they said and that it was never the right answer. So you dumped them."

Yuushi shrugged, "When I asked them how they felt right after they had an orgasm, 59 percent of them said they felt good or some similar adjective was also used. 23 percent said they felt turned on. Eleven percent said they felt happy. Six point nine percent said they felt sleepy. Only one person gave me a completely different answer. Only you, Gakuto. Only you wanted to kiss me and hold me close and said you never wanted it to stop. By it, you meant the way it felt, correct? The way you felt?"

Gakuto thought and turned a little more in the tensai's arms. Yuushi helped him get settled. "Yeah. That's kinda the way I feel, but I mean everything. How everything felt. It was kinda intense and good and warm and peaceful and everything felt good and...I dunno just kinda...right. Like everything was supposed to be just like this. And I wanted you to feel that way too. With me. You know what I mean?" Gakuto shrugged, "I've never felt jealous before, but I feel jealous with you."

His leg started shaking on its own as he thought about it, "Do you think that's a good thing, Yuushi? I mean the whole time Sato was with Taki I never really felt jealous. I mean the first day and all yeah, but even that day I was more hurt and shocked than anything. And I was kinda jealous when you were first with Azukizawa. I mean I was gonna warn you, but you were just with him on that one date and it was over so there was nothin to warn you about. You really broke his heart. That was kinda cool. He was really hung up on you after so it musta been intense for him."

Gakuto felt a flare of jealousy at that, but for a long time actually he wondered how Yuushi had been able to break Azukizawa's heart when Gakuto hadn't. He spent a lot of time with Azukizawa and when it was over other than a few long stares and a few late night phone calls Gakuto ignored, there was nothing. With Yuushi, Azukizawa went all out. He sent flowers and books to the tensai supposedly because they had a fight, but Yuushi told Gakuto that wasn't true. The tensai just said he wasn't interested and Azukizawa didn't know how to take someone telling him thanks, but no.

Yuushi shrugged, "I am not sure if jealousy is a good indicator or not. I can tell you that I feel jealous regarding who you're with or interested in all of the time. I always have. In a strange way, I feel pleased that you're jealous." Yuushi parted Gakuto's hair with his finger and kissed him softly on the cheek. "As far as Azukizawa, it wasn't very intense at all. No. Not really. Not much happened other than what I told you. There was a big difference for me in that I sought him out, as I told you. That was because Taki accidentally mentioned something about you and him. I got to know him only to ask him questions about you. The truth is, because you and I are friends and seen by so many as close, I believe Azukizawa attempted to transfer his feelings for you onto me. He really had and perhaps still has feelings for you. Would you like me to give you more details?"

Gakuto nodded. He felt placated that Yuushi was so willing to tell him things. He also liked that the sneaky tensai was running his hand along Gakuto's skin as they talked. He wasn't touching Gakuto's erection, but Yuushi was getting closer and closer with each long pass over Gakuto's arm, his belly, and his leg. Gakuto smiled and decided to just play along. It was good when Yuushi took charge of things, and even better because it was like Yuushi just couldn't resist touching him.

Yuushi said, "Azukizawa's entire seduction was a large box of chocolates with liquor inside them. He ended up eating the whole box, getting drunk on them, and when he was all over me, I just used my hand on him. He whispered your name when he came Gakuto, and then he wept. I don't even think he remembered exactly what happened between us, but he did feel bad for being drunk. He only was heartbroken when I told him I was not interested in him because losing me was really him losing you again. I felt guilty for asking him to bring up so many things about you, and not really being interested in him, but I never told him I was interested in him. He just assumed. I think at one point he even wondered if I was with you or if you had sent me, which of course you hadn't. I do have some free information for you if you'd like? He no longer speaks to his best friend. The kendo club was restructured after that night, and he said this year, next year's captain will be picked for the first time by vote. I am guessing that means they no longer do their freshman sharing thing, which is a positive. Another thing you might want to look into is Azukizawa said Naka-san's death was labeled as an accident--not as a suicide, but he also mentioned everyone in the kendo club believes Naka-san was killed. Azukizawa specifically said he was sure Naka-san was murdered and that his death deserved further investigation, but the school was not doing anything about it."

Gakuto looked at Yuushi in total shock, "Why didn't you tell me any of this before now? You shoulda came to me and said...!"

Yuushi put his hand up as if worried Gakuto would really hit him, "I am sorry. I had no idea that you knew Naka-san. I truly did not know. My only knowledge of him was from hearing that he took his life as everyone believes. I didn't see what good there could be in telling you something someone said to me in confidence when they were drunk and vulnerable. I told you at my first opportunity and I will even help you do some research, all right?"

"How?" Gakuto's leg was shaking furiously and he stopped it as soon as he realized.

"A friend of my father's works for the police here. I can ask him to discreetly get us some information. He's done it for me before." Yuushi looked at Gakuto, "With you. He's the one who helped me in the beginning find the information, but he doesn't know everything. I'll meet with him or call him. You won't ever have to see him." Gakuto was shocked and angry but mostly just stunned. "Gakuto, before you react, please listen. I've known this man all my life. He knows my family well and he knows all about me and what happened to me. He did a lot of the investigation on my tutor that helped keep me safe. I wouldn't have gone to him if I didn't trust him, and I had no idea when I asked him to see if there was any information about you that it would be..."

Gakuto put his hand over Yuushi's mouth. "It...it's okay, Yuushi. I was wonderin how you found out and now I know. You musta been surprised as hell, huh?" Around his hand, Yuushi nodded. "Can you tell me one thing, Yuushi? If he didn't tell you about what happened to me, would you have ever known?"

Yuushi shook his head no. He kissed and then took Gakuto's hand in his own to answer, "No. In fact, I had a hard time believing anything like that happened to you. For a long time, I thought it was someone else that happened to because even knowing you well, I couldn't tell. You deal with it so well. No one would ever suspect and if they ever did find out, I'm sure they would never believe it was true. You deal with it so much better than I..." Yuushi swallowed hard as if fighting himself. It was like the words were stuck in his throat and he was having a hard time choking them out.

Yuushi looked away and then he got that look on his face when he was being too hard on himself. He did that a lot. After a tennis match or a party, Yuushi would often ask Gakuto how he did and beat himself up for stupid things he felt he didn't do or did. It always made Gakuto uncomfortable when Yuushi did it. Uncomfortable and wonder because Hyoutei wasn't a place where you wore your heart on your sleeve and admitted all your insecurities and flaws. Gakuto only got just then that Yuushi did it with him only because Gakuto's opinions mattered that much to the tensai. Yeah, for a genius, Yuushi could really be an idiot. An adorable idiot. Gakuto would rather have Yuushi humble and willing to work on himself than someone like Atobe who thought everything he did was perfect, but the tensai was still an idiot. Gakuto was gonna have to work with Yuushi on that.

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Thanks for reading!!! XDDD
More very soon! Theres a huge happening on the horizon too. O_O

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred One ~Shishido~

2006-10-18T05:14:52Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred One ~Shishido~
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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"Lay down on the bed, baby." Shishido added so it didn't seem like an order, "Please?" He took Choutarou by the hand and helped him. Adorably and almost automatically Choutarou switched hands to try to cover up his large erection. Tried and failed, but his blushing over it was so damn cute.

Shishido tried to think of some way to quickly relax and reassure the shy freshman without being too obvious. He thought how easy girls were. With a girl all Shishido had to say to one who seemed shy or hesitant was she was pretty or had a nice body. Next thing he knew the girl would be all over him and willing to do whatever he wanted. Hell, most of the time he was the one trying to slow the girl down. One of Gakuto's more common jabs was how bored Shishido must be with all the girls. The little redheaded bastard would comment whenever he had a chance that all Shishido had to do was, "give one crooked smile and a flip of his hair and a girl will be on her back with her legs in the air faster than a hot knife cuts through butter..."

The only way to shut the little computer dork up when he got on this subject was to point out to Gakuto how he was just jealous, but the damage once again would already be done. It wasn't that the guys always laughed. It wasn't even how Atobe looked for a moment annoyed every time or how Choutarou always looked in pain while everyone laughed like it was the first time they heard this rather than the ten millionth. No. The girls on their back joke hit too close to home to be in any way funny to Shishido. It was close to true, but not in a ha ha funny way. Not when you understood what Gakuto was really saying.

Shishido wasn't stupid no matter how many times the little shrimp called him that. He knew the girls offered little challenge, but whatever, it didn't matter because in his heart, Shishido knew it wasn't really him, or Gakuto, or even any of the other Hyoutei regular or sub-regular guys the girls were after. Not the majority of the girls they knew anyway. Hyoutei girls weren't actually looking for love or a guy's heart. No matter how real it seemed at the time, or what they promised, the girls did not have true intentions. Their feelings were not real. None of it was.

On the surface, an outsider looking in might just think it was normal teenage love and sex going on, but at Hyoutei looks were always deceiving. A pretty smile usually was hiding a smirk or a scowl. Romantic words were said and promises were made without an iota of feeling or intention behind them. Vows were exchanged in the heat of the moment and conveniently forgotten the next day.

The guys laughed because everyone knew how much it sucked, but there was nothing a guy could do except try to enjoy the few perks he had. You had to try to enjoy the sex at the time, but know to not get too attached because it's not you a girl really wants or loves or even likes. Only another guy who was a sub-regular or regular in the tennis club like Shishido could really understand. Only another guy who had everything -- status, popularity, power -- and still he found himself skilfully played by the girls enough times would know. Only someone else who had on the surface everything a girl would want could know the horrible realization the girl you're dating and like, her feelings for you aren't real at all.

More than anything, Shishido didn't want Choutarou to know or experience any of this.

Choutarou was not just a challenge for Shishido. Yeah, it was intriguing that the freshman was not about to let his big brother touch him wherever he wanted just because Shishido gave a few complements to the shy freshman. No way. Choutarou was even more than a worthy, lofty goal simply because he was real. Amazingly real and pure. Choutarou wanted Shishido for no other reason but he felt something for his senpai. A real person like Choutarou having feelings for someone like Shishido at a place like Hyoutei -- Shishido considered it as damn near a miracle as he was ever going to get.

And even more miraculous, Shishido sensed Choutarou's feelings for him were real and true. There were no benefits Choutarou would receive for falling for him. He wouldn't impress anyone with how cool he was because he might be gay or bi -- that had been happening lately with all the girls squealing over some actor who recently came out of the closet. The girls might squeal over someone famous, but they wanted the guys at Hyoutei -- especially more popular ones like him and Atobe to be straight. When they were together, the girls offered both Shishido and Atobe if they were up for tons of threesomes and orgies. It had nothing to do with sex or really liking either of them. It was simply opportunistic girls trying to split them apart and hoping to gain favor of one or both of them in the exchange. Or girls hoping to get gossip on them and gain an advantage that way. Without ever talking about it, he and Atobe laughed and told the girls they were being ridiculous. No way would either of them sleep with another guy. They insisted they were just good friends. Surprisingly, their each saying no and denying anything was going on only made the offers increase. Even after they were over. Girls and guys approached them separately and together promising them anything -- just for a little bit of power and momentary school status.

It annoyed Atobe, but it sickened Shishido. After a while, after Atobe, he sort of stopped dating. All he was getting were offers that were about him and Atobe being together or not being together more than people having real feelings for him, and it just hurt too much to think about.

Choutarou wasn't a common tennis club member who slyly hoped that by sleeping with Shishido he could improve his status and move up early. He wasn't some guy without money or a name looking to gain favor by stealing away what Atobe wanted to maybe trade Shishido back to the Vice-Captain for reward. He wasn't a conniving girl trying to get close to Shishido to gain popularity or status or power or anything else. He simply seemed to want Shishido's heart.

Just his heart.

This changed everything. It made Shishido want, will, and wish the freshman would fall for him in a way that was lasting, real, and tangible...and it made him want to protect Choutarou fiercely.

Yes, on one hand Shishido felt bad because two men being together would mean Choutarou would give up a lot of things -- they both would. He'd worried over this already to himself, but Shishido decided before they ever kissed that he was willing to try to make up for anything Choutarou might miss out on.

Shishido considered all of this long and hard. He even calmly assessed what he himself would gain and lose here, and even though his stupid piece of crap laptop rebooted itself and he lost the list before he could save or finish it, Shishido already knew this was worth it. He decided no matter what happened, he would give Choutarou whatever he had and do whatever he could to just to make this work -- whatever it took to make Choutarou happy. And that started right now with him making the freshman feel relaxed and comfortable -- before pleasing the hell out of him in ways the naive guy hopefully didn't yet know existed.

Shishido smiled at the thought. He let go of Choutarou's hand just before he stretched out alongside him. He lay on his side and propped his head up in his left hand to look at him. Shishido slid his right hand along the perfectly toned muscles of Choutarou's chest. He liked the way his own long hair spilled dark and soft over across Choutarou's pale shoulder when they lay together. Choutarou had a perfect tennis tan. He had tan hands and arms until the center of his biceps. Where their tennis jersey shirt fell there was a solid line. Above the line, the freshman had almost porcelain white skin.

It was surprisingly attractive. Warm, soft, pale skin tight over solid, hard muscle. Now that he was looking so closely, Shishido thought to himself Choutarou had nice nipples too. Girls would be jealous if they saw because they were the perfect pink color and size. Plus for some reason, they always seemed partially hard. Very kissable. In fact, unable to resist, Shishido moved in closer for a taste. He sucked and kissed on the one nearest him, bringing it to full hardness in his mouth.

Choutarou tensed up when Shishido first licked and kissed his chest, but after a moment he felt the freshman relax. Shishido moved to give some attention to Choutarou's poor other neglected nipple. When Choutarou sighed in one of his little turned on noises, Shishido looked up and smiled at him. He noticed for the first time how long Choutarou's eyelashes were. Long and a darker brown, about the color of Choutarou's eyebrows but their tips were bleached blond by the sun. He was so cute.

His little brother was probably thinking Shishido had mistaken him for a girl by licking at his nipple, but then Choutarou must have discovered it felt good to be kissed there. His nipples hardened like a fist each time Shishido touched one with a finger or his tongue, and Choutarou sighed in one of those little hot noises. His hard nipples were so pink and perfect that idly Shishido wondered where else on the freshman's body he might find this pleasingly pink color. Just the thought brought Shishido's erection completely back to life. Not that he'd gone completely soft. Not while touching Choutarou and laying this close to him.

Shishido paused a moment to feel the freshman's heart beating beneath the palm of his hand, like a warm, strong affirmation. Wanting to explore and maybe teach the freshman more new things that felt really good, Shishido began sliding his hand down lower.

"B...but Shishido-san?" The freshman seemed to hesitate as Shishido's hand moved down his cut stomach. All their long hours of practice gave Choutarou an enviable six pack there. Different from the way Shishido was more naturally cut, but nice. Sliding lower to the V shaped muscles of his lower abdomen, Shishido attempted to move Choutarou's hand away or at least replace it with his own. Choutarou suggested brightly, "It's just you...you said we could do it together, Shi...Shishido-senpai?" The freshman looked very hopeful and adorably flushed with a strange, beguiling combination of bashful innocence mixed with being completely turned. It was something only Choutarou could honestly pull off.

Shishido didn't want to force Choutarou or make him feel uncomfortable so he stopped trying to pull the freshman's hand away. Instead he reached up to gently stroke a fingertip over Choutarou's kiss-swollen red lips, tracing their supple outline.

Choutarou's gaze moved to Shishido's face. The freshman had this naked expression that looked somewhere between intense interest in what they were doing, personal embarrassment of Shishido seeing him naked, and complete adoration of his senpai. In many ways, he seemed almost surprised Shishido was even there with him. Almost like Choutarou still worried this all might just be a very good dream or fantasy that could disappear at any moment.

Shishido absently half-smiled at how very perfect and beautiful his little brother really was, "Mmhmm...we will. Together. Don't worry. I just want to touch my little brother a moment first. I love your mouth, baby. I love how you kiss..." Shishido drew his thumb across the seam of Choutarou's mouth and the freshman surprisingly licked and sucked at it.

Choutarou closed his eyes and practically growled a little noise of wanton lust. Such a quiet sound, but he was trying to make more noise at least. He was expressing he was very turned on and enjoying this, and all just from Shishido's thumb. Damn, that was hot.

Shishido smiled more and dropped his head to his arm to purr into Choutarou's ear, "Mnnn...see how sexy you are? I love it when you do hot things like that, baby."

"S...sexy? Hot?" Choutarou stammered and gave a small laugh that sounded self-mocking, "Ha ha. M...me? Sexy? I'm not sexy Shishido-senpai, but you are so..."

Shishido silenced whatever Choutarou was going to say with a kiss. It was annoying how the freshman couldn't see himself for the amazing and desirable person he was. Still, Shishido decided he should count it as a blessing. If Choutarou ever did learn just how hot, sexy, and adorable he was, he'd be a total monster to live with and love. The other side of Shishido's mouth turned up into a full smile as he thought how ironic it would be to witness his little brother become the next Atobe. Well, Shishido'd make damn sure that never happened, although with Choutarou there was no way in hell it would. No way. Choutarou was just too damn cute and lovable and trusting. He was amazing. And he kissed so damn good...

Still smiling and suddenly inspired, Shishido moved to kiss him. He slid his tongue in a slow lick across Choutarou's lips. He ran it between them and felt along the front of the freshman's strong, white teeth before seeking out Choutarou's tongue with his own. Shishido held Choutarou's face steady in his palm while he kissed and played with the freshman's mouth. He was fun to kiss around with and tease because Choutarou responded quickly and so enthusiastically to everything Shishido did. It was like when he taught Choutarou the information he needed to know to pass the upcoming initiation ceremony. Choutarou's quick mind was like a sponge soaking up everything he experienced. He was so willing to learn and anxious to please.

While trying to keep Choutarou concentrated on their kissing, slowly Shishido moved his hand along the freshman's cheek. He traced his cheekbone, along his jaw, and down his throat pausing to run his thumb across the hollow. Shishido was trying to memorize his lover's features with his hand. He trailed his hand over the freshman's strong chest and again down his stomach as they kissed even deeper. Shishido tried to relax away any last traces of tension or worry and he kept at it until Choutarou slid one arm slowly, almost hesitantly, around Shishido's back.

Shishido took the opportunity to touch his little brother almost everywhere while they kissed. After several minutes, he was rewarded when Choutarou finally relaxed enough to embrace Shishido tenderly. The freshman gave a soft little sigh of pleasure, or maybe it was Shishido. Sometimes he couldn't tell when they were this close and touching. It all felt so damn good that Shishido found he really didn't care.

The problem basically was Shishido didn't know exactly what to do next. Really, he wanted to do everything and feel everything with Choutarou, but he didn't want to push or rush them. He wasn't sure what sex things Choutarou experienced with his best friend. Shishido was jealous enough without asking details or thinking too much about it. It was better he figured to just let things go naturally along rather than worry or wonder about what Choutarou did or didn't do or hadn't done or wanted to do.

They were both guys and that meant they didn't need to sit around and talk about their feelings or other annoying things like that. Shishido knew from his many experiences with girls, those kinds of conversations were uncomfortable at best. Plus, Shishido didn't want to talk about things like this because even mentioning or asking might pressure the shy freshman. He knew his little brother well enough by now to know Choutarou had this need to please thing going on. At least, the freshman always seemed to do this when it came to Shishido. What that meant was Shishido had to take extra care to make certain Choutarou was really ready for whatever they did instead of Choutarou going along with what he might think Shishido wanted. It was a huge responsibility and more than slightly confusing during heated moments like this.

Shishido felt sure though that he could handle this -- especially when it came to his feelings for his little brother. He would be lying if he said he didn't want to have sex with Ohtori right here and now, but sex wasn't worth hurting Choutarou. Shishido could wait and honestly, he thought it was best if they waited. Waiting would make it sweeter and mean even more. What Shishido ultimately wanted was for them to really be together, in that dopey soul-mates kind of a way.

Feeling this way was new for Shishido. Before Choutarou, whenever a girl asked if Shishido believed in this kind of stuff he would have told her no way. It sounded like a myth. His parents were happy like that, but going to Hyoutei and seeing how frequently most of his classmates and hell, how often most of his classmates' parents changed partners, divorced, and cheated left him doubtful at best. He'd always told anyone who asked that true love seemed like a lie. Shishido figured his parents struck it lucky in a winning a lottery kind of way, but he never before thought he would have feelings like this for someone. He never thought he would meet anyone that he felt closer to than even his immediate family. He never thought there would be someone for him that he couldn't imagine a day going by where they wouldn't once talk together, or laugh, or touch, or kiss.

His cynicism when it came to love at Hyoutei, especially regarding his own love life, made Shishido unusually passive when it came to picking his partners. In the past, whoever had an interest in Shishido first and was cute ended up being Shishido's latest crush. Liking someone was reciprocal for Shishido because he never thought it would last anyway. Usually this wasn't a problem because there were many hot girls at Hyoutei and plenty of them seemed interested in him.

It wasn't planned, but Shishido also passively pursued people who liked him first. A girl would confess to him and if he was interested enough back they would date. Most of the time he let her do the actual pursuing and date planning. The person who liked him always set the pace, and this meant that if things changed, she could just stop calling him. He never had to worry that way. Shishido was content to just go along with whatever happened. Usually, after a few days or weeks of dating someone, he could take or leave them. Hell, half the time he really did get their names mixed up because most of the girls at Hyoutei seemed to be carbon copies of each other. Sure, some were taller, shorter, thinner, prettier, wealthier, or whatever, but the simple fact was when he got to know each one a little bit better, not one of them had even a little of the spark that made Choutarou so unique, special, interesting, and...beautiful.

His next idea was to stop dating people who confessed to him. Shishido started hanging out with girls who seemed cool. Ones who seemed like they just wanted to be friends. This backfired on him too. Just like guys who weren't in the tennis club that he hung around with, each one eventually either confessed to him or suggested they have sex.

Shishido wasn't completely stupid. He knew the girls who were interested in him pushed for sex right away to create some kind of deeper bond between them, but usually the opposite happened. Instead of feeling closer after sex, all Shishido wanted to do was pull very far back and get some space. Some perspective. He found when he pulled away that he didn't feel into the girl after all, and the more a girl insisted she loved him, the more it turned him off. The more she pushed, the more flaws he saw in her and in her fake feelings for him. He often wished he waited longer to have sex with a girl he went out with.

Shishido didn't regret the sex -- mostly because it was done and there was nothing he could do. It was fun at the time, but Shishido often had a feeling that things might have been different if he and the girl waited. Maybe then they could have really gotten to know each other better and build things up for real. Maybe he would learn what someone was interested in him for if he had the time to think it over instead of the mad rush that was love and lust at Hyoutei. Or even better, if he found he didn't like her much and didn't want to have sex, he and the girl could have had a much cleaner breakup. Maybe they could have ended things as friends. He didn't know. What he did know was he wouldn't have felt guilty and the girls wouldn't have been able to accuse him after sex of using them.

It was annoying as hell and still they said it. He didn't use them. Honest, he didn't. While Shishido was cynical about love, he wanted it. He imagined it as a possibility and always hoped it happened. Yet time after time after sex or a breakup, Shishido had to point out to some girl that she was the one who hit on him first. She was the one who insisted that it would be fun if they had sex. Or she was the one who told him she just wanted a friendship with him, sex didn't matter, and sex was no big deal. Or she was the one who said she wanted to have sex with him just once and it would be fun. Every time, the girls would insist before having sex that all they were looking for was only friendship and fun, but after sex actually happened, they would confess feelings of love to Shishido. Love! When he barely knew her! Shishido always ended up feeling betrayed and lied to and yet somehow he always wound up looking like the bad guy when the girl ran crying to her friends.

And really, it wasn't his fault. He heard the other sub-regulars talk about this enough to know this wasn't just happening to him. The girls weren't hot for you just because they liked you or wanted you to be their boyfriend. Not at Hyoutei. Dating a sub-regular guy gave a girl instant status and popularity. Date a guy with enough status and power and that rubbed off on you. Most of the girls at their school would give anything to be Naomi and be Atobe's little sister. Hell, they probably thought a sharing was a wonderful idea when it completely disgusted Shishido. Being with a sub-reg or a regular meant you had access to power and status like you'd never imagined before. Shishido's shy little sister won vice president of their class and she didn't even campaign. It was just because of her relationship to him even though he barely spoke to her. Hell, there was an entire elite dining room table filled with cheerleaders and girls who were all either dating or sleeping with a sub-regular. The girls who were dating the regulars were even more powerful. They refused to sit by or associate with the sub-reg girlfriends. They had a separate table of their own and you had to be very in to be invited. These girls who sat with each other, they were all supposedly good friends, but if a couple broke up, a girl found herself suddenly left out and not even invited to eat with the same people who seemed to be her best friends just a day before.

Some girls would and did do anything for their status -- even if it meant dating or sleeping with a guy they weren't into. Shishido knew this happened, and he knew now to ask questions when a girl suddenly seemed really into him. Hell, he could never tell what the heck a girl wanted most of the time anyway. Shishido found girls at Hyoutei lied about a lot of things. They knew to be cute and polite to your face and then very different behind your back. Reputation mattered. Who you were with was as important as who you were, what you wore, and what your family name was. The girls who said fooling around was just fun and sex didn't mean anything -- they lied. The ones who said they just wanted to be friends -- they lied. And the ones who said they really liked you or even loved you when they didn't know you, they were all lying too.

Hyoutei girls were smart and cunning. They did what they needed to do to get whatever it was they wanted. Shishido was a good guy, but even the greatest guy can be tempted. Most of the time the girls who confessed to him or were his friends pushed for full-on sex right away. Whatever he wanted to do they usually said and suggested things he'd not thought up even in his wildest fantasies. Sure, in the past Shishido would want to have sex with the hot girl all over him who was swearing she loved him. He was only human. It felt good at the time, and a girl all over you saying it was just sex and for fun and tempting him battled against that little voice in the back of his mind saying he should wait until they were more of a couple or until things were real.

Being real was very important to Shishido. It was a rare thing to find anyone real at Hyoutei. Shishido knew real things took time -- if they ever happened at all. So when the girls pushed, he would always try to slow them down and suggest they wait. Many of them would say things like they loved Shishido, or they would agree to wait, but then the next time they were alone with him they would try again. Or some would just push for sex just as friends.

The more he said no, let's wait, or let's do other things, the more a girl would get angry or upset. They would sometimes ask him what his problem was. They would ask him if he didn't want to because he didn't like them or something. If he thought they weren't pretty. If he was into some other girl or maybe even gay and into guys. More than one asked if he wanted to sleep with them and their best girlfriend. Or even sometimes their closest guy friend. Strange combinations that he knew no one who really liked him would suggest.

When Shishido rejected these offers and asked what the hell were they thinking? They would shrug and say it was just for fun. As if they wondered what his problem was.

It was confusing and there was a lot of pressure. If they didn't have sex that night, Shishido knew the relationship wouldn't make it through the next day, and was that what he wanted? It would not only be over, but the girl would cry to her friends and say how mean he was. How he lead her on. How he didn't like her. How he must secretly like someone else. They would whisper how he must not be into girls because she was so pretty. They would say in low tones how horrible he was because he tried to fool her. How he was a heartless bastard. For days there would be gossip and rumors and tons of speculation everywhere about the relationship, how it ended, and who it was Shishido really wanted.

At first to try to fix this, Shishido would have sex and fool around with a girl if she really pushed him to. Hell, this was before Atobe, and he hated to see a girl beg or cry. Shishido always felt weird saying no when a girl insisted she wanted to have sex -- like he wasn't supposed to say no or something because he was a guy. The truth was Shishido hated to be forced to do anything -- even to have sex. Many times he had sex with a girl and that was exactly how he felt -- like he had to go through with it even if he didn't want to or didn't think it was a good idea because it would have been weird or cause problems if he didn't. It felt like a guy was supposed to have sex with any girl who liked them no matter what -- unless they were into some other girl, couldn't get it up, or gay.

Going ahead, the sex wasn't horrible or anything. Shishido usually thought the during parts of sex were okay -- especially if he wasn't close to passing out, or the girl liked to kiss. After sex was a very different story. He wanted space and he found he didn't respect the girl much after -- or himself. He never felt anything close to love after having sex and the girls always acted like the sex and being with him didn't matter very much. Like it was something they did and now their job was done so they wanted some kind of reward.

It made Shishido feel used for status and that made him feel worthless. He would go from feeling intense like for a girl to after sex feeling defeated and let down. Shishido always wondered after sex if his feelings for the girl had been real at all or if they were just lust. Most of the time he figured they were a combination of normal teenage hormones and this uncomfortable feeling he had where guys weren't supposed to turn down what seemed like freely offered sex. At least not "normal guys" anyway.

Shishido knew himself by now. Although he'd had a lot of it, the truth deep down was he didn't like casual sex. It was fun for a moment but empty long after. He always felt very alone after, probably because there was no one around he could talk these things over with. He knew people called him a loner, but really the only times since he arrived at Hyoutei when Shishido ever felt alone was after his brother left, after he and Atobe were over, and after he had empty sex with a girl. Shishido wanted more and needed to feel more than casual sex offered.

And he already knew he had stronger feelings for Choutarou than intense like, so he really worried about feeling let down and disappointed if they went too far too fast. Choutarou wouldn't use him, he was positive of that, but what if after they fooled around like this if Choutarou decided he didn't have feelings for Shishido anymore. Choutarou wouldn't know how to tell him he wasn't interested or had regrets and so Shishido figured the freshman would try to avoid him. Damn, just thinking about that hurt.

But what if the opposite happened? What if Choutarou wanted to spend all their time together and was all clingy like a freshman girl? Shishido worried about his own need for space after sex or intense fooling around. Choutarou might not understand if he pulled away even just a little, and Shishido didn't know how to explain if the freshman asked him why or tried to crowd him. Hell, half the time Shishido didn't realize he was pulling away or avoiding a clingy girl until she hunted him down and told him -- usually in shrill tones screaming down a crowded hallway, letting everyone know what a bastard he was.

Shishido thought to himself in secret that when you really liked someone -- or loved them, it shouldn't be like that. Ideally, a good relationship should feel like a long game of serve and volley with someone who was at your exact skill level. There should be balance and space and you should laugh while you admired your partner's skills. You should be able to use the whole court and really enjoy playing. It should feel effortless even if you're working hard. The goal should be more to keep playing and enjoying it rather than to win a point or the match. You should feel challenged and happy just to be there, but want more and more. Sort of like the way he really wanted to play against Choutarou and face his amazing serve. Shishido just knew they would both play their best and it wouldn't matter who won. They would both be better for the match.

When he had "played" with other people, it felt like Shishido had never been able to get the balance and timing down just right. Or maybe their skill levels just never matched up. Sort of like the ball was always hit outside of the court instead of remaining in play. Or like they were playing some other game with completely different rules. Rules he didn't understand or want to learn. The girls in his past always seemed hurt at the end while he had always found he felt let down, confused, and annoyed.

Even worse was how both he and Atobe seemed to play exactly the same against each other instead of with each other. They both seemed to withdraw instead of growing any closer. They really hurt each other. Shishido hated how he and Atobe would constantly seem to move back and forth never but really progress into any place that felt secure or loving. Hell, back when he was with Atobe, he never felt happy or safe. More than anything Shishido really didn't want Choutarou to feel any of that.

All you could do was try to be smart. He and the other regular and sub-regular guys tended to steer very clear of any girls on the rebound because you didn't want to anger any of the other guys on the team or your senpais. The sub-regs tended to look out for each other when it came to the girls. They had to constantly fend off the girls who would resort to sleeping with anyone to get their status back -- even some who in a predatory way went after the hulking and sweetly slow freshman Kabaji. There was no way Shishido would let one of the manipulative, catty girls target his Choutarou. He figured that was the least he could do as Choutarou's big brother. As more than just a big brother, as a lover, Shishido jealously wanted to keep his little brother safe and to himself.

To his surprise, Shishido thought it was nice to be the one to pick the person he liked first. It was fun to plan their first date and pace their speed. The only annoying thing was trying to make everything perfect. Shishido wanted to choose things that Choutarou not only would love, but also things that would naturally progress them to that really together place.

Now that Shishido had found someone he felt so much for, he didn't want to lose him. He worried about it. There was an old Hyoutei saying--if you fall in love fast, you'll fall out of love even faster. Many times when Shishido was with a girl and things moved too quickly, he found the saying to be true. Girls at Hyoutei all seemed to say things like I want you and I love you so easily, and he was never was sure why. Shishido never said things like that because they weren't the kind of things you could take back. He would have only said them if he meant them -- and if he meant them in a forever kind of way. Words and vows did not come easy for him.

He worried so much about this, Shishido was trying to be careful to only say words like I want you and I like you to Choutarou. Shishido didn't want to scare Choutarou off and at the same time, he didn't want Choutarou to mirror the words back until the freshman was positive he felt the same way. There was nothing worse to Shishido than someone seeming to love you and falling out of love or it not being real. He worried about Choutarou staying with his best friend for so long. Choutarou said he loved his best friend, but he wasn't in love with him. And still he stayed. Shishido didn't know if Choutarou stayed because his friend was sick and dying or if the freshman was just unable to find the courage and the words to tell his best friend he only wanted to be friends. Shishido had a lot of questions he couldn't even ask, but he figured they would eventually all be answered if they just took things slow.

There was a difference between love and being in love, Shishido acutely felt that. In the deepest most needy areas of his heart he knew he felt both for Choutarou, and he wanted so very much for Choutarou to feel both back. Someday when he told Choutarou he loved him, Shishido already decided that it would be special. He didn't know exactly what or how, but it would be. Choutarou deserved no less.

It was a big deal also because Shishido hadn't ever done this or felt anything like this before. Shishido was nervous and worried, but being around Choutarou just magically seemed to ease his concerns. He decided he wasn't going to stress about it. He would just wait and take his time and let things take their natural path. And yeah, Shishido wasn't sure when the right time would be or what was the right way to go about telling someone you loved them was, but he had been confessed to enough times to that he guessed he knew a bad one from a good one. Hell, he figured when it was the perfect time, the right words to say would just come to him.

Shishido wasn't used to wanting things because he always expected to be disappointed. He'd always been let down before, so it was rare for him to get any hope up. For the first time in a very long time, his hopes were not only up, they were sky-high. If Atobe ever found out, he would die laughing at Shishido. And yet, Shishido felt happy enough to think of the possibilities of he and Choutarou in a permanent, long-term kind of way and he wanted them. More than he could remember wanting anything. So while all this beginning stuff was sweet, at the same time it was incredibly frustrating because Shishido could feel where they were capable of going together. It was just close enough to be tantalizing and far enough away to be scary at the same time. Shishido could not imagine how it would feel if they didn't work out, and he was afraid to really do anything because he didn't want to jinx anything.

That was sort of the problem, Shishido wanted more -- and not just more of the sex stuff. While all of this getting to know you kind of thing was fun, Shishido longed for how he could see things might someday be between them. He wanted a relationship that was solid, loving, and trusting. He wanted Choutarou to feel he could count on Shishido for anything -- affection, security, stability, and more. In return Shishido wanted the freshman to maybe give him back whatever he was capable of -- even a little love or like would be nice. And maybe a little of the security. Shishido felt this was fair.

Yes, he knew it was a lot to ask someone especially with how young they were, but Shishido felt more than ready to give one person that much and that sort of love. This one person. That kind of love. This one chance.

Shishido was slightly superstitious as all the other good tennis players were -- even if no one talked about it. Their captain during matches wore a little of his grandfather's stinky cologne. The bottle was so old the contents were mostly crystallized, but his grandfather had been a national champion in his day -- and brought Hyoutei to nationals both years he was a Vice-captain and Captain. The other players had superstitions too. Atobe snapped his fingers and riled the crowd up to put himself in the right frame of mind to win. Gakuto ran up walls--literally before a match he ran up the side of a wall and back-flipped over and over until everyone got nauseous watching him spin. Oshitari made little witty sarcastic remarks to anyone unfortunate enough to be standing near him before he played. Taki sang some stupid little song quietly to himself. Kabaji wore the same clothes he last played Atobe in without washing them.

Everyone had something they did or didn't do before a big game and yeah, some of them used the same things in real life when they had something they a goal. He'd heard Taki sing that song under his breath before a big exam. Jiroh had Atobe listen to him before he had to give an oral report because he said he got nervous speaking in front of his class. He said if he could read his report to Atobe he could do it to anyone -- Atobe made him feel confident.

For Shishido it was a little different. He had his racket and it wasn't like he could walk around with it everywhere or bring it on a date without looking insane. His first coach and teacher gave it to him when he was just barely up and walking around after the last time he was sick in the hospital. In fact, his first coach made it by hand just for Shishido, and he felt it kept him out of the hospital and healthy all this time. It was perfect. Okay, it was a little too small, but it was perfectly balanced so Shishido adapted and compensated. Shishido was as familiar with his wooden racket as he was with his own hand. It felt like a part of him -- he intimately knew and felt every groove and scratch personally. He could balance the end of it on his index finger because it was just that well made. He took great care with it because a great person believed in him and had taken the time to make it for him.

It was so perfect it was almost magic, and certainly lucky. It changed his life and brought him to where he was with a great team and friends. In fact, he even mused to himself that it even brought him Choutarou in a way, but sadly it couldn't carry him through this. It wasn't like Shishido could wish on it to keep Choutarou safe and them together. Okay, so he would never tell anyone, but he had wished on it to do exactly that. Shishido figured it couldn't hurt. Even though he had a nightmare where it was ruined, he wished on it every time silently to himself before he took it out of his bag and then again when he put it away. This just meant that much to him, but he wasn't seeing any changes so he was just going to have to find his way -- their way -- through everything on his own.

Shishido cursed in his head and remembered their Coach saying something about how the simplest way was often the best and the most overlooked. Sensei knew an amazing number of sayings and wise things. Maybe he should just try to find a way to ask Choutarou what he wanted to do and how he wanted to come. He still hadn't and Shishido didn't want to kill him or have him think fooling around together was a painful thing.

Choutarou sighed again into Shishido's mouth distracting him. He had been kissing the freshman the entire time he thought things over, and Shishido pretty much decided to just see where Choutarou wanted to go. He would for now let the freshman lead. After being pressured by so many girls and then by Atobe, it was hard for Shishido to let go and relinquish control, but he decided it had to be done. If Choutarou tried to go too far too fast, Shishido decided his job as the freshman's boyfriend to slow them down and pace them for a long match. As long as Choutarou was feeling happy and into him, Shishido decided he really couldn't ask for another thing...but maybe the simplest way to see what the freshman wanted to do would be to ask.

Shishido pulled back slightly from their kiss and was happy when Choutarou's lips followed seeking his out for a moment. Until the freshman realized Shishido was stopping and then he blinked his big brown eyes which were glazed over with lust. Choutarou blushed slightly and laughed in that cute giggle he had. His turned on flush that just affected his cheeks was very different from an embarrassed blush which covered his whole face.

The flush was rather sexy and the whole thing was really cute Shishido thought with a smile as he asked, "Baby, is there anything you'd like to do?"

Just when he thought maybe he pushed the shy freshman too far, Choutarou nodded slowly and said, "D...do? Um...t...touch you. I want to...to touch you and...kiss you more, Shishido-san."

It was so general that Shishido wasn't sure exactly what touching him entailed. Hadn't they been touching all night? He was just about to ask when Choutarou added, "And...I'd really...I'd really love to hold you."

Oh. Despite his earlier vow, Shishido felt disappointment sink through him. When girls Shishido to hold them, what they always meant was they wanted Shishido to have sex with them. But still, it was Choutarou so it was okay, right? And it was a pretty bold declaration for the shy freshman. "Oh?" Shishido inwardly sighed away his disappointment. He rolled onto his back but kept looking at Choutarou.

Shishido decided that if he felt uncomfortable he would stop them, but first he would tease Choutarou to see if this is really what the freshman meant. Shishido figured it probably was, but he clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, this was one of those made up terms Choutarou and his best friend had used when they meant something else. With a half-smile he didn't feel at all Shishido half-joked, "Is that what you thought of doing when you walked into my room and saw me naked that morning? Holding me?"

"Hold you? Well, I wanted to...I wanted to...to hug you. To lay behind you and...that's it! That's what I'm doing wrong!" Choutarou gave a little laugh and Shishido looked at him wondering what on earth he was talking about. "I draw sometimes, I like to draw, but I'm not very good at it. I've tried to draw you like a thousand times, but that's what I've been doing wrong. I saw you across your room from your doorway, but when I draw you it's wrong because I keep trying to draw you like I'm hugging you from behind and that's why the angles keep coming out wrong." Choutarou beamed a grin at him, "Thank you, I couldn't get it right and it was driving me crazy."

Despite his disappointment a moment ago, Shishido smiled and felt a rush of interest, "You've been drawing me? Naked in my bed? Seriously? I want to see."

For the second time ever, Shishido heard Choutarou give a small mild curse and then a sigh, "I...I sound like a creepy stalker, don't I? I'm so sorry, Shishidmm..."

Shishido quickly turned and kissed him, "No. You sound very sweet. Almost as sweet at you taste." He kissed Choutarou again, "I don't think it's creepy, I think it's sweet. No one has done anything like that for me before. Well, no one I really like or know, so I want to see. Actually girls draw me sometimes, but not very well. I can't draw at all. I have no art skills. No art and no music, but I like both. This is really nice, and here I thought it was cool when a couple of weeks ago some girl gave me a song she made for me, but this is..."

"Sh...she didn't write the song." Choutarou said sounding strangely quiet and annoyed, "She lied to you. The worst thing someone can do is lie Shishido-san, and she did it when she confessed to you. It's...it's unforgivable what she did!"

"It is?" Shishido was lost, "Not that I don't believe you baby, but how do you know she didn't write the...I'm sorry, I didn't hear you...what did you say?"

"I said I know she didn't write it because...because...I did." Choutarou looked miserable and went to pull away, "I'm sorry. I'll go. I'll go sleep on the couch and..."

Annoyed Shishido held him fast, "Wait! Just wait a minute. You're jumping up before I even understand what you're talking about. You wrote the song she said she wrote? You wrote it for her?" He had no idea if he should be jealous but he was feeling as jealous as he was confused.

"...no," Choutarou said and now looked miserable and mortified.

Shishido wondered to himself what the heck he was doing wrong. All he wanted was to reassure the freshman and kiss around with him a little more, but things just didn't seem to want to work out for them. He had an absurd urge to get his racket out and ask it for help, but he pushed it down.

"It...it's my own fault, Shishido-san. I did something really stupid. After I played for our coach, I started working on this song I've had in my head for a while. I don't know how to use most of the equipment here, so I've been learning as I go. I recorded part of me playing it on the piano...and then I..." Choutarou closed his eyes and went back to that nervous talking thing he did when he was his most embarrassed, "I think about you a lot, Shishido-senpai...and so I...I wrote the song...it's...it's about you and me and I thought maybe someday I...I'd give it to you when it was finished, but...but..."

Shishido figured after he knew what the heck this was about, he could do something. For now maybe he'd just listen. And touch him a little. He was so damn tense, "It's okay baby, take your time and just tell me."

Choutarou let out a breath as if he had held it in a while. The end sounded a little shaky so Shishido worried and wondered what this was all about.

Choutarou started that nervous talking thing, "I didn't get a chance to finish it. I mean...I...I'm still working on it, but...you see...uh...the freshmen are supposed to give up their practice room if a senpai asks for it or it's reserved even if they get there first. I was working on it when some girls walked in the room and told me to leave. I was flustered and didn't know how much they heard because I was singing and recording while I played. I didn't realize it then but I must have...I must have left a copy of the CD behind by accident."

The freshman looked down as if he suddenly found the comforter interesting, "I looked everywhere and I couldn't find it. I even went back to check on it, but it was gone. It...it had your name on it because it was for you. Two of the girls came up to me at dinner that night and one demanded that I give her the rest of the song and any other lyrics I had. I...I panicked. I didn't know what to do so I told her I was sorry, but it wasn't mine. You're my big brother and I study music, but I told her to look at me. I said I'm a guy and I would never write a guy another song, because...you know Shishido-san and that's...that's when the girls...the girls they...they laughed. They laughed at me and said sure, that in no way would you or anyone else be interested in a big stupid loser like me." A tear hit the bedding making a tiny plip sound. Another one soon followed.

Another tear fell beside the first and Shishido put his fingertip on Choutarou's chin to try to turn his face up for a kiss.

Either Choutarou was too into his story to notice or he was being too stubborn to let Shishido move him. Shishido kept his finger there and let the tears fall on his hand while he waited for Choutarou to finish, "The meanest girl she...she said poor you were stuck with a loser like me as your little brother and wh...when she dated you she'd have to work on changing that. Getting...getting rid of me. She's the senior. Gakuto's little sister. I know who she is. I met her before, but she acted like she'd never seen me before. I reminded her that she met me before. With Taki. I told her I'm Taki's roommate and they laughed even harder at me for some reason until I...until I excused myself and walked away. I didn't even eat. I...I couldn't. Anyway, I wasn't in the practice room long that morning and lots of people use it. Some freshmen girls I guess used it the night before and before I was there some other freshmen girls I know were in there. They left the room for me when I got there saying they were done. I told them they didn't have to, but they were nice. The senior and her friends kept looking for the freshman girl who wrote the song. They were convinced it was a freshman but they didn't know who it was. They offered all kinds of things from a seat at the cheerleaders dining room table for a week to money to even help for the "lucky" girl with another guy -- just not you, Shishido-san. She never found the freshman because I never came forward. She must have re-mixed the song and basically changed it so that it played over and over in a loop. I heard the cheerleaders talking about it and they were excited to see if you liked it. Then I saw her confess to you and I...I heard her say she wrote it for you. But she...she didn't."

Choutarou's eyes snapped up to meet his. The freshman's eyes were filled with remembered pain, but as he looked deeply at Shishido, they became serious and focused like when Ohtori played. The sheer intensity in his burning gaze directed right at him sent a shiver down Shishido's spine. It was as if Choutarou was feeling the same ferocity Shishido did whenever he wanted to protect Choutarou from anyone who dared to hurt him.

Shishido was touched by the freshman's feelings of wanting to protect him, but he felt more deeply touched as it dawned on him what Choutarou just told him he did.

Angry, Choutarou said heatedly, "She lied to you, Shishido-san. She didn't write the song. I dimmnf..."

-------------------------------

I know I know finally.
Ugh that took so long to repost everything (lol)
More very soon and thanks for your patience XD

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred ~ Mukahi

2006-05-11T07:21:07Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred ~ Mukahi

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Without realizing it, Gakuto had snuggled up to Yuushi because he kinda felt sorry for him. He knew better to say that though. Yuushi wouldn't want pity, and besides, Gakuto knew another way to make him feel much better, "Nothin, I just felt a little cold. Hold me more and tell me the rest?"

The tensai smiled, "It would be my pleasure." Yuushi held him closer and wrapped more of their bodies together. Gakuto sighed feeling better and knowing Yuushi did too. Their mouths were close together and Yuushi kissed him. He kept doing it until Gakuto was all the way hard again and made a small noise because it felt good.

"Shall I continue...?" Yuushi asked smiling and looking amused. Gakuto nodded. Yuushi offered, "Continue with what I was earlier saying or with what we were just doing...? Oh." Gakuto nodded at the first and shook his head no at the second. He wanted more of the second but he knew to keep Yuushi talking while they were both saying so many things.

"Where was I? My parents decided to hire a tutor?" Gakuto nodded yes. "There isn't much more to tell. He became my primary caretaker and lived with me full time. I saw him more often than anyone else and I regarded him as family. We were very close. He would see me off to school each day and be there when I came home. He would draw me a bath and talk over my day. He would take all of his meals with me. We would read and learn and do many things together. I believe in the beginning, when I was very small and he did things to me it was out of misguided affection. It wasn't done maliciously. I think in his way he genuinely loved me. "

"When I was little, there were times when I regarded him as two people. One was the fun one I loved and who loved me, and the other one who was the one who did strange things I wasn't sure I liked late at night. At night sometimes he would be aggressive or demanding, but then in the morning he was his normal self. I did know that what we were doing wasn't what everyone else did. I don't know many five year olds who have had an orgasm, nor in my personal opinion having experienced it, do I feel that they should. Just because their body is capable of it, I don't believe a small child is emotionally ready for that to happen. Around then I discovered and came to like tennis which is the first thing my tutor and I really disagreed upon."

"Five?" Gakuto asked amazed.

"Yes, I was too young to ejaculate, but I was five years old when I had my first. Technically they're called dry orgasms." Yuushi said as if he was waiting for more questions.

"Oh. I didn't know people could have them that young. I thought you had to be like eight or nine and could come a little." Gakuto shrugged. He wasn't judging, but he had been afraid after what he went through to touch himself at all. Then Gakuto resisted because so many of the therapists he saw told him if he did it would be totally normal. He only finally did when it seemed so many of his friends were doing this and Gakuto didn't want to be the weird one left behind.

Yuushi shrugged, "I believe in some ways, my tutor thought our relationship was a normal one even though I was a child. Although he never said anything about it, I think something similar happened to my tutor when he was young. It was what he knew and grew up having learned. It wasn't until around the time when his parents began to force him to find a bride and marry that his more serious problems developed. He became more and more like the second person and less like the one I loved. I was maturing and he did not know how to contend with a pre-adolescent who one day came home and confessed he had a crush on a girl he went to school with."

Yuushi stopped and looked at Gakuto amused.

"What?" Gakuto asked annoyed that Yuushi was pausing in his story.

The tensai looked at him all moony, "She had red hair. I just realized."

"So? You like redheads. I get it. Now...what happened?" Gakuto was secretly pleased. He was jealous just hearing about some chick Yuushi usedta like a million years ago, so how the hell would his bastard tutor have handled it?

"My tutor and I by then were fighting often. He was convinced that I liked this girl just because his parents wanted him to get married. He thought I was compensating for his possible leaving, but the truth was that by then, I just wanted to be--normal. I wanted to be a normal boy. I wanted normal love from someone who was like a parent to me without the physical aspects of our relationship. I had a crush on someone my age and that was all I wanted. I'm not sure precisely when, but he had been online talking to different groups. He had no friends in the real world and tended to be shy in groups. On the internet, it seemed he could be more open. He sought out groups with similar interests to his. Meaning me and the late night things he did to me. Most were families who were physically involved as he and I were, but not all. What he didn't realize was that the people he was primarily speaking to were part of a cult."

"No way! Really?" Gakuto their freshman year had been fascinated by cults. He did a report on them for school and was amazed at the whole brainwashing thing and how stupid people could be. "What do they believe? Are they big? Lots of members? Are they only here or are they in other countries too? Who is their leader? Are they still active? Did he join? Is his wife into them?"

Yuushi laughed at the barrage of questions, "His wife is not into them as far as I know. He was very into them and around then was when he was married and then went rather crazy. They are active but I think only in this country. I'm not sure. They believe in a lot of insane things and supposedly it's all in the tradition of Shingon and the teachings of shudo. It's sick. It's disgusting. That sex with children is the purest form of love because children don't lie. That the end of the world is near. That an anti-christ type person is not bad but actually is the savior of the world. Once they find him, he is going to come and save only them from evil. All of that kind of complete nonsense. And before you ask, I never met or saw any of them."

"oh." Gakuto was disappointed. He had been hoping for more. "Well the good thing is your tutor's gone now, right?"

"Yes." Yuushi looked worried, "Do you understand why when I told him I loved him I meant it?" Sneaky tensai. Gakuto just noticed that Yuushi was touching one of his nipples with one hand and lightly touching him between his legs with the other.

"Sure. You were a kid and he was like your parent even if he was all fu...messed up. Kids always love their parents, even if they're bad. Look at Shishido. His mom hates him and he still loves her. You can tell he does because he always makes and gets her lots of stuff for her birthday." Gakuto shrugged. He didn't want Yuushi to stop touching him.

Yuushi was quiet a long moment, "There are worse things than your parents hating you. The opposite of love actually isn't hate, it's apathy. When someone couldn't care less about you. When you hate someone, you actively still have feelings for them. When you feel apathetic, you don't care about them at all."

Gakuto thought about it. "So... because I hate Sato, I still have feelings for him? That's not true." He thought again and then shrugged, "Nope. No feelings. I really just hate him. I would be happy if he dropped dead because he would never bother me or anyone else again, but that's about it."

Yuushi smiled and kissed his forehead, "I believe that your strong feelings of anger towards him--justified completely, are because he wronged you and took pleasure in that. When he is finally punished for what he did, I am fairly positive you will no long feel anything for him. He will just be someone you used to know." Yuushi shrugged, "I was referring to my parents...but...it doesn't matter."

Gakuto knew he should probably let it go. He wanted them to get to the good stuff, but Gakuto felt the need to say something, "Yuushi, I'm sure your parents don't hate you and they're not apathetic about you. Your mom calls you, doesn't she? She wouldn't do that if she didn't care, right? She's just probably really busy like you said and maybe she isn't good with kids. Bet when you get older that you and your parents will be closer and stuff. Your dad is probably just real busy between work and his other family too. How could anyone hate you, Yuushi? Or not care about you? You're luckier than most guys, you have like a hundred thousand fangirls, a ton of friends, and you have...me."

Yuushi looked at him surprised like he thought the tensai was gonna. Right when he did, Gakuto made this goofy face where he crossed only one eye. His mom told him to not do it a lot because it could get stuck that way, so Gakuto only did it when it was an important occasion. Yuushi laughed so that justified doing it. Gakuto laughed with him.

"Are you still tense?" Yuushi asked with a smile curving his lips. Damn, Gakuto was really wanting to kiss him because Yuushi was looking kinda cute and dangerous. Gakuto reached out to kiss Yuushi's mouth again. The tensai had a great mouth and really knew how to use it for more than blah blah blahing.

"Yeah..." Gakuto said in between hotly kissing him back, "So what you gonna do about it, Yuushi? Make it better."

Yuushi smiled and looked wicked. It was his hot and turned on look, "What...seems to be the problem."

Somehow, Gakuto was able to keep a straight face as he pointed down to his erection, "It's been like that for a while. It seems to be real...tense. I dunno...maybe you should rub it."

Yuushi made his face look dead serious. Gakuto knew it was his straight man mask and if he didn't the tensai probably woulda laughed. In fact, even though Gakuto made Yuushi laugh a lot, he realized could never remember seeing him laugh so hard he couldn't breathe. Or where milk or something came flying outta his nose. Gakuto suddenly had a new goal. To crack that mask Yuushi had--at least when they were alone. Absurdly serious Yuushi said, "Hmm. I see. I seem to be having the same problem. Perhaps if I help you, you can assist me as well?"

"Okay. Hey Yuushi? You still want us to have a codeword, just in case? I thought of one. Masks. Can we use that? And that means if either of us say it that even if we're playin, we have to stop?" It appealed a lot to Gakuto not just in case he felt afraid, but maybe if Yuushi ever did too.

Yuushi's smile increased and he looked interested, "Masks? Interesting choice. Very interesting, indeed. Very well, I accept. Now how do you propose that we take care of these...Gaa..kuumnnn..."

Around Yuushi's erection Gakuto laughed as he heard the tensai's response. He figured that Yuushi would talk them to death if he didn't take some immediate action. And while Yuushi talked, his erection was just kinda bobbing there and looking all nice and stuff. And now Gakuto understood why no one had ever mentioned how big Yuushi was. Gakuto liked the way it felt in his mouth even if it was big. Yuushi's started off nice and then got really thick. Gakuto licked his tongue around it and tried to take as much as he could in his mouth. In and out. In and out. More. More. More.

Yuushi hummed a hot sounding moan.

Gakuto smiled. He wrapped his hand around the bottom part he couldn't fit down his throat and touched his fingers over Yuushi's testicles. Gakuto was really good at this. He knew to keep the motion up because it made the friction feel better. Which when he thought about that, Gakuto thought about the friction feeling better if this part of Yuushi was actually inside of him somewhere other than his mouth.

All deep and big and wide like that. Gakuto thought of Yuushi getting him off with his erection inside of him the same way he was really good when he used his hand or his mouth or anything else. The tensai was really good. And hot. And sexy without even thinking he was sexy. Which was even hotter for some reason.

Yuushi would be really gentle. He would move exactly how it felt best for Gakuto. If he told Yuushi to go slower or faster or to hold him closer, he bet the tensai would without questioning. He would want Gakuto to feel really, really good. Yuushi would probably kiss him all swirly and good when he came. Even after they both did, Yuushi would hold him close and kiss him deep.

Gakuto moaned thinking about it and then moaned again because Yuushi moved around so that he just started doing the same thing to Gakuto at the same time. Yuushi could take more of him into his mouth too. Gakuto vowed to ask him how later when he could think again. He wanted to be good like Yuushi so that Yuushi really liked it too. Gakuto moaned as Yuushi took him deep, "Nmmm..."

And then Yuushi pulled back and suddenly stopped.

Gakuto almost howled in frustration. He couldn't take all the stops and starts even if he had come a thousand times already that day. Yuushi touched his entrance softly. Gakuto couldn't tell if it was with his tongue or his finger. Maybe his tongue because it felt wet.

The tensai asked, "May I?"

Gakuto came off him to look back to see what Yuushi was doing. Oh. Yuushi must have gotten the lotion. That's what he musta been doing when Gakuto wasn't looking. Yuushi wanted to touch him with his hand again. It was kinda annoying but also kinda nice that he stopped to ask. Gakuto shrugged. "Yeah. 'Course. Should I keep doin what I'm doin?"

"Gods yes." Yuushi looked all horny. It was nice. And then he sighed, "I only wish I could see you more."

The room was bright with the fire. Oh. "'Cause I'm down here? I liked the mirrors at Jiroh's." Gakuto grinned.

Yuushi smiled, "I did as well. I'll make sure we'll have one by the end of the week, my prince."

Gakuto laughed. There were advantages to doin and datin a rich guy. "Cool. I'll think of somethin fun for us to do by then. You think of somethin too, okay? Somethin hot and dirty that I'll really like..."

He felt Yuushi's erection twitch in his hand. He took that for a yes. Gakuto turned still smiling and went back to what he had been doing.

Yuushi rubbed gobs of that cream on and then entered him all swirly with his finger while he took Gakuto back in his mouth. Around the tensai's erection in his mouth, Gakuto moaned.

Gakuto had a jealous thought but it came with an idea. And even if it was one he had gotten from Ohtori, it was still a good idea. Gakuto stopped and looked back again, "Yuushi?" The tensai froze and he looked over as if wondering if he had hurt Gakuto. "I was just kinda wondering, and it's okay if you say no you don't wanna and stuff, but...can I do the same thing to you? You know with lotion. I'll go real slow. I'll only use one finger. I'll be really gentle and stop if you want me to. I've never done it to anyone but myself, but I know how to do it really good. Can I?"

Yuushi's voice sounded small and worried. "Why? Why do you want to?"

Gakuto bit back his standard I dunno reply. He thought about it, "Lotta reasons. Kinda because it feels really good and I want you to like it. Kinda because it's good for your sex therapy to try it. Kinda because no one else has." Yuushi kept looking at him. Gakuto sighed and said the thing he got from Ohtori, "And, I guess, kinda because I wanna be the last person who touched you. You know, there? It shouldn't be anyone else but me who was your last." Yuushi's mouth opened a little bit as if he was surprised and didn't know what to say. "If you don't want me to or you wanna wait until another day that's fine, but I wanted to make you feel good and..."

Yuushi nodded.

"It's really okay?" He got another nod. "Hand me the lotion. Please?" Yuushi liked when he said please like his mom did, but sometimes Gakuto still forgot. "Yuushi? I'm gonna go really slow. I won't hurt you. If you want me to stop just tell me and I swear I won't be mad or anything. I just wanna make you feel good. And if you touch me and do stuff to me while I'm doin stuff to you then you won't worry so much about it. Okay? Oh and I want you to come in my mouth." Yuushi looked surprised. "If you can, then I want you to. I've come lots in yours so it's okay." Gakuto shrugged, "If you can't it's okay too. At least we tried and then we'll just change and do somethin else. I'm gonna start."

Yuushi watched him as he put lotion in his hands and warmed it up. When Gakuto put the bottle down, Yuushi reached out to hold his hand. He looked worried or scared or somethin so Gakuto let him. He smiled and tried to look reassuringly at him which from their angles was rather difficult, but he thought he managed, "S'okay Yuushi. I'm gonna start?"

Gakuto laced as much of their fingers together as he could from this angle and then Yuushi nodded.

With his hand being held, it wasn't as easy as it could have been, but it was do-able. For the moment, Gakuto took Yuushi's waning erection in his mouth to bring it back to life with a little CPR. Meanwhile, he spread the lotion over Yuushi's entrance and around. Yuushi was clamped so tight Gakuto figured he couldn't stick a toothpick up there if his life depended on it. Gakuto joked silently to himself that if he put a lump of coal there and Yuushi squeezed this hard they could make a diamond. Yuushi was the golden goose and a diamond mine laying diamond eggs. The jokes calmed Gakuto's nerves which had been trying to sneak some doubts into his idea. He really had never done this to anyone but himself before.

Guys wanted to be seme with Gakuto and girls didn't want you to touch them there. They would even say it was dirty if you tried--which Gakuto thought was a total turn off. If someone--even a girl--says they're dirty down there, even a very horny guy tends to believe them. To Gakuto it was just an intimate place to be touched and it felt really good. If it didn't people wouldn'ta been doing it since the dawn of time. Gakuto idly wondered how Shishido had been able to get so many girls to let him do whatever they wanted to them. Girls never probably told stupid Shishido they were dirty or that he was a pervert for touching them anywhere. Damn pretty boys get all the luck. To keep his nerves calm he joked to himself while he kept rubbing around there. Gakuto hoped that the tensai relaxed a little.

The rubbing around and him using his mouth seemed to calm Yuushi a bit too. The tensai had his finger still inside Gakuto--not moving unfortunately, but Yuushi did turn his attention back to Gakuto's poor erection. Poor because Gakuto hated waiting this long to shoot. It kinda hurt when you waited like this. They shoulda both come and then done all this blah blah blah talking but, Gakuto held back a shrug so Yuushi didn't think something was wrong and instead shrugged inside his head, whatever. They would be okay, and this would be good for both of them. Even the lame tears.

He thought maybe he shoulda licked Yuushi, but he hadn't really done that to anyone but Yuushi either and that was just once to see what it was like. Yuushi seemed to like licking his so he was curious about the taste and texture and feel of it. One lick while Yuushi was sleeping seemed fair and Yuushi didn't punch him out or anything. If anything he seemed to like it. He had hummed that moan that unfortunately he wasn't humming now.

Gakuto stroked his thumb over the area between his testicles and his entrance. Secretly, Gakuto always liked this area on a guy. It was the softest skin but it got kinda hard when a guy was hard. Yuushi had a very fine line running all the way down. Gakuto barely had one. Taki told Gakuto once if they had been girls that's where their vaginas woulda been. Bodies were so strange. It was weird to think about. Gakuto figured only other guys would think was interesting. He felt Yuushi's finger inside him start to move. Like a millimeter, but it was moving.

And he felt Yuushi start to relax so Gakuto started to enter him. Really just barely. The moment he put his finger there and pressed, Yuushi clamped down. It was probably just a reaction and Gakuto was just going to stop when he felt Yuushi relax again. "Sorry." Yuushi said and then released his hand. He took Gakuto's erection back in his mouth again.

With his hand free, Gakuto could distract Yuushi by playing with his testicles and his base again. Yuushi seemed to really like that. Gakuto was able to get his index finger in but only about half way down the nail. Yuushi clamped down again and then relaxed. Gakuto was able to slide in a little more. He was past the first hard spot, but the second was not budging. Gakuto took his mouth off, "Yuushi? It's okay, just push down for me like you're goin."

Yuushi took his mouth off, "Going?"

"Yeah." Gakuto was mortified. Damn it, how did he go about explaining this without using words Yuushi didn't like? He thought, "Like you're gonna go. You know, on the toilet? Push down like that for me."

Yuushi did. That caused that second tight spot to relax enough for Gakuto to get his finger past and up there. As soon as he was in and before Yuushi could react and clamp down, Gakuto took his finger out. He hopped off Yuushi and turned around to face him. Gakuto kissed him and laughed, "See? You did it Yuushi! Good job! See? It didn't hurt at all did it?"

The tensai was looking at him as if he had lost his mind somewhere, "You...stopped?"

Gakuto struggled to explain, "Well, yeah. We just do this little bit for your first time. Just to show you that it doesn't hurt or anythin and that...you know, that you can trust me and stuff. See? I won't hurt you and it's different with me than with your bastard tutor or anyone else. Right?" Yuushi nodded but was still looking like he thought Gakuto was insane. "Okay. Now what I wanna do is let you shoot again, in my mouth and all. And I'm just gonna take my hand and touch you outside but I won't touch you inside at all. It's gonna feel more...more intense but don't worry. You'll just come, okay?" Yuushi looked worried so Gakuto kissed him again. "Don't worry. I wanna. Can I?" Gakuto gave him another kiss. "Please?" He ran his hand over Yuushi's erection and felt it twitch with interest.

Yuushi smiled slightly, "You can do whatever you want to me...especially when you ask as sweet as you just did."

Gakuto rolled his eyes. "I told you what I wanna do. I'm gonna start. It's gonna be really good Yuushi. Let me make you feel good." He moved down Yuushi's very cut body stopping only to lick into the hollow of his belly button as he passed. The tensai was so clean he probably never had lint.

"Would you like me to do anything to you while you do this?" Yuushi looked amused but as Gakuto licked around his tip, that hot turned on look came back into his eyes and he sucked in his breath. "May I touch you?"

Gakuto shook his head no. "Don't push down on my head because I hate that." Nothing enraged Gakuto more than that. He swore after Sato the next guy or even the next girl that forced his head down was gonna get their fingers broken. One by one. Bastard. Oh. That wasn't what Yuushi meant. He shook his head no again and smiled feeling wicked and powerful, "Nope. You like to watch me, you've gotta watch me do this to you. I want you to get used to seein only me doin things like this to you. You're gonna love it Yuushi..." Gakuto sucked at his tip pleased to find it was wet.

Yuushi smiled as if something was very funny to him. Jokes? Now? Gakuto raised one eyebrow and waited for Yuushi to tell him the joke. The tensai moved his hand but only to run his fingers softly and nice through Gakuto's hair. He said all lovey, "Going to love it, I already do, Gakuto. I already love...yaaaaah...!"

Gakuto decided really that was enough talking for one night and softly scraped Yuushi with his teeth. Not enough to actually hurt, just enough to make all his brainiac thoughts come suddenly to a crashing stop. Gakuto grinned and decided to be nice. Very, very nice. He took Yuushi as far in his mouth as he could, stroked him with one hand, and put his finger outside his entrance teasing that tight still lubricated spot. Each time he came up off Yuushi, the tensai was starting to raise his hips off the bed along with him, moving with him--a very good, hot sign. He wasn't sure but it kinda felt like Yuushi was trying to at the same time press down on his finger. He felt Yuushi wiggle which was not normal for Yuushi. Gakuto watched his face.

Yuushi's eyes were closed. Usually a good sign, but not now. Gakuto wanted Yuushi with him. To know it was him, see it was him, and to not think of anyone else. Gakuto stopped.

Yuushi looked down at him, "Sorry, I thought I was going to...continue, please, continue."

Gakuto shook his head no. He licked his way down Yuushi's shaft using a wide, wet lap of his tongue. He passed down lower licking as he went. Gakuto got on his knees and tapped Yuushi's hip. "Up." He forgot to be nice so he added, "Lift up please."

"Up?...how do you want me to...?" Gakuto helped him. He made Yuushi lift his legs and bend his knees so his butt was in the air. He enjoyed Yuushi showing him this most intimate view.

Gakuto slid his legs under Yuushi's back and rested the tensai's cheeks on his chest to give Yuushi some support. He knew from experience you could get tired holding yourself up in this position for a long time. "You can relax. You can move your legs over my shoulders or keep them off to the sides like that. Whatever feels better to you. You okay?"

Yuushi kept his eyes locked on Gakuto's and nodded. Gakuto could see the tensai wasn't completely fine with this, but he was okay for the moment. It felt like as long as he could see Gakuto, he would be alright.

Gakuto smiled and felt a little embarrassed blush come over him. He had this feeling that Yuushi completely trusted him and it made him feel really powerful but also a little awed. His heart suddenly was racing and he felt a little shy because he had to admit the truth, "I really like when you do this. You're really good at it. I've never really done this to anyone before, but I kinda want to, you know, with you. Can I? I'll try to be as good as you are."

Yuushi went from lookin worried to lookin all lovey again. "You can do whatever you want to me. I'm yours. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, however." Gakuto went to get annoyed and yell, but Yuushi cut him off. "I only mean that I appreciate you wanting to and trying. That's all. Thank you."

Gakuto rolled his eyes and said to himself that if that was what the tensai meant then he shoulda said that in the first place. He didn't answer Yuushi. He just shrugged and then licked from the tensai's tail bone all the way up to his entrance. Gakuto was curious to see what that lotion tasted like and it just tasted like strawberry candy. He almost laughed thinking of how Yuushi would hate it because it was sweet, but in a way, Gakuto didn't like it either. He wanted to taste Yuushi's skin and really couldn't with this stuff on. He licked around and over that tight spot several times. Yuushi's skin was a bit darker here. It felt soft and was a darker color. Kinda interesting.

Gakuto liked how it felt and he loved how Yuushi responded. The tensai hummed and closed his eyes for a second and then quickly opened them. Yeah, damn, from his response, Yuushi liked it a lot. Each pass of his lips and tongue had the tensai sorta squirming around as if trying to make it more and to get Gakuto to lick inside of him. It wasn't that Gakuto was grossed out or didn't want to, he did, but he wanted to wait. Yuushi had enough new sensations to deal with for one day. Gakuto licked down him further to that soft swollen in between skin. He tongued the seam of him and followed it down because with Yuushi's hips in the air, Gakuto had to admit he liked how Yuushi's testicles fell forward from this angle. They looked kinda good.

No wonder guys had always liked to put Gakuto in this position.

Gakuto licked over the tensai's entrance and tried to do the same kinda swirly flicks Yuushi did on him. Maybe the tensai liked those. Gakuto knew from a little while ago that they felt damn good. Thinkin about no one ever being in this small hot space and Yuushi wanting him to be his first was kinda sexy. Gakuto didn't know how sex as seme to a guy felt but sex was usually pretty good when he was with a girl and plus he knew whatever he and Yuushi seemed to do it felt amazingly good. Gakuto was so turned on thinkin about it that he started to stroke himself.

Yuushi hummed so Gakuto looked down at him. The tensai sounded like he was panting and turned on when he said, "Doing that to me turns you on that much?"

Gakuto could see Yuushi liked that he was doing this. Somehow it was important to Yuushi that Gakuto wanted him. Kinda like he didn't think Gakuto would think he was hot or something stupid like that. Gakuto decided to tease him but honestly, "Yeah. I was thinkin about bein in you. You know, bein your first?" He smiled his most dashing smile at the tensai, the one he knew Yuushi never could resist, and he tried to say all low and sexy how Yuushi talked when he wanted to turn Gakuto on, "You want me, Yuushi? You want me in you?"

The tensai paused and licked his lips as if he felt nervous. His eyes went all dangerous and sexy and his voice sounded dry like his throat was parched, "I want you..." Yuushi said it but he sounded strange. Like what he was sayin wasn't just about sex, but some kind of deep desire and confession rolled up into one. Yuushi hesitated and then his eyes changed from that sexy Yuushi to a very nervous one to a very scared one to a very resolved one all in the span of a few seconds.

Gakuto couldn't imagine how many things he was tensai thinking of during that short pause. Did he figure out the meaning of life? Solve the secrets of the universe? Gakuto was just going to remind Yuushi that he was touching him and the tensai should focus when Yuushi asked, "Gakuto?"

He looked at Yuushi and could see how important this was so he stopped moving his hands.

He never expected Yuushi to say what he said next though. All serious and lovey, the tensai said, "I want you...I love you."

Okay, yeah, so Yuushi had said those kinda things to Gakuto about a hundred million times by now, but this time it was different. It was how Yuushi said it the words that had Gakuto already crawling up his body to him. This time, it was more like Yuushi was asking, no begging Gakuto to make love to him. In his own way and even though it probably scared him, Yuushi was giving Gakuto permission to do whatever he wanted to him. Out of love. Gakuto was moved, and touched, and annoyed at the big dope.

Gakuto kept crawling up his body until his mouth reached Yuushi's. He kissed the tensai once hot and hard to throw him off-kilter, and then said softly, "Don't be an idiot, Yuushi. I'm not sayin we're ready yet, just that I wanna." He cupped his hand around the back of Yuushi's head and marveled at how someone so smart could be so stupid at the same time. Yuushi still didn't get what he had been originally tryin to say, "I'm just saying that I wanna, you know, when the time's right?" Gakuto sighed and saw he was gonna have to spell this out, "I want you, Yuushi."

Yuushi looked worried. Like somehow Gakuto was gonna make fun of him or something. Very quietly he asked, "You do? You really do?"

Anyone else and Gakuto knew he woulda punched them. And then never talked to them again. But it was Yuushi, and he was no over-confident Atobe. Gakuto couldn't believe for someone so hot with so much going for them and a million people lined up wishing they could be with the tensai that Yuushi didn't get it. Actually, what seemed even nicer kinda, was although all those people wanted Yuushi, the only person the tensai desperately seemed to need to hear wanted him and liked him was Gakuto.

He sighed his annoyance away and smiled. Gakuto felt powerful having someone like him this much and that was kinda nice for a change too, "Yeah. I really do. I told you I'd tell you as many times as you wanna hear me to say it." Gakuto rested his forehead on Yuushi's, "I do like you and I do want you and stuff, but we're not ready yet. We're gonna be like normal people and take our time until we're ready, okay? But...you know, if you wanna, we can still fool around and do other kinds of stuff until then, right?"

Yuushi smiled and kissed him softly. Swirly. "Of course. Of course I want to. This is better than my fantasies. You're really amazing, Gakuto. You're brilliantly insightful and intuitive in addition to being stunningly gorgeous and desirable."

Gakuto rolled his eyes at the complements but was secretly pleased. He loved when Yuushi called him smart things because no one else thought Gakuto was.

Yuushi said as if confessing something, "I...get jealous sometimes, and I apologize for that." Gakuto was just going to ask Yuushi what he was talking about when the tensai said, "They won't always underestimate you, Gakuto. You're very popular now, but the day everyone else really discovers how amazing you are, I fear I may lose you on that day." Gakuto was feeling good and just going to tell Yuushi to stop acting all stupid when the tensai surprised him by saying, "Even Atobe underestimates you. I'm sure you know that and realize one day when he realizes your almost limitless potential..."

Gakuto kissed Yuushi quiet and then kinda rolled offa him so he didn't crush him. Immediately Yuushi held him close so Gakuto was on his back and Yuushi his side. Before Yuushi could make another big deal outta this, Gakuto figured he'd better fill Yuushi in about a few things, "It's not that Yuushi. Atobe knows me, he just doesn't like me becausa what I know about him. He did a really stupid thing and I know all about it." Gakuto shrugged because what else could he say but the truth. "Look, I didn't wanna get back together with Sato after he went off and said he loved Taki. I wasn't gonna. At Jiroh's little sister's birthday second party, I gotta little drunk. Or what I thought was a little drunk. Remember my lab partner was tryin to fool around with me and stuff? You were there I think, but I told you all about her bein all over me later. I couldn't get away from her."

Yuushi nodded. He was jealous. Gakuto could clearly see he was.

"Anyway, I wanted to go home early because I was so outta it. I really don't like to drink because when I do, even just a little, it makes me feel like crap the next day. It always gives me a headache so I always just pretend to drink or I get a soda or tea and pretend to drink with everyone else. I thought I was just drinkin juice. I also didn't know Sato was there, but he was. I felt sick and went to go lay down in a room because I got dizzy. Next I remember was someone kissin me and then someone's all heavy on me having sex. It was like I wasn't there. I thought it was a nightmare because I couldn't move my arms or legs or nothin. It was Sato. He was cryin and tellin me he loved me while he did that to me. He didn't hurt me or anythin. Not that time. He wasn't rough like you saw because remember, he was tryin to get back with me so he was all nice. Right as he was finishin, I started to get sick. Really sick. Sick like puking my guts up. I was scared because I couldn't move or sit up or anythin and now it scares me because if Sato was with me now and that happened, he'd probably hit me for pukin on him, but back then he was nice. He took care of me. He even took me home and somehow suckered Taki into helpin me too. The next day, I couldn't get outta bed. I was too sick and Sato was so worried he called Taki."

"Then Taki got so worried that he called Atobe. Everyone thought I just got drunk the night before and I was really hung over, but I wasn't. Atobe's doctor did a test. Someone drugged my drink. I told Atobe what happened with the girl and with Sato and he said he would find out who did it. He asked me a lotta questions about how I felt and all. It was embarrassing, but Atobe told me I had to tell him everything specifically because he said he had to fix it so my blood work would show up clean on our next test. You know what happens if you have anything in your system. I was scared and so I agreed. Atobe asked me everything from specifics of what I remembered Sato doing and all that. I was kinda outta it and felt horrible. I told him just about everything I could think of--including that I didn't know how I felt about Sato. I mean, he was a real bastard to do that to me when I was so sick, but it was kinda like he didn't know. I told Atobe that if Sato drugged me then he was a real bastard, but if he didn't then he wasn't so bad and maybe I should think about maybe takin him back and seein how things went with him and Taki. I knew with Sato at least Taki was takin his meds and seemed to be okay. Taki seemed to be really happy and Sato seemed to be really into me and when he said how much he cared and stuff and how he was only stayin with Taki to make sure Taki was okay, I dunno. I guess I kinda believed him. I told you I have terrible taste in guys. When everyone left me to rest and I didn't wanna be alone, I missed Sato. I didn't know how I felt but it felt really good when he took care of me, so I guess I was kinda confused."

"Atobe didn't find out who drugged me because it turns out there was something that was passed around at the party. Someone coulda put it in everyone's drinks. It mighta even been in the soda bottles. Atobe said he didn't think it was my lab partner or Sato and had no proof. I kinda took Sato back, but I decided to not have sex with him until he and Taki broke up. Everythin seemed fine for a few days, and then Sato started givin me a hassle about not havin sex with him. We were doin like everythin else by then so I didn't see what the problem was. A few days later, he threatened me that he would tell Taki if I didn't. At first, I didn't believe Sato, but he was serious and by then Taki was all crazy in love so I couldn't hurt him by tellin him. I even thought about tellin you just to have someone to talk it over with, but I figured with your date with Atobe goin so bad and him bein right away all into Shishido that you wouldn't wanna hear about it. Plus when I told you all the stuff my lab partner did to me and tried to get me to do to her, you seemed to get mad." Gakuto shrugged as why Yuushi got mad just occurred to him. "You never liked when I talked about sex and stuff, but I didn't get why then. I'm sorry, Yuushi. I didn't know." He felt unspeakably guilty for hurting Yuushi.

The tensai smiled and kissed him softly. Gakuto wondered why Yuushi didn't do that part of his hair thing like he normally would have but then he realized. Yuushi's finger...no wait, more than one, his fingers were still inside Gakuto and were moving. Gakuto was so into his story that he only noticed just then.

Yuushi smiled and drawled in his sexy voice, "I couldn't help myself, but I am listening. Is this all right?" He alternated his fingers back in forth in that really good scissoring way.

Gakuto liked it. A lot. He was tryin to quickly think up something funny or sassy to say back when Yuushi did it again. All swirly inside him this time. Despite himself, Gakuto whimpered a moan.

Damn it! Yuushi smiled more and threatened teasingly, "If you don't like it or are too distracted, I could always stop..." Or was it a tease? The fingers in him moved less and less and began to slow down.

"No!" Gakuto said quickly, "Ohh...no...don't stop...please? It's okay. I...I like it...and what I was sayin, I was almost done. Uh..." Gakuto fought to remember where he left off when Yuushi moved all swirly again. "Ohhh...where was I?" Maybe if he kept talking, Yuushi would keep doing what he was doing.

"You were just about to tell me why Atobe doesn't like you and what you have on him..." Yuushi kissed him softly and then pulled away as if encouraging him to continue. Or maybe challenging him. It was kinda like a dare. Maybe to finally get Gakuto to say yes to him. Yuushi moved his fingers in him more.

"Ohhh...right, um...yeah...well that drug that was goin around? Atobe had me get some ohh...of it for him. He said he had to test it to see if anyone else had taken it so their blood work came up right like mine and...mmm...maybe I could find ohhh...out who else had it. The doctor said it was dangerous and stuff. I asked around...ah...I even ah haa...asked Sato to get me some so he and I could try it but he couldn't get any. I asked my lab partner aaah...and she got some from her friend but it took a while and she didn't seem to know what it was. Ahh...anyway I gave it to Atobe that aaah...afternoon at practice and that was the night ohhh...of Shishido's birthday party. Yuuu...you know when everyone showed up at the hotel but...haaa...him and Atobe? That night...ohhh like that...Atobe called me in a panic. Yuuu...Yuushi, wait...stop." Gakuto was writhing on the bed under his touch.

Yuushi's mouth had been ravaging his neck and nipples with wet licks and long kisses while his fingers moved so damn good inside him. The tensai was so good with his hands, but Gakuto needed him to hear this. The second Gakuto said stop, to his credit, Yuushi instantly froze.

He looked worried so Gakuto reassured him, "No, please. Keep them in me. I just want you to stop for a second while I say this part. Look, I know you won't tell anyone any of this, but promise me anyway that what I tell you is just between us. That you won't tell anyone ever. It's for your own safety too."

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Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter Ninety Nine ~ Mukahi

2006-05-11T07:19:02Z

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter Ninety Nine ~ Mukahi

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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He felt better until Yuushi's face suddenly twisted into an ugly painful expression beneath his hands, and the tensai whispered sounding broken, "Gakuto, I am so fucked up..."

It was like a door opening a tiny crack into Yuushi's deepest and most painful secrets. It was huge and in a way frightening because Gakuto sensed just beyond that door there lay a stockpile of pain and shame and fear that Yuushi hid. The tensai guarded his secrets and he kept them up until now pretty much all alone because there simply was no one else for Yuushi to tell any of this stuff to. These were the kind of dark feelings and experiences that no one else Yuushi knew would understand.

No one except Gakuto. Gakuto figured he knew most of those ugly feelings completely. He knew how to keep his own secrets guarded and hidden just as intimately. Hell, after everything he had lived through, Gakuto figured he might be the only person in the world who could understand just how Yuushi felt.

Okay, so Gakuto didn't know exactly what happened to Yuushi, like the gory specific details, but Gakuto really did know all those terrible feelings and the fears that came along with them. He knew all too well the panic and horrible dread you had to live with every single day worried and stressed over, what if people find out? People I know? What if they discover what a terrible mess I am, and how awful I am, and everything I've been through...

Especially the person you love. If that person finds out, how then could they possibly treat you the same as before they knew? If they discover all your secrets, how could they ever possibly understand? How could anyone care for you if they were to uncover and expose every ugly and disgusting detail about you? And maybe worst of all, if that one person finds out, if all your ugly secrets become exposed to that one all-important and cherished person, then how will they ever be able to love you?

Stupid Yuushi. Gakuto already knew all he needed to know.

He loved him.

He reached for Yuushi because he couldn't sit still any longer. Gakuto smiled ruefully and kissed Yuushi's wild and crazy hair while he smoothed it back with his hand offa the tensai's forehead. For good measure, he kissed Yuushi's forehead too by smushing his lips against it hard and holding them there for a long moment. When that was done, Gakuto pulled back to look at the tensai and softly said, "Yeah. I know. Me too, Yuushi. I'm all fucked up too. That's why we're so good together."

Yuushi didn't move.

Gakuto didn't even think Yuushi was breathing because it was like the tensai was frozen in place like an ice sculpture. Then without warning Yuushi laughed a little before a split second later, Yuushi started crying hard.

And to Gakuto's shock, once Yuushi got started, the tensai cried so much it was like something inside him broke. Yuushi's body was racked with sobs that came so fast and hard Gakuto worried about him being able to breathe. Over and over again Gakuto kissed Yuushi and told him it was okay now. It was all okay.

Like Yuushi was a little boy, the tensai clung to him while he cried. Yuushi held on to Gakuto so hard it was as if he was drowning and only Gakuto could save him.

Normally, Gakuto hated when people cried. Not just girls when he turned them down or something, but anyone. Gakuto never knew what to do when a girl started bawling. Especially after confessing. It just seemed so stupid to get so worked up over a crush. But this was completely different.

Gakuto had cried like this to his Mom a few times, but he had never seen someone else cry this way. Not even in the movies. And when Gakuto thought to himself that in all the world, the only person Yuushi probably ever cried to like this and needed was him, it suddenly didn't feel awkward. It was just natural for Gakuto to wrap his small arms around the tensai and hold Yuushi while he cried.

While they both did. Because for some reason, Yuushi who was always so strong and calm suddenly crying like that made Gakuto cry too. And Gakuto held on to Yuushi as hard as he could and pressed as much of his bare skin against Yuushi's because it felt important. It felt so urgent that Gakuto be there for him that he didn't want to let Yuushi go. Not ever. And he couldn't stop kissing Yuushi either. Yuushi's hair, his face, his neck, his lips. It felt meaningful and not stupid at all to be all lovey like this. Yuushi needed this. Yuushi needed him and Gakuto felt good to be able to give Yuushi something back. Something only Gakuto could.

It just felt right. Gakuto'd meant what he said. They really were good together.

Somehow after all the tears finally stopped, they ended up holding each other close and kissing for a really long time. Gakuto wasn't sure which one started swirly kissing the other's mouth first or when they both stopped crying and started smiling, but they were. They never said a word about it to each other, and it was like they were more than just on the same wavelength together--it was almost like they were synchronized. Like a long-standing doubles team that just knows what the other person needs because they were that close and together.

In between long, deep kissing sessions, they kept smiling and staring into each others eyes all lovey and stupid. One of them would laugh at everything and nothing and then the other would join in. This was a different kind of kissing than Gakuto had ever done before because there wasn't really any heat or urgency behind it. There wasn't that hard driving feeling of hungry lust. Instead there was just a lot of want--raw want, but even that was an all new kind. This was the kind where you just want to be with the other person and where all you want to do is to make that person feel happy and good.

This was all new to Gakuto and he suspected new to Yuushi too. It was nice. Really nice.

Gakuto really didn't wanna ruin the mood, but his instincts for people and secrets were screaming at him to widen the crack of that open door behind Yuushi's walls while he could. Gakuto knew from experience, sometimes people got scared and ran away from you later on if you didn't press for answers when they gave you the opportunity. Maybe they just didn't like that you didn't push for answers when they were hoping you would. A lotta the time though, people had this annoying need to confess. Like saying all their dirty laundry made them clean or something and they often used Gakuto as their cleaner. Sometimes later they got mad and pulled away because you knew stuff about them no one else did. Like because you knew their secrets, now you could read their thoughts too and that made you a threat to them or something.

But he didn't want Yuushi to feel scared. Or worried. Or to pull away. Gakuto would rather Yuushi tell him everything now and have them deal with it together than let something bad grow between them. They had enough bad behind each of them. Gakuto wanted everything on the table--all their secrets and pasts and to move forward from all that stuff together.

It was an odd place for Gakuto to be in and these were strange new feelings, but that was how he was feeling. Like he had to clear things up even if it ruined this nice lovey moment they were having, because in the end it would be better for Yuushi and better for them.

Gakuto formed a plan in mind. When they let each other up for air after the next kiss, he would just widen the crack into Yuushi's secrets a little tiny bit and let whatever the tensai needed or wanted to tell him spill out.

The next time they smiled at each other and their mouths were free for a few seconds, Gakuto ventured, "Hey, can I ask you somethin?"

Yuushi was still smiling at him, but his eyes suddenly went from dopey to that tensai sharply focused to back to lovey, "Anything."

The tensai not only meant it, but he never hesitated. Even if Yuushi was scared or worried, he trusted Gakuto completely. It meant a lot to Gakuto. He couldn't remember the last person who trusted him this much, and what was even more important, Gakuto couldn't remember the last person he had wanted to be all close with like this.

Thinking that, Gakuto kissed him. They were eye to eye and it wasn't far to reach Yuushi's mouth with his own, but at the same time, it felt like Yuushi was really far away when he reached his lips across. Gakuto was pretty sure that he had kissed people first before this. He'd had to, right? At least with stupid girls. At least once in all those parties Gakuto'd been to he had to have kissed another person first. And probably by now he'd kissed Yuushi first at least once, but right then, it felt important for him to be the first one to kiss even if they had been kissing each other all night. Gakuto kissed Yuushi softly with just his lips, and for some reason, it felt more like a first kiss than any other kiss he had ever done. He lingered there on Yuushi's warm willing mouth feeling how sweet this was, and then Gakuto sighed to himself because it was time and this had to be done.

Gakuto pulled back from the kiss and tried to ask as diplomatically as possible, "So...can you tell me why the lights always gotta be off when you're...you know...with other people?"

Yuushi closed his eyes like he had a headache or a sudden pain. Gakuto didn't know what that meant. The tensai didn't even seem to be breathing. Maybe he was back to being frozen again. Gakuto hoped he didn't get angry or scared or pull away. He put his hand on Yuushi's cheek under his left eye and rubbed his thumb softly on Yuushi's skin. Gakuto couldn't ever remember doing anything like that with anyone. Not even with girls. Yuushi's skin was soft and warm and even for a guy, the tensai had really long eyelashes. Even with goofy hair, Yuushi was still kinda good looking. Not pretty like Atobe or the peacock, but nice. "Hey Yuushi?"

The tensai slowly opened his eyes and looked at him.

Gakuto tried again and his hand somehow on its own moved up to start smoothing down some of Yuushi's crazy hair, "It's okay. I just...I wanna know...if you wanna tell me?"

Yuushi's voice was rough and gravelly from crying earlier. He sounded older and tired, but not physically tired, more like worn out inside himself. It was like all the rough edges in Yuushi were gettin worn down from rolling around inside him for so long, and that the rolling around hurt and kept hurting for a really long time. Gakuto tried to imagine living with a secret like his own and not anyone he cared about ever knowing or talking to him about it. He found it was incredibly sad and impossible to really understand.

Yuushi took a deep breath and let it out kinda shaky. The tensai said slowly as if carefully trying to choose his words, "Every time I've had sex with someone, I've done it the same way my tutor made love with me. I wanted to make love to you that way tonight and I thought...it sounds rather illogical to me now, but I thought if I showed you, that you could maybe...maybe then you would be able to understand."

Gakuto didn't understand.

Yuushi must have seen all the questions Gakuto was gonna ask and tried to explain first, "If the lights are off, they can't see that I don't need to use this part of myself." Yuushi took Gakuto's hand out of his hair and moved it down to his erection as if that would explain anything.

Gakuto wrapped his hand around it and felt it respond to his touch. He kinda forgot until then that they were both naked. He even forgot that he was also hard and turned on. He was completely confused by what Yuushi was tryin to say as if it he was tryin to figure out a logarithm problem without knowing how to figure any of it out and without Yuushi to help walk him through it.

He sighed frustrated because Gakuto had to admit he couldn't figure it out so annoyed but trying to be tactful Gakuto asked, "But you said...Yuushi you said you and your tutor never...? That you never had sex...? So...every other time with other people...? What...well okay, but then what...what did you...do you...did you wanna...use?"

Yuushi shrugged and was starting to blush. Gakuto had a feeling if he was anybody else asking Yuushi woulda made some lame joke or pun to get out of this uncomfortable situation, but because it was Gakuto, Yuushi was struggling to try to explain. The tensai swallowed hard and then said softly while looking away, "I used other things...other body parts. I've used my...my hands. My mouth. My fingers. In the dark, it's easy for people to make mistakes or not feel the right thing. If I make them feel good, they don't question me after. I...I've never told the truth to anyone before and I'm sorry I lied by not telling you everything. The rest of my first times how I told you is true. I was with a girl and a guy that first week. I did hold myself and dry orgasm with them but I never...the truth is...and what might not count is I've never been inside anyone else with this part of myself until earlier tonight. When I was with you and Naomi. Except..."

Gakuto thought he couldn't be shocked anymore.

He was wrong.

What Yuushi just said was enough to surprise the hell out of him, but suddenly Yuushi went all pale and started actually shaking. Tears started to well up in his eyes and the tensai blinked them away. He swallowed as if his throat had gone dry. He glanced at Gakuto and then looked away again. Yuushi's voice got all tight and weird, "Except...the truth is I...it did...it happened with me and my tutor. Once. Just this one time. I'm fairly sure it was only once. My tutor...he...he made me, but I didn't want to. I didn't. I told him to stop...I did, but he... It was near the end before I told and it was primarily why I had to tell because he...he made me...and I knew...I knew right then...he wasn't...he wasn't going to stop...he wouldn't ever stop...it was never going to be over..."

"He forced you to have sex?" Gakuto asked and was really angry at that bastard who could hurt a person...hell, a child as kind and gentle as Yuushi. His throat suddenly burned with unshed tears for Yuushi, but Gakuto decided he wasn't gonna cry because that might look like he felt sorry for Yuushi or something. Gakuto tried to keep how upset he was outta his voice but he was angry like he had never felt before, "Yuushi, that's rape. The bastard raped you?"

Yuushi nodded yes, and then strangely he shook his head no. "He...he did force me to, but not...not like you were forced. H...he made me but it was...he...my tutor forced me as a woman would force a man."

Yuushi's eyes met with Gakuto's and they were full of pain. Gakuto was upset but he wasn't sure what Yuushi meant. He licked his lips which had gone very dry and tried to think of a good way to ask because he didn't understand and he really, really wanted to.

The tensai said in a flat voice devoid of all emotion as if Yuushi had gone cold again inside, "You see, my tutor forced...raped me to be exact, precisely as Naomi did tonight. My tutor was on top of me. He rode me as if he were a woman. He...he told me I had to comply or...or else he would hurt the people I loved and when Naomi said..." Yuushi's chin crinkled in a strange way and his bottom lip started trembling, "I'm sorry Gakuto...I'm so sorry...I didn't...I didn't know what else to do when she told me that she knew about your past and would hurt you and I...I didn't know what to do...but it...but it's okay because you came h...home and stopped h...her and you didn't h...hate me...and...y...you said it would all be okay and...and that...that you would wash it away and you...you..."

Gakuto wasn't even aware he was crying again until his vision went all blurry. He just figured out why Yuushi wanted to stay in the damn bath earlier and Gakuto selfishly cut it short because he was upset with his own stupid feelings. Yuushi looked so together all the time and took such good care of Gakuto that it was easy to forget the tensai wasn't always okay. Yuushi had things to deal with too.

Maybe even really big things because Gakuto wondered again which was worse. Having something horrible happen to you once, or having someone you were supposed to trust hurt you and threaten you again and again. Over and over. And back then, Yuushi was all alone. Gakuto all of a sudden realized Yuushi had always been all alone. All this time, Yuushi really didn't have anyone to turn to or even to talk things over with. Not good friends. Not good family. Not anyone around him he could love and trust.

Until now.

Gakuto was crying because his heart was breaking for the first time for someone else other than himself. He said to Yuushi and believed in his own words, and hoped with all his heart Yuushi believed in them too, "It is okay, Yuushi. It is. I did wash it all away offa you and you washed it all away offa me. It's all gone. All washed away and it's all clean and you're clean and I'm clean. It's all gone and there's just us left. Okay, Yuushi? Look, you protected me with Naomi and then I protected you. That's what we do for each other, right?"

Yuushi nodded through tears and Gakuto kissed him just to be closer to him.

They were both crying, but Gakuto felt like he had to comfort the tensai more, "See? It's all okay, I'm not mad, and you're never gonna have to do that again. And we're gonna hurt her, Yuushi. We are. We're gonna figure out whatever it is she's up to and we're gonna destroy her. We are gonna bring that bitch down. And you know what? I'm not gonna let her or anyone else ever hurt you again, Yuushi. Just like you're not gonna let anyone hurt me, I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you. Not ever again. I swear it. I'm your best friend, and I'll always be your best friend. Your best friend and more because...because that bitch and your stupid bastard tutor? They don't count, Yuushi. They don't. Your kinda first time wasn't with her tonight or any other time before with anyone else. It was tonight with me. It was you with me and just kinda like a preview usin a living bad sex kinda toy. Yuushi, the first time you have sex with anyone its gonna be me with you. The first time you have sex with anyone its gonna be you with me, too."

Gakuto just realized something, "The first time someone who really cares about me has sex with me is gonna be you with me, Yuushi. Nothing else counts. Nothing else matters and no one ever comes between us again, alright? You're gonna be my first and I'm gonna be yours. That's how it's supposed to be. That's how normal people do things. Isn't that right?"

"Yes...it...it is." Yuushi nodded and kissed him. Hard, sweet, and it felt as if Yuushi was meaning it completely from the bottom of his soul.

Gakuto kissed him back meaning it like that too. Saying with his body everything he couldn't say yet with words, Gakuto tried to say it all with his heart and soul in a kiss. It was as if the two of them had made a sacred vow and sealed their pact with a kiss. It felt right and very important.

When it was done, Yuushi pulled back and looked all moony and serious at Gakuto as if trying to memorize the moment. Maybe so Yuushi could hold on to it. It kinda made sense. Yuushi hated taking pictures and the rumor about the tensai was that he didn't even have any of his family or friends. Because of the dumb rumor, girls constantly gave Yuushi their pictures which he usually threw out as soon as the coast was clear. Once a fangirl asked Yuushi why he didn't carry pictures in his wallet. She was fawning annoyingly all over him at a party and asked if it was because he could remember everything in his head. Yuushi being Yuushi said oblivious to how it would hurt the girl's feelings that the reason he had no pictures was simply because there was no one that he wanted to have a picture of.

But only Gakuto knew the truth. Hidden away on a password protected site the tensai probably thought Gakuto didn't know about, Yuushi had pictures of his family. There was no family portrait and some were of his dad from magazine articles, but the tensai had them. He also had one of the team from back when they were freshmen. It was taken right before last year's regionals and the clever tensai had made a copy from it. A cropped and enlarged copy. He was standing behind and a little to the left of Gakuto with his hand on Gakuto's right shoulder. Gakuto hated that picture because they had made him stand on a rock so he looked as tall as everyone else. You couldn't see the rock but what you could see was Atobe was totally posing and all annoyed because Jiroh jumped between Atobe and Shishido in the shot at the last second. Gakuto was laughing at everyone's antics. They all were. The cropped and enlarged picture Yuushi kept hidden was just him and Yuushi smiling and laughing. It looked like Yuushi's arm was around him and he guessed it was, but Yuushi seemed to do it at the time to keep Gakuto from slipping off the smooth stone.

In the edited version, standing there, like that, together laughing, they looked like a couple. It was Yuushi's only non-family picture and Gakuto noticed it was the one the tensai looked at most often. When Gakuto first saw the site and the picture, he had been furious. He thought the tensai was gonna pull some lame prank on him or joke about it. Gakuto braced and cringed for some kinda fallout, but Yuushi never said a word.

Gakuto finally understood. He understood that and a lot of other things. He had an urge to look at the picture again and wondered what Yuushi thought the hundreds of times he looked at it. Over and over even with his photographic memory. Gakuto decided to print one of those pictures out and give it to Yuushi sometime. The tensai would be really surprised and probably very happy. He might even carry it in his wallet. Maybe Gakuto could make that Yuushi's new computer wallpaper. Or he could put it on the tensai's cell phone. Gakuto was filled with a sudden unfamiliar urge to do goofy things like that for Yuushi just to make him happy. And show him that Gakuto cared. He really did.

The tensai's face was all puffy from crying, and yet somehow Yuushi still managed to look kinda handsome. Yuushi smiled at him and said all lovey, "I love you. Gakuto, I love you so much..."

"Show me," Gakuto's words sounded both hoarse from crying and full of emotion from how he was feeling. They slipped past Gakuto's lips before he even thought about them.

Yuushi looked at him surprised, but the moment Gakuto heard his own words, he knew they felt right. That all of this between them felt right. No matter what they physically did or didn't do, they needed to be with each other right now.

Gakuto tried to explain, "Yuushi? I wanna be with you and I want you to be with me. Right now. I don't care what you do or what parts you use. I really don't. I just...if you wanna, I really just...I just really wanna be with you. You know? I wanna feel even closer to you. I wanna feel more with you and I want you to feel more with me. I wanna...I want you to feel good, Yuushi. I wanna make you feel good. You know?"

The goofy Yuushi, and the serious one, and the brainiac one, and the silly one, and the sexy one, and the lonely little boy one, and the wounded one, and the dangerous one, and the stupid one, and the fierce one, and the tensai one, and the lovey one, and every other one Gakuto had ever met and even some that he had not even seen yet all suddenly melted together into just this one Yuushi. This one amazing one Yuushi that somehow was all of them at once. The one right in front of Gakuto. His Yuushi.

His Yuushi who was nodding in complete agreement with him, "Yes. I know. I feel the same. I want to, Gakuto. More than anything I want to, but I...I must admit I'm not sure where or how to begin..."

Gakuto had an idea, "I think I know. I think we just start like how we were gonna before, and then we just kinda let whatever happens...happen, okay? But we keep the lights on like this and we don't have anything or anyone between us. Nothing hidden in the dark. Never again. From now on, it's just gonna be us and as long as we talk and things it'll always be okay. But Yuushi, that means you never have to hide things from me. Not anything. I know you. I mean I really know you. More than anyone else in the world and I like you how you are and so you can just be yourself. You don't have to worry anymore about my not liking you. And we'll try everything. We'll find out together what we both like and we'll keep the good stuff and throw out all the bad things. We'll do what's right for us, just the things we like and what feels good, okay?" Gakuto kissed him quick and then rolled over onto his stomach again before Yuushi could think too much, "We were kinda like this and you were at my tail bone when we left off. I broke my tail bone, remember?"

Nervously, heart pounding, Gakuto pressed his face down into the soft comforter while he waited to see what Yuushi would do. He let his breath out in a sigh of relief only when he felt Yuushi's hands slide almost hesitantly over his lower back and up between his shoulders. Another spot that was often sore from long hours on the court and long hours hunched over working on a computer or studying.

A little more touching and soon Yuushi's hands moved more and more confidently over Gakuto's skin. They drifted down to the center of Gakuto's back rubbing and caressing there. Lower still they moved with a soft touch. It felt like Yuushi's fingertips only over his back and then dipping down to touch over his legs. Yuushi was taking a long time. A really long time and while it felt good, Gakuto was tempted to hurry him up to move along quicker to something better.

But after he rushed Yuushi out of the bath earlier, Gakuto decided he could wait until Yuushi was ready this time. Almost all the things Gakuto had ever heard about Yuushi from other people slowly slid into place, but Gakuto pushed all his thoughts aside to concentrate as Yuushi touched his fingertips lightly to Gakuto's inner thighs. They were usually ticklish, but now they weren't for some reason. Now they just felt warm and almost tingly wherever the tensai rubbed his hands.

Anticipating good things, Gakuto was hard. Heck he was naked and someone was touching him, but Gakuto was belly-down on the soft bed and his erection was down between his legs. He wondered if Yuushi noticed it. Poor thing was sitting there untouched, but wanting to be felt up so badly. Yuushi touched everywhere else but there which was frustrating. Gakuto thought to himself that maybe Yuushi didn't see it. Gakuto wiggled his hips so Yuushi could see everything better. He was tryin to be patient but Yuushi kept touching him everywhere but there. Was the tensai teasing him? Was Yuushi just takin his time or was this some kinda new problem Gakuto should be worried about? Maybe Yuushi didn't want to touch him there. Gakuto didn't know. What he did know is he was gonna stop wiggling around and hinting because Yuushi wasn't getting any of his clues. Did he need to draw the tensai a map?

Suddenly, Yuushi ran a soft fingertip over Gakuto's tip making Gakuto almost jump with sensation. Gakuto heard himself moan as Yuushi touched him feather light again. Okay, now this was really getting interesting.

Gently Yuushi moved Gakuto's legs a little more apart and Gakuto helped him. Just a little for easier access. Truth be told, Gakuto could do a full split in any direction, something he knew Yuushi musta seen since the tensai was always watching him. Gakuto wickedly wondered how that little nugget of information must have turned on the tensai, and he smiled to think of it.

Yuushi massaged Gakuto's butt a bit and then separated his cheeks. He touched Gakuto's entrance very gently with a soft caress. Then again using a very light swirling touch of a fingertip. So light, Gakuto had to force himself to not press down or make the teasing touches more. Yuushi rubbed around and touched there again and again, but each time was a light touch. A tease. It was all Gakuto could do to not make a sound because he didn't want Yuushi to stop. At one point he even thought to tell Yuushi yes, to let the tensai win their earlier game, but Gakuto decided that wasn't enough fun. Yuushi deserved to have a lot more fun and more importantly, the tensai liked a challenge. Gakuto decided to just be his normal self--and his normal self would never let anyone win at anything if he could help it.

And then in mid-swirl of a fingertip over his entrance, Yuushi licked him there with a wide, wet lap of his tongue. Gakuto's breath caught at this new sensation and he just held in a moan in time. Yuushi somehow didn't even move the bed so there had been no warning and no way to know if it would happen again. Gakuto hoped it would.

Yuushi went back to his fingertips teasing and just when Gakuto was wondering if he imagined Yuushi licking him, the tensai did it again. Gakuto shivered but not from cold. He felt chill bumps raise up all over his skin and that hot melting feeling in his belly start again. The one Gakuto always felt when he started to get really, really turned on.

After the initial tongue laps, Yuushi kept at it with delicate flips and swirls. Little tongue licks and teasings. Almost like he was lovingly kissing Gakuto's mouth.

Gakuto smiled into the bed covers at the thought. If it didn't feel so damn amazing he mighta even laughed. Yuushi licked into him soft like a whisper and then down over his testicles to the tip of his erection. The tensai sucked wetly at his foreskin and nibbled at it, making Gakuto shudder again. He tried to raise his hips of the bed but his knees felt like they wouldn't hold him up and the tensai musta seen he was gonna try to move. Yuushi put one large warm hand on his lower back as if to say stay there. The tensai didn't push him down, he just rested his big hand there while he licked away at Gakuto. Which was a whole new kinda sexy. Damn Yuushi was good.

Yuushi licked at his sensitive tip and Gakuto heard himself sigh a moan. He wanted Yuushi to take him all the way into his warm, wet mouth but the tensai's busy tongue licked back up along his shaft and then Gakuto felt Yuushi's lips at his testicles again. Yuushi gently sucked one into his mouth and Gakuto whimpered a moan of pleasure. At his sound Yuushi let go and he could feel Yuushi moving on the bed.

The tensai moved up so he was sitting by Gakuto's left shoulder. He started rubbing his hands down Gakuto's back and teasing him lower again, but Gakuto decided he could not just lay there doing nothing any longer. If he was gonna be really turned on then he was gonna do the same back to Yuushi. He had to because he couldn't take this laying around when Yuushi should be touched and teased too.

Gakuto realized his hands were clinging on to bunches of the comforter and so he relaxed his fists. He slid his right hand up the bed slowly until he felt Yuushi's knee. The tensai musta been kneeling. Gakuto was amazed at how muscular and cut Yuushi was even in his legs. Damn that was hot. Gakuto moved his hand along Yuushi's inner thigh until he reached his testicles. Gakuto held them in his hand, hefted their weight, and felt their fullness. Yuushi didn't moan so much as groan and then he paused his hands on Gakuto's skin. The tensai said, "I...if they touch me, I tell them I'm fine and that they should stop..."

Chuckling low in his throat Gakuto said, "Yeah? Well that was fine for when you were with them, but I'm not one of them. I usually never do what you tell me to anyway." But then Gakuto had a thought, "Uh...unless you really want me to stop or something?"

"No...I...it's okay if it's you. I...I like when you touch me." Yuushi sounded all lusty and like he couldn't think right--which was just how Gakuto wanted him. But that goofy always thinkin tensai part of him musta still been able to function a little bit. "We...we should pick a code word."

"A what? Code word?" What the hell? Were they spies now? Gakuto hadn't expected that.

"I've read about it. It's a word that either of us can say in case one of us really wants to stop and isn't teasing or joking. Then we both know to stop and that we have to. It's like...a panic button. Or a computer's escape key." Oh. Well that made more sense. Gakuto was just going to suggest they use something simple, and maybe funny, but Yuushi said, "It has to be something we would never normally say--even in jest so that there are never any mistakes."

Gakuto thought out loud, "Well, I can't say the L word, but you say that all the time to me so we can't use that."

Yuushi sounded confused, "The L word...do you mean love? You can't say the word love? But...I've heard you say it. When your parents were visiting."

"Duh...that's my parents. I've never said it to anyone. Non-family, Yuushi." Gakuto rolled his eyes but kept kinda playing with Yuushi's balls. He kinda liked how their weight rolled around in his hand, and he knew Yuushi liked it because the tensai wasn't working on full brain power. Or he woulda known to not say something so stupid.

"But...I heard you. I heard you say it to Sato. On several oc..." Yuushi stopped talking because Gakuto's hand froze. He moved it fast away from Yuushi because Gakuto was seized with a surge of anger that made him want to squeeze down as hard as he possibly could.

Quickly Gakuto moved in a push up and then pulled his knees forward so he was kneeling too. He punctuated his words on Yuushi's chest with his hands to try to shove the stupid tensai away, "Why would you say that to me? Is there any blood gettin to your brain or are you tryin to piss me off? I said it because Sato made me! I had to say it! I never felt that way about Sato! Are you crazy? I hated him! I had to always say it when he asked or he woulda beat the crap outta me if I didn't! Everyone knows I never say it to anyone so that's why!" The only thing that kept Gakuto rooted to the bed was how shocked Yuushi looked.

And then how dejected the tensai seemed right after. Yuushi looked like all the air was drained out of him and like he wanted to reach for Gakuto, but the tensai was too afraid to. Yuushi nervously went to adjust glasses that weren't there, "I...I'm sorry. I didn't know. I mean, there were times when I thought you didn't truly feel that way about him with how he was towards you, but even so, I thought there might have once been a time when you felt that way about him..."

Gakuto was still mad, but after his initial outburst his anger was rapidly cooling like steam from a hot bath disappearing in the air. Yuushi hadn't asked because he was mean, he was just clueless about stuff like this. Gakuto tried to explain, "Well, there wasn't. I liked him at first yeah, but I didn't trust him all the way. Not with what happened to me before with Azukizawa and it turns out I was right to not trust Sato because he's an even bigger bastard. If what you said about Azukizawa is true, then he's just a scared asshole, but Sato is an out and out bastard. Sato gets off on hurting people--and he gets off the most on hurting me. If I didn't say it then it woulda made Sato happy because he woulda hurt bad me and I didn't want that. I hate Sato, Yuushi. I really, really hate him."

"He'll never hurt you again. I swear it." Yuushi seemed to hesitate and then held his arms open. "Please? Are you cold?"

Gakuto paused a moment and then scrambled to the stupid tensai. "I'm not cold. The fire and you are keepin me warm, but now you made me all tense again. I'd never say somethin like that to a bastard like Sato if I didn't have to. And you know me better than that!"

Yuushi moved so they were both laying down. "I'm sorry, I'll relax you again if you would like? And regardless, I'm glad you told me this. I've been rather jealous of you saying those words to Sato."

Gakuto turned to him surprised and looked carefully to see if Yuushi was kidding. The big dummy wasn't. "You were jealous? Seriously? Why? Cause I said it to Sato and not you? Doesn't matter. It's not the same kinda thing at all, and now you know." Gakuto shrugged. "Know what's funny, at least that rumor about me really is true. I've never said it to anyone who isn't my family or when some bastard didn't make me say it. I don't think that really counts, do you?" Yuushi shook his head no and fixed the part on Gakuto's hair with one long finger. It was ironic to Gakuto that Yuushi with his currently crazy hair would worry so much over his but he didn't say anything. Yuushi liked to do this for whatever reason so Gakuto curled up closer to him and let him. He shrugged again, "Yeah I don't think it counts either. You ever say it to anyone?"

"Besides you? And besides to my sister or my parents? I said it to my tutor and there were times when I meant it." Gakuto looked up at Yuushi shocked. Really shocked. How the hell could Yuushi love a bastard like that?

Yuushi blushed a little or maybe he was warm from the fire. He said all serious, "Gakuto, this is hard to explain, but I'll try. You have to first understand that things with my tutor were not always bad. Before my tutor came along I had several nannies. From the time I was born until just before my third birthday, a nanny watched me around the clock. I'm sure they are the kind of people who love children because they wouldn't choose that vocation if they didn't, but it was their job to care for me. I was not their child. There was a night nanny, a day one, a different one on weekends, and then a fourth if the others were busy. Apparently I rarely saw my parents and there were two reasons they decided to hire a full time live-in tutor for me. One was they had my IQ tested and found it to be high and two, one of the nannies tried to abduct me."

Gakuto looked at Yuushi surprised.

The tensai smiled softly, "She didn't get far. She never got past the gates of my parent's estate, and my parents did not press charges for the attempted kidnapping. Instead they fired her and the other nannies and that week found my tutor. He came highly recommended apparently."

"Wait, wait." Gakuto wanted Yuushi to back up, "One of your nannies tried to kidnap you? Why?"

Yuushi shrugged, "I wanted to know too which is why I located one of my former nannies and asked. My parents would not discuss it with me. My cousin told me that it happened several years ago or I would have never known. The one I asked said the woman who tried to abduct me had been with me from the day I came home from the hospital. She accused my mother of only touching me in my entire life that she had seen in three years of only around five minutes. She had never seen my mother hold me, kiss me, or hug me. None of the nannies had it seems. She said the one who abducted me was the one who was with me the most. She was the one who watched me take my first steps, who taught me my first words, and who toilet trained me. Apparently, she felt some affection for me and decided I would have a better life with her. She was young. Only twenty so that may have had something to do with her rash...what?"

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Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Eight ~Shishido~

2006-03-04T07:23:05Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Eight ~Shishido~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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He was floating. That was how it always felt. Peaceful, weightless, and free. His soul soared along in perfect contentment. There was a feeling of warmth and acceptance inside him and everywhere. Everything was right and good and safe. This place to him was home and the one place in the world where he was loved. Really and truly loved. There was this strong sensation of belonging and light and...happiness. There were times in his life when only here did he feel loved and happy and accepted.

It was his secret escape even though he had not been to this place for a long time. He missed it.

He missed them too and he knew they missed him. They were overjoyed he had returned.

He sensed rather than saw the two...oh...okay...it wasn't two...it was three...three people here. Always here. Always happy and waiting for him. Although he somehow knew they weren't really people. It was more like they were spirits or something but it was better if he just didn't think about it. It was best if he just enjoyed the time they had together. He had suspicions as to just who these beings were, but always it was okay for him to not worry about it. It was perfect for him to not think at all about the specifics or the details--he could just accept everything for what it was. Accept and love them back just as they accepted and loved him completely.

He couldn't see their faces or hear their voices, but he knew they spoke to him and were smiling at him. He could linger in the perfect joy of this place. You didn't speak out loud here. You didn't need to. Everything you felt and thought they just somehow understood.

A long time ago, he had tried to stay, but they couldn't let him. They wanted him to stay and thought about it for a very long time. Almost too long. But in the end, they sent him back. They said it wasn't time for him. They always did. That first time he wanted to stay and couldn't, it had broken his heart and nearly broke his spirit when he was sent back.

This place and these feelings were his refuge when everything around him was horrible and he had no where else to go. When he was little, he used to think he was special and only he could visit this place. Maybe because they considered allowing him to stay for so long, that made him special. Now that he was older, he didn't know and tried not to think about it. He could be cold, exhausted, hurt, sick, hungry, unloved, and all alone, but in this place none of that mattered. Because of the love that surrounded him here, he needed nothing. All was perfect and peace and joy.

Usually.

But not this time. Because for the first time, there was a part of him that did not want to be here. He realized a surprisingly large part of him did not want to be here at all. He wanted to be...he couldn't remember where--only that this place suddenly didn't seem so perfect. Something was missing for him. Something big that he needed was left behind. There wasn't enough love here because of the big missing...thing. No. Not thing.

A person.

The person. The person he loved.

It came crashing back like the waves of his conscious mind were being washed up against the shore. Choutarou.

He had to get back to Choutarou.

He fought and struggled to get back to Choutarou. He had go back. He had to. He had never done this before. Usually in this timeless place he let things just happen. This time, for the first time, he fought. He summoned all his will and still found it was like trying to swim against a strong rip tide dragging you under and away. He desperately thought to the spirit-people-things that were trying to keep him, No, I have to go back. I love him. I belong with him. Please! Please let me go! I have to go now! He needs me! You have to let me go! Help me!

But they didn't help him. For the first time in his life, his safe escape suddenly didn't feel safe. It felt empty and he felt alone. His disappointment and bitterness over this hurt. He tried to show them why it was wrong to keep him here against his will with images and emotions but they sent back some nonsense. Something about he was the one who was unable to understand. He felt them smiling at his inability to comprehend. They thought it was dear, like a grandparent smiling at a beloved child, but they were not helping. Damn it.

What hurt him even worse was at the same time they smiled at him, they kept trying to tell him they loved him. He thought back at them angry, If you love me, then let me go!

He struggled more because they weren't helping him. Not fast enough. He figured he could do it better and faster on his own. From a long way away he heard a sound and rushed towards it. It was faint and sounded sad--so heartbroken that he hesitated in his need to get back just to hear what it was. He heard, "...it's okay...I'll still..." there was a sobbing sound and the voice was filled with sorrow, "...still love you even if you're...even if you're sick. I swear it. I can do this. I've done it before. I can do this. I'll be strong. I swear I will. I'll do anything for you. I won't leave you. I won't. Not ever. My feelings won't change." There was another sob, "It's not your fault Shishido-san and..."

Oh. That was his name.

He felt hands under his arms and he was being moved. Shishido tried to put together what happened and couldn't. He didn't know what was real. He felt lightheaded and that kind of groggy exhausted way that is nearly impossible to shake off. It felt as if he'd been drugged or taken a really strong sleeping pill. He was pulled along again by those big hands and turned on his side. Shishido felt naked and it was only then that he realized he was.

He felt in danger and wondered when the hell this was. Remembering really bad things and what someone might be going to do to him, Shishido snarled to scare them as they put their hands on his face, "What the hell are you doing?"

Choutarou gasped, "Oh god you scared me!"

Shishido was shocked that it was Choutarou that was going to...wait, Ohtori would never do that to him. Never in a million years. So what the hell?

Choutarou said in a sing-songy voice someone would use to comfort a sick child, "It's okay, Shishido-san. You're okay now. Just relax. Don't try to move just yet. You're safe in your bed and I'm right here with you. I was just moving you to your side because I didn't know how long you would be out of it." Shishido's upper body was on his left side but his hips and legs were flat like he had been on his back. He really had no idea how he got there and tried to shake off the last waves of exhaustion that poured over him. He guessed Ohtori moved him here, but from where and why the hell Shishido was naked--he wasn't sure.

The freshman lay down beside him, sort of behind him. Choutarou put his arm around Shishido's waist. He rested his hand familiarly on Shishido's chest. On Shishido's heart in what felt like a gesture of comfort and affection, but Shishido suspected the worried freshman was really checking his pulse.

Shishido looked down and only then realized the room was dark and it was night. He fought off the pull of sleep and realized to his surprise the comforting warmth of Ohtori's body was the freshman's naked skin up against his.

Softly Choutarou said in that singing voice, "You're okay now. I'll take care of you, Shishido-senpai." He moved his hand to sweep some of Shishido's hair off his neck and face. Shishido was sweaty.

Choutarou even tucked some of Shishido's hair behind his ear. He kissed Shishido's now bare cheek before settling down behind him. He held on to Shishido tightly. "I won't ever leave you and my feelings will never change for you, Shishido-san. I swear it." Choutarou kissed him again. This time his lips lingered on the back of Shishido's neck as if sealing an oath. "I swear I still feel the same for you even if you are sick..." Ohtori sobbed a little sob again but it was muffled like he was forcing it down. After a second or two he said all soft and with a forced cheerfulness, "You've just had a little seizure, it didn't last long, and you're okay now. Just rest..."

Shishido wondered what the hell and said, "Seizure?" His voice sounded gruff like he had been yelling. He cleared his throat and turned. He lay on his back and looked at Choutarou in the very dark room. He was going to angrily demand Choutarou tell him what the hell happened when there was a small flash of light outside. Lightening. Just quick enough for him to see that Choutarou had been crying. Hard. Shishido's heart went out to the freshman while his brain tried to process what the hell happened, "Baby, what are you talking about?" Bits and pieces started to fall back into place.

"You...you had a seizure. When you ha...had an orgasm...and...and so I...I moved you to your left side. That's what you're supposed to do. It...it doesn't bother me or anything, Shishido-san. I won't...I won't tell. My best friend has...had...has epilepsy so I know what to do. I didn't know you had epilepsy or were sick or whatever, but it's..." Choutarou gulped down air. He said in what was probably supposed to be a calming voice, but he sounded intensely stressed out and a second away from crying his heart out, "It's okay." Ohtori's voice cracked on the last word. He tried to say it again but it came out in a whisper, "It really is okay..."

More of what the hell happened was returning to Shishido. Including why they were both naked. Well he was almost naked. Shishido felt his pants were wrapped around his ankles and he was all wet with what was probably his own semen. Damn it. Not a good or respectable way to wake up. He turned his naked body against Choutarou's and faced him. The freshman appeared to be in about the same condition. Naked, wet, and upset.

Shishido remembered why and how hot things between them were before he was an idiot. Everything came back to Shishido and he wanted to beat the hell out of himself. Okay. Sure, he never expected that he and Choutarou would mess around like that. Someday, yeah, but not tonight. And no, Shishido doing that hadn't happened in a really long time, but... Shishido gathered himself and thought. From how upset the freshman was, he had better handle this really well right now. Not rough or angry as he was feeling because basically, if he had to be totally honest, Shishido felt extremely embarrassed.

Choutarou deserved better. Especially since Shishido suddenly remembered about Ohtori's dead best friend. Damn it. Sick. Oh gods, Choutarou must think...

Shishido said, "Baby, come here."

He held Choutarou in his arms. The freshman allowed Shishido to hold him, but he was hesitant to hold him back as if Shishido was made of glass and might break at any moment.

Shishido sighed, "I am so sorry I scared you baby, but Choutarou, I don't have epilepsy. I'm not sick."

"But you..." Choutarou interrupted. He was understandably upset and Shishido could hear it when his voice cracked again, "But I saw..."

Shishido held him closer. "Shh...I'll explain. I'm sure I look like a total idiot when I come, but I wasn't having a seizure. I swear I wasn't. I don't have epilepsy or anything like that. I really don't. And I guess I should have told you or warned you, but I didn't have any idea any that we were..." Shishido decided to change tactics. It was his fault he let things go that far between them, but it was good too. Shishido can't say he didn't want it to happen or that he had any regrets about it at all. He didn't.

He couldn't let Choutarou blame himself for any of this and the freshman might. Shishido sighed. He had to be extremely careful here, "The truth is, that hasn't happened to me in a long time. In a very long time. In years. When I was younger and I would come really hard, I'd pass out like that. Just for a few seconds, but it would happen all the time. It would happen whenever it was intense or I would orgasm really hard. I am so sorry I scared you and I know, it's one rumor you probably haven't heard about because it rarely happens with anyone else and it hasn't happened in years. It would usually happen when I was alone. A few times with a girl it happened so the first time I'm with a girl, you know having sex, I make sure I'm in a good position just in case. You know what I mean?"

Choutarou clearly didn't and shook his head no.

Shishido held in another sigh, "Usually I have the girl be on top the first time we do it. Or I'm behind her or I brace myself so that if it were to happen she wouldn't notice. It never happens after the first time and like I said, it hasn't happened in years, but I never pass out for long. Just a few seconds, five I guess at the most, although to me it seems longer. How long was I out? Five seconds? Ten?"

Shishido held Ohtori's hand in his own and laced their fingers together. There was another flash of lightening but it wasn't very bright. The thunder took a long time to come and sounded far away so the storm must have moved on. Still, Choutarou jumped at the light and then again at the thunder. Shishido took the opportunity to hold him closer while he listened to what the freshman said, "Ju...just under thirty seconds. Twenty seven seconds. I c...counted while I helped you because you...you're supposed to keep track for the person. At...at thirty seconds you give them air and I was just going to for you, Shishido-san. I was just checking to see if you were breathing. You stopped coming a little before...before you...before you woke up and scared me."

"Damn? Really? That's a long time for me. I don't think I've ever been out for that long before, but maybe because it hasn't happened in so long. Really, usually it lasts like five seconds. It used to happen to me all the time. Whenever I jer...touched myself. It's how I used to fall sleep when I was little. I guess I was about seven when I started you know...touching myself and it started around then. I couldn't come yet ,but I would do that at night alone and pass out when I had an orgasm. After I passed out I would be really tired and just stay asleep, but like I said it hasn't happened in a really long time. And I've never been out for a long time like that. It usually only happens the first time with someone, maybe because it's more intense the first time, I don't know. I looked it up online once and I saw it happens to some people. You know the doctors here test us for everything, right? They've never said anything to me about anything being wrong or being sick. Once I even asked a doctor and said it was a girl I was with who passed out when she came. You know, I didn't want to say it was me." Shishido shrugged, "The doctor said she was a lucky girl so I didn't ask anyone after that. Look, baby I can't promise it will never happen again, but it probably won't. And it only happens with really good orgasms, so I guess that means you gave me my best one ever." Shishido smiled and kissed him.

He felt Choutarou smile slightly against his mouth, but the freshman did not kiss him back. "You...you're really not sick, Shishido-san?" It wasn't the words, it was the way Choutarou asked them that broke Shishido's heart. They were almost whispered and it sounded as if he was pleading for it to be true.

Shishido pulled back to look at him and smiled to reassure him. He couldn't tell Choutarou why he understood how upsetting this must be for the freshman, but he could promise him this, "I promise, I'm really not sick, baby. I'm perfectly healthy..."

Choutarou gasped and suddenly pulled Shishido into a fierce, tight hug. He was breathing hard and it seemed like he was holding back more tears.

"I'm not going anywhere, Choutarou." Shishido just held him back and let him take his time.

After a long few moments Choutarou asked, "Ar..aren't you going to tell me you can't breathe, Shishido-senpai?"

"As long as you're happy baby..." Shishido started to make a joke, but Choutarou interrupted him.

He released Shishido from the gripping embrace and pulled back to look at him in the dim light. Choutarou said, "I am happy. I'm so happy. And I'm so sorry I got upset when I thought you were sick..."

Shishido interrupted the apology, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just sorry I didn't tell you that it might happen. I really didn't think it would ever again." Shishido tried to put himself in Ohtori's place for a moment. He put his hand on Choutarou's soft cheek and kissed his lips softly. Choutarou melted into the kiss and Shishido felt waves of stress pouring out of Choutarou's body. It felt so sweet. It felt so right, but that thought of being in Ohtori's place wouldn't leave Shishido's head.

Just thinking about the freshman being sick. Seriously sick made Shishido feel almost frantic. He had no idea how Choutarou was as strong as he was. He had no idea how Choutarou was able to open his heart again to even try. He marveled at how rare this chance for both of them was, how timing and fate could really mean so much really hit home. Shishido said, "Baby, if you were sick, oh gods I would be upset. Devastated. It wouldn't change how I feel about you or anything between us, but I would still be upset and very worried. I might even be angry, not at you, but probably at the situation. That's just human sweetheart. Now that I've found you, I don't want to ever be without you. I don't ever want to lose you." Shishido was lost in his feelings of not wanting to lose Choutarou and he said out loud without thinking, "I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you."

Choutarou suddenly pulled back to look at him.

Shishido worried he said too much because in the dim light he couldn't make out the exact expression the freshman had on his face. He tried to think of something to say but couldn't.

Very quietly Choutarou asked, "Have you ever...Shishido-san, have you ever lost someone you were very close to? Like a best friend or a brother and one day had them not in your life anymore? One day they were suddenly gone....to some place where you couldn't reach them anymore no matter what you tried to do? Oh, of course you have. Your twin. But, have you ever lost anyone else important like that?"

Extremely wary and very carefully Shishido weighed his options. His heart was pounding and his mouth went dry at having to tell Choutarou his deepest, darkest secrets right here and now. Shishido felt the hairs on the back of his neck tingling as they always did when he felt the urge to retreat or stop when someone got close to him like this. Especially over this subject. But he found that as bad as it was, he could not lie to Ohtori so he slowly nodded and said, "Yes."

He told himself that Ohtori needed him, and as his big brother let alone anything else, it was his job to be there for the freshman. Even as he told himself these things, Shishido waited for the inevitable questions from Ohtori wanting more information. It would be natural for Choutarou to ask, but at the same time it meant giving more information than Shishido had ever given to anyone. Shishido tried to anticipate the questions so he could answer honestly and at the same time he tried to make sense of it all.

It was a bad place he did not often go to. It was hard for him to even think about and he had no idea how to begin to tell it to anyone else. Telling it to Choutarou would be the hardest thing. Shishido would have to tell it for the first time and tell it to the one person who meant so much to him. He didn't know how anyone would react. Even Choutarou with a heart of gold might want nothing more to do with Shishido when he heard. What happened still hurt so much and didn't make sense to Shishido, so he had no idea how to make it begin to sound reasonable to anyone else. Shishido braced himself for what was inevitable.

But to his amazement, it didn't come. Not the questions or the demands for answers. Instead Choutarou shocked the hell out of him by saying, "I thought so, Shishido-san. Sometimes I can just tell things about people and I thought so. Can I ask you something else?"

Shishido nodded, dreading.

Choutarou took a deep breath like he was going to bare his soul, "How...how did you get over it? When does it stop--stop hurting. Sometimes I think I'm fine, but then something happens and I...there are times when I just miss my best friend. It's the strangest thing because I'm really happy here. Most of that's because of you Shishido-san, but I swear I really am happy. I'm happy and I think everything is okay, but then something happens and it all comes back to me and it hurts. It hurts so much. How do you get over it? How long does it take until it doesn't bother you anymore? Or until it stops hurting so much? I'm just....I'm so tired of it hurting all the time." Choutarou said all this seriously and asked with everything so carefully worded that he still never said his best friend was dead.

Shishido was awed by it. At him. He was the bravest and strongest person Shishido had ever met.

After along moment of thought, Shishido answered Choutarou truthfully, "Honestly? I'm sorry to tell you this baby, but the truth is, I don't think you ever do get over it. That's just how it is. You have good days and bad days but it's always there. It always hurts. Just sometimes not as much. Like when I play tennis, it doesn't hurt as much. And when I'm with you, it doesn't hurt as much. I came to Hyoutei and started over and I guess you did the same. I think it's better to do that. Starting over in a new place is good and having good friends and people you care about in your life helps, but you never get over it." He held Choutarou closer as his words sounded bleak and depressing to even himself.

He had to say something better. Shishido tried again. He had never talked about any of this with anyone, but he found he had more to say about it, "But Choutarou? Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. If someone is that important in your life, then their leaving your life should be just as important. But, you still have your life to live. Your life can't become just about losing them. Life is a gift. A very precious gift. Even when it's bad, and even when it hurts, you owe it to the people you've lost to keep on living and to make the most out of it because they don't have that anymore. As long as you're alive you have a chance to make things better and you owe it to yourself and to them to try. That's...that's just what I think. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah..." Choutarou was quiet a moment as if thinking. "It makes a lotta sense, Shishido-san. Thanks. You're really smart."

Shishido smiled and chuckled, "Ha! I am not, and you're talking like Gakuto again."

Choutarou laughed, "I like his accent. It's fun. I like yours too."

"Hey, I don't have an accent. No one but Atobe ever says I have an accent, and he says it just to be a jerk." Shishido heard himself sound more defensive than he meant to.

Choutarou surprisingly laughed in a teasing sort of way, "You have one, Shishido-senpai, but I like it. It's only on certain words and it's the tone of your voice more than any kind of regional dialect. You have your own way of speaking. Like when you say my name. No one says it like you. Shishido-san, I...I really like how you say it." He said it in a husky, turned on way that was damn sexy. The freshman in his arms was suddenly shy but still serious.

"Oh yeah?" Shishido decided to tease him back, "The sexiest thing I've ever heard is you saying my name. My given name, just before you came. Damn, baby. That was so hot. It was almost like you saying my name made you come."

Choutarou buried his forehead into Shishido's chest and said something. Shishido lifted his chin because he couldn't hear it and Choutarou said, "I said, it...it does. I...I didn't know if you heard me..."

Shishido wanted to kiss him, badly, but he wasn't done with this yet. "Hell yeah I heard you. So...that's one of the two times when you can say my given name?"

Ohtori nodded and leaned his face over obviously expecting a kiss. It was so sweet. Shishido ran his hand down the freshman's strong, cut body.

He was curious. Their bodies and legs were entwined but Choutarou's hips were pulled back. Even when he hugged Shishido tightly, Choutarou kept that part of himself away. Shishido's fingers easily found what he was looking for. Choutarou whimpered at his touch. He wrapped his hand around Choutarou's erection again marveling at the weight and size and yet, they fit well together. Just a few days ago he'd been worried because Ohtori was physically so much larger than him in body size and weight, and now he realized he shouldn't have. Shishido said in a purr of renewed lust, "You're still hard." He actually felt it throbbing in his hand.

Embarrassed now for some reason, Ohtori stammered a reply, "Oh...I...I wasn't done when you...I was edging and then you...so I...I stopped...but I...I did come...a little bit...I just...stopped. I had to...take care of you. At least...I thought I did...I'm sorry I thoughtnnnnn..."

Shishido kissed him. Hard and sweet. Gods he could kiss him all night and would still want more. He kissed away the apology and suddenly realizing something Shishido asked in awe, "You were able to stop when I passed out? Just to take care of me?"

Choutarou nodded as if mortified and Shishido had a thought, "What is edging? You said you were edging? Is that how you were able to stop?"

Shishido had no idea how the hell someone could just stop. You were either coming or you weren't, right?

Choutarou squirmed and looked uncomfortable, "Shishido-san? I...um..."

Shishido moved his body more up against Choutarou's and noticed a distinct squishy cool wetness between them. He smiled at needing to reassure the freshman after what they did earlier about anything. What made Choutarou even sexier was the freshman didn't have any idea how hot he was. "Baby, don't worry. You know you can tell me anything, right? Anything in the world. Say whatever you want to say. I won't get mad."

Taking a deep breath, Choutarou said, "Well...it's...it's just that my best friend and I...we..." Shishido had to keep from leaning forward as the freshman's voice dropped down so low it was almost a whisper. He had a sense that whatever this was, to Choutarou it was extremely important. Maybe he might even say everything right here and now. Shishido felt his heart beating faster in response and tried to will his pulse to match the calm, neutral expression he was trying to keep on his face.

Choutarou seemed to study Shishido's face in the near darkness for a long time. He finally shyly said, "This is going to sound weird. We...we didn't really know what we were doing. I mean...we had seen some stuff to do and heard about other stuff, but we didn't know like names for things. There was no one we could ask about this so we...we kind of made up our own words for...for fooling around. Like I didn't know until I talked to Gakuto that coming was called coming. It's stupid, I know but we called things other words because we didn't know the right ones. I don't know what you call edging, but it's the stupid thing we said for riding the edge. You know right before you're going to come and you don't want to yet so you stay on the edge and ride it so you can bring each other there again and again? So when you both do come you do it together and really hard? I don't know what that's really called. But that's what edging is. I was really...really...." He took a breath as if he was annoyed at himself for not being able to get the words out.

Shishido pulled him close into a long hug, "It's okay, baby. Take your time..."

The freshman said softly into his ear, "Shishido-san, I was really excited to touch you and for...for you to touch me. I've wanted to for a really long time and I was afraid I would...I would come too soon and you wouldn't...maybe you wouldn't want to do it again. What's edging really called? I'm sorry I don't know things like that. I'm sorry I don't know how to do things to please you, Shishido-san. I wish...I wish I knew how. I wish I knew how to do everything better than anyone else you ever liked or kissed so that you...you really...really...."

Shishido interrupted because Choutarou was working himself up. "Hey, you already do please me..." He pulled back to look at the freshman, but Choutarou wouldn't meet his eyes. He looked down at Shishido's chest. He took Ohtori's chin in his hand and brought it up so Choutarou had to meet his eyes. They were filled with unspilled tears and it broke Shishido's heart.

He insisted again, "Baby, you already do please me." Shishido forgot about his disappointment in Choutarou not telling him about his dead best friend because all that mattered suddenly was that those beautiful big brown eyes stop crying. Shishido really liked the way they crinkled when his little brother smiled or better when he laughed. The best was when he was laughing with Shishido over some shared joke or story. When he felt confident, like when it was just the two of them alone, Choutarou really had a beautiful laugh.

Shishido tried to pick his words carefully, "Baby, I really want to touch you again. I liked it and I was really excited for it to happen too. You saw I was trying to take things slow, but when I'm around you I forget everything else but you. I really liked it. Choutarou, honestly I've never liked anyone as much as I like you, no one. And that was way before I even kissed you. There's nothing you could do to make me like you more, because I already do, baby. And before you ask, no, I've never had feelings like this for any girl, and not for Atobe either, so this is all new for me too. I've never felt like this before about anyone. It's really good, but it's not any place where I've been before, and even with that, I'm happy baby. You make me happy and I want you to be happy too. Now that I told you that, I have no idea what edging is called because I've never heard of anything like it before, but it sounds interesting. Hot and fun. Maybe you can show me next time?"

He half-smiled and shrugged at the freshman, "Don't forget, almost every time I've fooled around with anyone, I've been with girls. And the one guy I was with, I told you, it was not good. It's totally different with you--there's nothing to compare. Choutarou, I want to be with you. And anyway, you probably know more about a lot of this stuff than I do. You've done things more times with another guy than I have, so you don't have to worry about using the right words or saying the right things or anything like that. Not with me. All I want is for you to be real and honest, and happy. If you have a question, ask it. If you want to do something or not do something, tell me. I'll do the same. I'm where I want to be and I'm with who I want to be with, okay?"

Shishido raised his head up to look over Choutarou at the clock. He figured out they had time enough or he would make the time and shrugged, "So tell me about edging." He kissed Choutarou's warm lips softly and said in a growl of suddenly renewed lust, "Or better yet, show me. We've already broken the don't come before a match rule. Let's make it worth our while..."

He went to kiss Choutarou again, but the freshman gasped and started to sit up, "I forgot! Oh god! I'm so sormm..." Shishido grabbed him and kissed the rest of his apology away. He kissed him again and again until the freshman laughed and sighed against him.

"It wasn't anything I believed in anyway..." Shishido said dismissively and he tried to get Choutarou to kiss him back more like earlier when he had been into it. Atobe had a stupid rule. He believed some study that said a person played better if he did not ejaculate within 24 hours of playing. Shishido knew first-hand that Atobe broke his own rules depending on the Vice Captain's mood or the right temptation.

Forgetting Atobe, and forgetting everyone but the freshman in his arms, he kissed Choutarou again. His little brother was responding, but at the same time he was hesitating and holding back. Shishido licked Choutarou's lips and then sucked on the freshman's tongue. He slid his hands up the freshman's strong chest to his shoulders and softly raked his fingernails down the naked skin of Choutarou's back. "I don't believe in it. I never saw any proof of any difference..."

"There...there is no difference, Shishido-san..." Choutarou said calmly although his breath sounded faster. "My best friend and I edged all night before we won regionals. It helped with our nerves and helped us to relax. We did it before every tournament and match. Even before nationals and we won them too. It never made a difference. Not in any negative way. If anything, it helped. We used to joke we got our edge from edging."

Choutarou leaned over to kiss more but Shishido pulled back, "You...won regions and nationals? Seriously?" He wondered to himself just who this freshman was. Something tugged at Shishido's memory but with how turned on he was, it was hard to think coherently.

Like a trapped animal, Choutarou suddenly froze and then went into that nervous babbling thing he did, "Well...well yes, we did, but it was a long time ago and we were just kids and it was for doubles and Hyoutei is much harder than grade school tennis and much more competit..."

Shishido covered the freshman's mouth with his hand. Choutarou was so stressed out over answering one question that Shishido had to stop him. He must have been worried because he thought he had to talk about his dead friend. Shishido kicked himself for pushing, but it was just the way Choutarou so casually said, oh when we won nationals.... It stunned him. How could it not?

He realized Atobe must have salivated over getting a strong nationals winner at Hyoutei, even if Choutarou did show up to school late and a mess. Shishido wondered about Atobe pushing Choutarou so hard on that first day and how much the Vice-Captain had known. He must have known enough to set Choutarou up expecting a reaction when he saw Shishido, but Atobe must have not anticipated the freshman passing out. Or Shishido wanting to help him. Or any of it.

Or did he? Did he know all along and set both of them...up? Shishido shook his head to clear it. Thinking things like that did him no good. Atobe wouldn't answer straight even if he was asked a direct question. Wheels within wheels. Hyoutei. Best you could do was keep yourself honest and safe. And maybe keep those you loved safe and close while you were at it.

Which meant Shishido had to get Choutarou distracted and back on track at the same time. He had a simple idea of how. Maybe guys weren't hard to figure out after all. Shishido half-grinned at his little brother and wrapped his hand back around Choutarou's erection.

It made the freshman suddenly relax and whimper both at the same time.

Shishido said, "If you wanted to impress me, I'm impressed. You are full of surprises, and I want to hear all about it. I really do. Tell me about it just, tell me sometime later, okay? Tell me about edging now. That is...if you'd still like to show me? I want you to come baby. Or even better? Come with me. Touch me. I want you to touch me, and I'll try to not pass out this time. It's always only happened the first time. I should be good now. Show me. What do I need to do?"

The fingertips of his other hand were still on Choutarou's lips. Beneath them he felt Ohtori smile. The corners of the freshman's eyes wrinkled in that adorable way. He felt Choutarou's tongue licking his fingers.

Shishido moaned a growl deep in his throat and had to ask, "Do I taste good?"

Smiling and still licking at his fingers, Choutarou nodded yes. He sucked on Shishido's index finger for a moment and then took his mouth off, "But it's not the cherry taste I like, it's you, Shishido-san. I love the taste of your skin." The freshman beamed a smile, now very happy. "You really want to try? Really? Um...okay. Uh...I think we should try my lotion. Okay? I have some in my bag...."

And with that, Choutarou was up and out of his arms. Shishido reached up and clicked on the cheap clip-on lamp he used when he read in bed many nights when he couldn't sleep. He turned the lamp around like a spotlight to help Choutarou find his way. The strong freshman's body was perfectly sculpted and Shishido couldn't help but admire it. The light showed off every cut and contour of his tennis hardened muscles. As Choutarou bent down it also practically gleamed off his perfect butt. A butt that had apparently never ever seen the sun. Shishido grinned at this. He hoped the light was bright enough that Choutarou couldn't see him smiling. As Choutarou rummaged through his tennis bag, Shishido watched and thought to himself at least now he knew what a bubble butt was and how damn sexy it could be. Choutarou's was perfect, stark white, but round and firm, solid and strong and...damn...perfect. Somehow, on Choutarou, even the white skin was hot.

Choutarou must have felt Shishido watching him. That or he just liked that Shishido was laying in bed naked, hard, and waiting for him to return. The freshman blushed as he made his way back. He was holding a small white jar with a blue lid in one hand and his other he was ineffectually trying to cover his large erection. He was just about to hop up on the bed when Shishido decided he had to see something.

"Stop." Shishido smiled as the freshman instantly complied. "Don't think. Just take your hand away."

Choutarou moved and held his hands out awkwardly as if he was worried that there was something on him. His freed erection bobbed and his face turned instantly redder, "Shi...Shishido-senpai...?"

"Do...not...move..." Shishido got on his knees and moved to close the space on the bed between them. His bed with the special mattress was almost hip high and kneeling here for once put Shishido at about the same height as Choutarou. When he reached him, Shishido eyed him up and down, "Damn." Choutarou looked worried and Shishido put his arms around his shoulders before drawing him into a slow, sensual kiss. "I just had to look at you, baby. You are so sexy."

"Se...sexy...? Me...?" The freshman laughed in an incredulous way, "Gakuto says I'm the...the anti-sexy."

"He's wrong," Shishido growled and decided he was going to hurt Gakuto. Badly. The little idiot didn't know when to keep his stupid mouth shut. And the worst thing was he was dead wrong and Choutarou took his stupid wrong words to heart. Choutarou covered himself with his hand again. "He's wrong. You're very sexy. Let me see. Take your hand away. I want to see you. Please?" He tried to draw the freshman into another kiss but Choutarou's jaws were locked shut. The best Shishido could do was to lick between his lips with a wet slide of his tongue.

"I...I...uh..." Choutarou stammered and Shishido sat down with a sigh.

He practically had to pry the freshman's hand away so to distract him, Shishido asked, "What lotion do you want to use and how do you want to use it?"

"Oh...it...it's this, Shishido-san. It's from America and it's the best. It's called..." He said a word, but it sounded weird so Shishido looked at the jar. In the light he could see the English letters and he sounded them out in his head. Choutarou, with his bad English, had pronounced it wrong.

"It says it's called Al..bol..ene." Shishido said it slowly so Choutarou got the name right. Then he noticed something else, "It says, moisturizing...cleanser. It's soap?"

Choutarou was still nervous and uncomfortable, "Oh no. It's not a soap. And you can use it for lots of things, Shishido-san. This is a sample size, but I have a big one too. I use it for blisters and where my violin chafes my neck and when our...when my hair was long I used it if the ends were dry. You don't have to wash it off. It just makes your skin soft and it never stings or anything. It doesn't dry out or make those little ball things like yours...ohhhhh...Sh...Shishido-saaann..."

Shishido had coaxed Choutarou's hand away and since the freshman's large erection was now basically staring him in the face, on impulse Shishido rubbed it across one of his cheeks and then against the other one. Choutarou's skin was soft and hot and smelled like soap and guy. Until that moment Shishido never thought about the difference between the smell of a girl's skin or a guy's skin, but they were different. Choutarou's skin smelled good. Sexy. Hearing Ohtori's reaction, Shishido licked his tongue softly along the shaft up to where the freshman's foreskin just barely covered part of the swollen head.

In a breathy sigh Choutarou said, "No...Shishido-saaan...it's...it's dirty..."

Shishido rubbed his face against it again. He felt it hot and hard and soft against his cheek. "It's not dirty baby. You're clean. We just showered." He had a moment of wondering what he should do to make a guy feel good and almost laughed. In all the time with Atobe, Shishido had never wondered because it never mattered this much before. That and Atobe was easy. Much easier than a girl, where you had to figure out the small intricacies and how things worked in general before finding out what each girl wanted and what worked specifically for her to get off. Maybe Taki was right, and guys had an advantage with guys because they had the same parts and knew what they liked.

But in a lot of ways, Choutarou was more challenging than a girl because Shishido had long ago figured out girls. There was nothing easy or common about Choutarou, and Shishido had no experience that he could really draw on. He guessed that he should just make this part of Choutarou feel really good. Shishido could do it sort of like girls had done to him.

Poor Choutarou probably badly needed to come. Shishido licked his tongue along the ridge and tasted the soft skin stretched taught by the hard flesh. He licked around the exposed tip, and finding a small bead of wetness had pooled in the little hole, he licked that too, tasting a salty sweetness. Remembering how girls used to teased him, Shishido exhaled over the tip, letting Choutarou feel the soft warmth of his breath. He rubbed his face against it again, but this time he went further so his hair touched it. He wondered how sensitive the freshman was.

Choutarou whimpered and gasped so Shishido thought he was probably doing all right. Shishido looked up at him and when their eyes met, Choutarou moaned again. Just from looking at him doing this. A sense of incredible power surged through Shishido's veins. He put his feet on the floor which lowered him since the bed adjusted by weight to not make any pressure points. Lower now, Shishido rubbed his face like a cat along Choutarou's inner thighs and kissed the smooth thrust of his hip bone. He ran his fingers through Choutarou's soft curled pubic hairs. Shishido thought to himself he was wrong. Choutarou should never cut these soft little ringlets. They were unexpectedly sexy.

In response to his touch, Choutarou buried his fingers in Shishido's hair. Shishido felt something cold against his bare thigh and realized Choutarou must have dropped the jar he had been holding. For a moment, he thought Choutarou was going to force his head like Atobe would or like sometimes girls tried to do, but all the freshman did was gasp for air. He was panting from every slight touch Shishido made.

Shishido decided to reward him for good behavior. It was something Shishido liked when girls had done it to him, but he had never done this to a guy before. He had no idea what it would be like. Shishido opened his lips wide and gently took one testicle into his mouth. He jealously wondered if Ohtori's friend had ever done this.

"Nnnn...Ahhhh...Shishido-sannn..." Choutarou gasped and Shishido felt a hand on the back of his head stroke through his hair with a tremble. Shishido had a feeling that nothing else and no one else existed for Choutarou at this moment but him. It wiped away the jealousy Shishido had been feeling.

Shishido licked and tasted his way around. With his mouth he tested the weight and fullness of one side and then the other while smoothing the silken hairs down with this tongue. Choutarou was panting by the time Shishido started licking his tongue around the freshman's root. Wet and slow, Shishido explored up along the rock hard shaft while his hands slid up and over that tight, strong, perfect bubble-butt he had been admiring earlier. When he reached the tip after licking the salty bead of moisture that gathered there, Shishido ran the tip back and forth across his closed lips like it was a nipple he was trying to make harden.

Choutarou's breath was coming in sobs and Shishido could feel the freshman's entire body shaking. He looked up to make sure the freshman was all right.

The moment their eyes met, Choutarou gasped, "Shishido-saan! Ohh god...no!" He came, but it was just a little bit, no more than the size of a coin, but it was on Shishido's cheek. He went to tell Ohtori that the least he could do was give a guy a little warning, but the freshman tackled him, "Oh god. Oh no. I'm so sorry! I dirtied you. I'm sorry! I...." He licked the spot off Shishido's face.

Shishido was stunned. Beyond stunned. The difference between Atobe and Choutarou...there was no comparison. Choutarou was simply amazing.

"Stop," Shishido said and felt something he didn't even know had been hurting inside of him suddenly heal. "Don't move, don't think, just let me kiss you. Please?" He meant to kiss him soft, but he kissed him hard because, stupidly, Shishido felt close to tears for some reason. It was kind of like when he saw something on TV when he was alone that was sweet and romantic, the beauty of it could make him feel like crying, but he had never felt that for another person before. How good this was between them suddenly made Shishido feel like crying.

Instead, he licked his tongue inside Ohtori's mouth and groaned. Shishido realized the freshman would let him do whatever he wanted, but was going to stay frozen until he told Choutarou he could move again. That and Choutarou had already swallowed.

"You swallowed your own come?" Shishido asked feeling annoyed and amazed. A moment ago he had felt like he had been spit on, but now it felt like something valuable was taken away from him.

In the light he could see the freshman was crimson, nervous, and babbling, "Oh god. Is that bad? Are you not supposed to? Is it wrong to? I didn't mean to...I just...I dirtied you and I had to get you clean. I'm so sormm..." He covered Ohtori's mouth with his fingertips.

"You are seriously beautiful." Shishido said meaning every word and he felt like crying again. He tried to choke it down. "Inside and out, you are so beautiful baby, do you know that? You didn't dirty me. You could never dirty someone like me. It's okay. You liked what I did?"

Wide-eyed for emphasis the freshman nodded.

Shishido continued, "When I looked at you, you couldn't hold back?" Damn, that was so hot. Just a look from him could make Choutarou come.

He got another nod this time with Choutarou's eyes shutting for a moment as if mortified.

Shishido suddenly understood something else and was floored, "You were edging. You haven't finished coming yet, have you?"

He took his fingers away to let Choutarou speak, "I...I am so sorry, Shishido-san. I didn't mean to get it on you and never on your face. I...I stopped, but I...I didn't start edging until you looked at me and I...I couldn't stop it from coming out and...oh no...oh god...there's some in your hair..."

Choutarou moved to touch his fingers to Shishido's hair as if it he was wiping away filth from something precious. Shishido grabbed Choutarou's hand and saw shiny wetness on the tips of the freshman's first two fingers. "It's just hair, baby. You are so beautiful. You could never dirty me," Shishido said and put Choutarou's two fingers into his mouth.

Shishido kind of braced for the taste, but other than a saltiness, there was nothing else. It was a very small amount and it faded away to nothing almost instantly. Shishido felt sort of disappointed. In the back of his mind, Shishido had been worried about this. The few times Atobe tried to force Shishido to swallow any of his, Shishido had retched and what was worse, he threw it back up which only made him have to taste it again.

He worried if he got sick with Choutarou, the freshman would see it as a rejection. Shishido seriously didn't want that to happen, but he thought he had time to adjust to the taste and the thought of what he was tasting before any of this happened. He didn't have time, but with Choutarou he found he didn't need time to adapt. More time with Choutarou was all he needed. It seemed to make everything better. This was just so damn right.

Suddenly Shishido understood why it had been so important to Atobe that he swallow the vile stuff. Ironically, Atobe never swallowed his and rarely used his mouth. It was more of his and Atobe's war games than any sort of affection for each other. Truly, there was no comparison.

Shishido silently vowed to do this often with Choutarou. He wanted to. He wanted to please Choutarou more than anyone else. He suddenly understood why that was so important. He would learn to love it and everything else Choutarou enjoyed even if it killed him. He wanted the freshman to feel sexy and accepted and loved all the time.

It was a good start, although the freshman was looking at him with his mouth hanging open and his cheeks flushed. It was rather adorable.

"Lay down on the bed, baby." Shishido said and added so it didn't seem like an order, "Please?"

Special thanks to Imaginary_Friend for beta-ing!

More soon! XDD

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Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Seven ~Shishido~

2006-02-15T10:42:45Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Seven ~Shishido~
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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He wasn't even aware he fell asleep until he felt someone moving. Roughly jerking around when he was trying to sleep. What the hell? Shishido woke up and wondered where he was. He felt surprised he had been asleep and immediately was annoyed that he was woken up because sleep came so rare. Then Shishido realized what woke him and even more importantly who woke him--Choutarou.

The night came back in a rush full of details and sweet moments flooding over him all at once but Shishido was too concerned to be happy. Choutarou moved again and made small sounds as if he was fighting some kind of battle in his sleep. He must have been having a bad dream or something. It was still too cloudy and dark outside for Shishido to really see much of anything. His head felt fuzzy with sleep and he heard rain falling hard outside. He wished he could see Choutarou to know for sure what was going on. Shishido wasn't sure if he should wake him, because Shishido hated when anyone woke him, but he thought maybe he should. Choutarou twitched around and whimpered again, and it sounded to Shishido when his dog at home had puppy dreams. He wished he could see Choutarou to know for sure what was going on.

Suddenly there was a burst of lightening bright enough to light up the whole room.

In that instant, Shishido could see tears streaking Choutarou's face. He wasn't fighting in a dream, he was thrashing around and crying--quietly sobbing in his sleep. Thunder rumbled sounding angry off in the distance and Shishido moved to wake him. Shishido gently shook Choutarou awake while at the same time wiped and kissed tears away with his fingertips and lips. "Choutarou? Hey, Chou? Wake up, baby. Wake up. It's just a dream..."

At first he was worried Choutarou wouldn't wake and then he did with a gasp and a yelled, "No...!"

It startled Shishido to full awareness and he moved to calm Choutarou by holding him close, "Hey, hey, it's all right. It's okay, baby. Shhshhshh...it was just a dream...only a dream...you're okay...it's alright...you're here with me, baby...it's okay, Choutarou...it's okay now..."

Choutarou made this little sob sound and took a few deep, hot, shuddery breaths. He sounded heartbroken and it hurt Shishido to hear him that upset. There was another flash of lightening and in that second Shishido saw Choutarou look around confused as if he didn't know where he was. Then he must have realized or been able to see and hugged Shishido hard. Shishido kissed his neck and his cheek and then his mouth when Choutarou pulled back.

"Hey, you okay baby?" Shishido asked concerned.

Choutarou didn't answer. Another flash of lightening lit up the room. Shishido saw Choutarou flinch, but he was nodding. And crying still. Shishido could see fresh tears flowing down his face. Choutarou probably didn't speak because he was too upset. The room was again plunged into darkness as a crack of thunder answered the lightening. The violent storm sounded like it was quickly moving closer. In his arms Shishido felt the freshman shudder at the sound but it was almost as if he was throwing off a terrible thought or feeling at the same time.

Before Shishido could say another word, Choutarou kissed him suddenly hard and passionately. Choutarou just reached out and knew right where Shishido's lips were. The room was nearly pitch black. The kiss came out of nowhere and surprised Shishido who really couldn't see. Choutarou was on his mouth kissing him in a way that felt needy, but Shishido thought it was still kind of nice. Choutarou's arms went around Shishido and pulled him closer, and he kissed Shishido so hard and deep, Shishido heard himself give a growl of desire. It was sexy when Choutarou was passionate like this even if he was half-awake. Choutarou's hand bunched in Shishido's hair as they kissed, and this time when the freshman shivered, it was for a different reason.

Kissing him back, Shishido reached for his tongue. Warm and wet, Shishido swept through his mouth and he felt everything inside himself--all of his emotions and senses suddenly come awake. Any thoughts that he should ask Choutarou what his dream was about skittered out of his head. Shishido's body felt on fire. Hot and cold burning at the same time. Shishido moaned in Choutarou's arms as the sensations moved through him.

Choutarou was completely taking the lead and the kiss felt serious from the start. Shishido could feel Choutarou's raw lust and want and yet because it was Choutarou kissing him, it still seemed sweet and pure at the same time. It was a heady mix of honest lust, almost desperate need, and at the same time guileless pure emotion. Shishido wasn't sure if Choutarou was completely awake or not which made it all even more sexy and adorable at the same time. The kiss felt wanton but also like Choutarou was searching for some sort of comfort or security as he slid his tongue insistently again into Shishido's mouth. Jealous for a moment, Shishido wondered if Choutarou even knew who he was kissing.

Maybe in the middle of the night, half asleep, Choutarou might have made a mistake. Maybe he thought in the flash of light Shishido was his dead best friend.

The sudden dark thought hit Shishido so hard that it physically hurt and he froze for an instant.

But only for an instant, because in between kissing him deep and hard Choutarou whispered so sweetly in a purr of lust, "Shishido-senpai..."

Choutarou kissed Shishido nearly senseless again and Shishido realized he needed to stop breaking his own heart. Clearly, Choutarou knew who he was with and wanted him. Wanted him quite a lot by how he was acting. Shishido told himself to stop thinking stupid, unworthy things. Choutarou knew him, liked him, and wanted him. If Shishido was ever going to be remotely good enough for him, he needed to stop with the past and concentrate on the here and now.

It occurred to Shishido that Choutarou may have wanted his body like a lot of other people at school did, but unlike everyone else, Choutarou probably wanted his heart more than anything. He wanted Shishido for who he was--faults and all. It felt like Choutarou believed in him. Maybe Choutarou could even love him.

It was way too soon to say, but Shishido knew right then without any doubt that he loved Choutarou. Even more, Shishido was in love with him. He had never felt anything this intense before. Not with anyone or for anyone before. Not even with Atobe. That seemed so childish to how he felt now.

How much he felt surprised him, but then again it didn't. Shishido knew what he had been feeling for a long time was way more than like or want or anything else he had ever thought he felt for anyone else before, but he was avoiding thinking about it because it was scary. It was frightening and wonderful both at once, but the best thing of all was that there was a good chance Choutarou could love him back. Shishido knew right then that he would do anything to make and keep Choutarou happy. To make Choutarou feel loved because he completely was.

Shishido had a feeling that in return, if Choutarou really could love him, the freshman was the kind of guy who would give Shishido back probably far more than he ever took. That was just how he was. Shishido felt lucky for a lot of things. He was lucky Choutarou found him. Lucky they went to school together and lived together. Lucky that Atobe had moved them so close together and then given them time to get to know each other.

He wondered for a moment at the way fate worked. One wrong step, or a few changes in the events in either of their lives, and they might have missed each other completely--but that didn't happen. Instead, miraculously, Choutarou was here, with him, kissing him, and had some kind of feelings for him. Shishido felt so lucky for this one time when fate and fortune came together and smiled on him. On both of them.

He felt almost overwhelmed by his feelings for this shy, beautiful boy. Shishido vowed silently to not screw up this one chance for happiness. For love. He thought to himself that even though he felt this way, it was too early to say the words to Choutarou out loud. Shishido didn't want Choutarou to feel worried or afraid, and so Shishido tried to express how much he felt by kissing Choutarou back.

Choutarou said that your body didn't lie. Shishido tried to talk to him that way now.

He took control of the kiss and hooked his leg over Choutarou's to climb on top of him. As he did, Shishido slid his hands along the bare skin of Choutarou's back, reveling in the warm, solid, distinctly masculine feel of him. The freshman instantly yielded and then softly made one of those little moaning-noises as Shishido grazed his teeth along Choutarou's tongue. Damn, he was so sexy. Shishido could feel Choutarou's erection through their clothes pressed hard up against his own. Ohtori moaned again and arched his back to get them to touch more. Shishido smiled and ran his fingers through the soft downy hairs on Choutarou's back. His touch made Choutarou shiver and give another soft moan.

Choutarou pulled back suddenly and there was another flash of lightening brightness. Shishido noticed he looked more awake, although his face was wet with what must have been fresh tears. He may even have been crying silently as he passionately kissed Shishido. He was so sweet--and if not all Shishido's already, then Shishido was determined to make Choutarou his some day.

Shishido parted Choutarou's lips insistently with his tongue and explored his mouth. He loved how strong Choutarou was and how he really didn't need to hold back. Shishido wanted things with them to always be like this. Even without words and the things he had to tell Choutarou, he felt secure. Things between them felt open and comfortable and comforting. In fact Shishido had to tell him, "You can wake me up anytime as long as you kiss me like this, baby..." Part of his words came out in a growl of lust, but even he could hear the emotions he felt coming out in his voice. Shishido softly kissed him. Again trying to show Choutarou the rest of what he was feeling but wasn't ready to say because he didn't think Choutarou was ready to hear it yet.

When he kiss broke, in a soft voice Choutarou gasped, "Oh god...I..I woke you. I'm so sorry, Shishido-san..."

Shishido half smiled at how adorable he was, "Sorry for what? I don't sleep, remember? You had me worried though. You were crying in your sleep. Bad dream? What was it about?" Shishido hoped for once he could get some answers, but at the same time he decided to stop pushing. Choutarou would tell him the rest in his own way whenever he was ready--and Shishido could tell Choutarou what he was afraid to when it was the right time too. He felt for the first time in a long time--optimistic. They had all the time in the world. He kissed Choutarou softly, "You can tell me or you can kiss me, baby. Or better yet, start by kissing me again..."

Shishido drew Choutarou into another kiss and after a moment of resisting, Choutarou yielded to his kiss and his embrace. He heard Choutarou give a small sigh as if contented. He pulled the freshman closer to him and touched his face to wipe away any last tears. The rain outside sounded like it was falling harder. Shishido glanced over at his clock and noticed nearly two hours had passed. For Shishido it was a record both for sleeping next to someone and for falling asleep so easily so many nights in a row. It was part of the magic of Ohtori he figured.

Choutarou pulled back and said in this distracted, breathless, turned on way, "My dream? Oh, it was just...Oh my god...!" Choutarou moved his hands down so fast Shishido felt a breeze after. Shishido must have dodged Choutarou's hands by instinct and probably just avoided getting hit. For a second, Shishido thought he had accidentally kneed Ohtori or grazed his testicles or something because he felt the freshman's hands go right there. Then Shishido knew what it was. Choutarou woke up and finally felt the same painful ache Shishido was feeling. For the first time Shishido could recall, he heard Choutarou whisper a curse. Not a serious one but still more than Choutarou ever used. He must have really been hurting.

Shishido tried not to laugh but failed because he was throbbing and in pain too. He chuckled slightly, "Yeah, really hurts like hell, doesn't it?" Then he realized Choutarou probably had no idea why it hurt and was most likely mortified and confused. "It's totally normal, baby. Nothing's wrong and it won't kill you. It just hurts from being really turned on for hours and not coming. You've never had this before?"

In the dim light of his alarm clock he could just barely see Choutarou shake his head no but he wasn't looking at Shishido. Maybe he was too embarrassed to look at him directly. Or maybe Choutarou's eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness yet. "N...no. Never."

Shishido sighed. He sounded unsure although he knew without question that Choutarou believed him. "Yeah. It's normal. I know about it because it happened to me my freshman year, I went out with this girl a few times..."

Glumly Choutarou suggested, "...Yamagi Jori?"

"No. It wasn't her, it was Fugi Saiiki. And don't interrupt your senpai when he's talking." Shishido half-smiled and kissed him softly to take the sting out of his reprimand. There was another bright burst of lightening and a sudden loud crack of thunder. Choutarou jumped slightly. Shishido was still very concerned. He saw in the flash Choutarou's face was puffy from crying and he had been so stressed out lately. Shishido didn't know how to fix it. Maybe just more talking. That seemed to calm him. "I'm just kidding. You can ask me whatever you want."

"S...sorry Shishido-san. She's the...the tease one? I mean...well...I'm sorry...it's just...everyone says she's a tease..."

"Well yeah, she is. She gets you all hot and bothered and then says goodnight. I was really into her for about a week or two. We stayed up nights talking on the phone and once we even fell asleep together on the phone. Well, she slept, but I listened to her all night. She said she wanted to, you know have sex and stuff, but she wanted us to wait a little. I was so into her I thought I would wait for her, so I wouldn't even...you know...touch myself and take care of it? Well, actually, she asked me to wait for her. She said she liked me so much that she asked me to not do anything without her. She asked it in a way that kind of hinted that we--she and I, would take things to the next level if I just was a little patient. I tried to be. Hell, I really tried to be. I swear I did. But she was such a damn tease! It's like some kind of game to her."

Choutarou laughed lightly but it didn't sound happy, "What did she do?"

Shishido wondered if he was jealous and tried to pick his words carefully, "All kinds of things. She would go out of her way to pass by me and grind against me in the hallway between classes. When she said goodnight she'd rub her hand on me through my clothes--sometimes in front of other people, and I don't know...she just did...all kinds of stuff like that. Teasing stuff. It was hell. By the end of the second week, I was dying. It hurt when I went to sleep and it hurt when I woke up. I looked it up to make sure I wasn't sick or something and that's when I found out what it was and the only way to fix it. I swear she never even really liked me or knew me, she just likes to make guys crazy. I finally gave in and touched myself because I realized I was walking around hard and hurting all the time. I was like a walking hormone or something and the whole thing was stupid. It was the only thing that helped. Right after I was done I felt better. It was like I could think again."

Shishido shrugged, "Maybe she noticed because the next day she even asked if I had "done anything". I lied and told her no. I don't know why but I did, maybe because it was embarrassing to admit what I did and didn't want to say it to a girl, you know? It was weird, but as soon as I was able to think straight again and not crazy with lust for her, she kinda bothered me. She has a gap in the front of her teeth and she sucks her upper lip through it. It makes these disgusting wet-sounding noises. It's annoying. And she covers her mouth when she laughs which I hate. She never really laughs hard. And she talks really bad about her close friends behind their back. She's a big gossip. I don't know. As soon as I stopped wanting her so much, she suddenly wanted to have sex, but by then I wasn't really interested in her anymore." Shishido shrugged.

Because the one he had been interested in after was Atobe. Actually, he wasn't interested in him after the first night but it was like Shishido's eyes were suddenly opened. Maybe to the possibilities of guys or something because he had been hit on before by them, but never before considered it. After that first time, he couldn't say he'd never been with a guy anymore. It sort of changed everything, but after what happened and the pain Shishido really thought he never wanted to be with a guy again. It had been painful and intense and embarrassing, but as time passed he grew more and more curious. Shishido thought if they did it one more time that maybe he could get his curiosity and the questions he had out of his system.

Shishido had done a lot of stuff with girls. He had even done girls that way sexually but it had never felt anywhere near that...intense as it had with been that first time with Atobe. He knew he had been drugged and all, but he had wondered if it was the drug or something else. Shishido wondered was if it was always like that between two guys or if it had just been the situation. Turns out it was always like that with two guys--not the situation at all, and Shishido's long slide into a bad place began. And yet, he thought to himself that something good came out of it. If he had never been with Atobe, he probably wouldn't have considered the possibility of being with Choutarou. So things turned out good after all. Life was weird that way.

Choutarou asked out of the blue, "She...she says you cheated on her...and that she broke up with you, but no one believes her. Well, everyone thinks you cheated on her, but not that she broke up with you part. You dated that girl from high school and she says that's who you cheated on her with."

Shishido half-joked, "What? Do you know every rumor about me? I did date that high school first year, but for all of one date. And I already broke up with Fugi long before I took that girl out. I didn't even know she was in high school. She looks really young." It had been a bad time for Shishido. He was confused and hurt over his brother leaving and even more confused with how he felt after his first time with Atobe. The pain faded but the memory and confusion lingered. He had no one to talk any of this over with. Shishido at the time was looking for some comfort and wishing he had just one person in the world who cared about him. One person he was close to. One person to share everything with.

It was a wish he had always had it seems like. Even when he was little he used to wish for that. On birthdays and on shooting stars that was always his wish even though he never told anyone. He was always scared like they said that if he told, it might not come true. Sometimes he secretly did wish his twin was alive and when he was very young he used to play with his twin as an imaginary friend. There usually wasn't anyone else. When his mother caught him once, she went into a terrible rage and took him to see a doctor family friend. The doctor said it was very normal, but in the car on the way home she told her son if she ever caught him doing it again she would never forgive him. Shishido had not said Ryuichi's name to another living soul since, although secretly he whispered it to honor his twin on their birthday and on the festival of the dead.

After that terrible night with Atobe, Shishido went through a lot of girls. He discovered one after the next that they were really mainly into how he looked--not him for who he was. And after that he ended up with Atobe anyway.

Shishido shrugged, "I didn't like her much so I never went out with her again. Fugi was just mad because I dumped her so she lied. Hell, she told people we had sex and we never did anything but kiss. I know there's a lot of rumors about me, baby, but really, a lot of them aren't true at all. If you ever want to know just ask me. And like I told you before, I don't cheat. I don't want to be with someone who cheats. I hate it. Cheating is the worst thing someone can do and so lame."

"It is, Shishido-san. I'll never cheat on you...I mean, well...you know...because you said..." Choutarou was probably blushing furiously and adorably but it was too damn dark for Shishido to see.

So he kissed Choutarou softly. "Yeah. I asked if you wanted to date me. And you said yes." Shishido smiled thinking of it, "So that makes you my boyfriend, you know? So my boyfriend promises to never cheat on me?" Shishido smiled and kissed him. He ran his hands along Choutarou's body because he could and reveled in the feel of soft skin over hard muscle. It was a sexy study in contrasts. Shishido said before Choutarou could answer, "I will never cheat on you Choutarou, I swear it." He sealed it with his oath and then a kiss. Before Choutarou could react or say he was sorry, Shishido continued, "Anyway the reason I told you all that is to tell you when I felt pain like this before."

He considered it and half smiled. With a small laugh he said, "But then again, it was nothing like this..." Shishido kissed him and Choutarou kissed him back forcefully. He must have been feeling jealous. Honestly, Shishido said, "I've never felt anything like how I feel with you. Not with anyone, baby. It's nice. I really like it." Shishido smiled, he felt stupid for talking about his dumb feelings, but he thought if it helped Choutarou feel happy and not be upset anymore, then it was worth it. He kissed his little brother again and smiled, "I really like you, Choutarou..." Shishido said in between hot, deep kisses, and his words came out in a growl filled with lust and emotion.

Shishido sighed as the kiss broke and suggested, "So...I don't want you to be in pain or to feel embarrassed. It's perfectly normal and okay. I'll go in the other room for about ten minutes to let you take care of it, and then I'll come back. When I do, you can tell me about your dream if you want or we can just go back to sleep. Okay, baby?" He didn't want Choutarou in any more pain if possible.

"No...I...I mean...pl...please? Please stay with me?" Choutarou seemed to be almost begging him. He looked at Shishido in the low light with big sad eyes, like a puppy at pet store that you've pet and played with before abandoning to go to your warm safe home.

"I'd like to, baby. Believe me, I'd really like to." It came out a little huskier than Shishido had intended. "I'll probably have to go to the bathroom to do the same thing. In fact, I think I will because wanting you is killing me. Thinking about you in my bed touching yourself will drive me crazy otherwise. There's no way I could stay here and watch you though. It would be way too hot. I'd have to touch myself or I'd go insane."

"So...it...it hurts you too?" Choutarou asked with that puppy dog look.

Shishido nodded. He was hard again to the point of throbbing just talking about all this. He half-smiled because this was a little embarrassing to admit and because Choutarou seemed to be waiting to hear his answer. But he wondered why, "Of course?"

Ohtori said it in a rush, "Then do it with me Shishido-san. Please?" Choutarou kissed him passionately and ran his hands over Shishido's body. This was a very different kiss than before. When Shishido had days ago wondered what Choutarou would be like completely uninhibited, this was damn close. "Please? Touch me Shishido-san and let me touch you. Please let me make you feel good. You...you can touch me if you want to touch me? But...but let me touch you? Please?" Choutarou moved so they were side by side and kissed Shishido hard and wet again.

He really did not need kissing lessons, Shishido thought. He moaned as Choutarou kissed him like that again and rubbed their erections together through their clothes. Shishido's erection came partially free of his sleep pants and his tip was sticking out. Choutarou felt it and his bare hand on Shishido's hot, swollen, wet head made him growl again. Shishido was going to agree because he was so lost in the moment, but then Choutarou moved his hand up. It was shiny and wet from Shishido's erection. Choutarou brought it up to his mouth as if to taste...

Shishido grabbed his wrist to stop him. "No! Wait. Stop. You can't. We can't. I want to. Baby, I really want to, but I've been with other people and I haven't been tested and I can't take a chance that you could get hurt or sick. I won't take that chance or let anything hurt you, especially me. I want to, but we can't. Do you understand?"

Choutarou looked at him soberly in the faint light. Shishido expected him to apologize or something but he didn't. Instead he looked serious. All traces of sleep and tears were gone, "Shishido-senpai, when is the last time you touched someone? When was the last time you did sex with someone?"

Shishido let go of Ohtori's hand. He ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture and tucked a little behind one ear. Damn it, Shishido wanted to take this slow! Then it wouldn't feel awkward like this. He was totally embarrassed and did not feel like explaining this to anyone. But maybe Choutarou needed to know this. Maybe then he would understand. Shishido sighed and faced the inevitable, "Right after school started. Atobe's little sister when he shared her. I'm sure you've heard about it...?" It was months ago and to Shishido's horror now common knowledge Atobe had given her to Shishido first. He didn't think Atobe or Naomi would tell but he had been naive about how fast gossip spreads--especially when it's true and about Atobe.

Choutarou nodded. "You did safe sex?"

"Yeah...of course. Everyone at a sharing does." How embarrassing. Shishido nodded and smiled at the terms Choutarou used. In some things the freshman was so innocent and trusting. Shishido would rather feel this ache all night--hell, all year. Let it cripple him. Better that than risk Choutarou.

Who wasn't done asking questions, "And the last time before then? When were you with anyone?"

Shishido felt the heat of a blush rising to his face. It was a good thing it was dark in the room. Because hell, no one knew this. This was definitely one thing Atobe didn't even have the balls to admit to anyone either, "You...probably...know. Before winter break. With Atobe. Last year. And then just his little sister since the beginning of this one. I've dated other girls since, but I didn't do anything but kiss them. Even when the girls wanted to and even though people say I have, I haven't. I swear I haven't. Look, I don't know why people like to talk about me and lie about it but they do."

Choutarou dropped his jaw in surprise. Probably at how many months it had been. Or maybe because of all the rumors. They had Shishido having wild sex with a different girl or groups of them every night. Shishido knew everyone said stuff like this about him and Choutarou probably heard it. He had to have. Some were more colorful than others, some were more vicious than others but the fact was, none of the rumors were true.

"And yeah, before you ask, Atobe and I fooled around since the last time we had sex, but that was the last time we really did it. I told you, I wasn't happy. And yes, we used condoms. Always." Atobe hadn't wanted to but Shishido always insisted. Partially because it frustrated Atobe but mostly because it was the only lubrication they ever used. No way was he going to say that to anyone. Not even Choutarou. Unless he asked, but Ohtori probably had no idea to ask. He wouldn't know specifics of things like sex. Shishido felt very protective of him because his innocence was charming and beautiful. "I'm not angry if you ask me questions. I want you to know me and even though I'm not proud of the stuff I've done, I'll always be honest with you, okay?"

Ohtori hugged him hard and nodded. Apparently contented though probably still throbbing and aching. Shishido was.

Atobe wanted to have sex other times after their last but Shishido had refused. He stupidly wanted more than Atobe could give him and thought if he held out, Atobe would feel something. Or reach for him instead of other people. But that hadn't happened. Atobe was busy often with a full school, tennis, and social schedule. The times when they were together and Shishido slept over, it was easy for him to please Atobe in other ways and wait--and hope his heart had opened up. It never had.

Shishido said when he realized he was taking small breaths, "Baby...I can't breathe...thanks." He took a deep breath and then another. "Is there anything else you'd like to ask me? I'll tell you whatever you want to know." He hoped there wasn't anything else, but his pulse raced worried at the thought.

"Really? You don't mind?" Choutarou looked happy at the thought.

Shishido dreaded it but was resigned, "Yeah. Ask away."

Choutarou smiled a little and said gently, "Well...it's just...Shishido-senpai, you know they test us for everything every month, right? During the physicals? They test us for everything. Even sex stuff. If they haven't said anything, then you're okay. You're fine. You're healthy. There's nothing wrong with you."

Shishido hadn't known.

He felt totally stupid.

Well, okay. Sure, he knew about the testing. He hated it. Giving blood monthly and the intense physical exams, but he figured it was for tennis. And yeah, you could get the results of your tests if you wanted them but it cost money to get a private copy for yourself. Money Shishido never had so he never asked for his. It was a waste. There was no need to waste the money when they called you down if your blood levels were off or something. Which was why he had figured it was just a part of training. One time Shishido was fighting a winter flu that was going around and something came up a little off in whatever the normal levels were in his blood work. They called him down and made him go on antibiotics and vitamins before he ever felt sick.

He didn't think Choutarou was lying though. Everyone being tested regularly made sense as their coach was something of a germ-phobic guy and was rumored to prefer men. Not that they ever saw any of this. Their coach was a very discreet man. Highly respected. Brilliant though he had his faults. Coach never touched any of his tennis players because of germs it was rumored. Instead he preferred to point two fingers at people who did well instead of shaking hands or patting them on the back. The rare times he did touch someone he touched their clothes and was often seen washing and wiping his hands down immediately afterwards.

Everyone just accepted his quirks as normal because he was so brilliant. Even Atobe said the guy was a tensai in both tennis and music and he was wealthy. He worked because he loved what he did. Shishido really respected him despite all his little eccentricities. Everyone did.

Their coach was very different from the old man who first taught Shishido tennis, but he was very good. Shishido played a completely different style of tennis since arriving at Hyoutei. It was more formal and polished than his original rough style. The rough style had worked for him though, and as a tribute to his poor, "rough" roots, Shishido still used the racket his first tennis coach made for him. It was a shorter than average wooden racket with a hexagonal string pattern. It cost an insane amount to have restrung, but Shishido knew it like he knew the back of his own hand. He was intimately acquainted with every dent and nick on it. It was that familiar and comfortable. Even if he wasn't able to rely on anyone else and there was no one else who cared for him, Shishido always had that. He loved his racket's history as a part of his own. He hoped someday if he ever had a son to pass it down to him.

The handmade racket drove Atobe crazy. For one thing, it was not a name brand and for another, he couldn't have one. You had to be given one of the very special rackets. They were not for sale. Atobe apparently had tried to buy one for either himself or Shishido--he was never sure which. What he did know, was Atobe couldn't and it bugged the hell out of him that no matter how much money he offered, it was not for sale.

Shishido's spare racket was another matter. He hated it. He bought it used for next to nothing and carried it in his bag only because a spare was required. It was a cheap one he picked up at a second-hand store. It badly needed to be restrung but he didn't have any extra money. Shishido needed to buy some groceries in the week coming up, and now with taking Choutarou out on a date, he needed to be more cautious.

Not that it wouldn't be worth it or he couldn't make due, but until he was sure his mom put some money on his Hyoutei card, Shishido planned to stick to a stricter than usual budget. He was pretty used to it. It really didn't bother him, but at the same time, he didn't want Choutarou to notice. And with Choutarou around and living with him, he might. Shishido decided if his mom hadn't sent any money by the end of next week, he would call home and ask her for some. It was rare that he gave in and did, but Choutarou was worth his pride.

Choutarou kissed him gently out of his thoughts. "Shishido-senpai, I wouldn't let you hurt me. Not for my sake, but because I know how hard that would be for you. Shishido-san?" Choutarou kissed him again, "Kiss me and touch me. Let me make you feel good. I want to touch you so much...I've wanted to touch you for so long..." He said it in a moan.

Shishido didn't know what to do. To stall, he kissed Choutarou and felt him moan again one of those soft whimper moans in his mouth. He loved when Choutarou was all hot like this. All hot and turned on and not embarrassed at all. This was thrilling. Shishido wondered if he was the one who might be dreaming.

Choutarou dipped his tongue into Shishido's mouth making him feel a sudden surge of fresh want. Shishido at first thought that he was just so very turned on, but then he realized Choutarou was telling him the truth. Choutarou really did want to touch him--and had for a long time. It was sweet and felt right, and Shishido seriously weighed the options. It was possible that Choutarou was being like this because he was half-asleep and carried away by lust. Maybe the pill was still affecting his judgment, though Shishido didn't think so.

Still, Shishido didn't want him to regret it in the morning. It would be difficult enough not watching Choutarou now as it was in front of Atobe and everyone else. What if they went any farther?

Choutarou shamelessly and hotly begged. "Please? Please, Shishido-san? Please? Touch me?"

Choutarou kissed him again and moved Shishido's hand to the front of his own pants making a small noise when Shishido's hand touched him through the thin cloth. He made another when he felt Shishido tighten his hand and trace the contours of Choutarou's erection with his palm. Damn, he was big. Shishido felt Choutarou's erection twitch under his touch. It felt so huge and hot Shishido could swear he felt its pulse. Choutarou kissed Shishido more and ground his erection up against Shishido's hand. He writhed under Shishido's touch and his breathing came faster. Choutarou was that damn close just from a kiss and a touch.

Shishido heard himself growl a moan again.

Shishido was trying to be in control and trying to do everything right. He really was, but knowing what was right is one thing. It's another to do the right thing when you're hard and throbbing and aching and the person you want is in your arms and kissing you and wanting you and begging you to touch them. It's nearly impossible to do. Choutarou kissed him and moved against Shishido's hand in those delicious, tiny thrusting motions.

A sudden hot thought of those tiny thrusting motions while Choutarou was buried inside Shishido popped into his mind and would not let Shishido go. He couldn't help but think of Ohtori doing this while inside him. It had been a long time. Ohtori would be hot and hard and buried deep inside him and the thoughts made Shishido shiver. "Choutarou..." Shishido growled his name in lust, indecision, and frustration.

Choutarou kissed him again and Shishido felt the freshman's warm strong hand slide down his pants. His strong large palm closed around Shishido's erection so lightly that Shishido didn't feel his skin being touched, just the heat from Ohtori's hand and fingers danced across his sensitive skin. It left Shishido trembling. Whisper soft Choutarou finally touched his hand around Shishido's throbbing swollen erection. Shishido had to be dripping wet. Shishido felt so turned on he felt dizzy and almost nauseous. He couldn't ever remember being this turned on or tempted before but Choutarou didn't even seem to care if he was so turned on he was dripping wet. Actually Ohtori seemed to like it, which no one had ever done before.

After what felt like an eternity, almost hesitantly Choutarou closed his hand more. Softly encasing Shishido who gasped at finally being really touched. He had to fight himself from moving his hips and making the contact more. Choutarou just held his hand there and Shishido was too turned on and too curious what he would do next to stop him. He wanted Choutarou to feel free to explore him, but at the same time his urge to stay in control and need to keep Choutarou safe wrestled with what was left of his conscious in the wake of his desire.

Shishido whimpered softly as Choutarou slid his hand up and down. So softly along his skin that he didn't even move Shishido's foreskin. For such a big guy and such a big, strong hand, how gentle he was made Shishido feel freshly dizzy. His touch was halting. A tease. Shishido was surprised and breathing hard wanting more. Maybe it was punishment for when he moved Ohtori's foreskin back and kissed his tip in the shower earlier. Shishido didn't know. What he did know what he was shaking when Choutarou finally tenderly slid his foreskin down and then back up.

He made Shishido moan at the light contact and Choutarou smiled as he kissed him. Choutarou removed his hand and he pulled Shishido's pants up again. Shishido felt disappointment suddenly flood through him as he thought that was all Choutarou was going to do. Ohtori had only been curious and Shishido chided himself that he should know better. Choutarou was a freshman and inexperienced. He was shy. While Shishido liked when he took control, he really shouldn't expect Ohtori to know what he was doing.

Although, there was something to be said for more exploration. Shishido reached for Choutarou's lips to encourage him and in response while they kissed, Choutarou ground their erections through their clothes together again. He broke off their hot kiss and before Shishido could stop him this time Choutarou licked his wet hand. Shishido looked at him in shock. He had completely distracted Shishido to get what he wanted and Shishido had no idea why. A moment before he was going to suggest he wear a condom to do this just to be sure, but he was going to agree. Choutarou hadn't even given him time to say it.

Shishido was angry. No, suddenly furious and he felt hurt. Almost betrayed. Choutarou had slickly played him.

Not realizing, Choutarou licked his hand again and moaned softly, "Shishido-san, you taste so good. I've been wanting to taste you for so long. Shishido-senpai, you're healthy. There is nothing wrong with you except up here." Choutarou kissed his forehead and then his mouth. Shishido kept his jaws firmly locked because he was trying to keep his sudden burst of anger from making him say something stupid. He didn't want to hurt Choutarou, but he was feeling hurt. Choutarou went on, "You're healthy, you're safe, and I'm not too good for you. I know you and because I know you, I believe in you too just like you believe in me. Please? Let me touch you more. I want to make you feel good..." Choutarou went to kiss his lips but Shishido moved away.

"We're just...we're moving really fast." Shishido said in protest but he knew that wasn't true. They'd spent all these weeks, hell, months getting to know each other. They'd spent hours upon hours together not being physical which was what lead up to this moment. It wasn't like Shishido was such a big talker that if they waited several more weeks or months they would chat about any of this or talk about their feelings anyway.

The truth was, Shishido had always learned best by doing and living in the moment. Shishido in his heart didn't want to stop but he was afraid. He had to admit to himself, he was scared again. It was such an abnormal thing for him to feel that it was hard for him to realize at first that was what he felt. Whenever he felt afraid in the past he tried to think of the worse case scenario and come up with a solution to deal with it. Usually things never went as bad as Shishido's most pessimistic thoughts but if they did, then he felt prepared to cope. His worst case here was that for whatever reason, he would do or say something that would make Choutarou reject him and he would go away. Or even worse Choutarou would reject Shishido for Taki or someone else.

But the very worst would be if Choutarou suddenly didn't like him. It froze his heart to even think about it. Shishido didn't think he had it in him to go through someone else he cared about and loved not loving him back. Not again.

It was a childish wish to want one person in the world to love you. To want one person to really know you and love you anyway. The whole soulmates thing was ridiculous and out loud Shishido had told many crushed girls it was something he did not believe in. But secretly, deep down, he wished for it anyway. More than anything his entire life he had wanted it. Wanted this--and he realized if he didn't do something, he was going to ruin things all by himself.

Choutarou was looking at him stunned and crushed, "Oh. Oh god. I...I'm sorry, p...please forgive me, you didn't want me and I..." Choutarou went to stand up and looked mortified.

Shishido felt his heart nearly breaking thinking of Choutarou leaving him and he realized he was pushing Choutarou away. That was the one thing he did not want to happen. So Shishido reached for him and held Choutarou close. "No Chou. No baby, I'm sorry. That isn't true. I just was worried about hurting you and I stopped listening to what you were saying. To what you wanted. I want this too. I want you. I'm sorry. When I tell you no or not to do something, you've got to listen to me, okay? I get mad easy and I'm stubborn and an idiot, but you know I didn't mean it. I don't. I really like you, Choutarou. I really like you and I really want you. I want you so much that it scares me, but more than anything I don't want to hurt you. I didn't know they tested us, but I trust you." Shishido sighed and laughed a little at himself, "I'm sorry. I suck at talking about feelings and stuff. Let me just show you, okay?"

Choutarou looked uncertain and worried, but nodded.

He put his hand on Choutarou's cheek and kissed his mouth softly. Shishido pressed his tongue between Choutarou's lips and tasted the saltiness of himself on Choutarou's tongue. Kiss me, baby?" Choutarou regardless of whatever it was he was thinking and feeling instantly obeyed and kissed him. Shishido kissed him back and enjoyed it. He stopped worrying and stopped being afraid because Choutarou was staying.

Shishido knew from tennis, too much fear could make you lose before you even got to play. Being afraid all the time was more crippling than having no fears at all. If you never took the risk you could never win. He vowed to himself to stop being such an idiot. The worst case was Choutarou leaving and that wasn't going to happen. "Touch me, baby?" Shishido asked and slipped off his pants to show Ohtori he was serious.

Choutarou hesitated an instant before putting his hand back on Shishido's erection. He held Shishido whisper light and did not move, but at least the freshman was touching him.

Shishido asked, "Can I touch you? You want me to touch you, baby?"

Choutarou nodded and then made another one of his little sounds when Shishido pulled Ohtori's pants down and slipped them off. Shishido had a natural talent for taking people's clothes off. Not that it was a skill you would tell anyone about, but he was good at it. And Choutarou helped.

"You're okay? This is what you want?" Shishido asked but he knew what he was secretly asking is, am I what you want?

Choutarou half-whispered and half-moaned his reply. His eyes closed when Shishido touched him. It sounded like his answer came from deep inside him, "Yes..." Choutarou's breath caught when Shishido slid his hand down, "Oh...yesss..."

Shishido had never done this. Not like this. And no one had done this to him. Girls were simply not good at this and Shishido was more into giving pleasure than getting it. He knew everything to do on a girl, but guys were sort of new to him. His grand sum of experiences were himself and Atobe. When he had gotten Atobe off he had been behind him and touched Atobe only like he was doing it to himself. Shishido had never faced anyone, done this, and kissed them. Shishido guessed maybe this is what Choutarou must have done with his dead best friend because he seemed to be experienced with it. One thing was sure from his reactions, Choutarou really wanted to do this with him now.

Originally he figured Choutarou would be completely naive when it came to sex but after kissing him all night, Shishido was learning fast that for a shy guy, Choutarou enjoyed pleasure and overcame his shyness when he wanted something. Choutarou touching him felt good, hell Shishido being touched after all this time felt good, but something wasn't right. Choutarou wasn't all into it like he had been when he was all over Shishido just a little while ago. Now Choutarou was holding back and hesitating thanks to Shishido's stupidity. "Choutarou, show me how to do this. I've never done this before with someone. Show me what to do and what you like. Make me feel good. Don't hold back. Please? My body won't lie. See? I want you, baby. Show me."

Choutarou smiled a little and first moved Shishido's hand to a completely different position and grip on himself. Apparently Shishido really had no idea what he was doing. Choutarou stroked himself using Shishido's hand and that alone was so hot Shishido moaned a little. Shishido tried to imitate the movement when Choutarou took his hand away. "Like this?" Shishido asked checking.

Choutarou gave almost a purr before kissing him and answering, "Yesss...oh...Shishido-senpai. That feels good." Choutarou smiled in that wicked way again. "I'll make you feel good too..." Choutarou kissed him and touched the tips of their naked erections together. He broke the kiss to ask, "Do you have any lotion?"

"There's lube in the box over on the table beside you." Shishido said it without thinking and hoped Choutarou didn't inspect the contents of the box too closely again. It was on a cheap plastic table that Shishido used as a nightstand. In a little box he had picked up from somewhere he kept lube and condoms so they weren't sitting out. He knew Choutarou had dug through there looking for a pen before he passed out asleep earlier, but what else had he seen?

Shishido tried to think of what else might be in there. Probably just a few stupid things that he knew he should throw away. An earring a hot girl gave him that after she pierced his ear at a party. It was big and probably a diamond, although he took it out that night because his mom would kill him if he got an earring. There was a poker chip, an I-Ching coin, a few coins from foreign countries he wanted to go to someday, and a new tip for his pool cue. There were his meager savings in there and also there were probably a few ponytail holders, but Shishido had those scattered everywhere all the time.

He had a silk ribbon from a Valentine's Day box of candy a girl he had liked had surprised him with last year. The ribbon was wrapped around a gold peacock pin with jewels on it that Atobe for some reason had given him that day too. Shishido didn't think the pin was real. He hoped it wasn't because it was damn large and ugly but with Atobe you never could tell. Shishido figured he should probably hock it to see what it was worth. Maybe he wouldn't have to call home for money. If there was enough left over from his budget, maybe he could buy Choutarou a present or something. He had no idea what Choutarou would like though. Come to think of it, Shishido had never given anyone a present before. The idea kind of sounded fun so he tabled that thought for later.

Choutarou reached over and looked. Shishido thought he might do a girl thing and ask what each thing in the box was but instead he held up the bottle of lube and in the dim light Shishido could see the freshman's brow was furrowed. "This?" he asked and sounded perplexed.

Shishido was surprised but then he thought about it. Of course Choutarou would have no idea what it was so Shishido asked, "You've never used that?" Choutarou shook his head no. Shishido shrugged. "Yeah, it's what I use."

Choutarou moved back to him and into the position on his side he was in before. He squeezed some into his hand. "Slippery." He said and touched some to himself first before Shishido could warn him. Adorably, Choutarou sucked in his breath, "And cold."

"And cherry." Shishido said smiling at his reaction. So cute, Choutarou cocked his head to the side like Shishido's dog did. "It's cherry flavored." Shishido explained.

Choutarou licked his finger and sounded surprised, "It's good." He pressed his tongue into Shishido's mouth as if Shishido didn't know the taste and put his now slick hands back on Shishido.

Shishido put some lube in his hand, made sure the bottle was closed, and then placed his hand back on Choutarou. "Like this?" Choutarou paused a moment before touching him and moved Shishido's hand around changing things again. Shishido figured he must be bad at this. To try to make amends, Shishido moved his other hand to touch Choutarou's testicles. It earned him another one of those sexy whimper noises from Choutarou. "Better?" Shishido asked with a smile.

"Yes, Shishido-senpai..." Choutarou said in a sigh before kissing him deeply. Shishido had to admit this was nice. It felt good, the kissing was great, Choutarou was always fun, and it didn't feel as sexually intimate as well, sex.

At least Shishido didn't think so until Choutarou touched him again with his slick hands. Choutarou apparently knew how to touch Shishido better than he touched himself. It was almost like he had instructions on exactly how and where to touch Shishido. Choutarou started with his wet tip and teased his foreskin back playing with it as if it was all familiar to him. Then he slid his hands down Shishido's shaft in almost a twisting motion down to his base. He kept moving in little twisting circle motions up and down him with his fingers sometimes tight and other times gentle. He played with Shishido's testicles but so gently that Choutarou must have known how sore Shishido was there after so long of not coming. After the fourth stroke like this Choutarou somehow moved his fingers over Shishido's wet tip and Shishido whimpered in pleasure in Choutarou's mouth while still kissing him.

Choutarou smiled and asked, "Okay?"

Shishido could barely speak but he just managed to gasp out while Choutarou's hand made another pass over him, "Damn...baby...gods yeah...d...don't stop..." It was all Shishido could do to keep moving his hand on Choutarou and kiss him. He felt terrible about how bad at this he obviously was and wondered what Choutarou thought. Choutarou was this good at things like this after having done stuff with only one other guy? He felt jealous. Then Shishido lost the ability to think as Choutarou's hand made another pass and somehow it changed it to even better. Shishido was suddenly breathing hard and close. Only practice kept him from coming and he moaned instead as he tried to fight the urge to thrust himself into Choutarou's clever palms and fingers.

His moan must have sent Choutarou over though, "Shi...Shishido-san, I'm going to come...a little, but don't stop...please...I won't be done." Shishido nodded and watched him in awe. Even that close Choutarou kept touching Shishido better and better. Shishido was surprised that Choutarou wanted him to continue after he came because Shishido couldn't stand to be touched after coming. Atobe couldn't either and Shishido was curious because he had figured all guys were the same.

Choutarou's reactions though sounded like he was close and Shishido had to keep from coming himself as Choutarou said softly, "Oh...Shishido-san...ohhh..." Choutarou whispered something and Shishido wondered jealously if it was his friend's name. Choutarou thrust a little into his hand and came a very little bit. About three drops which shocked Shishido.

Ohtori moaned and shuddered. Shishido kept moving his hands as Choutarou showed him and still expected Choutarou to tell him to stop or take his hands away in sensation-overload agony but he didn't. Choutarou smiled at him. He kept moving his hands on Shishido, constantly making each pass feel better and better. He also moved himself closer to Shishido and touched their erections together again. Choutarou lay partly on top of Shishido but still on his side. He opened his hand wrapped around Shishido and Shishido's hand on himself so that their erections tips touched but still rubbed against their hands. It felt incredible. Shishido thought he understood what Ohtori wanted him to do next but wasn't sure and was very curious about all this. Shishido felt very close, and wanted more.

"Shishido-san like this..." Choutarou moved in a small thrust to show Shishido, "I'll move with you." Choutarou opened his hands and but their erections between their hands. The freshman again sounded close so Shishido did a small natural thrust and moaned at how good it felt.

He did another one and Choutarou moved with him. "Yesss... Oh more, please..." Choutarou begged him so Shishido moved more. Without thinking about it, their bodies seemed to find a rhythm together. Shishido felt Choutarou shaking and knew he was probably doing the same though he was so intensely watching Choutarou it was keeping him from coming. He didn't mind, this was incredible and he knew regardless he would come soon. Choutarou kept making those tiny little noises and kissed Shishido hard and deep, "Shishido-san...oh god...I'm...oh...I..." Shishido this time was waiting to hear what Choutarou whispered in case he said it again. So softly, Choutarou whispered a name, "Ryoh..." and then he came hard making no other sound.

Choutarou's heat and his touch sent Shishido over. Shishido surprised himself when he cried out Choutarou's name and a heartbeat behind him, came shuddering along with him. It was so good, so intense, and everything between them felt so right. Shishido gasped and bucked and trembled in Choutarou's arms and hand.

So it felt so wrong a heartbeat later when before he could shout a warning or utter a curse, the edges of Shishido's vision grew dark. He desperately tried to fight it off and bask in his orgasm. He was still coming. His body was still being rocked by strong, powerful convulsions. So many, Shishido had lost count. Four...five...six... He moaned in the ecstasy of sensation and the agony knowing he couldn't stop this though he fought like hell. It wouldn't stop. Damn it. It grew closer. He tried to gasp for air. It wasn't fair. He hadn't told Ohtori about this because it hadn't happened in so long...no...gods no...he didn't want this to happen...no...!

And Shishido was swallowed away by complete blackness.

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Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Six ~Mukahi~ part 2

2006-01-31T09:58:06Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Six ~Mukahi~ part 2

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Someone must have messed with Yuushi's shoes. They were all sharing bedrooms--two people to a room. Gakuto and Yuushi were each rooming with people from their grade but neither of the guy were sub-regs before so they didn't know them well. It was an honor for the guys to be tested and training with them. If they made it, they were in.

The guy staying with Yuushi was known kinda for his practical jokes, but this wasn't funny. That plus everyone knew no one made fun of Yuushi except for Gakuto. It was something Gakuto never said out loud because he never had to. He and Yuushi had always a kind of understanding with everyone.

Maybe this idiot didn't know the rules though. Gakuto saw Yuushi had a huge blood blister on the bottom of his foot that looked like it was really painful. It went from his toes along the bottom and his arch to almost his heel. Gakuto was livid at someone doing this to the tensai. Yuushi could be really stupid and trusting sometimes, but he was a great player. He was a good guy who didn't deserve someone messing with his stuff.

But it was more than that, it was not just a strike at Yuushi even if it was meant to be a stupid joke that had gone too far. Really this was an attack on all the sub-regs. It couldn't be allowed. The guy had to go and fast. It was the sub-reg's responsibility to watch out for each other and to not let a stupid bastard like Yuushi's roommate at the villa move up to a place of power where he could hurt anyone in his way. They looked out for each other. They were friends.

He felt bad for the tensai so Gakuto told Yuushi to finish changing to his other shoes and to let him handle it.

Yuushi walked off the bus somehow without limping at all even though it must have been agony walking on his foot like that. It dawned on Gakuto that Yuushi had probably known what happened and who did it to him all during practice. The tensai had played hurt and known. He only told Gakuto because Yuushi trusted him. For some reason, it made Gakuto feel even more enraged at the bastard who did this.

As soon as he could, Gakuto pulled Atobe aside and told him what must have happened. He figured Atobe mighta already knew, but Gakuto told him anyway and brought Yuushi's ruined tennis shoes as proof. Both Yuushi's feet were injured. Atobe was livid. He said he would take care of it. Atobe's face was in that scary mode when his lips went thin and his eyes all furious. He thanked Gakuto, turned, and walked away without another word.

The Vice-Captain switched around everyone's rooms around that night after dinner. He sent both Gakuto and Yuushi's roommates home with a few other people as if he had planned to all along. Atobe said they hadn't made the cut, which in a way was true. Gakuto's roommate really wasn't handling the intense pressure or the cut-throat competition well, and Yuushi's roommate was obviously a bastard or an idiot or both. Anyone could do what the bastard did to Yuushi at Hyoutei. Anyone could sabotage someone else and many would try using that as a tool to get ahead. Especially those who were not yet inducted as brothers, but may the gods help you if you got caught.

Gakuto planned to go after the guy once school started. He was gonna make fun of the guy until everyone hated him. The guy within a week would have no friends. He even told Yuushi he was going to despite the tensai saying to just let it drop, but Atobe must have already been moving. Maybe Yuushi already knew what was gonna happen before Gakuto did. The bastard who hurt Yuushi was not from a wealthy or influential enough family to protect him. Whether it was true or not, he failed the semester's first drug screening and was promptly thrown out of Hyoutei for steroid use.

And the room assignments at the villa? The night the bastard was sent home Atobe moved Jiroh in with Yuushi and put Gakuto in with Shishido. Gakuto thought this was great because Shishido spent all his time and every night with Atobe. It was like Gakuto almost didn't have a roommate--even if he did have to put up with the pissy peacock a few times a day. At the time, Gakuto thought it was a reward for his loyalty.

But now, Gakuto wondered how things maybe would have been if he had been put with Yuushi back then. Sato wouldn't have happened maybe. Gakuto wondered if maybe Atobe knew how Yuushi felt about him. Maybe even before Yuushi knew completely himself. He wondered if Atobe had kept them apart on purpose and why. Atobe always did things for a reason, but maybe that one time their vice-captain made a big mistake not putting them together sooner.

Gakuto touched Yuushi's feet that night too. He wasn't sure then why he did it, but he insisted that he pierce the hideous blood blisters, clean, and wrap Yuushi's feet. They were alone on Gakuto's new bed with the door locked so no one else knew or would find out Yuushi was injured.

Yuushi seemed really grateful. In fact, he was the one who helped Gakuto get some of Atobe's knock-off shirts. Atobe back then liked Gakuto all right he guessed, although he and Atobe were not really friends. Even before what happened with Shishido, Gakuto was never part of Atobe's inner circle, unless like with Ohtori's records Atobe needed something from him.

For Gakuto the shirts had been a big deal. They made him feel included and important. He thought at the time it made him and Yuushi even. The other guys who knew about the shirts envied him. It was a sign of being part of the most powerful and well-liked people at school. Even Sato noticed. Gakuto had told Sato he couldn't get him one because the shirts only came in small and the stupid lummox believed him.

It really made Gakuto feel special. Mainly because Atobe personally gave them to him, but now looking back, although Yuushi said he only suggested it to Atobe, the tensai probably asked specifically for Gakuto to get some. Which was really nice of him to do. He can even see Yuushi kinda insisting.

He knew deep down Atobe still stupidly blamed Gakuto for what happened. Atobe's first time with Shishido had been a nightmare. Atobe had been a stupid idiot bastard, but it wasn't as if any of that was Gakuto's fault. Sure, Gakuto yelled at Atobe, but who could blame him? Anybody would have. Plus even though Gakuto would never use it, technically he had something over on Atobe. Even though he never told Atobe what Shishido said, Gakuto had very dangerous information on Atobe's precious Shishido. It had to have been Yuushi who kept Atobe from hating or dropping Gakuto completely. Especially after what Gakuto said to Atobe. Otherwise Gakuto would have been out long ago not just because he spoke up, but also because of what he knew.

Gakuto wondered how Yuushi's feet healed up because he forgot about that until now. He wondered if Yuushi got pedicures like Atobe did and how they felt. They must feel good or Atobe wouldn't do it all the time. Gakuto's stupid feet always hurt and Yuushi was really good at doing this. He somehow found every single place that was sore and so gently rubbed and stroked until it felt better. The tensai mumbled something about how Gakuto had some hammer toe thing and high arches and Yuushi would buy him these foot support things.

Yuushi mumbled to himself constantly.Well, never really around other people, but usually around Gakuto he would. Kinda like he felt like he could be himself around Gakuto which was cool. Yuushi talked to books and his computer and to himself a lot of the time. No one else had ever mentioned they noticed Yuushi talking to himself. If he did it around other people, especially people he dated and dumped probably they woulda said something.

Gakuto wondered when he stopped really noticing it. He also wondered when he stopped being annoyed by it and started thinking it was kinda cute in a sad way. Kinda like Yuushi didn't have anyone else to talk to so he filled up the empty silence around him.

He wasn't really listening to the tensai mumble stuff about witnessing modern man's evolution using heel bones because Yuushi was doing that really good thing--the one where he went in and massaged each toe and around each toe and then the ball of his foot which always hurt. Then he started on Gakuto's heels and worked over the top of each of his feet.

Just when Gakuto thought he was in heaven, Yuushi started licking his toes and sucking on each one in turn. Damn that was so good. Gakuto fleetingly hoped the strawberry lotion didn't taste like crap, but right then he just wanted Yuushi to keep going. It was the weirdest thing getting turned on and hard from someone sucking on your toes but Gakuto was up again. Stone hard and throbbing and feeling a need for release. He noticed he was moving slightly against the soft fabric of the comforter. The friction felt really good. Yuushi probably knew and noticed too.

Gakuto stopped. He didn't want Yuushi to notice. Thinking he was stealthy and the tensai was distracted, Gakuto went to reach under to touch himself. Just a little. Just to stay warmed up.

Before he could wrap his hand around his length, Yuushi moved it away. "Not yet, lover. I've only just begun. Unless, of course, you want to give in and say yes right now. I'll accept your total defeat even if it is rather disappointing at this early stage in our..."

"Hell with that, Yuushi. Keep goin! I was just...adjusting stuff." Gakuto grinned. He knew he was caught but he wasn't gonna admit it. He moved his hand between his legs, moved things around and pointed everything down to show the tensai that was all he was doing, and put his hand back at his side. Damn clever tensai was not going to get him to give in so easily! Gakuto laughed, "Total defeat my ass!"

Yuushi sounded like he was smiling too as he mumbled in that absent way, "Yes, I'll get to that part of you in a moment..." His hands slid up Gakuto's legs in a light massaging motion and Gakuto had to keep from giggling like a girl at the thrill of playing like this. He had never played with anyone like this and wondered why the hell not. It was fun!

Gakuto was damn jealous for a moment when he wondered who else Yuushi had played all sexy and fun with like this. It strengthened his resolve to not give in, but at the same time, it made Gakuto review the information he had on the tensai.

It was weird how many things he knew about Yuushi but then on the other hand, there were all these other things he didn't know. Then there were the things Gakuto knew but no one else ever seemed to. Not even people who dated Yuushi seemed to know much about him. Even when Gakuto was interviewing them when the relationship was over, there always seemed to be more questions that they asked than things they had answers for.

Things like the mumbling. No one ever said anything about it before. Gakuto couldn't be the only one who found it annoying and then kinda cute. Or how big Yuushi was down there. He was very well hung and not one single person mentioned this to Gakuto--not one--which was very strange! Even if girls hadn't been willing to talk about this intimate fact to Gakuto--and many were as apparent by all the girls who mentioned to Gakuto they were surprised or disappointed in Atobe's lack of..."status" in that department. Still, the guys Yuushi went out with would have. At least you would think they would have. Not one ever mentioned anything about it. Not even when Gakuto asked how the sex was. All they ever said was that it was amazing.

That was the word each one of them used. Amazing. Guys and girls. They also sometimes added words like intense and incredible, but mostly they went back to saying amazing.

As he thought about it, Gakuto felt really jealous that all those people knew what Yuushi was like in the sack, but he didn't. It didn't seem very fair somehow because those people really didn't even know Yuushi. Not the real Yuushi. Not like Gakuto did.

There were lots and lots of other things Gakuto knew about Yuushi that no one else did. And not just bad things about Yuushi's past, but good things too. Like that Yuushi was kinda kinky, but in really good ways. Like how Yuushi hummed when he moaned kinda like he was trying to be quiet. Like how damn good Yuushi was with his mouth and his hands and how he couldn't stop touching or wanting to kiss Gakuto. How Yuushi paid attention to the smallest details and always wanted to make everything perfect so Gakuto was happy. How the tensai was gentle and strong at the same time. How much Yuushi loved to cuddle when he slept.

Angry now, Gakuto knew without having to ask that not one of those people who supposedly liked or loved Yuushi "so much" knew any of this important stuff about the tensai. In fact, Gakuto knows most of the stuff people told him about Yuushi were all the opposite of what Gakuto now personally knows to be true.

Person after person said how hard Yuushi is to get to know. That he never talks about himself. That Yuushi is like a closed book and impossible to figure out. That they can never tell what he is thinking--which is totally absurd. It's completely ridiculous because Gakuto can almost always tell exactly what Yuushi's thinking. Yuushi has always been very easy to figure out. He talks about himself if you give him a chance. He's the easiest person Gakuto has ever gotten to know.

Then they would often say that Yuushi hates to cuddle. He hates being touched or being affectionate. That after making love--which thinking about them saying that really angers Gakuto now--in the morning they would wake up and always find the tensai gone.

Even if Yuushi spent the night in a girl's dorm room where he couldn't leave for risk getting thrown out of school, somehow he disappeared. People complained constantly to Gakuto that Yuushi was not very loving or affectionate or demonstrative, but Gakuto knows firsthand this isn't true.

Yuushi loves to cuddle and hold hands and all that nice lovey crap. These idiots all said Yuushi was quiet--a few even said shy--which both then and now makes Gakuto laugh to think about. Yeah right. Yuushi is about as shy as Atobe. Everyone also said that Yuushi never fooled around or had sex without all the lights being turned off. They also said the tensai never slept naked. That Yuushi always insisted on wearing clothes, but he had told Gakuto that first night that he preferred to sleep in the nude.

In fact all the time he and Yuushi sleep naked together, and holding each other, and Yuushi is always there in the morning. Okay, yeah, Yuushi lives there but if he wanted to go sleep in the other bed he woulda gone. In fact, Yuushi never wants to let him go, and Yuushi kisses him all the time. And sure, it was strange for Gakuto to sleep all naked and lovey like that at first, but now how they sleep together holding each other with nothing between them has kinda become something Gakuto's really come to love.

Oh, damn it, not that word again.

Fine. Gakuto has really come to like it very, very, very much.

Kinda like Yuushi.

It was strange. Nothing fit.

Was Yuushi just totally different with Gakuto than he was with everyone else? Gakuto knew from all the people that liked Yuushi and had confessed to him that the tensai was hot and all, but Gakuto wondered about it. Yuushi was always so weird, but now, it was kinda interesting and felt very important to find answers to all these questions. Fast. Maybe this is why Yuushi wasn't his third most asked about person. Maybe no one else but Gakuto can figure the tensai out or get answers.

Meanwhile, Yuushi had worked his hands up Gakuto's legs and was massaging his butt. You'd never think your butt muscles could hurt but Yuushi was really good at this too. He probably memorized how masseuses worked or something and then did it all with Gakuto. Oh, one thing Gakuto needed to warn him about as Yuushi got close to one spot. If you messed with it, it could hurt. Sometimes it did. Especially when Gakuto occasionally--rarely--landed wrong, "I get sore around there. I broke it when I was eleven."

Yuushi sounded amused damn it, "You broke your tail bone? How?"

Gakuto shrugged but felt annoyed, "I didn't land on my ass or anything if that's what you were thinkin. I was skiin with my family and some huge idiot that should have never been on the advanced slopes crashed into me and my cousin. My cousin broke his arm and I broke my...butt." Yuushi didn't like when he swore. "I landed on this rock thing. Hairline fracture. It sucked. I had to sit on this ring thing for weeks and everyone made fun of me. Our chiropractor says it's fine, but sometimes it hurts. If I land wrong or something. I guess."

Their team had a chiropractor who Gakuto was not too fond of. The guy was obsessed with pulling down on Gakuto's legs which just reminded him that he was short. It was like the guy hoped to stretch him tall or something. He was kinda also like a big bear that hugged you into these weird positions and then there would be a loud cracking noise. Gakuto walked off the table cursing to himself usually. He wasn't sore before going to see the chiropractor--only after! Sometimes for days!

Yuushi was touching him so softly Gakuto was annoyed that he told the tensai in the first place. He wasn't going to break! Yuushi said before he could yell, "Tell me if it hurts anywhere. Have you seen our acupuncturist?"

"Doesn't hurt and no, I haven't gone and no, I don't wanna. I mean, if Atobe ordered me to or somethin I'd go, but who the hell wants a bunch of needles stuck in you?" Gakuto sighed. "End up looking like a damn pin cushion! How is that good? You take a drink of water after and it will all squirt right outta you!"

"Hmm...." Yuushi sounded amused and went back to massaging his butt. "You're tense. Are you afraid of needles?"

"No. But that doesn't mean I like them. I've never gone." Duh Yuushi, who the hell would like it?

"I rather like going to the acupuncturist." Gakuto rolled his eyes. Of course Yuushi did. Great. Now he would want Gakuto to go. No way in hell was he going! Yuushi could beg, plead, and try to drag him there but he wasn't going to go. No way. Not gonna happen.

"I'm surprised you haven't been." Yuushi sounded smiley and cocky. Just like he did when all the girl reporters from tennis magazines were all over him after he won a match. Yeah, and people thought the tensai was shy. Puh-leeze. "Have you seen our acupuncturist? She's very pretty. And easy to talk to. And very intelligent. She's traveled the world improving her craft. You'd never think someone so young has as many degrees as she does. I find her fascinating."

Gakuto was instantly jealous. Damn witch was probably lusting after stupid Yuushi while stickin needles in him. After all, Yuushi was really smart and certainly didn't look like he was in junior high.

Yuushi continued, "It actually doesn't hurt. The needles are fine, often smaller than a hair. You don't feel them at all, but the results are incredible. My game has improved markedly since I began my sessions with her."

Gakuto turned back to look at the tensai. He still felt jealous as hell, but now curious too. Yuushi wasn't going to insist he go along? Or offer? "What's it like? When you go, what does she do?"

Yuushi made his thinking face and shrugged. "It's quite relaxing. I almost fall asleep by the end of the session. You're welcome to come along with me if you would like sometime."

"Yeah maybe." Damn tensai. Probably the woman was doing things to him and stupid Yuushi wasn't aware of them. Gakuto was going to have to go check this out. He really freaking couldn't leave Yuushi alone for five minutes before someone hit on him. Gakuto had a suspicion, "You fall asleep? So you don't really know what she does?"

"No, I..." Yuushi blushed, "I can never completely fall asleep, but I do feel very relaxed during and after. The truth is...I really can't fall asleep around anyone. Anyone other than you that is. Actually, I was surprised the first time I discovered I could sleep beside you. And that I slept well. It was...it was a surprising revelation. One that makes me very happy."

Well, that explained a lot of the difference between what people said and what Gakuto experienced. Gakuto asked without realizing he slipped into his information mode where he gave a little to get a lot back, "So when you would sleep over with other people before, you never slept? That kinda sucks. I don't usually sleep good around other people too because of what happened to me. And I never slept naked ever before you. Not even by myself." His leg started shaking in thought but Gakuto wasn't aware of it. "Yuushi, not sleeping next to other people, is it because of your tutor?" Gakuto had to know. He wondered why he would be any different for Yuushi to sleep around. Maybe because they both stayed up so late together? Maybe because they had been through such similar things?

Yuushi started massaging Gakuto again, but absently. Like he was trying to distract Gakuto or himself or maybe both of them. Gakuto realized he was shaking his leg and stopped. He turned around a little to look more at Yuushi.

Pursing his lips in thought Yuushi said, "I suppose. Then again, I'm sure you could ascribe everything I do that's strange to my tutor or to my upbringing, but I've never been comfortable sleeping in general. I don't sleep for many hours a night. Although, I'm not an insomniac like Shishido. I do fall asleep, but never for very long. And never before next to anyone other than you, ever. Although I have fallen asleep out of exhaustion on the rare occasion that I am unable to leave somewhere, but only for a few minutes at most." Yuushi shrugged and went to move his glasses that weren't on.

Yuushi was uncomfortable, but Gakuto wanted some more answers. So he asked, "That's why they say you sleep clothed, and don't like to cuddle, and always find a way home by morning?"

The tensai looked surprised, "I suppose. Is that really what they say about me?"

Gakuto grinned and nodded pleased he knew more than Yuushi thought he did. "Yeah, but I know most of that isn't true. At least you're not that way with me. Is that why you dumped Azukizawa? Because he's all heavy and stuff when he sleeps on you?" He expected Yuushi to laugh or something but the tensai looked very angry suddenly. It made Gakuto feel afraid. "I...I didn't mean anything bad by it, Yuushi. Really I didn't..."

"It's not that. I'm not mad at you. I'm just..." Yuushi moved up to lay down next to him. The tensai settled on his side with his head propped up in one hand and ran his other hand gently down Gakuto's spine in lazy circles. Yuushi said very quietly, "I'm very angry at him for hurting you."

Gakuto turned a little on his side and looked at him. Yuushi was really mad, but not at him and the tensai was damn smart to figure out which kendo player it was. Who Gakuto's first was. He shrugged, "S'okay Yuushi. It was a long time ago. I shoulda known you'da guessed who it was. I was really stupid back then." Gakuto shrugged, "And anyway, you hurt him worse than I ever could. You broke his heart."

"Regardless...I'd like to hurt him now." Yuushi looked that scary serious way he did when he wanted to destroy an enemy across the court. "Would you like to know about the very brief time I spent with Azukizawa Daishi? I half-heartedly pursued him only when Taki once let it slip that he broke your heart. I had no idea you dated him at all. I only wanted to get to know him as a person out of sheer curiosity. In fact at the time if you recall, I had just said I wanted to pursue Atobe right after Sato declared his intentions with Taki. It was right after my weekend with Atobe. I was not completely sure how I felt about you but I was drawn to get to know him. I'm not sure, perhaps to find out more about you through him, but all I found out was that he's very lonely and very confused."

"He is?" Gakuto was confused. The Azukizawa he knew was strong and confident. He was the kendo club captain. He was a quiet person. He was shy when it came to talking about himself, but as Gakuto spent more time with him, the closer they became. Which is why what he did was all the more horrible. "Confused about what?"

"His sexuality. His feelings for you. Many things. Understand, I didn't know what happened from your point of view--only his and he never mentioned you by name. I actually did not break his heart--you did. He calls you his first love or his little redhead. In fact, I often thought he was talking about a girl. If Taki hadn't accidentally told me it was you, I might not have known. Azukizawa was scared of having sex with a guy with him as the bottom. For some reason, that to him was gay, but sex with a man with him on top was not."

Yuushi shrugged with an elegant roll of his shoulders. Gakuto was kinda in awe at how graceful Yuushi could be when he wasn't feeling self-conscious. Yuushi went on, "His parents apparently are homophobic and after a long time he said his first love was a guy. I knew he meant you, but he never mentioned you by name. He said his best friend threatened to tell his parents on him several times." Yuushi caressed his hand along Gakuto's shoulder and his neck, "I never knew about their sharing or what happened. Just his side of the story where you stopped seeing him and refused to talk to him. I can only guess because of his parents finding out is why he was going to go through with what almost happened to you at all. I am in no way making excuses for him--what he did is inexcusable and I am furious at him, but I do know that he is truly terrified of his father finding out he is gay. He was also scared about sex but begged me to make love with him just so he could know what it was like with a guy. I can tell you that his feelings for you were genuine and probably still are. If you had shown up for the sharing, I honestly don't think he would have allowed it to proceed and he didn't know at all about your past."

Yuushi went to go on but Gakuto's anger was too pressing. He interrupted, "So you slept with him, Yuushi. You had sex with him..." And not with me, Gakuto couldn't help but jealously think, "and then the next day you dumped him. That's what everyone says. I know. Everyone knows." Stupid tensai. Without realizing it, Gakuto put his fingers in his mouth for comfort.

"Gakuto? Is that really what they say? And you really believe that's what happened? That I would do something like that?" Yuushi had the nerve to look upset, "That's not what happened at all. You more than anyone should know that rumors are often a long way from what really happens our school. Does that really sound to you like something I would do? Gakuto, I...I wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't. I...I couldn't...I...the truth is I can't..." Yuushi's eyes filled with tears and he flopped down on his back hard.

Gakuto was shocked at the sudden change. Yuushi let out a puff of breath that might have been him crying and ran his fingers through his frizzy hair. He pressed his palms to his face so hard Gakuto saw the muscles in his arms and wrists straining.

Quietly Yuushi mumbled more to himself than to Gakuto, "I wanted to show you and not tell you because it's so weird..." He choked back a sob, "I thought if I could just show you and make you feel good that maybe you'd understand. I should have kept it dark in here and then told you after." Yuushi started to really cry and his voice cracked with emotion, "But I...I didn't want to be like that with you. I didn't want to lie to you or have you feel hurt or confused. I wanted it to be all out in the open with you...only with you. I'm so stupid, I wanted to see your face during, but I should have kept the lights off like I always..."

Gakuto was beyond alarmed. Yuushi never got upset like this. Ever. Gakuto was already moving by the time Yuushi called himself stupid. He tackled the tensai in a fierce hug and put his arms around him. Gakuto wrapped himself around Yuushi and tried to pry the tensai's hands off his face but they were locked on there. "Hey," Gakuto said softly as Yuushi silently cried, "Only I can call you stupid. You know that. No one else is allowed to make funna you but me."

In the middle of his crying, Yuushi snorted a small laugh and Gakuto felt at least a little better.

He felt better until Yuushi's mouth suddenly twisted into an ugly pained expression beneath his hands, and Yuushi whispered sounding broken, "Gakuto, I am so fucked up..."

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More soon XDDDD

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Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Six ~Mukahi~ part 1

2006-01-31T09:55:52Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Six ~Mukahi~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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But just thinking of it, of Yuushi going and Gakuto letting him go forever, really hurt. It felt like someone punched him in the stomach and his chest felt all tight and achy. It hurt so bad it burned. It hurt so bad, it made Gakuto whimper out loud.

Yuushi must have heard the tiny sound while they were kissing. Somehow he have sensed something was going on with Gakuto even though the tensai probably couldn't see in the poorly lit room. The tensai made soothing noises and said things to Gakuto. Yuushi said that it was okay. That he was here with Gakuto and wouldn't let anyone hurt him ever again. Yuushi swore it, bound it with their oath and like always, he told Gakuto he loved him.

Over and over Yuushi said he loved him. Yuushi had been saying he loved Gakuto all along. Yuushi showed Gakuto that he loved him with every single thing he said and every single thing he did. Over and over....

He loved him...

It was only then that Gakuto realized that they were both too far gone for either of them to let the other one go. Stupid, stupid, stupid Yuushi. Stupid tensai.

He loved him.

There was a time long ago when Gakuto and Taki would have long talks about all kinds of strange things. Anything and everything was fair game to conversationally kick around. Even things no one else was supposed to talk about or mention.

It was before a lotta things. It was back when Gakuto used to feel he could tell Taki just about anything and he knew Taki talked to him about whatever was on his mind. Gakuto'd been real worried and was thinkin that maybe from kinda liking the kendo guy he had recently met, that maybe, just maybe he was gay.

He didn't have Yuushi's perfect memory so Gakuto wasn't sure exactly when this was, like what day, but it was before school started their freshman year and sometime just after they left Atobe's training session over the short summer break. It was before Taki went off his meds and went all weird. It was before Sato. It was before Azukizawa broke Gakuto's heart. It maybe have even been the day before Gakuto ever met Yuushi.

Gakuto and Taki were sitting in the sun kinda watching it set and talking about nothing and everything after a long, hot practice. They had no idea they were in danger even though Atobe told them that the older Hyoutei players would be jealous of them and to be on guard. Atobe said he couldn't protect them so they were trying to be cautious, but still didn't feel any sense of real danger. They were sitting close enough to their freshman dorm to run if they needed to, but it was a nice evening and it felt good to sit there after a long day talking about everything and nothing.

Somehow out of the blue, Taki asked the question Gakuto was too afraid to ask himself.

Gakuto remembers he thought to himself at the time that maybe Taki might be a good person to talk some of this stuff over with. After all, Taki had seriously dated and had sex with both that girl and that guy. In fact, Taki was still hung up on both of them and swore he loved them both, but by then both relationships were pretty much doomed. Plus, Taki knew more about sex and stuff than anyone Gakuto knew or at least anyone Gakuto could talk with. Taki wasn't as slutty as Shishido, but much like Shishido, Taki always had a hot girlfriend. Since Gakuto arrived at Hyoutei and in grade school as far as dating went Taki had been as popular as Atobe. Actually, he was more popular than Atobe had been back then.

It was kinda funny how things changed and happened. If Atobe hadn't been picked their grade school tennis captain, everything may have been totally different. It wasn't until he was chosen by their grade school club advisor their last year when Atobe's tennis abilities began to exert itself to their full extent. As a result Atobe went from cocky outsider to popular insider after their grade school did so well at nationals.

But before then, the guy everyone wanted to be and hang out with was Taki. The girls adored him and the fact was, Taki was fun to be around. Most of Atobe's sub-regs had known each other then except for Yuushi who came later, but even if they were in different classes, everyone else all played in the club together. Back then Taki the most popular guy at school. Everyone was surprised when he wasn't chosen for captain because Taki was nice, attractive, athletic, easy to get along with, and easy to talk to. He had been tall in grade school but now height-wise Taki was only about average. Maybe even shorter, but Gakuto wasn't a good judge of height. Everyone was taller than him.

When everyone else was angry that Atobe, who seemed to be a conceited, boastful jerk, was picked over him, Taki just shrugged and laughed. He said he never did want to have to do all the work a captain would have to do and Taki said he was sure Atobe would be good. Taki smiled sincerely and wished Atobe well while everyone liked Taki a little harder for it. Taki told everyone to calm down and give Atobe a chance.

It was at that moment when Atobe rose to the occasion and gave this rousing speech. He told all of them that if they followed him, Atobe could promise them that by their senior year of junior high, Hyoutei would reclaim their rightful place and win back the title at nationals. He outlined a plan. One that even though it was radical, did not sound crazy. It sounded like they could really do it and Atobe sounded convinced that with hard effort they would easily win. It lit a fire in their hearts and changed Atobe's place at Hyoutei forever.

Gakuto and Taki were talking about the future and the past sitting in the sun. How things had changed, and Taki said he didn't mind the way things were shaping up at all. He too felt that with Atobe leading them, if Atobe could just make vice-captain as he had promised he would, then step by step their plans would fall into place. They were both nervous and excited to see if they would become sub-regulars. It was so long ago that they hadn't even achieved that. They were just two small freshmen in the huge Hyoutei tennis club with a secret passionate plan and a dream Atobe had put into the hearts and minds of their little circle of friends.

Earlier in the day, Taki got a love letter. A confession letter was slipped into his tennis bag. This was nothing new for Taki, but it was a nice distraction from tennis and their anxieties to try to figure out who it could be from. It was clearly in a girl's handwriting and was sprayed down with perfume that was very feminine. The confession though was unsigned and the two of them had been going through everyone they knew. Speculating on who it could be from. They thought maybe it was even from one of the many girls practicing to be their tennis club cheerleader and who might even someday become one of their little sisters. They were excitedly mulling all of this over, when out of nowhere Taki asked Gakuto if he was gay.

Just like that. Taki asked, "Hey? Are you gay? Do you like guys?"

Gakuto was mortified. If anyone else had asked him, he woulda beat the hell outta them and never talked to them again. He had never really liked or dated a guy before, although he had been attracted to them. Sure, some guys were hot. Some were as pretty as girls, but things like that were something you never discussed. Before then Gakuto had never kissed a guy before. Hell, if it wasn't for what had happened to him when he was little, he was wondering if he even would have ever thought about kissing a guy.

Up until then, Gakuto had been kinda dating this girl. They had been on a few dates before grade school ended, but Gakuto dumped her before the summer so he was free. She didn't even know if she was going to Hyoutei because her family didn't want to send her away to school. No way did Gakuto want to date someone long distance. Well turns out she did end up going to Hyoutei and even was practicing to be a tennis club cheerleader.

She asked Gakuto out that morning all excited to see him, but was so annoying all day Gakuto was over her. Taki knew it and they had laughed over how stupid she was. It was embarrassing the way she kept calling to Gakuto during practice and almost getting him in trouble in front of all the guys! Plus, there were all these new girls all over school he had never met before. It was too new and exciting to get stuck with a girlfriend like that.

Gakuto had plans to dump her that night just before a bunch of the guys were going to hang out in Jiroh's room. Before they were sub-regs Jiroh was rooming with Kashiwa until he was given his single. Kashiwa was cool and after a day where everyone seemed to want to face their group of freshmen and defeat them, Gakuto was looking forward to hanging out with friends. True, they were competitors, but the freshmen Atobe had trained and inspired had all become close friends as well.

It had been a good day for Gakuto other than that girl. He had done well at practice and beat everyone he faced. Even a senior in front of their coach! He was excited to be living away from home for the first time. On top of that he had just finished proudly telling Taki how since they arrived five different people had confessed to him. Two new girls and a guy just that afternoon. Neither of the girls were Gakuto's type, and the guy was only okay--but it was the first time a guy ever confessed to Gakuto. At least like that. The guy was a senior! Sure, guys kinda hit on Gakuto in the past but this was an out and out love declaration from some guy he had never met before. And he had a feeling Taki had heard it, so Gakuto was kinda trying to think of a way to bring it up--at least the idea.

Gakuto really wasn't interested in that guy, but he was worried because when the big kendo club guy stopped some seniors from not letting them in the lunch line, Gakuto felt his heart start slamming up against his rib cage. That guy was damn attractive, but the one who confessed was nothing special. He wasn't someone you would look twice at, but then again, even before all this, Gakuto had bad taste when it came to guys. Hell, he barely gave any thought to Yuushi when he met him except to think what a weird moron he was.

Gakuto felt unspeakably bad about that now.

More so because Yuushi was back to kissing him so good, Gakuto was unable to answer the tensai's promises or lovey declarations with anything other than a soft moan. Yuushi's mouth claimed Gakuto's in kiss after kiss of pure sensual possession. Gakuto opened to the bold thrust of his tongue, too busy kissing him back to think for a moment as Yuushi slid his tongue seductively along Gakuto's swollen, trembling lower lip before raking it gently with his teeth. Gakuto heard himself moan again.

Even though Yuushi was all hot and bothered and busy making Gakuto feel good, it didn't feel to Gakuto like it usually did when a guy was like this. Gakuto didn't worry that if Yuushi got carried away he might not stop and hurt Gakuto even if he didn't mean to at the time. He didn't feel scared at all that Yuushi wouldn't stop if Gakuto told him to, or that the tensai would get too rough in the heat of the moment or take things too far. He didn't think Yuushi was lying to him or was gonna pretend the next day that whatever they did didn't happen or that this didn't mean anything to him. In fact, everything seemed to matter a great deal to Yuushi. Especially Gakuto feeling good and safe and...loved.

He really loved him.

That day as the sun set, when Taki asked and before Gakuto could answer, Taki told Gakuto a lotta stuff about how whole bunches of babies were born kinda being both genders. Taki really knew a lot about things that dealt with medical stuff. He was weird and read medical books and looked on the internet about health things for fun. Taki would probably rather be a doctor than the heir to the largest chain of pharmacy stores in all of the country, but heir Taki was, so medicine became a strange hobby that Taki only talked a lot only to Gakuto. And maybe when they had lived together Taki talked about that kinda stuff to Yuushi, who always seemed fascinated and interested in anything that the tensai didn't already know, but no one else.

Anyway, Taki said there were all these babies born both sexes. Male and female with parts of both. They were kinda in between girls and boys and their parents picked the one gender they wanted their kid to be. That to Gakuto didn't seem very fair and he said so. He wondered out loud why they had to choose and how the parents knew what the baby would wanna be when he or she was grown up.

Taki said he didn't know, but he knew about all this because he had a cousin like that. His aunt and uncle picked for his cousin to be a girl because they already had three boys. He laughed and said that his girl cousin was all into other girls, so Taki thought maybe she should have been a boy.

Though Gakuto never heard anything about any of this before, he had a suspicion of where Taki was going with his story about all these babies. Gakuto asked Taki if he thought all gay people were like that. Just born the wrong gender. Maybe there was some medical studies done that said it, but Gakuto knew nothing like that happened to him. He had pictures and his mom even kept the ultrasound where they clearly knew he was gonna be a boy long before he was born. There was no way Gakuto was in between a girl or a boy. He asked Taki about it.

To himself secretly Gakuto was afraid that maybe what happened to him made him kinda gay, but just kinda because he did like girls too. He really did. He had never ever thought about kissing a guy until he saw that hot kendo guy earlier in the day. It scared the hell out of him. In the last couple of years Gakuto dated several girls and there were always at least a few girls who usually liked him. He also thought a couple of female pop stars were hot and he thought this one girl who was in a drama his mom liked was amazing. She wasn't a wimpy girl but she wasn't real dominant either. She was just cool, but Gakuto didn't know anyone like her in real life. He had always thought someone like her would be the one in the string bikini by his side in his fantasy.

Not Yuushi.

Gakuto smiled as the tensai kissed him again and then told him to lay down on his belly. They were both naked but for the first time in a while Gakuto felt how naked he was. He felt vulnerable and exposed.

Yuushi said he was gonna be right back and he threw a robe over Gakuto to keep him warm. It was cold in the room without Yuushi touching and holding him. The good thing was with the robe over him it helped him not feel so naked more than warm. He kinda missed Yuushi's warmth.

After a few minutes Gakuto wondered where the hell Yuushi was at a time like this? The toilet? The dumb tensai suddenly had to pee right then when things were gettin good? He smiled when he heard Yuushi in the next room walk into something with a loud thud. Served the tensai right for leavin and walkin away when he can't see anything. Feeling better that Yuushi was coming back, Gakuto situated himself on the bed with a sigh and waited for what was next.

When Taki answered him, he told Gakuto a lotta things. Some things Gakuto remembered well and some stuff he didn't. Taki remembered names of medical studies and crap like that which Gakuto tuned completely out, but the main important thing of it was Taki said most people, most animals even, aren't totally straight or totally gay but bi. Taki said he figured Gakuto was someone like him. Bi-sexual. It was the first time anyone used the term with Gakuto. It was the first time he had heard anyone call themselves that.

Taki explained that he liked both girls and guys. He seemed happy as he said that really he and Gakuto were exactly alike, but Gakuto knew deep down he and Taki weren't the same at all. Taki held some strange notions and was the opposite of Gakuto because he liked strong, dominant women and weak men.

Gakuto always figured it was probably because Taki's real mom died when he was little, and his dad was always away traveling. Taki's family was old, old, old money on both sides. Somehow Taki's dad ended up working for his father-in-law and getting pushed around a lot because he was too much of a wimp to stand up for himself. Taki was a baby when his mom died and in his mind over time she became kind of a mythical perfect person. When Taki first met Gakuto's mom, Gakuto was sure Taki was going to love her. Taki's lukewarm reaction was shocking. He was the only person other than Yuushi to not be completely awed by Gakuto's mom.

His mom later explained that to Taki, who desperately wanted a mother who was perfect, all Taki could see were flaws. She predicted to Gakuto that Taki would have trouble dating because of that and she was right. The girl and the guy he dated each had really loved Taki terribly, almost crazy, but Taki was only happy with the both of them. One of them was not enough. Gakuto figured it was because Taki was too busy seeing each of their flaws like his mom said.

But then why hadn't Taki seen Sato's flaws? It didn't make sense at all to Gakuto.

Sato was more dominant than the woman and not at all Taki's usual type of wimpy guy. Sure, Gakuto knew Sato could be a charming bastard when he wanted to be, but soon enough Taki had to see what was right in front of his face. Sato was a freaking monster. A total bastard. Your worst nightmare. Had Taki been able to see that?

And if he did see it, what did Taki do? How would Taki who didn't deal with problems well handle a real one?

Gakuto asked out loud by accident, "Did Taki want out?"

"Hmm...? Taki? Did he want out of what? Your friendship with him?" Yuushi was slowly creeping back in the room and musta heard.

"No. Never mind." Gakuto sighed, "It was just somethin stupid I was thinkin about. Just about Taki and Sato. Doesn't matter."

"Oh, in that case, if your earlier question was did Taki want to get away from Sato, the answer is yes. Taki did, but he didn't know how." Yuushi said just past the threshold of the door. He kept moving in the room slow in a shuffling kinda way. The tensai accidentally then almost in slow motion stumble-walked into another low table with a firm strike of his foot on the table leg. It made this bong-crack kinda noise and Yuushi sucked in his breath.

Gakuto winced because that sounded like it hurt like hell. He thought maybe he should distract Yuushi from the pain. Gakuto gave a little laugh, "Poor Taki. Taki is all into Ohtori who is all hung up on Shishido. And after his crush on Atobe, this is just another guy Taki likes who is all into Shishido. You know, Taki might be worse at pickin people to like than even me!"

Yuushi paused and lifted his foot which was probably throbbing in pain. He seemed to think for a moment, paused like that with his hands full and one leg up like a giant crane. Gakuto had to keep from laughing until he heard what Yuushi said, "Perhaps. Taki also chose Sato who is still, and I am judging only by Sato's actions, very much hung up on you. Sato isn't showing up at Taki's door with roses saying he wants him back, Gakuto. Perhaps Taki simply picks people who aren't really available or interested in him."

Gakuto looked at the crane as if it was crazy, "That's really stupid. Why the hell would he do that?"

Gingerly, Yuushi set his foot down and looked over at Gakuto. In his hands Yuushi was carrying a bottle of something and a tiny flickering candle from the bath. He'd been gone a while. Gakuto could tell Yuushi couldn't really see him because the tensai was looking at where Gakuto wasn't, just kinda in his general direction. Yuushi explained, "Because if Taki is always involved with someone who isn't interested in him, in a way, it keeps Taki busy and safe at the same time. It's much the same as someone falling in love with a pop idol they will never meet. It's a fantasy and not real, but to the person who thinks they are in love with the idol they have never met, it feels real to them. It also keeps them from being available for a real relationship with a real person. Fantasies are safer than reality. Fantasies don't break your heart."

Gakuto nodded and then remembered Yuushi couldn't see him. "Yeah, kinda like that Taki wants someone perfect in a fantasy insteada someone real because with someone real Taki can only see their flaws? Kinda like that? And how real people with real problems probably scare the hell outta Taki because real people can hurt you, or let you down, or break up with you, or cheat on you, or leave you..." Gakuto thought about Taki, really thought about him for the first time maybe ever, "Or even like Taki's mom who died when he was little, someone real can die? Oooh Yuushi, I bet that's why Taki thinks he likes Ohtori so much because Ohtori's best friend who died to Taki is kinda like Taki's mom!"

It all made perfect sense to Gakuto suddenly, "And in a really messed up way, Ohtori is perfect for Taki to have a crush on because Ohtori's probably still hung up on his dead best friend and he's all into Shishido and so he's totally not available. Or interested. Even more than Sato or Atobe! Even more than I wasn't interested in him! Taki isn't really mad at me becausa what happened with Sato. I mean, if Taki wanted out then he was done. He used the first chance he could to get away from Sato just like you saw when Ohtori came along. By then Taki hadta know what a bastard Sato really is and all, but he's probably just angry that I made everything real. I wrecked the fantasy he was having of both him with Sato and of him bein with me."

"An excellent theory. I never included Taki losing his mother into the equation, nor did I think of how deep Taki's feelings towards you must run. Perhaps some day, knowing this, you and Taki can begin to be friends again." Yuushi looked impressed which made Gakuto feel really great. He was always happy when he figured out things before Yuushi. And then Yuushi looked dangerous. Like when he wanted to destroy an opponent. It sent shivers of thrill down Gakuto's spine and tingles in the back of his neck. Yuushi said, "But only friends, Gakuto. I do not wish to share you. I want your heart to be mine and mine alone."

"You're jealous? Of Taki?" Gakuto laughed and rolled his eyes. What guy other than Yuushi actually said stupid lovey things like that? "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we already promised Yuushi. Just us. Now get back over here. I'm gettin cold." He wasn't but he didn't want Yuushi mad at him or thinkin he would cheat on him. With stupid Taki no less. Yuushi was so goofy sometimes.

Yuushi took a hesitant step forward as if testing his foot, "Sorry for the delay my prince, the candles were almost all out and I had to get another one to light the little that was left of this..." The tiny candle picked that exact moment to flicker and die. Yuushi uncharacteristically cursed. He sighed, "I did so want this to be perfect..."

The tensai sounded so upset and the candle going out was perfect. Perfect comedic timing. So perfect that Gakuto laughed. "It's all good Yuushi. Stay there. Don't move or you'll walk into somethin again." With a quick move, Gakuto stood up on the bed and flipped off of it to the floor. He landed perfectly and it was a damn shame Yuushi wasn't able to see it. He walked over to the fireplace. It was a gas one like at his family home and Gakuto flipped the switch turning it on, wondering why he hadn't thought of this before.

Wasn't this Yuushi's silly dream?

After all, Gakuto wasn't a stupid girl that Yuushi had to do everything for. He had a few moves of his own that the goofy tensai would really like. Gakuto grinned at him, "There. Now you can see and you can take me to heaven with a hot fire on a cold night. Okay? You didn't break your foot or something before did you? It sounded like it hurt like hell." Yuushi had it up like a crane again but now his jaw was dropped open.

"My...my foot is fine." Yuushi looked at him stunned. He closed his mouth and opened it again. He set the glass where the candle was down on the table he cracked his foot on. Yuushi went to move his glasses which weren't on. They were probably still in the other room. "You...remember that?"

Gakuto shrugged, "Yeah, of course I remember. And look, I'm sorry I laughed back then. I wasn't laughin at you. Really I wasn't. Back then I thought it sounded kinda stupid, like somethin you made up and said to make all your stupid fangirls all go, Oh Yuuuushiiiii...!" Gakuto was really good at making Yuushi laugh at his own stupid fangirls when they squealed. The tensai did not disappoint him and smiled before giving in to a little laughter. Gakuto said more seriously with a shrug, "...but now, I think it sounds kinda nice. You and me and the fire and all. So if it's okay, I wanna. Take me to heaven, Yuushi. How do we start? Should I lay back down on my belly?"

"Oh. Uh...yes. Yes, pl...please." Gakuto loved when he made Yuushi stumble when he was talking. It meant he really really got to him. He smiled into the comforter after he lay back down so Yuushi couldn't see and wouldn't think he was makin fun of him. They could see much better with the fire going. It made the room feel warm and was kinda sexy. Gakuto stole a glance over at Yuushi to see what he was doing.

The firelight was reflecting golden off the tensai's skin. Yuushi sat on the bed. Being all serious he was putting some lotion goo stuff on his hands and rubbing them together. Probably to warm it up before he touched Gakuto. Yuushi was really nice like that. And damn, he really had a nice body. The fire gleamed off his body and accented every curve of every cut muscle. Gakuto wondered why he never noticed how hot Yuushi was before, but figured it was like not noticing your brother or sister or something. Maybe it was you just see the person every day and after a while you kinda take them for granted.

Gakuto was curious, "What's that stuff smell like?"

"Strawberry. Is it all right?" Yuushi held his hand out for Gakuto to sniff. "I tested it and it doesn't seem to sting."

Gakuto shrugged at the okay smell and then grinned again. He teased, "Hey, where'd you test it on, Yuushi?"

Yuushi looked embarrassed and then must have realized Gakuto wasn't making fun of him. Gakuto was just teasing him. Just like any normal couple would do.

Suddenly Yuushi smiled all goofy and at the same time, moved in for a sweet, swirly kiss. The tensai pulled back and teased back in Gakuto's ear all sexy, "You know where, lover. I'm going to begin. If you want me to stop at any time..."

He liked when Yuushi talked all sexy like this. When Yuushi said things in his ear this way it made him get all tingly. Gakuto smiled and said, "Mmnnn. Nope, you said you were gonna take me to heaven, Yuushi. You said you were gonna make l... well you know, you said you were gonna do it with me without using that part of you. You said you were gonna make me say that word. If you can. And you owe me a thank you..." Gakuto smiled and turned his face down into the bed again. Otherwise Yuushi might just kiss him all night. Not that Gakuto didn't want him to, but there were other things they could do if they could just shut up long enough to get to them.

Yuushi slid his hands over Gakuto's skin. He drawled, "And I intend to pay you back in full. And I will make you say yes. And I will make love to you. And I will take you to heaven." Yuushi sounded like he was smiling and Gakuto felt the tensai's weight shift on the bed as he moved on it. Gakuto's hands were by his sides and his legs were spread apart. Yuushi's hands, warm and slick with lotion slid down Gakuto's legs to his feet. Yuushi hummed and practically purred in this low sexy way he had when he was all into it, "It's not even my birthday and I get my fantasy? Believe me lover, I will pay you back in full with a night neither of us will ever forget..." He sounded like the good and turned on Yuushi.

He sounded fierce, and lusty, and so damn strong...

Gakuto worried for a moment that Yuushi might really hurt him. Because it wasn't a fantasy, it was real. And real people could really hurt you. Gakuto had that fear again that Yuushi was gonna hurt him for every mean and terrible time he laughed at the tensai or called him an idiot, and Gakuto deserved it all. Or maybe Yuushi would just be really turned on and wouldn't stop. Yuushi wouldn't mean to hurt him, and he would be really sorry and sweet after, but after all this time with no sex or coming, any guy might not wanna stop.

He looked back down at Yuushi who was picking up one of Gakuto's feet. When he saw Gakuto watching, the tensai let go of his foot and moved back up in a slow, sexy, naked crawl over his bare skin that made Gakuto's heart race with that strange crazy mix of fear and lust. Yuushi reached his face and kissed him all swirly and put his arms around. He pulled Gakuto close to him and just kissed him.

Gakuto still felt that keen edge of fear, razor sharp and dangerous and thrilling, but for the moment, Gakuto also felt safe and warm. All that at the same time was an odd mixture that lead to a feeling Gakuto was not familiar with. A strange feeling. Not bad, but strange. Strange and very scary. Gakuto exhaled a shaky breath that he didn't know he was holding in.

Yuushi softly said, "I love you. I swear no one will ever hurt you again, and that includes me, Gakuto. If you ever feel afraid, or want me to stop, even just for a moment, tell me. Please? I'll do the same with you. Gakuto? We don't have to do anything more. It's late and we can just go to sleep together."

Gakuto didn't know what to say. Now that he felt reassured, he certainly didn't want the tensai to stop. Plus he didn't want Yuushi to have to worry that he was gonna have to stop like this every time. He wanted Yuushi to like it. He wanted Yuushi to like him and love it so the tensai would want more and more and more and be happy with him. "But...you promised. And it's your dream...?"

Yuushi sounded like he was smiling, but his mouth was near Gakuto's ear kissing it all swirly so he couldn't see Yuushi's face. The tensai sighed as if happy, "This is my dream, Gakuto. This is all I want in the world. You and me together, close like this, and holding each other all night. I couldn't ask for anything more than a lifetime of this. Gakuto, for me, this is heaven." Yuushi pulled back to look at him seriously and all lovey in the firelight, "I love you."

"Mmme..." Alarmed, Gakuto realized what the hell he almost said. It almost like...slipped out. Damn it! Yuushi was too damn good at getting to him.

Gakuto quickly corrected, "No. Uh...I..." He was the one stammering now, but then that strange feeling crept back over him. It was more than reassurance, it felt like comfort and safe and home. Gakuto didn't want that to end and he wanted Yuushi to feel that too, "I'm not afraid. I don't wanna stop. Make l... I mean...don't stop. Do it to me Yuushi. I don't care what parts you use or don't use or if it stings or worse or doesn't. I trust you. And...I wanna. If you wanna. You know, if you wanna do what you were gonna with me. I'm okay now, and I'll tell you if I want you to stop. I don't wanna stop. It's okay. If it's with you, it's okay." Maybe it was the firelight or maybe from earlier when he gave Yuushi a bloody nose, but Gakuto now noticed dark shadows under Yuushi's eyes. Maybe he was tired. Maybe he wanted to wait. "Unless you wanna wait. Or if you're tired. We can always sleep like this and then fool around before we go in the morning..."

Yuushi was smiling and looking at Gakuto in that way he did when he found something interesting about him. Usually it was something annoying and stupid that Gakuto didn't know he did. Like when he shook his leg when he was thinking or felt nervous. Yuushi always acted as if each dumb habit and little flaw Gakuto had was a minor miracle or something.

The tensai practically purred again in that accented voice of his, "I'm not tired, lover." Damn, he knew how to even sound sexy. It was that really hot Yuushi who said it too. The really good one. The one that made Gakuto feel just a little anxious and dangerous and thrilled.

And then it wasn't. It was just goofy Yuushi. His smile suddenly increased.

Gakuto laughed. He couldn't help himself, "Okay, what joke were you thinkin? Would I get it?"

Yuushi grinned as if pleased Gakuto asked. "Of course you would. I was just going to act like the team bus driver and say that the next stop was heaven. I resisted for you just in time, however."

The sub-reg's bus driver was so annoying. He was a big old goofy guy that didn't get at all how important the tennis club was. He treated them as if they were small children, but in a grandfatherly way that made you not able to completely hate him. The old man announced destinations as if he was conducting a train with multiple stops instead of taking all the regs and sub-regs together to one place with one common destination. The joke was when the team didn't win every match at any tournament and practice next day was going to be harder than normal, 'Next stop...hell!'

It was kinda funny, but Gakuto didn't wanna encourage Yuushi too much, "Thank the gods for that. You're gettin better, Yuushi." Oh. Gakuto didn't really mean it as cruel as it sounded or as bad as the tensai might take it. Gakuto smiled and said honestly, "Yuushi, you make me laugh a lot. You always do. Even when you're being silly or know I'm gonna tell you to shut up, you still make me laugh. Thanks."

Yuushi looked surprised and then slowly smiled. It was that shy little boy Gakuto first saw on that first day. In fact, Yuushi's hair was messy enough to really remind Gakuto of that kid. Looking goofy and shy Yuushi said, "No Gakuto, thank you." As if Gakuto was the one who had done something good.

Yuushi sometimes still could be so weird. He kissed Gakuto hesitatingly, as if worried Gakuto would for some reason tell him to stop and then Yuushi mumbled something about how he was going to start.

He started by massaging Gakuto's feet. Which Gakuto loved. No one ever did this for Gakuto before. Gakuto kinda had a foot thing where he didn't like to touch other people's feet. Feet were gross. Especially guy's feet. Nasty. Gakuto wouldn't ever touch another guy's feet. When he had dated a guy and slept next to him, Gakuto didn't even like it if the guy touched him with his feet then. Gakuto would shudder if the guy's feet touched his legs or his own feet and then put on his socks to sleep. He wouldn't ever even borrow socks. Feet were that disgusting.

Especially men's feet. Gakuto had no idea how any guy who had ever been inside a men's locker room could not agree with him. The only guy's feet Gakuto would ever allow to touch him was maybe Atobe, who had someone come and give him pedicures at least once a week. Stupid Atobe had perfect feet like you would see in a magazine ad for shoes or lotion or something. It would be okay if Atobe's feet touched him, and... well... Yuushi's were okay.

No really.

Yuushi had nice feet. Gakuto noticed this because he touched them when he washed them earlier. The tensai had nice, clean, perfectly groomed hands and feet. Yuushi's feet weren't gross at all. In fact, the tensai was one of the few guys who wore sandals going in and out of the showers even if people made fun of him. Gakuto could never remember Yuushi having athlete's foot or anything, even when everyone else seemed to get it last year. Even Atobe. Damn, to be totally honest, he couldn't even remember Yuushi's feet stinking. Not once. Not even on the hottest summer days when they all had to run in practice so much you could wring out your socks and get buckets of water after.

Usually Yuushi sat on the bus next to Gakuto. He did it now all the time but it started during last year's summer practice at Atobe's when they were driven from "the villa" to the courts where they practiced. Without a word before Gakuto could sit down on the first day back from the courts to the villa Yuushi pushed his way to the inside and quickly sat down. He did this when he knew Gakuto liked sitting next to the window. Gakuto was annoyed and then furious when Yuushi suddenly started changing his shoes in front of him! Gakuto almost got up and changed seats. He only stayed where he was because he was too damn exhausted after practice to move.

Out of reflex Gakuto almost gagged and hurled expecting to smell that horrible noxious foot odor Gakuto now associated with Kabaji's tennis shoes. But when Yuushi took off his shoe, Gakuto smelled nothing. Yuushi stopped and in a whisper Gakuto could barely hear apologized for changing his shoes in front of Gakuto. The tensai was blushing all red as if he felt bad about it for some reason when he didn't need to because it didn't smell bad or anything. Then he quietly said he was really very sorry for taking the inside seat, but he was afraid people might see.

Gakuto was suddenly curious. Whatever reasons Yuushi had, they had to be good. Gakuto saw then Yuushi split the bottom of his shoe and must have played half of practice with his shoe falling apart. The tensai never said anything so Gakuto guessed no one knew. Well, probably Atobe noticed, but no one else had. Gakuto was intrigued and then he figured it out.

It wasn't split--it was slashed. Like with a knife.

Continues in part 2

long chapter

XDDD

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Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Five ~Mukahi~

2006-01-30T09:14:55Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Five ~Mukahi~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Yuushi started by kissing him.

It was a nice kiss--so nice it stopped Gakuto from laughing and had him turned on in record time. It started off slow. Almost like Yuushi was hesitating.

Yuushi pressed his lips only to Gakuto's mouth and kept them there a moment. Kinda like people did in old movies sometimes, and then the velvety softness of Yuushi's lips parted to tease Gakuto with the hot, moist, satiny sweetness of his mouth. Gakuto could be kissed by Yuushi for hours like this. He could seriously get lost when Yuushi was exploring the inside of his mouth. The tensai with a few flirty flicks of his tongue kept everything including Gakuto in his control and made the kiss all swirly and good.

In seconds Yuushi had Gakuto sighing against him wanting more. With just a little kissing, Gakuto was his like Yuushi had him under some voodoo love spell. With just a little kissing, Yuushi had Gakuto weak from thinking up all kinds of erotic and exotic pleasures they had not yet tried, but Gakuto had this feeling they would.

Someday they would try it all.

Yuushi slid his arms around Gakuto's waist and pulled him closer to him. The tensai held him close, but not too tight. Soft and sweet, Yuushi kissed him. Short kisses, lovingly placed across Gakuto's lips, on his chin, along his jaw, until Gakuto again sighed and let his head fall back, allowing Yuushi to trail his soft mouth along Gakuto's sensitive neck. With a moan Gakuto sank his fingers into Yuushi's crazy frazzled hair. Gakuto let the low fluttering tingling feeling between his legs begin to build, swell, fill him with heat and anticipation.

Gakuto was lost to Yuushi's spell and the swirl of it all. His breath quivered in his throat and his body felt like it was melting kinda like strawberry ice cream someone left out in the sun. Yuushi touched all along Gakuto's naked skin. Soft, sweet, wet kisses licked and touched him all over. It felt perfect. Just perfect.

As he kissed him, the tensai hummed that he liked everything too in that weird-good Yuushi way.

The rumor was that Gakuto didn't like kissing or anything lovey like this, but that wasn't true. When guys, or even sometimes stupid girls, kissed all hard or angry or hurtful, that kinda kissing Gakuto didn't like. People probably thought he hated kissing because of too many idiots being stupid and selfish and hurting like that. So yet another rumor about Gakuto musta got started. Another wrong one--that he didn't like to kiss.

Secretly, Gakuto actually really liked kissing. Well, when it was good like this.

Or maybe it was that he only liked kissing "in theory" as Yuushi would say, because rarely did Gakuto get the chance to kiss and be kissed all good like this. Sometimes though girls kissed good like this. When someone kissed you like this, it felt like they really wanted you and were into you, but only when they weren't kissing you too hard.

Gakuto liked it like this. Nice. Soft. Caring. Sweet.

Not rough or forceful like most guys made the mistake of doing.

Soft and kinda insistent because they were turned on was okay, but crushing you with their mouth and prying your jaw open with their tongue was just damn wrong. Whenever someone was rough when kissing or fooling around, Gakuto got the hell away from them as soon as possible.

He had learned that kissing was a good test to see what kind of a person he was with. Gakuto saw each date as basically a test that someone had to pass in order to be with him. Few ever passed.

After he figured out they were a good person, funny, fun to be with, and not stuck up, he wasn't done with deciding if he liked them or not. Not until they kissed. Gakuto'd ended a lot of dates early because his date was too stupid and too grabby towards him when kissing. There were even more idiots who Gakuto never went out with again because they held him down or squeezed him too tight when they kissed him--sometimes the morons did this for even a first kiss.

Gakuto didn't like when someone was so aggressive you felt like you needed to look for something to knock them offa you just in case they got all insane with lust. He knew that the thrill of kissing someone new could quickly sour and turn to fear when they got all aggressive and dangerous. That kind of fear was not fun at all. Gakuto wouldn't explain to them why he didn't want to see them anymore, but he would not be into them at all from that point on. No matter what they did or said or promised him, he decided he didn't like them based on their own actions and would not change his mind.

It wasn't his fault. He figured the idiots who were too aggressive or hurt him when trying to cop a feel or kiss him should be the ones to figure out why he didn't like them or want to see them all of a sudden. He shouldn't have to spell it out to them that he liked kissing but he didn't like how they force-kissed him at all. If they were rough like that wanting just a kiss then he figured they had to be a thousand times worse in bed. No thanks. See you later. Next.

You might think the rumor that Gakuto hated kissing would make people stop trying to kiss him. You would think it would make the idiots think twice before being rough, but instead it strangely only made it worse.

Guys and girls became convinced that he just needed to be kissed the "right" way in order to like it--the right way meaning morons kinda lined up to take him out and at the end of the date each one would aggressively attack Gakuto's poor mouth and body. Some would press him up against a wall and hold his wrists tight so he couldn't fight back or resist. Many would breathe all harshly because they were turned on by doing this to him. Some would force his legs apart with their knee and grind their crotch on his painfully. They would smash their mouths against his in lust and try to pry his locked jaws open with their tongue now acting like a crowbar against his lips and teeth. It was not sexy. It was not fun.

When people were like that it was damn scary.

Gakuto would usually have to knee them in the groin to make them to stop and let him go--both girls and guys. Then while they gasped and coughed for air, he would run away. He wouldn't ever date them again, but he was amazed that they all still wanted to date him more after that. They didn't see anything wrong with what happened. Oh, a few said sorry they were just really turned on and it wouldn't happen again, but you couldn't believe someone who said that. Not after how they acted.

Really, Gakuto didn't know who was more stupid. Everyone else for not getting it or him for continually trying and dating new people. They would confess their feelings to him, and he would talk himself into giving it a shot. One date. He would say to himself, what could one date hurt? He would talk himself into going saying you had to try or you would always wonder. Gakuto lamely believed each time that each new person would be different and better than the last.

And he would curse both them and himself as he ran away with his lips bruised and his hopes and pride crushed after each time.

He would run away and find a quiet, safe space as soon as he could. Usually he could find a bathroom at a party where he would lock the door and wait for his hands to stop shaking and trying to not throw up. As soon as he looked normal, he would hurry home to the relative safety of his school dorm room. Trembling and feeling like he was going to be sick any second, he would rub his sore, bruised wrists, curse out under his breath the latest bastard he had a crush on, brush his teeth a thousand times, wonder why the hell he even bothered to try, and bathe immediately.

He would try to wash it all away. The ugliness, the anger, that horrible feeling of being weak, helpless, afraid, all of it he would try to pour down the drain along with any stupid hot, angry tears he shed. He wouldn't feel clean until his skin was rubbed raw and his crying had rendered his voice hoarse. Worse still was he knew that when he did finally fall asleep, the nightmares would come and hold him in their terrible grip all night. Sometimes for several nights after.

All this for a little passion? A little pleasure for them? He didn't know why people did this. He didn't know why he kept trying. It didn't seem worth it to Gakuto. It didn't make any sense.

Over and over people told him how hot he was, how much they wanted him, how much they liked him, sometimes even how much they loved him, but when they pressed him up against a door or a wall and hurt him, what they did was about them--not him. Their feelings--not his. He couldn't see treating anyone you liked let alone supposedly loved that way.

It made Gakuto feel dirty and lied to and used. Each time his hopes with a new person were smashed, he found it a little harder to get them back again. Each time he was hurt and fooled it took him a little longer to believe in stupid things like love and romance again. Until finally, he didn't think he had it in him to believe in any of that lovey crap anymore. It wasn't real and if it was, it was not for him.

Something about him, Gakuto knew, screamed vulnerable target. He attracted sickos and bastards who liked that about him. While it didn't seem fair and he took as many precautions as he could, things like that still happened. Gakuto tried to avoid situations where he might be in a position to get grabbed, kissed, forced, fondled or worse, but it wasn't easy.

As a sub-reg he was invited to many of the parties and expected to attend. He had learned to always be kinda dating someone so he didn't end up locked in a closet with someone for ten minutes of a stupid kissing game. He had learned the hard way that if he did, for him it was ten minutes of hell. Ten minutes where he was vulnerable prey and an easy target because in a small room in the dark a girl who "liked" him was just as bad as a guy. Sometimes worse.

Girls scratched and slapped. Girls groped and didn't have a clue what felt good to you and what hurt like hell. Girls lied and told all their friends lies. And worst of all was if a girl had you pinned down, no one believed it wasn't you who wanted it. Even if you didn't like the bitch at all, just because you were a guy you were supposed to want her and let her do whatever she wanted to you. If you didn't people asked what was wrong with you.

He had painfully learned to not really drink at a party because it never paid to let your guard down. He had learned to lie and say no he didn't like to kiss when people asked about the rumor. He had learned that when he had to fight someone off of him to do so with kicking, biting, and even screams if the person still didn't stop. He had learned that most of the time even good friends like Taki could get drunk and their personality could change from friendly drunk to aggressive bastard in the span of a heartbeat.

There are worse things than feeling lonely. Feeling regret for allowing yourself to get hurt was bad. Feeling vulnerable and not safe are far worse than feeling all alone. Peace of mind and sleeping without having nightmares was worth having no one to really confide in. How many times do you have to get your hopes up and have them knocked harshly down before you finally figure out that things like romance and true love were lies? Myths. Fairy tales. They didn't exist in the real world, did they?

Gakuto learned to rely on himself and to not trust anyone. Not with his body and not with his heart.

But Yuushi, kiss by kiss, was changing all that. Gakuto felt it. He deeply felt it.

This changed everything.

Something about this--hell, everything about him being with Yuushi was different. It felt different than any other time with any other person before. It felt more real, more intense, and more important than anything Gakuto had ever experienced. And he could kinda tell it felt the same for Yuushi.

And for all those feelings swirling around, the tensai was more gentle and more loving than anyone else had ever been with Gakuto. You woulda thought the more someone felt for you that the more it would make them be rougher, but surprisingly, Yuushi was showing him it actually worked the other way around. The more you felt and cared, the nicer you were. The more caring and patient. The more loving. Gakuto was awed by all this lovey stuff and how Yuushi knew what to do. He just seemed to know.

The tensai walked them back towards the bed still kissing Gakuto. Gakuto was walking backwards but Yuushi kept squinting as if Yuushi wasn't sure exactly where the bed was. He probably still couldn't see.

Gakuto laughed and kissed Yuushi more. He loved that there was something Yuushi couldn't do as well as he could. Yuushi fumbling around in the dark made everything feel kinda more romantic and lovey, but in a good way. The tensai didn't seem smooth and practiced or like he had done this with a million other people--even if Yuushi had.

It seemed like to Yuushi that all of this stuff he was doing to and with Gakuto was really important. Like Gakuto really mattered. He mattered so much, Yuushi was tryin to make everything all smooth, but everything being perfect also mattered so much to the tensai that he reverted back into his normal goofy self. Which for maybe the first time, Gakuto thought was kinda cute.

At his laugh, Yuushi caressed his hand up in Gakuto's hair and drew him into another kiss. Not all grabby and pulling and smacking their lips together, but kinda sweet and soft. As if Yuushi liked how Gakuto's hair felt when it ran through the tensai's fingers, and like he liked how the inside of Gakuto's mouth felt to him. Yuushi kissed him deeper and deeper and hummed a moan.

When Gakuto pulled back slightly from the kiss, Yuushi didn't force himself forward so the kiss kept going because Yuushi wanted it to. Nope, the too-smart tensai knew how to do all this right. He gave Gakuto space to come back to the kiss. To reach for him.

When they finally kissed their way over to the bed, Yuushi helped Gakuto on and then settled them down together nice and close. Yuushi was thoughtful like that. He worried that Gakuto's leg or inside arm would be crushed or go to sleep if it had the tensai's weight on it so Yuushi moved them around. He held Gakuto warmly in an embrace and kissed his lips gentle and lovey.

Yuushi's arms felt strong and held him secure. Safe.

Gakuto thought how strange it was because sex, fooling around, and even kissing had always felt dangerous before. He usually never knew when he was kissing someone when they might get rough or forceful, but he knew to expect it at any moment. He was used to waiting for it to happen.

But Gakuto knew, completely knew, it wouldn't happen with Yuushi. Not even when he made the tensai feel good. Not even when Yuushi was really into it. Not even if Gakuto said stop or even teased Yuushi. The tensai wasn't gonna force him. Not now. Maybe not even ever. Yuushi seemed to really adore him.

And Gakuto knew Yuushi. Really knew him. It wasn't like Yuushi was gonna have some other side to him that Gakuto didn't know about. It was strange but everything to Gakuto felt kinda more sexy because for the first time ever he felt safe. And all of this felt clean, and new, and really good.

They kept kissing and were getting really into it. Exploring each other's mouth with their tongues. Yuushi smiled when they came up for air as if he couldn't believe any of this was happening. Gakuto knew that Yuushi was smiling because he could feel Yuushi's lips were curvy on his mouth when they started kissing again. Gakuto knew without needing to see in the dim light exactly what kinda silly smile Yuushi would have plastered across his face. It would be that big goofy lovey amazed one that Gakuto had only seen when Yuushi looked at him.

In fact, Gakuto would be furious if he ever saw Yuushi looking at anyone, and he meant anyone else like that ever--but every time Gakuto thought any jealous or angry things like that their lips suddenly, naturally met in a kiss again.

Each time their lips and tongues came back to sweetly tangle, the tensai hummed that happy-horny Yuushi good sound. Gakuto's anger faded but every time, he felt a little hungrier and reached for Yuushi a little more. All that was left where the anger had been was this nice feeling of warmth and safety and...something else good that Gakuto couldn't quite name while Yuushi was kissing him.

When someone kissed you nice like this, it didn't make you wanna get away, instead it made you want more. It made Gakuto now reach for the person kissing him so the connection wasn't broken when Yuushi pulled back even a little. Gakuto felt strangely hungry for him and for the first time, maybe ever, Gakuto had to remind himself to slow down and not force Yuushi. To not scare the tensai off or away. To not be rough like he didn't like other people to be with him. And he wouldn't scare Yuushi if he just kept kissing him gentle and nice like this. He wanted to make it just as good for Yuushi. To make Yuushi really like it. Really like him.

Slowly, Yuushi slid his hands along Gakuto's bare skin as their kissing naturally deepened. Gakuto was tempted to hurry things along to get to the good parts, but he decided that it could wait. He wanted Yuushi humming more and feeling fine. He didn't want Yuushi to feel anything but good. He liked when Yuushi took charge like this. Gakuto didn't know why he kept trying to hurry things up when he felt good.

Yuushi was not rough or forceful or in a hurry. He was smart. He knew how to be gentle and take his time.

Yeah, Gakuto liked kissing like this, and being touched soft and sweet like Yuushi was doing. Someone smart like this was kinda really sexy and hot. Yuushi knew how to do this really good. He did it like he cared about it being nice for Gakuto and not just for himself. He did it like he thought Gakuto was worth more than five minutes of fun. Actually, Yuushi did it so nice that it seemed like he never wanted to stop touching touching Gakuto's skin or just kissing his mouth. Like that would be enough for the lovestruck tensai to just kiss and hold Gakuto like this forever.

Oh yeah, this was really nice...

So nice that a person could really get into trouble if he wasn't careful with someone real smart like Yuushi...

Gakuto thought that and dismissed it as nonsense. Ridiculous. He had to hold back a laugh at his own stupid thoughts. This was just Yuushi. Come on! What kind of trouble could Yuushi get him into? The tensai was smart, sweet, kind, considerate, hot, sexy, and kissing Gakuto nearly senseless. If Gakuto had a brain in his head, he realized now was not the time to use it. He should turn his mind off and let Yuushi just keep making him feel good. Keep making both of them feel good.

That resolved, Gakuto tried to focus on just the kissing...

But really, if Gakuto had to think about it, he would have to say that Yuushi was kissing him better than even any girl ever had. Even the tensai's hands felt so damn good moving over his naked skin. It was kinda like Yuushi knew exactly where to touch Gakuto and how was best. Yuushi wasn't too hard or grabby or fast, but also knew to not be too soft so it tickled or so you couldn't feel it. Yuushi seemed to know just what felt best specifically to Gakuto. How to touch and where. Probably because the silly genius had spent so much time watching him. Yuushi was always watching him.

There wasn't a time he could remember before today that Gakuto didn't know Yuushi was somewhere close by watching him. Yuushi had always been right there. Sometimes when he was there he even surprised Gakuto. Like when Gakuto was learning how to swim. At first he couldn't believe the big dork followed him! At first he was angry. Furious. Gakuto thought Yuushi woulda taken pictures or something to show everyone how Gakuto didn't know how to swim and stuff but Yuushi didn't. The tensai thought he was cleverly hidden but stuck out plain as day and just stood there watching.

After a while, he kinda forgot Yuushi was watching him and Gakuto went on with his practice. When Gakuto left, exhausted, aching, and stinging from a thousand belly flops and mistakes, Yuushi just followed him home. The tensai never said a word about it, but in a way, it was kinda nice.

At one time Gakuto used to know how to swim. He had learned when he was little--before he was attacked, but he didn't remember learning. Atobe made fun of Shishido who said he didn't know how to swim, but everyone knew Shishido took all these lifeguard and CPR classes at night in secret. Atobe teased Shishido saying only the very poor couldn't swim because the wealthy all had pools. Atobe even planned a pool party. Gakuto honestly didn't know if he could swim and was a little afraid to try. Atobe made it clear though that he expected that not only could Gakuto swim, but that he be skilled at diving and acrobatic stunts as well. Atobe said he expected that Gakuto be entertaining.

What else could Gakuto do but jump in and try? Otherwise his entertaining would be stupid Shishido giving him CPR after he drowned like an idiot. So he tried. Over and over again. It hurt like hell when he landed wrong. It hurt even worse than when he hit the ground wrong or even slightly off because this smack stung and was body-wide. He was scared he might hit his head and not be able to doggy paddle back to the ladder or the side. He was scared they would find him drowned, but then he saw Yuushi there watching him.

Gakuto was embarrassed that any one saw him. Really angry. He almost called out to Yuushi and made him go away, but after his latest smash into the unforgiving surface of the water, all Yuushi did was look pained. Like it hurt the tensai to see him hit that hard. Gakuto figured if he started to drown or didn't come up after a mistake then Yuushi would help him or get him some help.

And hell, it was their school pool. If Yuushi wanted to waste his time stupidly watching Gakuto practice and slam into the water making a fool out of himself, then the tensai was welcome. All Yuushi did was watch and then follow him home. Every night. They never said a word about it to each other.

It was a long time ago and Gakuto always wondered why. He should ask the tensai about that sometime. It wasn't like Yuushi would forget something. It would be funny to make Yuushi blush when he found out that Gakuto discovered him watching the first night at the pool and knew he was there the whole time.

It occurred to him that Yuushi using his great big brain must have wasted countless brain cells photographing everything about Gakuto into his gigantic memory. The brainiac musta done this so much that he now knew exactly what to do--even when just holding Gakuto and kissing him.

And yet, it wasn't like Yuushi was a robot. It wasn't mechanical or done to get Gakuto to agree. Some guys did that. They did what they thought you liked for a few minutes and then the rest of the time was rough and hard how they liked it. They would half-heartedly suck at the tip of Gakuto's partial erection, insist they weren't gay, and then demand that Gakuto suck them off or let them have sex with him. As if!

Yuushi wasn't like that. At all. But at the same time, it wasn't like Yuushi seemed to have any specific plan either. Some guys did that. They had a boring pattern every time you messed around with them. Like something they saw in a lame porno movie and now that was what they did every single damn time. Kiss mouth hard, bite neck, pinch nipple, then sex. Who cared if your partner liked it? At least that was Sato's pattern. Not only painful, but painfully boring.

Not the tensai. Yuushi was exploring Gakuto's skin with his hands as if it was his first time feeling it. It seemed almost like Yuushi didn't know what to do when Gakuto knew Yuushi really did. But still, it was kinda like he was feeling Gakuto's skin for the first time and wanted to memorize every centimeter of it. And all the while, the genius kept checking for Gakuto's reactions and looking for Gakuto to respond before he would proceed. If Gakuto sighed, smiled, or even breathed any different, Yuushi took note of everything.

Gakuto knew that about Yuushi. He always was watching Gakuto and noticed everything. Hell, out of habit Yuushi watched everything around him and analyzed it all at an astounding rate. The tensai probably studied each person he dated and fooled around with in turn, probably just like he was doing with Gakuto. He probably came up with a seduction plan custom built for each individual. No wonder so many people got all hung up on Yuushi, but so far the tensai's only plan seemed to be to make Gakuto feel good.

To take him to heaven. Gakuto almost snorted a laugh at the phrase. It just sounded so ridiculously silly, but it was sweet too in a dopey, lovey romantic way that was all Yuushi.

Suddenly, Gakuto remembered something. One of Yuushi's lovestruck, stupid fangirls once asked the tensai what Yuushi's most romantic fantasy evening would be. Yuushi had a lotta stupid fan girls, each one more stupid and annoying than the last. They bothered Gakuto constantly for Yuushi quotes and trivia. If Yuushi randomly bought a new shampoo his fangirls noticed and ran to Gakuto to find out why he bought it, where he bought it, and if it meant anything.

Gakuto often wondered how such a smart guy could attract so many stupid people but it happened constantly. Yuushi was good for business because so many stupid people always wanted to know everything about him.

And for all of that, did any of them know Yuushi half as well as Gakuto did? Hell no!

When the idiot fangirl asked Yuushi that, his most romantic fantasy night, Gakuto had been standing close by. He had laughed loud and long because the tensai's answer had sounded so stupid. It sounded like a huge cheesy, corny line Yuushi made up and only said to make his stupid fangirls all sigh and scream in that annoying moronic girlie way they all did. Not even Atobe's legions of fangirls were as annoying or as stupid as Yuushi's.

Yuushi told the dumb girl without any hesitation that his most romantic fantasy evening would be him and his true love in front of a hot fire on a cold night taking each other to heaven. And yeah, all the stupid fangirls had sighed. And then they screamed. Loudly.

It had been really damn annoying and yeah, Gakuto had laughed.

Okay, so it suddenly didn't sound so stupid.

Actually now, it sounded kinda...nice.

As he remembered their squeals and how Yuushi was usually the third or fourth person he got asked the most for information about, Gakuto felt completely jealous. So Gakuto put his arms around Yuushi's neck the way the tensai seemed to like as they kissed. Gakuto was remembering something else and now felt guilty along with feeling jealous.

He clearly recalled how hurt Yuushi looked when he saw Gakuto not only heard what he said but when Yuushi realized Gakuto was laughing at him. The stupid fangirls around Yuushi were all jumping and squealing in joy like little pink piglets. They were so caught up in their rapturous adoration of the tensai that not one of them even noticed Yuushi saw Gakuto laughing. Or that the tensai looked not just hurt, but upset for a split second before that terrible mask of a smile really hiding pain slammed down over his face.

No one else saw. No one else knew.

Gakuto was the only one who saw that the tensai was blushing embarrassed as he smiled in that sick way. Yuushi was hurt. And mortified because Gakuto heard and laughed.

Now Gakuto fully understood why Yuushi was upset, but back then he thought it was just because he caught Yuushi sucking up to his stupid fangirls.

Back then, Yuushi made things worse by saying some dumb word pun on the word fireplace being the place for passion's fire. The stupid girls all giggled as if they understood the joke and Gakuto rolled his eyes and laughed harder at him. Yuushi sickly fake smiled at him and then seemed to find something extremely interesting on the floor to look at while he adjusted his fake glasses.

It was a long time ago. Gakuto noticed and remembered everything about the moment, or at least he thought he had, but somehow he completely missed the part when he noticed that Yuushi liked him. Maybe Yuushi even loved him. Even back then.

Now Gakuto just felt bad. And he felt a lot of other things about Yuushi too.

Gakuto wasn't quite sure about love yet. It was new to him, and he didn't know if it was possible in the real world with real people other than his parents to truly love someone you weren't related to. Just one person and that you were supposed to be with them and they were supposed to be with you only forever really didn't sound realistic.

It didn't help matters that if Gakuto tried to talk about love and stuff with anyone on the planet other than his mother, they would die laughing and ask Gakuto if he had paid his brain bill this month. Or they would ask if he had recently been abducted by aliens and wonder aloud where the aliens had they taken the real Mukahi Gakuto, but Yuushi was starting to make him think about a lot of things. The tensai was like that. Always making you think about stuff you didn't know you needed to think about.

Gakuto sighed and tried to focus on kissing Yuushi back.

Yuushi wouldn't laugh if Gakuto talked to him about this stuff though. Yuushi never laughed at him. Not once that he could remember. In fact, the tensai always was there for him. Even when Yuushi said he liked Atobe, that was Yuushi being stupid and trying to protect Gakuto. Yuushi was smart and brave. He was. He was even if he didn't think he was for not telling Gakuto everything at once, Yuushi was brave when it came to love and even sex.

Gakuto knew he really wasn't brave. When something scared him, he jumped in and if he couldn't jump in, he tended to run away from it. Usually when something felt strong or intense or when Gakuto felt like he liked someone a lot, he waited for them to be too aggressive with him or to let him down.

The few times that didn't work, he picked them apart until he didn't really like them anymore. But he hadn't been able to jump into sex with Yuushi and somehow, Gakuto still really felt like sticking around. And he had picked Yuushi apart in every way possible. He intimately knew all Oshitari's flaws and all the lame and stupid things that the tensai did, and somehow, Gakuto still really liked him. Maybe even more than just like, but Gakuto wasn't ready for that yet and he had a worry that maybe Yuushi wasn't ready either.

It was common knowledge that Shishido, number two on Gakuto's most sought after for information list, was leery of love. Shishido's fangirls knew to not say that they loved Shishido to Shishido or he would snarl at them and ask them questions. Good questions. Like why they thought they loved him and how they thought they even really knew him at all. Questions the stupid fangirls didn't have the answers to because their love wasn't the real kind like Gakuto's parents had. Gakuto actually kinda respected Shishido for that, although he would be damned if he would ever tell the long haired bastard he felt that way.

Shishido hated Gakuto. Really, deeply hated him and Gakuto probably deserved it after what happened, so there was a lot he could never say to Shishido. So many people had fallen for Shishido without knowing what an angry jerk the guy really was, or why. They had no idea what Shishido was about at all.

Sometimes Gakuto had wondered how the hell could Shishido really get to know someone. Most of the time he had to know that the person who supposedly liked him so much really just liked his looks. They just thought Shishido was hot. It might be real attraction but it wasn't real feelings. Gakuto figured it must be kinda like that for Atobe all the time too. Maybe even worse because people were not only after Atobe for his looks, they wanted his money and his power too.

For better or worse Gakuto didn't have any of that stuff. Not looks. Not money. Not power. At least not like Atobe had. For the first time maybe ever, Gakuto felt kinda insecure as he thought about it. He looked at the long list of all the things Gakuto was not. He was cute but he was not handsome. His family had some money but he was not rich. He was okay in the brains department, but he was not a genius. Gakuto knew things, but he was not cultured like Atobe or even stupid Shishido was. He was good at tennis, but he wasn't the best. He was still working on developing his own style. It was something Atobe frequently told him he "needed to cultivate" in a tone that implied Atobe had the answer but was waiting all annoyed for stupid Gakuto to somehow figure out what he meant.

Yuushi said that picking a girl to fall in love with would have been too easy, and for the first time really, Gakuto sorta understood why. Whoever Oshitari liked woulda fallen for him within a date or two. Yuushi was rich, handsome, sweet in a dopey way, hot as hell in a sexy way, and nicest of all, he was somehow completely unaware that he had all this going for him. On top of that, Yuushi was hungry. He wanted attention. He wanted to feel special. He wanted...damn, Gakuto just realized with Yuushi's sucky parents and with that bad stuff that happened to him with his tutor, Yuushi more than anything probably wanted someone to love him.

And why not? Hell, Yuushi deserved it. Maybe more than a lot of people walking around did.

But Yuushi had to worry about who to fall for. He coulda had his pick of fangirls, but he would never be able to be himself around them. You couldn't tell a past like Yuushi's to almost everyone at Hyoutei. Maybe that was another part of the appeal of him picking Atobe because even if it had been for Gakuto's sake, at least Atobe knew about Yuushi's past. Knew...but pampered Atobe wouldn't be able to relate to it at all. Atobe was too hung up over Shishido to really love Yuushi or anyone else, and even if he could miraculously get over Shishido, Atobe loved himself first. And even if he had money, looks, and power, Atobe couldn't make Yuushi laugh like Gakuto could. Atobe couldn't understand him like Gakuto could.

So that left the rest of the school. The brains couldn't relate to the tensai. Even if they could connect with Yuushi on an intellectual level, Yuushi liked being a tennis club sub-regular guy even if no one got him or his jokes. He loved being popular even if he didn't admit it. He was extremely competitive. Yuushi wanted to be one of the top guys in their school and now that he was, he worked hard to stay there. That left only the top little sisters and the top tennis club guys. And every one of them would fall for Yuushi within about a date of the tensai pursuing them. Yuushi loved the chase. He loved the romance of it. Everyone at school would have fallen for Yuushi too soon.

Everyone that is, except for Gakuto. Who could understand what Yuushi went through better than anyone on the planet. Who did get the tensai--even most of his dumb jokes. Who was popular. Who wouldn't fall too fast. If Gakuto could fall in love at all, who else would be better for Yuushi than him?

The fact was love made Gakuto nervous. He hated having to depend on someone for protection, so to need somebody for more than that really bothered him. The couple of times Gakuto thought he was falling in love had been disasters. Gakuto was more than nervous. Love scared him. Needing someone other than his family scared him. And guys and dating guys really secretly made Gakuto feel afraid.

With all the hurt he had been through, he knew being with a guy secretly made him afraid. Gakuto knew himself well. He didn't think anyone could really blame him for feeling that way. But it wasn't that being with just a guy scared him because society wouldn't accept two guys together. Not really. The thing Gakuto never told anyone was that whenever a guy was really passionate and turned on with him, even just kissing, it scared him.

A lot.

Yeah, it was kinda a turn on being scared, and Gakuto had learned what to do when he felt afraid. He learned to just get through the moment and then dump the guy if he felt scared. He would just kind of tune the moment out to get through it and then get away. Or if he felt it was too much too soon or if the guy was kinda rough, Gakuto would smile through it or fight and then run the hell away from the guy for good. Gakuto would usually swear guys off to himself, but the thing was, deep down, Gakuto liked guys. He was very attracted to guys and very repelled by his attraction to them. Both at the same time.

But it was pretty easy for Gakuto to have a thing for guys because there really weren't a lot of guys around who were his type. He had a very specific type. Gakuto didn't like snobby guys like Atobe. He didn't like angry guys like Shishido. He didn't like needy guys like Taki. He didn't like hurtful bastards like Sato. Mostly, he did not like the uke-y wimpy girlie effeminate kind of guys. Gakuto liked big strong guys. Ones that you would never know were into other guys. Ones that were strong and passionate and healthy and cut in all the right places. There was something so sexy...almost dirty about being with a totally hot guy. Something taboo and forbidden. A secret thrill. A dangerous desire.

A man with a woman was hard on soft. It was nice. It was safe. Everything had it's place. It was ordinary. It was kinda boring. A man with a man was hard on hard and so much hotter because there was nothing nice or safe about it.

And no how matter how cute a girl was, most girls who liked Gakuto were either wimpy uke-y girls who were a total turn off, or really dominant bitchy girls. Girls like that were kinda like his mom. They were almost men in skirts. Gakuto loved his mom deeply, but he didn't wanna date anyone who was anything like her. Gakuto knew his dad was a wimp, and while he loved his dad, Gakuto didn't want to be at all like him. Gakuto couldn't stand domineering women or wimpy guys.

On top of the thrill of the forbidden when you were with a guy, there was also a kinda closeness that was only shared between guys. A bond and that felt kinda more intimate than anything. Men just got other men. From sports to the way you talked to them to sex, it just felt natural. Gakuto often heard Taki joke that guys were better at doing sex stuff to other guys because they had access to the equipment 24/7. They knew what they liked and knew what felt good and you never had to talk about it. It was funny but true at the same time. In a lotta ways, girls just didn't understand guys. Most didn't get how guys really were or what makes a guy tick.

But he didn't want to date a guy who always told him what to do. Gakuto hated that. He wanted more of a guy like...Yuushi. Someone nice, and smart, and strong, but who let him be himself. Someone strong enough to not worry if Gakuto stole the spotlight in a group of friends. Someone really strong just like Yuushi.

Gakuto secretly wanted a guy who was big and strong, but sweet and gentle with him. He wanted to feel safe and...what was the word he heard Oshitari use that one time? Oh yeah, cherished. That sounded kinda nice. And he wanted to feel adored. Gakuto loved being spoiled. He secretly envied a girl when she had this really hot guy all into her who was giving her lots of presents. It just didn't seem fair that Gakuto couldn't enjoy all that just because he was a guy. It wasn't fair at all.

Even if Gakuto secretly wanted a guy like that, he never thought he would have it. He wanted a guy to give him things and be all into him just because they really liked him, but men weren't like that with other men--were they? He had never met one like that, but then again, who in the world was anything like Yuushi?

Gakuto wanted someone to be with him kinda just like his dad was with his mom, but without the wimpy-ness. Even real masculine girls, the ones who were really aggressive in chasing Gakuto weren't good with gifts. Gakuto always wondered why he got stuck with girls who acted like men except when it came to giving presents and men who were so wimpy and feminine that they were worse. If Gakuto was gonna be with someone seriously, then he'd rather date a strong guy who was sexy and nice to him even if he never got presents.

Actually, thinking back over it, Yuushi gave him stuff all the time, but it was only now that Gakuto got that everything Yuushi gave him was probably all because the tensai liked him. Yuushi gave him things from the silly to the very cool. From some new pens to a bootleg copy of a movie he hadn't been able to see in the theater, Yuushi constantly gave him things. Yuushi liked him and he was strong and just with Gakuto, could be gentle and sweet like this.

The problem with men usually though, especially for Gakuto who liked big guys and got scared off easy, was that they were men. Most of the time by nature men were rough and aggressive and only out for themselves. They cheated if they thought they could get away with it. They lied if you let them. They were competitive and greedy and even kinda like sexual predators seeking only their own pleasure.

Gakuto learned guys usually only went out of their way to be nice to him when they wanted something from him. Okay, sure some girls were like that, but the difference was when a girl went out of her way, when she gave you time and called you and gave you gifts, the girl wanted to be your girlfriend or something lame like that. She wanted to date you.

But when a guy went out of his way to get close to you, it was usually just for sex. At least it always had been before. From Gakuto's first, the bastard junior guy who broke his heart and shattered his confidence, to Sato, to even stupid Taki who had been his best friend for a while--all of them ultimately wanted sex. Hell any guy Gakuto started to get to know between then and now, even guys who were just friends with him, sooner or later they all were consistent in what they wanted from Gakuto. They wanted sex. Some were just horny. Some were just curious. Some were just crazy, but they all wanted the same damn thing from Gakuto. Sex.

Every guy that is except Yuushi.

It occurred to Gakuto that the poor, stupid, romantic, and kinda weirdly adorable tensai might really just want his heart. Yuushi liked fooling around, sure. He was willing to try stuff, but Gakuto wondered if it was mostly for him that Yuushi was doing all this. If he told Yuushi he would be his boyfriend but wanted to wait until they were old--like twenty before they had sex, Gakuto realized with a shock that Yuushi would happily probably agree. Not that Gakuto wanted to wait, but he was sure Yuushi would do whatever he wanted. Which was really nice.

And really frightening. To have that much power over someone. To be needed that much, and maybe...just maybe to need someone else right back.

Because if Yuushi said he was the one who wanted to wait, Gakuto might push and tease a lot, but with another shock, Gakuto realized he would probably agree. He liked Yuushi that much. Which was scary, all this love crap. Love was even scarier than when you thought a guy was being too rough with you and he wouldn't stop. You couldn't fight your way out of love and there was real danger of getting hurt real bad.

Physical hurt really was horrible. Gakuto knew that better than anyone, but having your heart broken was in a way worse. No one saw how hurt and bruised you were when your heart was broken. Thinking you could believe in someone and trust them and rely on them and finding out you couldn't was terrible. Believing they meant it when they told you they liked or loved you...and then finding out they really didn't or they were just using you for sex or fun was horrible.

In Gakuto's experience, liking someone had always really sucked, so love must be even worse.

Mostly it was scary because Gakuto had always gotten it so very wrong. He meant what he said when he told Yuushi he had terrible taste in guys. Leave it to Gakuto in a school full of guys who mostly seemed to be gay or bi or curious to choose all the sneaky lying bastards--especially when someone like Yuushi had been around the whole time and liked him.

That was kinda the problem though too. Gakuto was worried because they were both guys. It wasn't such a big deal for Gakuto, although his mom would kill him for falling for a guy. At least for a little while she would worry, but she would get over it if Gakuto was happy. The bigger problem was that maybe if Yuushi was with him, then he wouldn't get his inheritance. Gakuto knew several guys who had to be married by the time they were thirty to inherit. That meant they had to be married to women. Some of those guys he knew had boyfriends and Gakuto didn't know if it was the Hyoutei school stupid curse or bleak reality, but he knew all of those couples would break up and the guys would marry some stupid girl down the road for their money.

Some guys were experimenting, sure, they were young and it was fun, but not as many could be experimenting as there seemed to be. Gakuto didn't know what Yuushi's setup was, but it wouldn't be unheard of for him to need to get married. Certainly if Yuushi was with Gakuto the tensai couldn't have kids. Maybe the reason for Yuushi wanting to fix Gakuto's body so gallantly was so that they both could have kids then with some girls or something. Maybe Yuushi secretly wanted them.

Because there was no doubt that Yuushi had a sucky family. Gakuto really didn't want to meet them because he was sure they would hate him and he would hate them. Maybe Yuushi would hate him after his family met him too. Gakuto didn't do very well with parents. They either treated Gakuto like he was a little kid because of his height, or he goofed up when he got nervous and swore or was rude or something when he didn't mean to be. Gakuto's family was very relaxed about things like table manners and stuff, but with other people's parents, Gakuto was not at all good with them.

In a way, Yuushi kinda needed to have a kid so he could be a better parent to it than his own parents were to him. That's what Gakuto's aunt did. His mom and her sister had kinda a rough childhood and his aunt wasn't over it until she had kids. Gakuto's mom said after she had kids of her own, his aunt was a better person and got over all her problems. His mom said all the time that the only thing that made her sister feel better was having kids of her own. When they were growing up his mom and her sister weren't close but now they talked every day. Gakuto's mom always said that the good thing about when you got married and had kids was you got to make your family be the one you always wanted.

It would be a shame for someone so smart and talented like Yuushi to not pass that on someday, but at the same time Gakuto didn't want kids. He was pretty sure he really didn't and it was just convenient that he couldn't have any. It sort of took the choice away for him even if it was kinda sad.

And if Yuushi went off and had a kid with some woman, well Gakuto knew if he really loved someone he couldn't handle them cheating. It would tear him up inside. Just thinking about Yuushi being with someone else years later and having a kid was making Gakuto feel upset. Hell, thinkin of Yuushi kissing Kiyoshi again, or even crazy Jiroh, or his highness Atobe, even if they were all messing around together made Gakuto furious.

He wanted Yuushi all to himself, but he didn't believe that men were really faithful, well men other than his dad. They were both young and Yuushi would probably wanna experiment and do stuff with other people, wouldn't he?

The more he thought of the problems of two men really seriously dating, the more Gakuto realized the smart thing to do, the kindest thing, would be to let Yuushi go right now--before this got any farther. Then Gakuto wouldn't have to worry about love being dangerous or Yuushi letting him down or cheating on him or hurting him in some way. Gakuto should stop this and they should go their separate ways. They shouldn't even be friends because Gakuto didn't think he could be around Yuushi even as just a friend after this. Yuushi could go off and meet some girl and get married and have kids and get his money and be happy and stuff...

More soon. XD

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Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Four ~Oshitari~

2006-01-02T21:34:22Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Chapter Ninety Four ~Oshitari~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Terrified that Gakuto wouldn't like him any more after knowing this, Yuushi slowly brought his face up. The tensai was crying silently as he waited for Gakuto to dismiss him once and for all. This had been so nice. This had been the sweetest time Yuushi had ever known, but he had ruined it just like he ruined everything he touched. He shouldn't have told Gakuto. He should have thought before he spoke. He should have done everything a million different ways, but now it was going to be over. "I'm sorry..." Yuushi whispered.

Gakuto looked deadly serious, "No, but you're gonna be sorry if I ever, and I mean ever, catch you pulling any of that shit with me. Do you understand? I'm calling you stupid because you're being completely stupid! Look, I know we both had bad shit happen to us. Shit that we didn't deserve. I know that better than anyone, and I can tell your parents suck compared to mine and all but that's no excuse! Life is a gift, Yuushi. A gift. Nothing happens when you die. I died twice. Did you know that? Did you read that in all those things on me you found out? Well it's true! I died. Twice. Once on the way to the hospital and once when I was there and I didn't see any kind of stupid white light or any other shit. I saw nothing. Nothing! When you're dead, that's it. There is nothing else. It's over. Everything's over. And alla this..."

Gakuto made a gesture between them and then took Yuushi's face again in his small hands, but gently this time, "Gone. Everything we've been through and shared alla it never woulda happened because you woulda been dead. Sato eventually woulda killed me because you wouldn'ta been there. We woulda never kissed or been best friends or nothing and you woulda missed out on all of it because stupid you was dead. I was really upset when I found out Naka-san died, but if you had done it too, think of how bad that woulda been for me! Look, if you're upset or doing conditions like that or thinking about things like this ever, you gotta promise me right now that you'll tell me. I mean it! Even if you're embarrassed or think I'm gonna get mad, you gotta promise to tell me. You have friends who care if you live or die, Yuushi. You have an entire tennis club who cares if you live or die. You have a big brother who cares if you live or die. Eventually, you'll have a little brother who cares if you live or die. And you have me who cares a lot if you live or die. You promised me you'd always take care of me and protect me. Always and forever. You swore your oath, so you'd better never do any of that shit ever again!"

Yuushi was shocked. Gakuto wasn't going to leave him? His little redhead's voice was harsh and gravelly as it got when he was extremely stressed. Yuushi felt terrible for making him upset.

"Gakuto, I...I do swear." Yuushi said their oath. "Always and forever, and I mean it Gakuto. I haven't thought of doing it since, except to think what an idiot I was. I know it was stupid. It is stupid, and I swear I will tell you if I ever think about it. That day, looking back now, it doesn't even seem as if it was me that you were talking to. I was that...distressed and out of it. I'm not like that anymore. I don't feel all alone. I don't feel as if no one cares about me anymore or that it would be better if I wasn't there."

"When you caught up with me and we were talking before dinner, you reminded me of how stuck in my own head and little world I was. If I gave up, I thought to myself that I would have quit without giving everything a chance. It would be like quitting without playing. I realized this was an entirely different school and that I should treat it like an opportunity since I was now going to be here. You made me realize I should try to make an effort to fit in. After we talked, after practice, I decided to not give up. I went out and bought clothes. I got my hair cut. I tried to live my own life my own way. You saved me. That's what I'm really trying to tell you. I didn't make a huge mistake that day because of you. You saved me. Even with everything going on with you, Gakuto, you still reached out to me. Even if you were upset when you talked to Naka-san, I can't believe and I don't believe that if you saw any inkling of him feeling at all how I was that you would not have done same thing for him. You are not to blame."

Gakuto shrugged, "Oh. Yeah. I guess. I wasn't really thinkin at the time when he and I were talkin. So maybe, but still sometimes one thing you say to a person can make a big difference." He looked angry again, "But I meant it Yuushi. Just like one thing can make a difference that way, it can't be a problem the other way. I need to know that if we get into a big fight and you think I'm not gonna talk to you ever again that you aren't gonna do something stupid. I can't live like that. Taki used to do shit like that to me all the time when he was off his meds!"

"He...did?" Yuushi was surprised. The Taki he had lived with had always seemed quite put together. The few times Taki had seemed upset or stressed all had Sato as the direct cause.

Gakuto's leg shook as he thought. He absently itched and then picked at a scab on his arm until Yuushi gently brought his hand away from the healing scrape and kissed it, "Yeah. It sucked. It sucks caring about someone who is stupid and...selfish like that. Taki saw it bothered me when he said he was gonna kill himself or when he joked around about doin it. Once he found out, instead of doin it less, he did it more. Bastard would joke about it all the time until I got mad and a few times when I wasn't talking to him because he was being an idiot or we got into a fight, he would text or email me that unless I talked to him, he would really do it."

"He blackmailed you basically." Yuushi hadn't known, but he had read about things such as this in an angsty romance novel. "It's called emotional blackmail."

Huffing a sigh, Gakuto nodded, "Yeah. It's horrible. It felt like I couldn't do anythin right with Taki sometimes. I think he picked fights with me to make problems or somethin. I'd try not to fight with him but he would know how to piss me off! I'd get mad and walk away and then he would pull this kinda crap. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. That's why I tried to get him to break up with Sato gently so that Taki wouldn't be in any danger of getting hurt. Taki's delicate. He likes drama but it can't be real drama or he can't handle it. He can't take messed up stuff. He hasn't been through bad stuff like you or I have to make him strong. And you know Sato's the kinda bastard who would enjoy Taki killing himself over him. Like can't you see Sato bragging about this poor bastard who loved him so much he killed himself?"

Horrified, Yuushi could see it. He nodded.

Gakuto was grim, "Yeah well, I didn't want that to happen. Taki is in love with bein in love. He gets really high kinda when he likes someone and if it doesn't work out then he gets really down on himself. He gets lonely on his own and he worries that if someone finds out that he's on pills that they won't like him anymore. Every person Taki likes, he thinks it's the one person on the planet for him. He was like that when Sato told him that he loved him. That day, when you said you liked Atobe after Sato said he liked Taki, remember?"

Yuushi nodded and smiled slightly, "Yes. I do remember. Taki looked thrilled and you looked devastated."

"Yeah." Gakuto snarled, "Stupid bastard Sato. Know why I was so upset? Because that bastard Sato and I had sex for the first time the night before. Yeah, and then in front of everyone he confesses to Taki not even an hour after I left his damn room! And you know that bastard Sato rubbed it in my face. The more upset I was, the more Sato loved it, only I was too stupid to get it at the time. Stupid bastard. Sato told me that he said it because Taki liked him and he was worried about Taki hurting himself. And like a moron I believed Sato, but Taki's an idiot too. He always thinks he has it so bad, when things aren't really all that rough for him. He chooses to be sad sometimes just like he chooses to stop takin his pills and then he ends up being an idiot. Stupid idiot for believing Sato over me! I'm a damn good friend!"

"Yes my love you are." Yuushi knew he needed to do something to get Gakuto out of his sudden dark mood. Yuushi took Gakuto's perfect chin in his hand and vowed, "I will never blackmail you with that. Never. I promise. I promise to tell you if I ever think dark thoughts like that again. I promise always and forever that I will love and protect you because I mean it Gakuto. You're what I want. I will never let you down. I will never hurt you. I will never change my mind. I'll become a doctor to ensure that you have a long and happy and healthy life--preferably with me. I'll help make whatever dreams you have come true. I love you Gakuto. I always will." Yuushi said their oath and sealed it with a soft kiss.

The tensai couldn't help making one joke to lesson the sudden serious tone everything was taking however, "And if it will really make you happy and if you truly desire your wealthy companion to be wearing a string bikini on our island, I'll do that for you also. I'll try to learn to love wearing a thong." Yuushi instantly worried that he had said too much or the wrong thing. Gakuto hated his jokes. He half expected to be punched.

Gakuto's perfect mouth opened into a wide little o. Then he suddenly threw back his head and...laughed. He laughed so loud and hard that Yuushi smiled along with him. Wiping tears, Gakuto said, "Yuushi, you just told a good joke."

Yuushi was shocked and amazed. He smiled wide, "I learned from the best."

Gakuto laughed and kissed him, completely agreeing. The mood had turned from very dark to happy, but Gakuto seemed determined to continue talking, "Yuushi, you know, you really don't haveta buy me a computer."

The tensai felt his brows come together as they did when he frowned, "But...I want to. I have the money and don't mind. Think of it like this, I've never given you a birthday present or anything before. I have a lot of years to make up for." Yuushi smiled, but Gakuto was looking down and frowning as he did whenever he was furiously thinking. Usually just before a sales pitch. His leg started shaking again.

"I'm just sayin you don't haveta, okay? I mean if you wanna then fine, but..." Gakuto looked up at the tensai adorably in full salesman mode, "You should be sure that you get the best price, right? I mean, even if you're really rich and stuff or well, you're not really rich now, but you're gonna be. Until then you should be careful with your money, but really, even after you're rich you shouldn't let people rip you off just because you're wealthy. Not like, you know, not like Atobe does. I went shoppin with him once and he didn't even check the prices on anythin! I'm sure they overcharged him for all kindsa stuff and he didn't even notice or...or care! You gotta be careful with money, Yuushi." Gakuto looked at him so seriously and urgently that the tensai almost laughed.

It was only long practice that allowed him to keep his face and voice carefully neutral, "Hn. You're right of course. I never considered this before now. What do you suggest I do?"

Gakuto looked so elated he couldn't keep the grin off his face. Very seriously he said, "Don't worry. Let me handle everythin. I'm the best at this stuff. We'll get the best price from wherever we go, and then we can call my father. Their competition. They're gonna have to match his price. They might even go lower! I'm really good at this!"

Yuushi frowned slightly. He wondered why Gakuto wanted to call his father and decided that he could find out in the morning. Still, Yuushi hated to create a scene and it occurred to him, not for the first time either, that life with Gakuto would likely be one scene after the next. Still, if it kept his beloved happy... Although, perhaps he could tempter Gakuto's obvious enthusiasm with a little caution. "You mean...haggling? Please remember that we will be with Atobe tomorrow. Atobe will not enjoy being anywhere near you bartering for a better price. He would feel it was...not..." Yuushi searched for the word and finally found one that fit without causing too much offense, "Not appropriate. You know how he is."

Gakuto frowned again in thought and then rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I kinda forgot that he was gonna be with us. Well, think it'd be okay if I do it in an...appropriate way? One that won't embarrass Atobe? You know I can do it."

Yuushi smiled, "Of course. I'll leave it all up to you to choose what you feel is best for us at the best price. I think it's a very good idea as long as it's done in a subdued and subtle manner. Thank you, Gakuto. I appreciate you looking out for me--and my money."

Looking adorable and cocky, Gakuto winked. "No problem, Yuushi! That's what a best friend's for!"

Yuushi was just about to smile and kiss him when they heard a loud and sudden sound of something striking the wall behind them.

BAM!

Gakuto jumped and made a small noise of alarm, but Yuushi was already moving before he finished being startled. Without a seconds hesitation, the tensai grabbed Gakuto and rolled the two of them off the bed and to the floor away from the door. Yuushi half-cradled and half-covered Gakuto with his body.

The tensai meant it when he said no one would ever hurt Gakuto again. What he could do naked, even Yuushi wasn't sure, but he was prepared for anything. Adrenaline surged through him. He had moved them so fast that the candles flickered and went out from the breeze. It plunged the room into almost total darkness.

"Are you all right?" Yuushi whispered urgently to Gakuto so quietly he was barely able to hear himself. His mouth was near Gakuto's ear though.

Sounding angry, Gakuto whispered back hotly, "Yeah. What the hell...?"

BAM!

Another sound, louder than the first, made Gakuto go from probably angry at the tensai to holding him close. Gakuto's grip was suddenly tight and hard on the tensai's arms, and the little redhead even wrapped his naked legs around him in fright. Yuushi could feel Gakuto's pulse racing and was sure Gakuto could hear Yuushi's heart beating loudly. He pulled Gakuto closer to him because he didn't know what else to do and felt the need to do something. Yuushi waited for what was to come next.

Although it wasn't what he thought it would be. Instead of the door being forced open or someone breaking through the windows or something, he heard Atobe as Yuushi had never heard him before. He was livid. So angry he sounded infuriated and dangerous. So upset, it was the first time the tensai can ever remember hearing him yelling. Not even at practice did Atobe sound like this. He was more the type to whisper instead of yell because he knew people hung on his every word. But not now. Whatever this was, it was serious, "Not one more word, Jiroh! Not one! I mean it! Back off! You have no idea!"

Yuushi realized for the first time that the walls were paper thin. He clearly could hear Jiroh crying and saying, "Mou...Atobe...why? Just tell me why? Please...I just want to know why? What happened?"

Yuushi blushed and worried if Jiroh and Atobe had heard everything he and Gakuto had told each other. Jiroh seemed to be quite fond of his little redhead. Yuushi had been jealous of Jiroh hanging around Gakuto several times. If Atobe ever did win Shishido back, Yuushi seriously worried that Jiroh would pursue Gakuto.

And while Atobe had never made a move on Gakuto, Yuushi couldn't imagine anyone seeing his beautiful tempestuous redhead and not instantly falling for him. He was adorable. He was also pushing Yuushi up and off of him. They were still on the floor.

Very quietly Gakuto said, "Come on Yuushi, let's go. We shouldn't be listening." This coming from the king of gossip at their school stunned the tensai for a split second. He knew if he asked Gakuto about it however, his little redhead would respond with nothing but furious indignation. Again, it was easy for even Yuushi to forget that Gakuto had a strong sense of fairness that was not to be questioned.

To cover his hesitation the tensai said, "I was rather enjoying the company and the close proximity down here."

Gakuto to his surprise gave a little laugh. "Yeah? Well you can be close to me in the other room just as well as you can here. Let's go sleep in the other bed. We've got loud neighbors."

He felt something heavy and soft thrown on him and then Gakuto took his hand to pull him to standing. Oh. It was the robe. Yuushi said, "I can't see. It's too dark. Will you lead me please?"

He heard Gakuto chuckling. "Really? You can't?"

Yuushi sighed, "Really. You must have better night vision than I do."

Gakuto laughed harder but it was in a teasing way the tensai had never heard him use. It made Yuushi's heart race again.

"What do I get for takin you to bed with me?" Gakuto sounded like he was teasing. He pulled the tensai up to standing and Yuushi quickly wrapped the robe around himself almost at the same time as Gakuto's arms wrapped around his bare waist, pulling them close together suddenly in an embrace. His little redhead was full of surprises this evening.

Hoping Gakuto would find his voice sexy as other people said it was, Yuushi stated, "You take me to bed lover, and I'll take you to heaven."

Gakuto laughed. He laughed in that way when he threw back his head and from his movement, Yuushi guessed he had. It probably was a stupid thing to actually say to another person even if he meant it when he said it. Yuushi was glad Gakuto couldn't see the blush of embarrassment that was creeping across his face. The tensai figured he probably was as red as Ohtori looked whenever he was caught staring at Shishido. Yuushi mistakenly believed Gakuto would enjoy what he said. Others would have.

"Ha!" Gakuto laughed and practically crowed, "You can't do that cause you said you weren't gonna make love to me yet!"

Oh. Despite the argument continuing on loudly in the room beside theirs, Yuushi no longer heard anything. He was suddenly filled with the strongest sense of loving and longing for anyone or anything he had ever felt in his life. It seemed to flow through his entire body and it felt as if it cleansed his very soul. He wanted to share that with Gakuto, the person who made Yuushi feel like this. The one person. The only person. Yuushi knew it was fate and destiny and serendipity smiling on them and the result was he loved Gakuto. Utterly and completely. With his entire being, he loved him.

Yuushi also knew from his dating past and knowing him, Gakuto truly didn't know what love was. Gakuto thought he did, but what he thought was love actually was more of a puppy love. Gakuto admired strong people but he had been disappointed in love. The person was either not what Gakuto expected when he got to know them, or they simply let his beautiful redhead down. On Gakuto's part it was merely crushes or lust compared to the real thing. Gakuto had never been truly in love before and never felt love from anyone other than the love of his family. That was entirely different from someone not related to you loving you completely and you loving them back the same way. Romantic love was something new for both of them, but Yuushi found he now knew what it was. He was certain for the first time he really knew what it was.

The tensai intended to show Gakuto. No matter how long it took, he would show Gakuto what love was. Now and for the rest of their lives, Yuushi was going to show Gakuto what it was and how it felt to be completely loved, accepted, and cherished by another person. Taking their time was working, Yuushi realized, because slowly they were undoing all the damage that had ever been done to them and replacing it with love and trust.

He suddenly felt so much love for his little redhead, Yuushi was dizzy with it. Dizzy and happy. Gods, how he wanted to make love to him! Yuushi wanted to show Gakuto he loved him with every part of his body. He wanted to feel Gakuto beneath him writhing in lust and pleasure and happiness at his every touch. He wanted to feel Gakuto trembling and shuddering around him as he came. He wanted to be deep inside the heat and fire of his beautiful small body. He wanted to feel Gakuto's legs twined with his and hear his every breath and heartbeat match his own.

He wanted Gakuto more than anything in the world, but even Yuushi couldn't find the right words to express how he felt. The tensai had read every romantic novel and poem he could get his hands on and the words failed him. He didn't know how to say that his lust was out of sheer love and how overwhelmingly beautiful it made everything feel. Yuushi couldn't express it but was filled with the sudden need to show Gakuto how he felt. He wondered if Gakuto would even understand and vowed to both of them silently to make Gakuto one day feel as much love as he did. So much that it filled his entire being.

Yuushi took Gakuto's hand and placed it on his own erection. He wasn't even aware until Gakuto touched him that he was hard even though they were barely dressed and holding each other close. Gakuto had that much power over him. The tensai shuddered as Gakuto's small, strong hand moved over him in a knowing slide. Yuushi smiled in awe of him and feeling complete love for him.

He knew Gakuto couldn't understand yet what he was trying to say. His beautiful redhead was romance-impaired, but Yuushi suddenly realized something. Yuushi said, "I don't need to use this part of me to make love to you."

Gakuto sounded amused, "You don't? You think you can make love to me and take me to heaven without this?"

Without hesitating Yuushi answered from the depths of his heart, "Yes. Let me love you. Let me show you. I know I can."

Yuushi had more than a few excellent ideas. One in particular he was fairly positive Gakuto's unworthy past lovers had not tried with him. Gakuto would love it. And perhaps somewhere along the way, Yuushi could start to show him how he felt in a way that even unromantic Gakuto could comprehend and believe in.

Gakuto sounded intrigued and turned on and interested, "Good. You're on. Let's go..." He quickly turned and still holding Yuushi's erection in his hand as if it was a leash, went to lead them into the other room.

Yuushi laughed. There was another sudden loud thud noise in the other room and then the sound of glass shattering. Yuushi reached out with his arms and pulled Gakuto closer to him. Safer to him. But he thought to himself who was protecting Jiroh, "One moment. Do you think it's okay to leave them?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Atobe hasn't killed Jiroh yet so it's okay." Gakuto wanted to go. Immediately.

Yuushi held his beloved to him. He knew he was cooling a very hot moment, but he didn't want to take any chances. He had never heard Atobe like that before and it worried the tensai. They all had a lot riding on Atobe's perfectly sculpted shoulders.

Gakuto sighed very dramatically. "Fine. Wait here. Don't move or else."

The tensai heard him stomping away. Then he heard Gakuto pick up the phone beside the bed and punch in a number. "Yeah. The people in the room next to ours are fightin or somethin.We heard stuff breakin.We can't sleep with all the racket. Oh? Someone else complained? You are? Okay. Good. Yeah. Thanks. No, that's all. Goodnight." Yuushi heard the receiver slammed down.

And then stomping back to him. Gakuto took him in his hand again and started walking into the other room. Yuushi followed because he had little choice. Gakuto said over his shoulder along the way that the hotel was going to call the room and then was sending someone up because there had been other complaints.

"Thank you." Yuushi said feeling stupid but glad the closed doors were between them and the arguing. He was also relieved that someone would check up on the fight and that things would not get out of hand. Atobe had never sounded that angry or upset before. Not even when Shishido first left him.

Gakuto laughed in that sexy way he had and suddenly Yuushi forgot to think about their Vice-Captain anymore. It was more of a chuckle or a purr and sounded very turned on. The tensai felt Gakuto shrug as he let his robe drop to the floor. "You can thank me by doin all that stuff to me that you said you were gonna Yuushi." It was lighter in the new room. Yuushi could just barely see the gleam of Gakuto's smile but not much else.

Yuushi smiled and held Gakuto close as he dropped his own robe, "You mean, you'd like me to take you to heaven? You want me to make love to you without using that part of myself? Is that what you want?" Yuushi leaned down and almost kissed Gakuto's mouth but at the last second teased and went for his sensitive earlobe instead. He nibbled and licked making Gakuto shudder. He felt gooseflesh rise up over Gakuto's naked skin. Softly Yuushi teased as he licked and touched his love, "Because I can. I want you. I love you. I'm going to show you how much I love you, Gakuto." Yuushi kept licking and kissing around Gakuto's ear and neck.

Gakuto moaned a small noise.

The tensai smiled, "What was that, lover? Was that a yes? Is that what you want me to do? Do you want me to make love to you and take you to heaven?"

Yuushi discovered licking right between Gakuto's hairline and his ear made him moan and shudder. But despite his physical reaction Gakuto only said softly, "Yeah..."

The tensai smiled more and felt intrigued. He trailed his fingers down Gakuto's gorgeous body. "Tell me yes, Gakuto. Say it."

Gakuto laughed in a way Yuushi had never heard him before. It was somewhere between that sexy purr and a giggle. Gakuto was smiling, "Make me, Yuushi. Try to make me say it."

Yuushi laughed and heard the lust he was feeling coming through even in his laugh. Gakuto was so damned difficult and exciting it was thrilling. The tensai was completely turned on and ready to begin but he couldn't help throw out one more line, "As my prince desires..."

Gakuto laughed even as Yuushi's lips closed on his.

In the next two weeks, I am voluntarily removing most of my Learning to Land chapters from ff.n. They story is being continued however so don't worry. There's lots more to come! XD

My new chapters will be posted to my livejournal, here, and to other sites. Thanks for your support! XD

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Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety Three ~Oshitari~

2006-01-02T21:33:08Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety Three ~Oshitari~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Gakuto looked at him in awe totally caught up in the story. "Who was it Yuushi...? No way..."

"Indeed. It was my tutor. He said he knew where I was and was coming to get me. He was basically a raving lunatic on the phone. I remember him babbling on and on about all these insane things. He said we would never be separated again. How he owned me. How I was his. He made me. I couldn't live without him. How he would never let me go and all this other nonsense..." Yuushi heard how tense his voice was becoming so he took a deep breath to calm himself.

Gakuto looked stunned, "Yuushi! How did he find you? What did you say to him? What happened? What did you do? Did you hang up on him? Did you call your parents? What?"

"I still do not know how he found me. I really have no idea, but I do know now that he was very intelligent and very determined--and very insane. At the time actually, I didn't react at all. I stood there in shock listening as he went on and on. I was a million miles from home, and I had thought the only good thing about my being sent there was that I was supposed to be safe. I was away from everything and everyone I had ever known ostensibly for my safety, and now I didn't even have that. And remember, I didn't know where he was even if he knew where I was. So I had no idea how close he might be or how he found me. He could have been calling from down the street. He could have been calling from down the hall. I remember thinking how I had lost everything and had nothing and now was in danger, and I guess I dropped the phone. I became so upset and afraid that I..I..." Yuushi couldn't admit it out loud.

"You peed." Gakuto filled in the blank for him.

Yuushi put his head down and nodded. He could feel his face was burning red and he was glad for the candles only lighting the room.

Putting his arms around him and turning to face him, Gakuto said softly, "You were just scared Yuushi. Really, really scared. I mean the psycho bastard was stalking you. It's a normal response when you're really scared, and you were just a little kid. You were all alone. I...you saw I did it when Sato went to hurt me. I didn't even know you were there and I did that and worse because I was really afraid. You saved me. By the way, in case I forgot to tell you back when it happened, sorry...I'm really sorry..."

The tensai held him closer, "You have nothing to be sorry for. All that matters to me is that I arrived in time to save you. I was selfish and not thinking of your well being. I only doubled back because I realized from your responses that Sato might be as insane as my tutor, and I had a bad feeling. Something didn't feel right and for once, I went with my instincts instead of logically dismissing my gut feelings as a whim or even wishful thinking that I wanted to see you again. If he had seriously hurt him I don't know what I would have done. I might have killed him if he had hurt you. I wanted to..." Yuushi said it seriously still feeling rage at anyone harming Gakuto but he kissed Gakuto lightly to take the ferocity out of his words.

"You saved me..." Gakuto said softly and kissed Yuushi deeper. The little redhead turned more in the tensai's arms to face him. Yuushi felt his anger abate almost instantly. "Did I thank you? Cause...you know...thanks..." Gakuto kissed him softly and so sweet Yuushi forgot what they were talking about.

It took him a moment after the kiss broke to think again, "You...you don't need to thank me. I truly don't know what I would have done if you were seriously injured. Shall I continue with what happened?" Gakuto nodded wide eyed and interested so Yuushi went on, "My school told my parents about my urinating and they found out about the phone calls..."

"Calls? As in more than one?" Gakuto interrupted.

Yuushi sighed, "Yes. He even sometimes had women call for him and give my mother or sister's name so I wouldn't know it was him on the phone. Although, I adapted. I never urinated again and I tried to be vigilant all the time. Any moment I felt like if I let my guard down he would walk up to me and abduct me or kill me, as he often said he was going to if I refused to be with him, which of course I would have. So I had that major stress in addition to the students who detested me. The school recommended that I return home where I could be watched more closely. I'm sure they did not want to take responsibility and plus did not wish to have the scandal attached to their name if something should happen, but at the same time, I was elated. I thought it was my chance to go home. I kept thinking that if only I was home, I could be safe and feel good again. I thought certainly my parents would see reason and bring me home. I told my parents if I was home, everything would be better for me. I could go to my old school and be with my family and friends at least. My parents said they were considering it, but then I found out that they weren't."

Yuushi was surprised to find he was angry about this. He thought he was over what happened, but he had never told anyone what happened. "The whole 'we're thinking about it and probably going to bring you home' and 'we're looking into options' stories my parents told me were all lies. My sister by accident informed me my parents planned a party at the end of the month. My sister didn't know about my tutor. She just called to check in with me at my new school and spilled the truth about the party and then that my parents were each going on separate vacations. I knew then I was to remain away at school. The night I found out the truth, that I was stuck at that school with my tutor lurking who knows where with no possibility of going home, I took the sleeping pills."

Gakuto looked at him in shock.

Yuushi shrugged. "I didn't want it to work, I just wanted help and for my parents to understand and notice my distress. Ironically, my tutor may have saved me. Someone called and they were unable to wake me to answer the phone. I left my door unlocked, so I suppose I was hoping someone would find me. I really didn't want to die, I even did my homework before I took the pills. It's stupid I know, but I really just wanted my parents to...I'm not sure how to say it...take responsibility for me, perhaps?"

Gakuto looked angry, "No, you wanted them to love you. And they should have. What idiots! They're your damn parents! So they told you they were gonna bring you home and were looking into it, and they were lying the whole time!"

Yuushi shrugged. Gakuto being angry helped soothe the anger and an ache that Yuushi usually ignored that he felt.

"What happened after you took the pills?" Gakuto asked.

Yuushi wasn't sure what he meant, "The school? My parents? I wound up in the hospital with my stomach pumped. They made me see a shrink a few times a week to talk about my feelings--which I really did not do. I had an inkling that if I said everything that actually happened to me and everything I was feeling then maybe the shrink would possibly even hospitalize me. I didn't feel safe talking to him. I remained in that school until the year was over. My parents said it would build character. The school was not happy and refused me the following year using an excuse. It wasn't the incident with the pills that caused them to refuse, but the guys bullying me got out of hand as the year progressed and the new tennis season started. I had grown significantly taller and stronger during that year and started fighting back by then. I took my stress and anger out on whoever dared to attack me. When they would say or do something I didn't like, I began to beat the hell out of them. Eventually they stopped. The school refused me and I came home. My parents were not happy. Well, particularly my mother who has something to prove."

"That's where you learned howta fight?" Gakuto asked and seemed in awe. Absently he started running his fingertips over Yuushi's knuckles and up his arms over his muscles. Which was rather enjoyable and distracting in a nice, sexy way. "I saw you with Sato. You're really strong. I never woulda thought you were such a good fighter. When you first jumped on him I was scared for you, but then after a few seconds I was kinda scared that you were gonna really hurt him. When I grabbed you to get you inside, I was kinda worried you would still be angry, maybe at me, but you weren't." Gakuto kissed him softly. "You were just like you always are with me." The little redhead smiled and Yuushi was unsure why that would make him so happy. He decided to file away the information to ponder it over later.

Yuushi nodded and smiled slightly. He held Gakuto's hand in his own to stop letting Gakuto distract him. "That is where I learned to fight. I didn't know it would be such a useful skill when I came here, however. I'll always be there to stop Sato, so I don't want you to worry anymore. No one will ever hurt you again."

Gakuto smiled in a smirk as if he was going to laugh, but then his brow creased, "Wait, what does your mom have to prove?"

So he was listening. The tensai had to keep himself from grinning. He hadn't told a soul at Hyoutei this and had always figured Gakuto would love to discover this juicy pearl of information. Yuushi was fairly certain Atobe probably knew but then again situations like this were fairly common among the upper class although never openly discussed. For now Yuushi enjoyed that Gakuto was not upper class, "She has to prove to my father that she's better than my father's mistress. And probably to herself as well."

Predictably and adorably, Gakuto's jaw dropped open. "Your father has a mistress! Really?"

"Yes. Supposedly she is a former geisha. And I've heard she and my father have a son." Yuushi tried to sound very nonplussed about this, but he felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Gakuto as was enthralled as Yuushi had guessed he would be. The little redhead was ready to fire questions at the tensai who endeavored to cut him off by answering things first, "I never met her, my father's mistress, or my half-brother. Everyone in our family seems to know, but it's not discussed. Not ever. Gakuto, that is the only thing you cannot mention when you meet my parents. That...and what happened with my tutor. My mother doesn't do well with problems or situations. She embarrasses and angers easily, but anything else should be fine. Mostly my parents will ask you about tennis club and then discuss the weather. You'll be bored to tears but the dining experience will be superior and you will enjoy the hotel. We'll have a good time, I promise."

The little redhead paused only a moment to soak up what the tensai said before his curiosity got the better of him, "Yeah but, how long has your father and his mistress been together? How did they meet? Was she a geisha when they met? How often do they see each other? Where does she live? How old is your half-brother? Older than you? Younger? You have a half-brother out there Yuushi. Don't you want to know him?" Gakuto seemed more awed by the half-brother thing than Yuushi imagined. He thought Gakuto would be more interested in the possible former geisha and mistress angle.

Yuushi laughed because Gakuto looked like he wanted to ask a thousand more questions. The tensai held up his hands in surrender as he laughed, "I'm sorry. I really don't know any more concrete details. I believe that he is younger than me by a year or two. Apparently my cousin knows a little about him from family rumors and a while ago passed the information along to me. My cousin plays tennis and says he's heard my half-brother does too. I don't even know if my half-brother knows about me. Or wants to know me. He might resent me for being my father's first son and the one my father formally recognizes. I have no idea. If he wanted to meet me, I would see him. I might even someday give him a portion of my inheritance if he is truly related to me and is truly my father's son. I really do not know. My father as you will see is not a very warm man, so I've always wondered after I found out if my father perhaps was more loving to his mistress and his other son. Maybe. Actually, I hope so. Even if my father is not very affectionate with me or my mother, it is nice for me to think about him finding real love and happiness somewhere. I believe everyone deserves at least one great love in their lives..." Yuushi mused at his laying in his arms.

Gakuto's leg started shaking, "Do you think your parents would ever get a divorce? Your mom knows if she's trying to prove she's better, right?"

"I'm fairly certain that she knows, but my parents will never divorce. They are very stoic and traditional people, but it's more than that. I'm sure when they wed they both signed prenuptial agreements, but regardless the fact is my parents don't actually have a lot of money. My mother has her family name which is quite a good socially acceptable one, one of those old money names, but my father's family had all the money. My parents had an arranged marriage which benefited everyone, but my grandfather was not pleased. I remember him as an angry man who seemed to not really care for his sons. He often called them trouble-making slackers and other derogatory terms. I do not believe he ever liked or trusted my father nor did he believe my mother was a suitable match, so he changed his will years later without telling anyone. He took his vengeance out from the grave. My cousin and I inherited his money, not our parents. We each have a trust fund which we can claim half when we're 18 and the rest at 25. I am supposed to receive a larger portion of my grandfather's estate because my grandfather always seemed to like me more. He said I was a quiet child and that's why he liked me better." Yuushi shrugged.

"My parents earn an additional small sum of money as the estate trustees until I am old enough to inherit. My father makes good money, but he has two expensive households to maintain and my mother spends a lot of money. She loves to take expensive trips and wear nice clothes. It's expensive being a socialite and she considers it her job and her duty to my father. If they divorced, neither of my parents would live as richly and according to my grandfather's will they could lose everything. I believe they will remain married although their marriage is from what I've seen loveless." Yuushi shrugged.

Gakuto grinned and his leg shook faster, "How much money we talkin about? You're 63rd, right?"

Yuushi chuckled. The Hyoutei list. Someone was always keeping track of what you had or someday would have and ranking the students accordingly. Money at Hyoutei was not a proper subject to be discussed and it wasn't--at least not openly. It was whispered about incessantly however. Gakuto knew almost everyone of the top one hundred wealthiest students by memory. Yuushi mused his little redhead could probably recite how old and terms and conditions each one had to meet to inherit their fortunes.

But not even Gakuto knew this.

Yuushi said without hesitating, "My current ranking only takes into account around a quarter of what I will inherit, but not the bulk of the estate I'll receive if I were to marry or when I turn 25. And because I'm main inheritor, not my cousin, as I said I will receive a much greater portion of the estate. My grandfather was big on men and who he liked best, although I barely recall meeting him. I basically spent my time in his massive library reading whenever I was there, which coincidentally, I also inherited. My sister will barely inherit anything so she has plans to marry well. It's expected by my parents and her, although of course I will always help her out. I love my sister. Even though she is older than I am, she has always made an effort to keep in contact with me."

Gakuto's mouth worked but no sound came out. He must have been multiplying furiously in his head. Yuushi saw what he was struggling to say and said the actual number for him. It was a large number. Larger than anyone could ever spend in ten lifetimes. And that was why the tensai intended to give his younger half-brother a portion of it if they ever met, but Yuushi felt too hurt by the family he had to reach out looking for more. He didn't know if his half-brother knew about him or that their father was married. He had no idea and didn't want to upset anyone. It was a precarious situation, but one that worked because all the participants turned blind eyes to each other. As it was, Yuushi often hoped his half-brother was happy and had a happy childhood. He wished his brother felt always safe, always happy, and always loved. At least one of his father's sons should have that Yuushi figured.

Gakuto finally found his voice and cursed a few favorite oaths, "Yuushi! That makes you what...fifth? You're number five?" The little redhead swore in a long colorful string of curses.

Yuushi said rather defensively, "I suppose, although I do plan on working in some field and earning a living. It would be irresponsible of me to not use the gifts I have been fortunate enough to receive. I enjoy learning and... Gakuto, is there something wrong?"

His beloved was sputtering and stammered out, "Ju...just thinking of you in a thong bikini...on our island..."

Yuushi laughed, "Oh. Your dream?" A sudden sinking feeling hit the tensai, "Gakuto, seriously, if someday you want to get married, it's okay. I understand. You...should have children someday."

"What? And you're just fine with that!" Gakuto was suddenly angry but Yuushi had no idea why. "That doesn't bother you at all?"

"No, I..." Yuushi didn't understand where this sudden anger was coming from, "Of course not, but...I want you to be happy. I don't want you to miss out on anything because...because I'm a man..." Despite the searing pain in his chest, Yuushi suddenly pictured a row of beautiful, bright, redheaded happy children loudly laughing and cavorting as they played with their beloved father. Gakuto would be a wonderful father. "You'll have beautiful children someday..."

Gakuto was livid, "Why don't you ask me before you go decidin what I should and shouldn't do? You talk about beatin the curse and swear to always protect me and then you go and say crap like that? What the hell, Yuushi? I don't care that you're a guy! And I already told you I can't have kids!"

Yuushi reviewed and was lost, "When did you tell me you couldn't have children? You can't have children?"

Exasperated Gakuto said, "Yeah! And I didn't tell you, I told that bitch Naomi. But you were there--when we were both doin her! You heard me say it!"

Very cautiously Yuushi tread, "You said you didn't want children, not that you couldn't have them. Why...?"

"You know why, Yuushi! Because of what happened to me! They fixed me as best they could but some things inside they couldn't fix. Everythin works so it's fine, right? It doesn't matter that I'm always gonna be smaller than a lotta the other guys. I'm never gonna be how tall I woulda been becausa what happened and I can't have kids...!" Gakuto went to turn away again, but the tensai pulled him close to his chest. He felt heat and those breaths from Gakuto again so he guessed his beautiful perfect little redhead was crying.

Yuushi didn't read any of this in the medical reports but he knew from other cases he reviewed, "You're height is affected by your skull fracture? There are treatments. Human growth hormo..."

Muffled Gakuto spit back, "I know! I usedta have to get the damn shots every week and they didn't do a damn thing but hurt like hell and make my parents almost go broke tryin to treat me! It doesn't matter! I told you! Everything works so it's fine! It's fine. I live in Japan where I can be short and not look weird! And before you guess, there was scar tissue down there and things ruptured and stuff so they said I probably can't have kids. Not that I want them! Because who the hell wants to go through everythin I put my parents through...?" Gakuto started crying hard suddenly.

Yuushi had no idea what to do. He reviewed every comforting thing he had ever read people doing or saying but nothing seemed to fit the situation. The thought of Gakuto not able to have children though broke Yuushi's heart. That shouldn't have been taken away from him. Gakuto would make a wonderful father. He was a patient teacher and would be his children's best friend as well as their parent. He would be the kind of father Yuushi often wished he had. And in the next moment, the tensai noticed that he was also crying. It had been a long and emotional day he knew, but this was too hard for him to hear. Without censoring himself, Yuushi said through tears, "Don't worry. I'll become a doctor and fix you. I'll find a way to mend whatever is wrong..."

Gakuto through sobs snorted a laugh, "Yeah right, you'll go through all that school just to fix me so I can leave you and marry someone else and have kids with them? That sounds so..."

Yuushi said crying harder, "Stupid. I know. I'm stupid, but I love you, Gakuto. I really do love you. I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything you've ever wanted out of life. I don't matter, Gakuto, you do. All that matters to me is what you want and..."

Gakuto shocked Yuushi by suddenly grabbing the tensai's ears and twisting roughly, "You are SO annoying when you think stupid things like that! Cut it out! Of course you matter. Of course what you want matters! It matters to me. I can't be the only one who wants things, Yuushi! You've gotta tell me what you want! You gotta be honest with me and tell me! What do you really want?"

"I..." Yuushi was completely confused. He thought to himself this was getting to be his only state of being around Gakuto, confusion. Yuushi ventured by saying, "I only really want...you. I only want to be with you. That's all that I want and all that matters to me other than that is your happiness."

"Then fight for me, Yuushi. Show me that you want it." It was what their coach often said when he felt you were not working hard enough. That you had to show him you wanted it. "Show me that you want me. I'm gonna fight for you because I want you, but I can't do it alone. You can't change your mind. I'm sick of people wantin to be with me and then changin their mind or wantin other things! If you want me then you gotta fight for me. You've gotta want this for real too."

Yuushi was stunned speechless. Gakuto wanted him? Gakuto, who could have anyone in the world, wanted him? Gakuto wanted to be with him? Yuushi marveled at this, "Ga...Gakuto, I do want to be with you. More than anything. For real. I will never change my mind. I will never stop loving you or wanting to be with you. I'll fight for you. I'll show you every day and every night how completely and utterly I want this and want you. I love you. Do you believe me when I say I love you?"

Gakuto nodded and then smiled wryly, "I think you really think you love me." Yuushi went to protest that he truly did but Gakuto was moving on. With a shrug he said, "I don't know how you can say it like that."

The tensai was confused, "Say what like how? Say that I love you? How am I say...?"

Looking annoyed Gakuto sighed, "I mean say it so easy like that. I mean...it's easy for you to say. You say it like you say it all the time or somethin."

Yuushi thought a moment, "I suppose it's easy for me to say because it's truly how I feel, but the first time was difficult. I wanted to tell you a thousand times since I first knew how I felt about you. At first it took me months to work up the courage to tell you that I liked you or were interested in you, but then came Sato and it wasn't...appropriate. As time went by and my feelings for you grew, I wanted to tell you more and more but I was...afraid I guess. I kept thinking that you would figure out who it was. You asked often who I liked and when I said I was in love, I worried that you would somehow already have known."

Gakuto shrugged, "I didn't know. Sorry. I guess I shoulda but I didn't. When you came to my room and told me, I thought you were makin a bad joke or somethin. I'm sorry, Yuushi. I didn't know."

Yuushi smiled slightly, "I was so nervous when I told you I thought for certain you could hear my heart beating."

Gakuto laughed as if surprised, "Really? You looked just like you always do."

The tensai figured that probably meant he looked as stupid or as goofy as ever. Yuushi smiled a little wondering how he was lucky enough to end up here with Gakuto. "I practiced and went over exactly what I wanted to say to you at least a thousand times. I tried to prepare for every possible scenario--including the obvious ones where you either did not believe me or where you laughed at me or both." Yuushi suddenly felt embarrassed, "I never planned for what happened, nor would I wish for things to have occurred as they did, but however it happened, I'm so very glad that you're here now. Sometimes I feel like asking you to pinch me, but, then again, if this isn't real, I will be so deeply disappointed when I wake up...ouch!"

Gakuto grabbed some skin on Yuushi's chest and pinched it hard with a twisting motion. "Stop thinkin negative things. See? It's real and I'm here. With you." Gakuto shrugged, "It doesn't matter what happened because you can't change the past. Sometimes, you can't even erase it or forget it no matter how you try, but I think you can still be happy, you know? Everyone deserves to be, but it's the people who work hard that get there. It's kinda like you gotta make the choice that you wanna be happy and then like tennis or algebra or somethin, you gotta work real hard and practice all the time without ever givin up. I'm real good at that, Yuushi. I kinda know how to do it because I've been workin on it for a long time. I can show you how if you want. Besides, I owe you. You saved me..."

Yuushi kissed where Gakuto's tears were although he felt like crying again. His brave little redhead was so loving and giving and strong it was overwhelming sometimes. "You don't owe me anything. The truth is, you saved me first. Back on the day we met. I told you there were only two times when I seriously wanted to kill myself--when I really thought I wanted to die, but what I didn't tell you before is there were three times when I tried."

Before Gakuto could stop him or react, Yuushi pushed ahead to get this out once and for all, "The next time I tried after being overseas is the night before I was supposed to come to Hyoutei. Behind my back, my parents had the servants pack for me and my things shipped ahead so I couldn't hide any of my mother's sleeping pills again. I was desperate to not come here, but I didn't want to die. I just wanted my parents to come to their senses. I took my mother's pills when I was in her bathroom when she was certain to find me."

Gakuto looked at him shocked.

"I woke up in the hospital and my parents were angry. I thought it would be a sign to them that I should stay home, but they were furious. Furious, but even more determined to send me away here than ever. They said I was acting childish and that they wouldn't give into my temper tantrum. That is why I arrived late and why I looked so...dishevaled. I went directly from the hospital to the plane. It happened so fast I had to remove the hospital bracelet on the flight. I had no time alone to think until I got on the plane and then I had too long to think by myself. And I figured when no one talked to me or worked out with me that I was hated again like in my old school. I wasn't seeing things clearly because I was too distraught. I knew my parents wouldn't let me come home so I started doing that condition thing. I would say to myself, if someone talks to me in the next five minutes, I won't kill myself. And five minutes passed and someone must have said a word or two to me. So I said, if I beat the next person I play, then I won't kill myself. And I won."

"You bastard!" Gakuto half-pushed and half-punched Yuushi in the chest. It made this dull, hollow thud noise. The little redhead was somewhere between crying and looking more angry than the tensai had ever seen him, "You idiot!" He was close to crying again, "You stupid jackass! You were playin that stupid game waitin to see if someone talked to you that day after practice. And no one did! If I hadn'ta talked to you--you woulda done it? How the hell do you think that woulda made me feel, Yuushi?"

Yuushi was deeply embarrassed about this. About all of this. Looking back it was rather childish and stupid, but at the time, it seemed to make sense in a very messed up way. If someone came to Yuushi now and told him they did what he did and thought what he thought back then, he would tell them they were crazy. He buried his head in Gakuto's small chest and cried a little out of shame and for the pathetic crazy and lonely person he was when he arrived, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking right. I wasn't thinking about anything but my own feelings. I was only thinking that no one in the world cared if I lived or died and it would probably be better if I..."

-------------------------------

Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety Two ~Oshitari~

2006-01-02T21:32:16Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety Two ~Oshitari~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

------------------------------------

Yuushi was completely choked up. He couldn't help it. Gakuto's earlier question and the openness of his confession made Yuushi feel guilty about withholding anything from him. Yuushi considered the situation.

Perhaps Gakuto should know this because perhaps it would comfort him. Clearly, the little redhead felt needlessly responsible for Naka-san's death, but Yuushi wondered how on earth he could confess this to him. Although, perhaps he should, because it might come out eventually anyway. Especially if Gakuto were to go home with him. That would be decidedly worse if Gakuto found out somehow before Yuushi told him. Or if Gakuto now that he had some sort of feelings for the tensai did a full medical check on him.

So the tensai decided he should confess at least this to Gakuto.

The trouble now that he decided to confess was Yuushi really didn't know where to start. Lamely he began, "I...really and truly love you."

He was surprised when Gakuto looked down instead of at him, "Yeah, I know. I can tell because...even though I did all that stuff and didn't help Naka-san, you don't hate me."

"I could never hate you..." Yuushi was stunned that Gakuto would ever think he would. Or could. "You are not a bad person Gakuto. You're a very good person and an excellent friend. I could never hate you."

Gakuto shrugged, "Some people would. Hey, Yuushi? Sometimes I think stuff kinda happens for a reason, even if you don't know it happens for that reason when it happens, there still kinda seems to be a reason, ya know what I mean?"

The tensai was lost, "I'm...not sure. May I have an example, please?"

Gakuto laughed slightly and rolled his eyes, "It's not a test, dummy. You're not gonna fail if you don't know." Gakuto sighed, "Okay an example. Oh, I know. Like in those kinda romance books you always read, people meet and things always happen for a reason, don't they? Kinda like that but in real life."

"Gakuto, do you believe in serendipity?" Yuushi was charmed and surprised.

"Dunno. What's that?" Gakuto was looking at him suspiciously.

"Predestination. Fate. That events in your life happen in a way that is supposed to occur and you meet the people in your life for a reason. Perhaps you meet the same people over and over again lifetime after lifetime until you get it right. I actually do believe in that to an extent, do you?"

Gakuto shrugged and was quiet for a long moment. "S..sometimes I kinda believe that, but...but then if that's true...then why did what happen to me when I was little happen? I didn't do anything to deserve that and my family never did anything to deserve their kid being put through all that, right? Even if I was bad in another lifetime or something, I still didn't deserve that."

"Of course. It wasn't your fault at all. You were just a child...as was I." The childish question took the tensai by surprise. Yuushi forgot that Gakuto was so young, and how raw most of the pain that he kept buried and locked far away from everyone was. He realized that Gakuto never asked any questions of this nature to anyone before simply because there really had never been anyone Gakuto trusted enough to ask the questions to. Yuushi had never had anyone either, but he had never expected there would be anyone who could understand or talk to him about this. In many ways, they were much alike although they had gone through such different things and dealt with their pain in such different ways. "No one deserves what either of us went through."

"Yuushi? You can tell me, you know, the stuff that happened to you, when you wanna. Whenever you're ready, Yuushi, you can tell me everything. Even the really bad stuff because it was really bad, wasn't it? It's okay no matter how bad. You can tell me and I'll listen. I'll listen to it all. I'll still like you too so don't worry about that either. Just...whenever you're ready. It was really hard telling you this, but I kinda feel better. In a way, I'm kinda glad you know. It feels better that I said it to someone and now that you know and don't hate me, it feels better. So someday when you're ready, you can tell me all the details and then you'll feel better too." Gakuto smiled softly. It was a different smile than the tensai had ever seen on him and he thought he knew his every expression.

Yuushi felt rather annoyed, which surprised him. The tensai realized that he had immediately put his guard up because it was somewhere he never went--even in his own mind. It was a door that was shut tight and covered up as much as possible. As much as he would have liked to be as brave as Gakuto was, Yuushi didn't think he ever could be and the truth was he never thought anyone would ever have the capacity or capability to understand. Not even Gakuto. And Yuushi now realized he was wrong, but it didn't make it any easier to say anything regarding what he did to the person he loved.

Still Gakuto gazed at him with that small, soft smile. It wasn't pity, that the tensai knew. It seemed to be...acceptance? Mixed perhaps with caring and concern? It might have just been wishful thinking on Yuushi's part. The tensai wasn't completely certain, so he joked, "You're not going to try to goad me into telling you right now because you're curious?"

Gakuto's expression changed to surprise and then a wince of pain and hurt, "Of course not! Not about something like...that. I wouldn't! You know I wouldn't!" Just when Yuushi didn't think he could feel worse about his joke, Gakuto's small shoulders slumped, "I guess I deserved that though, huh? Since I've been a real jerk to you, but I really mean it. I'm your best friend Yuushi...and I like you. I really do. I'm not gonna tell anyone anything you say, not ever. You can trust me. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk, but if you give me a chance, I can be a good person. I'll show you that I'm a really good friend and..."

Yuushi pulled Gakuto closer and kissed him. When he pulled back Gakuto was looking at him confused.

The tensai wished for a moment he had his glasses to adjust because he felt uncomfortable. "Gakuto, I'm sorry. You are a really good friend, and a good person. And I do know that I can trust you. I'm sorry. I was being a jerk, an idiot, not you. I felt...defensive. It's difficult for me to talk about this. It's hard to talk about this after so long of never mentioning it. Gakuto, I admire your bravery. I truly do. I'm...not that brave. Though, I would like to be, someday, and I would like to tell you everything."

Yuushi thought a moment, "I should have promised you that no matter what you tell me, I'll still love you. My feelings for you will not change no matter what."

Gakuto surprised him with a very serious look, "Because you want me to promise you that?"

Yuushi was shocked. He had forgotten how good at reading people Gakuto was, and how well he knew the tensai. "No...I didn't mean...I don't expect you to ever have to..."

"What? You don't think I can?" Gakuto was angry and lifted his chin in that dangerous way. "I can promise you that no matter what you say, how I feel about you isn't gonna change. Go on. Tell me what you were gonna say. The only way you're gonna learn to trust me is when you actually do it. I told you all this stuff and now you know just about everythin about me. You can tell me somethin at least..."

Gakuto was right, although he was actually goading the tensai without realizing it. But on the other hand, Gakuto would feel more secure if he was given something in confidence in return. He needed Yuushi to tell him something. Yet on the other hand, he was correct. Yuushi would only learn to trust if he tried it. It was a brilliant plan to back the tensai into a corner. Although Yuushi knew the little redhead had never studied psychology his instincts about people were dead on as usual.

Yuushi interrupted Gakuto who was working himself up into a tirade with the one thing the tensai knew would shock him into silence.

It just happened to be just one of the things he had never told another soul before, and something that deeply embarrassed him, "All right. The first time I tried to kill myself was the night I confessed to my parents about my tutor molesting me. It did not go well, my telling them. Although, I am not sure what going well really means, but I felt much worse after telling them than I did before. Things were spiraling out of control and everyone was yelling. My mother said something in a heated moment about wishing I had never been born, although she might have said that about my tutor because by that point I was not completely listening. I tend to stop listening when something upsets me. I do know that, and I am working on being better about it. While my parents were still upset and yelling at each other, I went into my room and took fifteen aspirin tablets."

Gakuto was looking at him stunned.

Yuushi explained, "I am mildly allergic to aspirin. Every time I take aspirin, I get ill."

Gakuto's mouth worked for a moment before he quietly asked, "W...what happened?"

Yuushi shrugged, "I got violently ill. I threw them all up. I had a headache for days." Yuushi smiled at his own joke.

Gakuto though was gravely serious, "That's not funny, Yuushi. What did your parents do?"

This confused the tensai, "Do? Nothing. They never knew. I never told them. They are well aware of the second time however. Would you like to hear about it as well?"

Gakuto was looking at him how he did when he thought the tensai was insane, "S...sure..."

"I'm not crazy..." Yuushi started to tell his pun about crazy is as crazy does as he usually did when Gakuto looked at him strange.

For some strange reason, Gakuto looked upset, "Stop it! I never said you're crazy, but you are being an asshole!"

"I...I don't understand. You said you wanted to know. I was going to tell you everything..." Yuushi was annoyed. He was ready to spill it all. Every ugly thing laid bare, for better or for worse, so why was Gakuto calling him names now?

His little redhead's lips tightened into a dangerous thin red line, "No. You're not being you. At least not how you are when you're with me and it's just us. You're being all weird and how you act when you think someone's gonna make fun of you. I'm not gonna make fun of you! I told you all that stuff about me seriously because I trust you. If you don't wanna trust me or aren't ready to tell me stuff, then fine, but don't be a jerk to me because you're scared to tell me. If you can't tell me without making jokes and stuff then just tell me another time."

Gakuto looked really upset, "I'll...I'll just show you that you can trust me and someday maybe you can. It's not your fault, Yuushi. It's my fault for tellin you so much all at once and makin you feel like you hadta say things you weren't ready to say. I'm sorry you don't trust me, but I promise you that you can. It's gettin late. Let's just go to sleep."

And with that Gakuto turned his back on Yuushi and pulled up the blanket to cover his naked skin.

Yuushi lay there stunned. His mind raced to catch up with what just happened. He had no idea what to do. None. Even if he put together that he was acting defensively because he was afraid of Gakuto's reaction, it still didn't explain Gakuto turning away from him. Yuushi felt completely rejected and just when things had been going so well too. He didn't understand how he had messed things up so badly at all.

And then he saw it.

He was watching the rise and fall of Gakuto's back as he took in each breath.

Yuushi had watched him for such a long time, he knew his patterns completely. His breathing was uneven and there seemed to be a little catch to it.

Just there, when he took a breath in and again, right then, when he exhaled. He was breathing deeper than normal but otherwise not making a sound. Yuushi ran through the possibilities. There was only one thing it could possibly be.

Yuushi slid his arms around Gakuto tentatively--in case he was wrong or in case Gakuto wanted to be left alone. He didn't want Gakuto to threaten to leave again if Yuushi didn't leave him alone as Gakuto did the other night. That had been horrible.

This time however it felt worse. Gakuto didn't say anything. He didn't move. He just kept breathing with those little catches. He let Yuushi hold him but said and did nothing else.

"I'm sorry," Yuushi said softly after a time. He didn't know what else to do.

"'S'not your fault..." Gakuto said softly. His voice was thick with tears and Yuushi had no doubt anymore that Gakuto was crying.

The tensai felt terrible for making him cry, and a little in awe that he could make Gakuto feel that strongly about him. Yuushi said softly, "It's not that I don't trust you, especially after you promised me. It's just...it's hard to say these things. Especially to you. I've never told anyone these things. I'm ashamed and it's hard to say them at all...let alone to the person you love..."

Gakuto nodded and Yuushi closed his eyes at the sweet thought of Gakuto loving him back.

He kissed the back of Gakuto's neck in a nuzzle and said, "Do you still want to know? Can I tell you? No jokes this time?"

Gakuto nodded again, "Tell me. Yuushi, I just wanna know."

It was some sort of test the tensai figured, but the harder part was getting the words out and not making a joke. Or getting upset. "The second time I tried..."

Yuushi had to bite back a bad joke about offing himself. "My mother takes sleeping pills. I pocketed some here and there for weeks before I was sent away to school. I know Hyoutei is tough, but they have nothing on the preparatory school I was sent to. I didn't plan on actually taking the pills. At first they were just a comforting thing for me. Similar to an escape route or safety hatch. I thought I would just keep the pills in case things got really bad, you know?"

"I thought of it as an escape plan. And I kept making the conditions harder and harder so I didn't have to take them. That's what I called them. Conditions. At first, the conditions were that if my parents did really send me away I would do it. Then it became clear they truly intended to send me away, so next I made the condition if things are very bad when I get there, then I will. As bad as Hyoutei was when I first arrived, this was worse. My English, while excellent when written, spoken was poorer than I realized. I knew no one there. I was smaller than all the other students in my class and the only foreign student. I'll tell you all about it some other time if you want to know the details, but before the end of the first week things were so bad, I called my parents and begged to come home..."

Gakuto made a small noise of annoyance, "No. I wanna know now. Tell me now. Please?"

Yuushi felt pain and shame centered in his chest whenever he thought about what happened. It was mortifying and even though Yuushi knew it wasn't true, it still upset him. It was a raw wound that he just locked away. But it was still there and still festered, "All right. Some of the guys there...they said I...smelled. They said I smelled dirty. Like a toilet. Like urine, although they called it piss. They made up songs about my stench and my smelling and sang them whenever they saw me when no instructors were around. They said I smelled like a dirty Japanese who didn't know how to wash."

Gakuto gasped, "Th...those bastards! But...you don't smell bad, Yuushi. You're really clean. I...I like how you smell." Gakuto turned halfway around in his arms. He sounded so sincere and shy as he said it that Yuushi glanced at him.

The tensai was not even aware until then that he was looking down and couldn't even face the little redhead out of shame. Now that he could see him, Gakuto's face was puffy from crying and still tear streaked.

Looking adorably sincere Gakuto said again, "I...really like how you smell. And not just your cologne. I like how your skin smells. It's good. It's not dirty at all."

Despite blushing from embarrassment, Yuushi was touched and amused, "Oh? What do I smell like?"

Gakuto shrugged, "I dunno. Kinda spicy and I guess a little sweet sorta. Just...like you. But clean. Soapy." Gakuto shrugged again. "I dunno. Good. You always smell good. I like it."

Yuushi felt blissfully happy. When someone said things like that about your scent, he knew it meant they usually had feelings for you. The tensai knew it was a chemical bonding reaction and had read up on the science behind it, but science didn't compare to reality. Other people had said things like this to him before about liking or loving how he smelled, but never Gakuto. And Gakuto was the only person who mattered.

Yuushi smiled slightly, "I...don't wear cologne. Or use any perfumes or scented soaps or anything. My mother's allergic to them. It's a habit."

"So...that's just how you smell? It's not a soap or a cologne, really?" Gakuto looked in awe as if somehow Yuushi was going to surprise him with a joke.

"It's just me...but if there is something you like, a cologne or soap or scent you prefer, truly I don't mind..." Yuushi worried.

"No. I told you. I like it. Don't change." Gakuto bit his bottom lip pensively, "Should I...I mean...do you like how I...?"

"Gakuto, I love how you smell. Haven't I told you a thousand times before? With and without your soap and cologne you always smell amazingly good. Very sexy. I believe I'm now quite addicted to the smell of your shampoo." Yuushi kissed Gakuto's hair and then his forehead to illustrate his point and because he could.

Gakuto snuggled up to him as if wanting to be kissed more. Or perhaps he just wanted to hear more, "Did everyone hate you? In that school fulla bastards?"

Yuushi hadn't expected the question or the anger Gakuto felt. He thought about the question for only a second, "No. Actually, I was quite popular with most of the students and the teachers. It was only a small group when I first arrived who lashed out at me constantly. They were all on the tennis team."

"Jealous." Gakuto said instantly, "You probably beat them and they hated you."

"Exactly. Only at the time I didn't understand. I was already emotionally distraught and homesick. I had never been hated before and had no idea how to handle it. In the past when I played well it made me liked. Here it seemed to have the opposite effect with the other players and the more the coaches and teachers seemed to like me, the more these people hated me. Of course, they picked something horrible to make fun of me for."

"Smelling? Why did they pick that? I mean that isn't even true. Hell, it isn't even funny, and the racial stuff is just bullshit. Sayin crap like that is just taking cheap shots!" Gakuto seemed confused.

Yuushi felt anger still, "Indeed. But truly, they had a good deal of fun with it all. Mostly, however, they focused on the smelling aspect of their teasing because that upset me more than anything else they said. I am very embarrassed by this so of course no one here knows..."

Gakuto nodded eagerly to show he was listening but Yuushi knew Gakuto getting gossip no one else at Hyoutei had heard was like pouring gasoline on a grease fire.

Yuushi took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "The first night I arrived, I was terribly jet-lagged and stressed. My luggage had not yet arrived. I had only a few things with me and the rest was supposed to follow. I had nothing much of mine with me and I felt totally displaced and alone. A phone call came in for me late. About a minute before we were no longer allowed to receive calls, and remember I was sent away ostensibly for my safety. I was sent far away from everyone and everything to protect me from my former tutor who was not to have any contact with me and would not know at all where I was. I went down the hall to answer the phone thinking it was my parents calling to check on me. It was not..."

AN: Sorry I've been out of town& busy with work. Tis the season you know XD

More very soon!

-------------------------------

Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety One ~Oshitari~

2006-01-02T21:31:29Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety One ~Oshitari~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

------------------------------------

"Who was it?" Yuushi asked completely confused. He clearly remembered sitting down at dinner next to Gakuto that first night.

Gakuto said seriously, "Naka Takashi."

"But that's the night he...?" Yuushi was shocked.

Gravely Gakuto interjected, "Jumped out the window and killed himself. Yeah, I know..."

Gakuto was quiet a moment as if he was searching for what to say. He looked at Yuushi and looked worried, "Okay, you see the thing is, well, I never told anyone this, but I think I was the last person he ever talked to. I swear I never told anyone anything about this. Not even Atobe knows about this."

Yuushi felt flattered. Gakuto rarely divulged anything for free. He must really feel he could trust the tensai. Yuushi wanted his beloved to know he was safe, "You can trust me. I'll never betray you. I swear it."

The little redhead rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, "I know that! I wouldn't tell you any of this if I didn't already know that." Gakuto sighed dramatically, "Anyway...where was I? Oh. I remember. Naka-san grabbed me and pulled me into a room--his room. He told me I was an idiot and was being fooled. He said that in Az...I mean...in my junior's room, all the seniors on the kendo team were waiting to do stuff to me. Sex stuff. And they were gonna make me do sex stuff to them. It was a trap Naka-san said, but I didn't understand what the hell he meant. I mean who would? He sounded crazy. Naka-san got really angry at me. I think maybe because I didn't understand, or maybe because I didn't believe him, at least not at first."

"Naka-san told me to shut up and listen because I was in danger. He was tryin to save me if I would just listen. He said the seniors in the kendo club were gonna force me do sex things with them. He said things like oral sex and that they were gonna force me to have sex with them. I musta looked all surprised and he musta thought I was just stupid. He finally said that they were gonna rape me. He used that word, rape, and Yuushi, you know that is maybe the worst thing anyone can ever say to me. I didn't believe Naka-san. I really didn't. Not right away, but then he showed me a web page he said he made. It looked like a real site and it was in Az...in the junior's room. I could see a bunch of seniors from the kendo club were there all on a web cam talking and laughing. Naka-san explained that this year they went high-tech. They made him make the site for them."

"You probably never met him Yuushi, but Naka-san was a really smart guy. Smart like you, but kinda in a different way. He was a computer genius and he told me that last year, he was me. You see, the year before Naka-san was a freshman who a junior on the kendo team became good friends with and protected. After a while of hangin out all the time together, they both kinda told each other that they liked each other. You know?" For a moment, Gakuto paused as if this was uncomfortable for him.

Yuushi wondered if Gakuto was embarrassed by two men being together. The tensai nodded to let Gakuto know he was paying attention and the little redhead settled down and looked relieved enough to continue his story. Whatever had bothered him seemed soothed.

"Anyway, Naka-san said the junior was Wadachi Hideki. He was the club president last year, and my junior's childhood best friend. Naka-san thought Wadachi was totally into him, but what the club junior guy had to do was to seduce a virgin freshman. It wasn't really like a rape because the freshman wasn't held down or anythin, but in a way, it was kinda worse. The way it works is the junior has to make a freshman like him enough to get him to show up for their first night together. Only once the freshman gets there, he finds out things are totally different than how he thought they were gonna be. Instead of it being a first date, or the first time they have sex or somethin like that, the junior has to make the freshman fall for him so much that the freshman will do anything the junior asks him to. When the freshman shows up, basically he gets pressured and the seniors all have sex with him."

Yuushi looked at Gakuto dubiously.

"I mean it Yuushi! Why the hell would I make this up? They say and do anything to get the freshman to agree. The seniors lied and told Naka-san that Wadachi had a big gambling debt. Supposedly he owed them a lot of money. Naka-san said they seemed like they were gonna beat Wadachi up and throw him outta Hyoutei if Naka-san didn't agree to do things to them all or pay them all this money. Naka-san didn't have any money. And to make it worse, they told Naka-san that Wadachi lost some kinda bet about Naka-san. Supposedly Wadachi lost because he was trying to protect Naka-san when someone was gonna beat him up. I didn't get all of that part until later, but the important thing is Naka-san to help and protect Wadachi finally agreed to let them all do things to him."

Yuushi was surprised as Gakuto snuggled closer to him as if cold and seeking warmth. Gakuto fidgeted and started shaking his leg as he did when he was stressed or excited or chilled. The tensai moved the blanket up across Gakuto's naked back and shoulders which made the redhead for some reason move even closer to him. Only when he put his hands on Gakuto's soft pale skin did his beloved roommate begin to settle down. Gakuto moved even closer. He tucked the top of his head under the tensai's chin as he lay in Yuushi's arms practically on top of him.

Not that Yuushi minded, it was rather nice and unexpected, but this didn't seem to be about warmth. That close together, Yuushi could feel Gakuto's heart fluttering in his small chest. It reminded the tensai of a scared little bird's heart and he pressed a kiss into Gakuto's damp hair.

For a moment he worried that Gakuto might catch a cold because he had such a delicate constitution. Then the tensai guessed that Gakuto was seeking was comfort, and not just temperature warmth. The small, almost subconscious act Gakuto did of moving closer to him now made the tensai feel like a superhero.

Yuushi was prepared to love Gakuto at all costs, and he made a mental note to comfort him at all costs as well. This, love and what to do when you loved a person really was all new to the tensai. Other than books or movies where everyone always just seemed to know what to do and say perfectly. Yuushi had frequently marveled at how the people always seemed to know the right thing to do, when he really didn't. When he watched a movie for the first time, Yuushi was usually surprised when the hero in the story did something wrong and then corrected it to win his love by the end. Even when he re-watched a film, Yuushi thought what the hero did was still the right thing, and often didn't understand why it was wrong. When he tried to ask people, usually women who went to the movies with him, the generally thought he was joking and would laugh.

But he was honestly confused. Someday maybe Gakuto could explain it all to him. Because even now, even though he had no doubt that he was in love, Yuushi kept feeling surprised by what was expected of him. What Gakuto needed and what was proper to do confused him. He was guessing the whole time and it never seemed in books or movies that the hero ever did that. The tensai realized just listening and being supportive for now really seemed to be doing a good job. The rest Gakuto was kind of leading on which was fine as well. One good thing about Gakuto, if he was upset because Yuushi did or didn't do something he should, at least the tensai would know. Still, he worried that he might do the wrong thing and then not know as the hero in the stories always did what the right thing to do to win his love back would be.

Yet, Yuushi looked forward to the challenge of discovering all the intricacies that came along with deeply loving someone. Perhaps if you really and truly loved someone, everything would work out fine. That was something they always said in all the books and movies.

But now, for example, at this moment, it seemed as if Gakuto was waiting for the tensai to do something. He had no idea what to do. Softly with his hand Yuushi separated the hairs on Gakuto's part and only then did a portion of the tension ebb from his roommate's beautiful body. It must have been the right thing to do. Yuushi kissed Gakuto's hair again and Gakuto snuggled up to him with a small sigh of contentment before continuing.

"I guess what they did to Naka-san...it was probably horrible, and it probably went on for hours, you know? And he thought he was doing it to save the person he had fallen for, but then Naka-san must have found out the whole thing was a lie. And everything he had done and sacrificed and been put through didn't matter to anyone but him. They used him. He was angry that night. Even a year after it happened, he was so, so angry at them, and I understood. I understood completely just like you would Yuushi, but I couldn't tell him how much I understood. Couldn't or just didn't...I don't know..."

Yuushi was just about to reassure him when Gakuto suddenly seemed to shake whatever guilt or unhappiness he seemed to be feeling. His mercurial moods changed on a whim from dark to light and without warning Gakuto was ready to continue, "Anyway Naka-san said the point of them doing all this every year is some kinda stupid loyalty test the bastards in the kendo club came up with. It's how they pick their next captain. Sometimes, like two times ever since Hyoutei started, the junior stopped the seniors from hurting his freshman, but by doing that the junior chooses the freshman over the team. The junior is then punished and hurt badly."

Gakuto's leg moved frantically as he thought through this. Yuushi realized he truly was the first person Gakuto told any of this to. He must have not even trusted Taki enough to voice any of this out loud. For too long his love had bottled up too much pain. Wryly Yuushi mused how they both had.

"But Yuushi, how can the team every year have let that happen? I mean, every year the junior chosen to maybe be the next captain would spend all that time with this freshman and know the entire time that the kid was gonna get hurt basically because the freshman stupidly fell for him. I know this is Hyoutei and I get all of that, but it would be like your big brother plannin on hurtin you from the day he meets you! Or you plannin on hurtin your own little brother after you spend all that time with him. You know, everyone says how hardcore our tennis club is, but this is really cold. This is killing a puppy cold...but worse!" Gakuto's voice crackled with emotion. The little redhead was nearly growling he was so angry.

Killing a puppy. Gakuto was referring to a common whispered rumor at and about Hyoutei. There is a persistent myth that in Hyoutei high school every year, the tennis club adopts a puppy mascot who is raised by the team. At the end of the season, the person who kills the puppy and eats its heart while it's still beating is purportedly named the next captain. While none of the Hyoutei junior high sub-regs really believe the rumor is actually true, over the years 'killing a puppy cold' had become a saying that referred to any group or individual who was ruthlessly single-minded and obsessively determined to succeed at any costs.

Atobe was that level of determined to make captain in junior high, so the phrase was usually attached to his name, but only by tennis club outsiders. Their illustrious vice-captain did not like the term used ever. Not even in jest, and Atobe's power was so encompassing the expression had become a whispered thing in their school. Probably in others as well. Which of course Yuushi conversely discovered only added to the mystery and drama.

The puppy killing Yuushi figured really was just a rumor, but it was one that like all the others helped elevate the mystique that surrounded their national level tennis club. Yuushi almost smiled as he recalled how Gakuto had taken Ohtori around when the freshman first arrived. It was the only way Yuushi knew that Ohtori's story and loss touched Gakuto deeply. It was another example of how Gakuto reached out and cared for people he liked, and unfortunately, his gestures were too often overlooked. It was easy to dismiss Gakuto as callus or frivolous when he truly ran much deeper than everyone else knew.

Gakuto patiently spent hours with Ohtori. Hours where he explained every Hyoutei rumor and expression the redhead thought would help the painfully shy and emotionally overwhelmed freshman. Out of the blue, Ohtori had become extremely distraught over the killing the puppy expression. He became so worked up that Gakuto had to reassure the freshman several times it was just a rumor and most likely really not true.

Even so, Ohtori still continued to get upset at the term or maybe at the thought. Yuushi finally had to intercede and reassured Ohtori that Atobe would never abide any animal abuse and would not allow anything like that to really happen. He explained to the freshman that it was just a tall tale, as was that they sweat blood from working so hard when it was the cheap dye in their expensive shirts. Eventually, through calm talking and logic Yuushi had been able to calm the freshman down. Finally, Gakuto had been able to continue on in Ohtori's speed-education course of how to survive at Hyoutei.

The little redhead never said a word at the time, but apparently he had been very grateful to the tensai. Gakuto had later that night thanked Yuushi nicely by buying the tensai dinner. It was the first time Gakuto invited Yuushi anywhere alone. True, the little redhead never said that was why he did it, but Yuushi knew how Ohtori getting upset had bothered Gakuto. The little redhead hated when his jokes went bad and really got upset when he thought someone didn't like him. Especially someone Gakuto had decided he liked.

For various reasons Yuushi had surmised, Gakuto seemed to very much like and admire Ohtori, so it would have crushed him if Ohtori didn't want to be his friend. After that, Gakuto was very careful about never saying any jokes that referred to that expression around Ohtori again. Gakuto had an amazing ability to adapt himself to fit his company.

The little redhead adapted again that night when he took the tensai to dinner. It had been Yuushi's first time at a family restaurant and he had enjoyed the experience and the meal tremendously. The whole thing had fascinated him, as did Gakuto's laughing response to Yuushi being intrigued by apparently simple things most people take for granted. It had been a good evening. What the tensai had been most astounded by was how patient Gakuto was when he understood that Yuushi was not joking.

Yuushi had never eaten in a place like that and found everything new in a foreign way and the customs quaint. He let Gakuto explain everything to him and the little redhead seemed to charmingly revel in the attention. Gakuto took the same care and attention with him there that the little redhead had taken with Ohtori earlier. It eased a jealous burn Yuushi hadn't realized he felt when watching Gakuto with the shy freshman, but looking back, Yuushi had been jealous. The tensai wondered to himself if Gakuto had somehow known, even then.

Suddenly, Yuushi thought to himself that he needed to stop distracting himself from what Gakuto was telling him by thinking other things. What Gakuto was saying was distressing to the tensai who usually tuned out things that upset him rather than deal with them. Really, Yuushi told himself, he should pay attention to what his beloved little redhead was saying since it was so important to Gakuto. The problem was, Yuushi already figured out who the bastard who hurt Gakuto was and he wanted to tear him apart. Wanting that now however would help nothing.

Gakuto continued and fortunately did not seem to notice Yuushi's attention had drifted away for a moment, "So, if the junior stopped them from hurtin the freshman what would happen to him was he would get beat up or something that night, and then be thrown outta the club and school soon after. They don't shun them until the person leaves school like the tennis club would. But, if the junior let them have his way with the freshman, then it proves his stupid loyalty to the club. It made that junior now be their team vice-captain and the year after he would be captain. It was some kinda big honor and totally stupid."

He looked up at Yuushi angry, "Isn't it stupid? It's like provin you're the biggest bastard on the planet and that's why everyone should look up to you. It's kinda their club's hazing ritual--their version of a sharing--or at least it was. They considered it an honor for the freshman who was chosen. Yeah, right, some damn honor."

"The team supposedly always treats the freshman like an honored team mascot and they're all supposedta take care of him after it happens, but Naka-san, he didn't take what they did to him lightly. He fell for Wadachi and thought the bastard loved him too. He only did it because he thought they were really gonna hurt Wadachi. So Naka-san let them do those things to him and hurt him that night, but then when Naka-san found out that it was all some kinda sicko club game for the junior he thought he loved, he decided to take action. He put up with their crap all year because Wadachi who became their vice-captain, and then their captain, continued to force Naka-san to do stuff, sex stuff whenever he wanted."

Gakuto nodded gravely, and Yuushi's blood ran cold. "Naka-san said all year the junior made Naka-san do anything he felt like. They videotaped what they did to him and Wadachi threatened to sell the tape to people if Naka-san didn't do whatever he wanted. Naka-san woulda lost his scholarship and been expelled. He had no where to go he told me. No family, no one to care for him, and no choice. He did whatever Wadachi asked him to. From school projects to sex things with him and even other guys, Naka-san was almost like his slave. Wadachi usedta tell Naka-san to show him he loved him. That's what he usedta say. I looked it up later and Naka-san was really alone, Yuushi. He wasn't close to anyone and he didn't have any real friends. He was here on full scholarship and didn't really have any family or I guess anyone he could talk to about any of this. I guess he went kinda insane because he didn't have anyone to help him." Gakuto's voice was full and hoarse with emotion.

Yuushi wasn't sure if it was Gakuto feeling empathy for he could well understand the pain of having a secret and no one to tell for so long, or perhaps something else.

"I didn't help him. I barely heard what Naka-san was sayin to me when he told me. I only put it all together later because at the time I think I kinda was in shock. I didn't believe this was happening to me--again. I felt dizzy and like I was gonna throw up. My heart was beatin so hard I thought I was gonna pass out. I had to sit down and Naka-san put his arm around me. He made me breathe into a paper bag until I calmed down and while I was doin that, he kept tellin me it would all be okay now. He said he was gonna help me and that I was safe because he saved me. He seemed really happy about savin me."

"I guess I was cryin. Naka-san tried to make me feel better. He said he saw me go into the junior's room the night before and guessed what we did. He said that it was breakin the rules for the junior to touch me before the seniors at all. They're not even supposedta kiss you. Naka-san told me he thought maybe my junior really did like me enough to risk everythin, but it looked like my junior was still gonna let them have their way with me. He'd have to or he'd have gotten punished by them. He woulda let the team down. Naka-san told me the more the freshman agrees to do stupidly outta love, the better things go for the junior."

"Naka-san said he got a copy of the video they made. He said he saw everything of what they did to him the year before and he was gonna make them all pay. They recorded them hurtin him Yuushi and he said they were so stupid about it they all recorded their faces on camera. Those stupid bastards! Naka-san said was gonna send the video to people and ruin the whole team. He said at first he was gonna let it happen to me and use the website as proof too because Wadachi, that bastard, supposedly sold access to perverts to watch me get raped, but Naka-san said he felt too guilty. He didn't want me to suffer like he had. He said when we were in grade school this one time, right after his mom died, some kids were pickin on him and even though they were all older than me, I went up and told them to back off. Naka-san said I made lotsa jokes until the guys left him alone. I don't even remember it, but it sounds like somethin I would do, you know?"

Gakuto shrugged. Yuushi could well see him doing just that. Gakuto didn't give himself enough credit, but Yuushi felt his little redhead was very fair and tried to keep the underdogs from getting too picked on. It was just the way he naturally was. Yuushi said softly, "Indeed, that does sound like you."

"Yeah. So instead of lettin them just hurt me, Naka-san decided he was gonna help me. He told me I was gonna be his legacy. He gave me a website on a piece of paper and said to use his given name and the date he was attacked as the password. I still didn't believe him all the way. I still thought maybe it was some kinda trick or a joke or somethin, and then while I watched on the computer, my junior dialed his cell phone on the website and my phone rang. I answered it right away so he didn't hear it ring because I was just down the hall. My heart was bangin in my chest so hard it hurt. It was like I had to run wind sprints after laps, and I saw him ask on screen like the same time I heard him say it. He asked where I was because he said he was waitin for me. He said he was worried about me. He asked me if I needed help or him to come get me because he didn't want anything bad to happen to me. I watched the guys on the screen leerin and gesturin about what they were gonna do to me and he smiled back at them. I realized it was all true. It was all true and I couldn't believe it."

Gakuto's voice cracked. He was very upset. His heart must have been broken. Yuushi held him closer and tighter, reminding himself not to squeeze Gakuto because he wanted to hurt the bastard who hurt him.

After a moment, Gakuto went on, "I was shocked and felt sick. What the fuck had I done? What the fuck had I done to deserve this? Again? I was mad at myself. And I was angry at that junior bastard. For lyin to me. For makin me trust him. For plannin to let them hurt me all along. I felt like I was a little kid again and I finally had a chance to yell at the bastards who were gonna hurt me just before they did. I opened my mouth to tell him he was a complete and total bastard and to fuck off and die, but before I could say a word, Naka-san grabbed my phone from me and hung up."

"He said if I let them know I knew, I would be in danger. I watched my junior on the screen saying my name wondering if the call disconnected. I watched him redial but Naka-san had already turned off my phone. I think I mighta cried a little. Later on, after things calmed down, I even thought that maybe Naka-san had looked up my past and knew what happened to me. I mean, I hadn't hid anything back then and he was real smart like that. I don't know. I used to have bad dreams about what happened and in them I could never tell Naka-san to not kill himself in time because he always seemed to know about my past and I got too upset. Even when I dreamed about him, I never could save him no matter how I tried."

"Anyway, Naka-san told me it would be better for me to tell my junior if he called again and after I was somewhere safe that things were just goin too fast and I needed some time to think. Naka-san said not to worry about revenge because my junior was gonna be punished by them and the rest of them were gonna be punished by Naka-san."

"What happened next is kinda fuzzy because by then I was really upset. Naka-san somehow walked me downstairs and out of their dorm. I don't think anyone saw us or noticed. He told me to go right to dinner and act like nothin ever happened. I told him I felt too sick to eat, but he said no that I had to go. He said I hadta act normal and stick with my friends even if I felt sick or upset. He said I would be in danger if the kendo club ever found out I knew. Instead, I needed to be with my friends to be safe. I shouldn't be alone."

"Naka-san said when the junior called again to remember to tell him I needed to think and wanted to be left alone. No matter what the junior said, I shouldn't meet him even if he said he was in trouble because it was a trick. Naka-san said that later that night I should check out the website on the piece of paper and to save everything because it would only be able to be accessed once. He said it was very, very important. He made me promise and told me he was glad he met me one last time. He said he was happy he could help me like I once helped him. Naka-san said again he was passing on his legacy to me, and to make him proud. I was so in shock I wasn't sure what the hell he meant and couldn't even take it all in. I've always felt bad because I don't even think I said thank you to him."

"So, I washed my face and got to dinner around when everyone else did. None of the kendo club or the junior showed up and I was too sick to eat. You came over and asked if you could sit by me. I do remember that kinda. You kinda talked to me but I couldn't tell you what it was about or anything we said. My junior called again at the end of dinner and asked where the hell I was. He sounded upset and I couldn't tell if he was angry or relieved because he sounded like he mighta been both. I told him what Naka-san said to about needing to think and that things were too fast. He offered to come talk to me, in fact he begged to see me or for me to meet him, but I told him I was at dinner with the tennis club and was busy after. I said I wanted to be alone. I went with everyone to watch a movie in someone's room. I don't even remember where it was or what we saw. I just went along to not be alone. You were there and I think you sat next to me. Yeah, you did. I remember now cause Atobe was mad because Shishido was on the other side of you. You took the space that Atobe wanted so he ended up sittin by Taki who made a big deal about it to me later. Like Atobe chose to sit by him." Gakuto rolled his eyes.

"I don't even remember what movie was playin or what everyone talked about because all I could think about was what happened. How stupid I was. Part of me wanted to run to see him and demand to know if it was true, but I was too scared to really do it. But if I could, I wanted to ask him why. I just wanted to know why. And I wanted to know how he could do that to me, but then another part of me was really angry because it almost happened to me again. I didn't know what the hell to think or do. It was near the end of the movie when some teachers came around and told everyone there'd been an "incident" and we all had to go to back to our own rooms for the night. The guy Taki usedta date was a freshman in the kendo club and he called Taki before we all got back to our rooms to tell him about Naka-san. Remember? I wanted details and felt so bad. I know I shoulda done or said something to Naka-san but I was too in shock. I didn't know. Maybe I coulda stopped him, I dunno, but I didn't do anything."

Yuushi did remember, but he had been so focused on his own feelings and situation he never noticed Gakuto's distress until now. Photographically looking back, the tensai was amazed at how much he had missed that evening. "There was probably nothing you could have done. You made him feel good and he got to help you his last night. You couldn't have done much more than that. You're not responsible when someone..." Yuushi saw how suddenly angry Gakuto was and his words dried up.

"I know. I was friends with Taki who is like a walking encyclopedia for mental illness and depression and stuff, but I still feel bad. Maybe if I said or did one thing instead of only thinkin about myself I coulda helped him. Anyway, I got upset when I heard. Really upset and confused and then I remembered what he told me to do, and I looked online at the site. I didn't know until later that by my lookin at it that it automatically sent out anonymous emails Naka-san wanted sent to everyone in power. I also didn't have any idea that it sent copies of the tape to people all over. I was so stunned when I saw what it was that I almost forgot to save everything. Yuushi, Naka-san is the one who gave me the pass codes for the whole school and there were instructions there on how to do everything. Seriously with what he gave me, he taught me more than I've learned the entire time I've been at Hyoutei. I'm okay with computers, I mean, I know my way around them and all, but Naka-san, he was a tensai with them."

Gakuto turned to him, his small storm of emotion suddenly passed for him, but he hadn't seen how upset Yuushi was feeling. The little redhead seemed to be more ready to confess everything, "I know everyone thinks I paid big bucks for the codes or that I used sex or something, but I didn't pay anythin--at least not any money. I was really hurt though, for a long time and then like a complete idiot I went and trusted and liked Sato. Guess I have pretty shitty taste in guys. I woulda been better off bein like you and Taki and havin a crush on Atobe." Gakuto smirked, "Although I probably woulda killed him if the bastard drugged me like they say he did with Shishido, especially if he was bad at kissing like you said he was. See? I suck at pickin people to like. Probably why I never liked you before. I never like nice guys...at least I never did before you..." Gakuto cocked his head and looked confused, "What...?"

-------------------------------

Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety ~Shishido~

2006-01-02T21:30:27Z

Learning to Land. Chapter Ninety ~Shishido~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Shishido moved his hand away--and looked.

Ohtori was completely normal--well except for being really big, but other than that, he was completely normal. It didn't look scarred or deformed or anything. Okay, Shishido wasn't an expert, but to him it looked normal. And yeah, his foreskin didn't cover all of the head completely when he was rock hard--like now, but it probably covered it when he was soft. Which he was rapidly growing despite being touched. Shishido guessed some guys had different lengths because after all everyone was different.

He wondered for an instant if identical twins were identical even down to that. He shrugged to himself because he would never really know. Hell, if he remembered right, Atobe, Mr.Perfect didn't have a long foreskin either. Hell, maybe Shishido was the one who's was weird. On impulse Shishido gently pulled the skin back to see if it moved fine. It did, although Ohtori gasped at being touched that way.

"Choutarou? I'm going to tell you the truth." Shishido paused to look up at him and he saw Ohtori looking down at him through his fingers which covered his face again. The freshman nodded and Shishido went on, "You are...completely normal. You aren't too big. You're not weird. You're not a horse. You're not dirty. You're perfect." On another impulse, with the skin still pulled back, Shishido kissed his tip gently and then released him. He stood up.

Ohtori was looking at him with his face red and his jaw dropped open.

Shishido put his arms around him. It was good that it was normal but really, it didn't matter. Shishido liked him, not his dick. "Baby? You're fine. You're clean and you're perfect. It's not dirty, or messed up, or too big. I would never have known any of that ever happened to you if you didn't tell me."

Ohtori looked at him shocked although he did close his mouth. What he quietly said next though Shishido didn't expect, "Gakuto said Oshitari-san's is big and his foreskin doesn't cover his tip when he's completely hard."

Shishido blinked. He thought how disgusting that factoid was, "Okay. That was an image I never needed in my head. Hey, you talked to Gakuto about this?" Gakuto! Of all people!

"N..no way. He...just tells me stuff about him and Oshitari-san. They're...dating." Ohtori whispered the last word as if revealing some huge secret. Then he added, "I'm not supposed to tell anyone but I can tell you, Shishido-san. Gakuto's going to be seme when they go away tomorrow. Well, I guess today. It's going to be their first time. They're leaving after the match to fly to Oshitari-san's home for the night." The freshman looked very happy about all this for some unknown reason.

"Hey! Damn it!" Shishido said too roughly and Ohtori flinched. Choutarou went to pull away probably worried he did something wrong. Shishido held him though and wouldn't let him go. "Sorry, it's just...that's another image of stupid Gakuto I never needed in my head--and him with Oshitari, like that?"

Shishido took a breath and turned his voice down. The shower was not soundproof and they had neighbors, "Look, I guess you and Gakuto are friends and that's great and all, but I'm not a big fan of his. He doesn't like me either. You don't talk to him about us, do you? You know you can't, right? I mean Gakuto seems nice and all..." Yeah right, Shishido thought. Gakuto was only nice when he wanted information. The rest of the time he was a slimy snake only looking out for himself. "But you can't trust him. He sells information to the highest bidder. Anyone's information. Hell, I know for a fact he sells information about me to anyone who'll pay."

He had a dreadful thought, maybe before Shishido finally got around to telling Ohtori things about himself, the freshman maybe already knew them, "Hey, he didn't tell you anything about me, did he?" Ohtori did know an awful lot. Oh please, please no...Shishido silently begged whatever gods still liked him to help him out here.

"N..no Shishido-san. Never. I would never. Sometimes Gakuto asks me stuff, but I never say anything about you. Gakuto is my friend though. He would never hurt me. I helped him with some stuff and in return he helped me with the dance thing. That's all. We're just friends. I wouldn't do that Shishido-san. Not to anyone, but especially not to you. I wouldn't ever tell anyone that we've...kissed." Ohtori looked stricken and down.

Kissed? As in past tense? Shishido realized he was being an ass, but damn it, Gakuto really infuriated him. He worried about what it could possibly mean. Why did that little snake want to become friends with sweet and innocent Choutarou? Gakuto did everything for a reason and now Shishido was going to have to go talk to Gakuto too. His list of people to tell to back the hell off of Ohtori or else was growing longer and longer. Shishido sighed.

Choutarou was looking distinctly miserable. Shishido held Ohtori in his arms a little tighter and didn't give a thought to which of their parts were touching other parts. "I'm sorry. You know I get angry easy and Gakuto and I always push each other's buttons. I know you wouldn't say anything. I trust you and I believe in you." Shishido had a thought, "What did you help Gakuto with?"

"I...I'm not supposed to say. I swore, but I can tell you?" Shishido nodded. Part of the whole big brother thing was that you could tell your big brother anything and it over-rode any other promises. Shishido never told anyone anything anyway. Ohtori had to know that. "Oh. Gakuto? He...he wanted to learn the...the tea ceremony. And formal dining. Western style dining. He did really well. He learns fast. This weekend's important to him."

Shishido had to keep from howling in laughter. Belching bawdy little Gakuto at tea or a formal dinner was one of the funniest things Shishido could picture. Even more hilarious than him topping Oshitari. Damn it, Shishido fought not to laugh as the images rolled around in his mind. When he finally had control of his laughter, Shishido hugged him close so Ohtori couldn't see him almost breaking into a grin and said honestly, "I'm sure you taught him well."

Ohtori smiled against his neck, "It was fun. He offered to give me information on anyone in return for helping him, but I said no. He never said you. Somehow it came up about having nice legs and Gakuto said I walk all stiff like I have a pole up my butt so I should learn how to dance." The freshman gave a little laugh and shrugged.

"You walk fine," Shishido said absently. You never knew what stray comment might turn into a new inferiority complex for the freshman. He had a thought, "Rinse. The conditioner has been in your hair for a long time." Ohtori did as told and Shishido put his arms back around Ohtori as soon as the freshman had wiped the water from his eyes. He went to ask him some more questions and maybe propose something else he had been thinking of when Ohtori's stomach gave a growl of discontent. Shishido asked, "Hungry again? You didn't eat at the party?"

Ohtori turned pink, "S...sorry. N...no, I was too nervous. But, it's okay. I...I shouldn't eat before bed."

"No way. I'm not letting you go to bed hungry. You should never go to sleep with an empty belly. Come on..." Shishido lead them out of the shower and got them dried off with a minimum of staring and blushing. Both mainly on Ohtori's part.

Although Shishido would have been lying if he said he didn't steal glances at Ohtori's body whenever possible. The freshman was seriously beautiful. His body was cut and strong and Shishido tried to ignore his urge to reach out and touch him just like he tried to ignore the throbbing ache he felt between his legs. Shishido liked how even doing the simplest tasks as towel drying his hair had Ohtori's muscles rippling nicely. Ohtori blushed when he noticed Shishido watching him. He blushed but he had this small, pleased smile on his face.

Shishido lay his towel down on the counter by the sink and hopped up to sit on it. "Come here..." He ordered Ohtori, "Closer." The freshman had stepped towards him but was out of his reach. Shishido grabbed his wrists and pulled Ohtori towards him. Damn he was tall. Shishido leaned back and ran his hands up Choutarou's naked hard-muscled chest and slid them down to rest on Ohtori's hips. "You have a beautiful body, baby."

Ohtori blushed deeper and went to stammer a reply.

Shishido figured he was going to protest and say Shishido was perfect or some other kind of crap like that so he cut Choutarou before he got any of the words out, "It's true. Your body is nice and strong and cut. I like it. I like you..."

Shishido smiled and his smile turned into a blush of his own. Damn it. He rarely ever blushed, but he also never talked about his feelings and stuff like this. It was both nice and uncomfortable at the same time, but mostly nice. He thought it was really nice when he saw how his words made Choutarou smile back at him and relax into him. Ohtori put his hands on Shishido's shoulders as if he had done it a thousand times before. It felt so good being like this with him Shishido had to fight a sudden urge he had to hug Choutarou to him hard and press his face into Ohtori's chest. Which was stupid, right? Still Shishido noticed at some point he had slipped his hands comfortably around to Ohtori's back. He smiled and pressed a series of lips only kisses to Ohtori's chest.

He enjoyed the catch he heard Ohtori's breath make as Shishido's lips connected with the freshman's skin. He decided to tease slightly, "In fact," Shishido licked and tasted his skin lightly, "If you really want to know..." He licked around Ohtori's right nipple softly. It was hard but he had noticed that Ohtori's nipples were usually hard. "There's only one thing..." Shishido touched his tongue with a wide lap over the hard nipple and Ohtori shivered. "Just one tiny thing..." He sucked softly and Ohtori inhaled sharply. "That I would change about your body...about you..." Shishido bit his nipple gently and Ohtori gave one of those tiny whimpers that he guessed were a moan held in.

Shishido half grinned, "Okay two things that I would change about you total."

Ohtori looked flushed with lust and at the same time managed to look worried. It was adorable. "Wh...what? Please tell me Shishido-san. I...I'll do anything...anything you want..."

Damn. He was so sexy and adorable at the same time. Ohtori was completely serious and being earnest when he said he would do anything Shishido wanted. The freshman clearly felt that much for him. "You really would, wouldn't you?" Shishido was astonished by him.

"Of course...if...if I can change them, I most definitely will, Shishido-senpai. Please? Please tell me?" Ohtori begged.

Damn. So hot and sweet. This wasn't going quite the way Shishido intended. He meant this as a fun and sexy tease, not something serious. If anyone had told Shishido to change something about himself to please them, Shishido would have told them to go to hell in a heartbeat. Ohtori never hesitated though and it made Shishido reconsider. If it was something Ohtori preferred, something minor, like Shishido cutting his hair, or not drinking coffee for his breath, Shishido with a shock realized he would of course do it. He wanted Ohtori not only to like him, but to be happy. The trouble was that Shishido already did like Ohtori and already was happy, but maybe Ohtori felt so down about himself that he couldn't see it.

Shishido said in awe of him, "You're too good for me, baby. The one who is perfect here is you, Choutarou. There isn't one thing about you that needs to change, and I mean it when I say that to you. You're too good for me just as you are. I am lucky you like me, and not the other way around. Baby, I was only going to say two fun things, that's all. I didn't have anything serious in mind, I promise you. Your body is beautiful. It's perfect. But Choutarou, if there is anything about me that you want me to change, anything at all, just tell me and if I can, I will. And you don't have to worry about my being mad or hurt or anything because as long as you're honest with me, I won't be." Shishido held Ohtori's face in his hands. "I want you to be happy, really happy, and I want you to be able to talk to me about anything, okay?"

Ohtori's eyes went soft as they did whenever Shishido praised him or made him feel good. He smiled wide, "Sh...Shishido-san! I...I am happy and I...I already feel like I can talk to you about anything. I'm happy. Really happy, I swear I am. This all seems like a really good dream." The freshman's smile faded, "I just...don't want to wake up and find out it is just a dream..."

"Then kiss me, baby. It's not a dream. I like you. This is real." Shishido wasn't sure if he reached up or if Ohtori reached down but their lips met in a long, soft kiss. His tongue flicked at the seam of Ohtori's lips and the freshman opened readily for him. Shishido growled a moan at how sexy that was and dove in, happy to drown there, but this time it was Choutarou who pulled back.

"Shishido-senpai? What two things?" He was adorably serious.

Shishido inwardly groaned and then decided he might as well have fun with this. "Alright maybe three things..." Because he could add the thing he wanted to ask so much in.

"Three?" Choutarou looked alarmed.

"Don't worry. They're just small things..."

"Please tell me! I'll do my best." Choutarou looked adorably cute and sincere.

"Okay," Shishido half-smiled without realizing it. He reached out and kissed Choutarou's chest and then around his nipple. He sucked gently on it and then slightly harder. Finally, when he ran his teeth lightly over it, Choutarou made one of those tiny whimpering noises. "First is that."

"Th...that?" Ohtori looked adorably carried away with lust.

"Mmhmm. When you feel something baby, when something feels good to you, I want to hear it. I don't want you to hold back your sexy voice any more."

Ohtori blushed, "S...sexy?"

Shishido smiled, "Yes, very sexy. Will you try to remember to make sounds for me and not hold back?" Shishido kissed around his nipple and then up his chest. When Ohtori didn't respond right away, Shishido gently bit him. He had never grown fully soft, but Shishido was rock hard again. And tasting his skin and then biting Choutarou made Shishido's erection actually twitch in response.

Choutarou went to whimper when he was bit and then opened his mouth, "nn...Ah! I...I'll try my hardest." He blushed adorably and then smiled slightly, "Shishido-san, what are the other two things?"

Shishido blushed slightly. He couldn't help that since that earlier small kiss he had been thinking about this. Doing this and hearing him and seeing Choutarou enjoy it. Shishido said as if he meant it very seriously, "We need to cut your hair..."

Ohtori adorably ran his hand through the hair on his head, "Shorter? And maybe make it black like everyone else's?"

Shishido grinned, "I like your hair, remember? The hair on your head is fine. Choutarou, I really like your hair and the color. I like that you don't look like anyone else here and that I can always find you in a crowd. That's not the hair I was talking about needing to be cut."

"This? I...I'll shave it off...?" Ohtori's hands disappeared around his back. Just like Shishido was hoping they would.

Choutarou had wrapped a towel around his waist and Shishido loosened it and let it drop to the floor. Ohtori gasped at suddenly being naked or maybe because his erection sprang up in response to suddenly being freed. Shishido slid his hands around Ohtori's back and ran them under his hands into that silken hair, pulling on it slightly. Choutarou shivered and made a slightly longer and louder noise than he had been. Still a little whimper-moan noise but better. He was trying. Tiny bumps raised all over his skin as if he caught a sudden chill.

Shishido growled without realizing it, "Hell no, baby. I like that too, remember? That's not the hair I meant either."

"Then...?" Ohtori looked adorably confused. Shishido smiled at how cute and innocent he was and then with the fingers from his right hand, ran them through Ohtori's "other" hair. It wasn't so much hair, but it was long there. It was blond and soft but long and curly too. It curled in these little rings too. It was okay, only just a little wild and there was another reason. "Oh..." Ohtori looked alarmed and mortified, "Is it...supposed to be short like yours? No one ever told me. I...I didn't know."

"Yours is fine. Really cute actually." Shishido looped a small ringlet around his pinkie finger. "And yeah I like mine short because mine's very straight and it tickles when its long. That's the thing, I get really ticklish in some places...and you wouldn't want me to sneeze..." Shishido blushed. He half-smiled and waited for Ohtori to figure it out.

His brow furrowed adorably perplexed. "Sneeze?"

Shishido decided on impulse to help him out. He bent and whisper soft licked Ohtori's tip with a wide lap of his tongue. "Mmhmm..." He was tempted to keep going but decided to not tease him that much. He knew if Ohtori did it to him, he might not be able to hold back after all this touching. Shishido was glad he looked up to see Choutarou's reaction.

"You mean...? Ahhh!" Ohtori shivered and his eyes rolled up into his head.

Just from a lick. Gods he was so responsive and sexy... Ohtori looked back at him and he was again consumed by lust. Shishido felt the same way but decided this third thing was too important to put off any more. "It doesn't have to be now of course, just when you get a chance, maybe trim it down a little for me?"

Ohtori looked wicked and almost drunk with lust, "Like...yours?" He held his hand by Shishido's hair, but didn't touch it. Shishido nodded and Ohtori ran his fingers through Shishido's still shower-damp hairs. Damn that was hot and Ohtori's reaction to touching him was very nice. Shishido never knew someone touching there could be such a turn on. He felt his breath catch and saw Ohtori's eyes close as if he felt really turned on too. Choutarou whispered, "Yours so soft, Shishido-san..."

Shishido smiled. He had to keep them on track because the third thing was important. Maybe to both of them, "Do you want to know the third thing I want to change?"

Ohtori suddenly looked at him very soberly and nodded. He seemed braced for whatever it might be.

Shishido thought of a way to ask him. He had never really done this before. Hell, he had never asked anyone on a date ever before--they always asked him, but he wanted to do this. Badly. Plus he also felt like there were some things he should talk over with him. Shishido took a deep breath, "I don't want to worry about you. I mean, I know you talked to Taki and I will again too just to make sure he doesn't bother you anymore, but I can't be there all the time to protect you..."

"I...I don't want you to worry Shishido-san. I'll take care of it. It will never happen again. I promise." Ohtori wasn't getting what Shishido was wanting at all.

Damn, Shishido considered that he should have thought this out before-hand, but he had already started so he guessed he should keep going, "What I'm trying to say is, well...you know what we've been doing together isn't allowed, right? That if we get caught, or if someone turned us in that it could mean big trouble for both of us?"

Ohtori for some reason suddenly looked like he was going to cry, "We're both guys. I...I know, Shishido-san...I just...just thought..." Shishido watched as Ohtori's bottom lip trembled and softly he asked, "Do you really think it's wrong?"

Shishido watched as he seemed to suddenly be in a world of pain. He had no idea how him trying to ask Ohtori this had taken such a wrong turn. Shishido was lost, "Do I really think what is wrong?"

"T...two guys. Doing...doing this, I...I mean what we did? Two guys kissing...or, I mean...who kissed?" Ohtori's face was not red, but he looked extremely upset.

Almost as upset at Shishido felt. Upset and angry, "What we did? All of a sudden you don't want to kiss me anymore?" What the hell? Ohtori was still touching his shoulders, and hard...but he was suddenly done?

"No! Th...that's not what I mean. I thought you didn't want to anymore Shishido-san, because, you know, I'm a guy and everything." Ohtori looked as confused as Shishido felt. "Because doing gay things isn't allowed."

"Are you gay?" The question popped out of Shishido's mouth before he could stop it. He was horrified that he asked that out loud but it was a word no one ever really used. Not with each other. Not even Gakuto used it when he joked around or picked on people. No one ever said that word or asked that question.

Ohtori was now beet red and said as if confessing something terrible, like a crime he had committed, "I...I don't know. I've never done anything with a girl but kiss that one and what those girls did to me tonight. The first girl and the kiss was okay, but I didn't like those girls tonight. I...don't know." He looked at Shishido evenly as if just realizing something himself, "I think I might be. I mean...the...the only person I want to be with and like and want to touch and kiss and think about all the time and have feelings for is you, Shishido-san, so...I...I guess I am. S...sorry. I...I'm sorry..." Choutarou took his hands off Shishido's shoulders and covered his mouth. He went to back away as if he were afraid of Shishido's reaction. Or maybe he just didn't want to be rejected.

Shishido though was kind of lost in thought himself. He had thought about all this with Atobe. He had hated even the thought that he might be gay and back then had consoled himself with the fact that Atobe was such a pretty and popular person that it was about the person and not his gender. Shishido couldn't deny that he enjoyed sex with women though, but he was really attracted to Ohtori too.

Not in any of the ways that guys were supposed to be attracted to girls. Again for some reason he thought of Gakuto ogling at girls, especially ones with large breasts. He did that publicly and with all the guys, but in reality, Shishido knew even though Gakuto had dated a lot of girls, he seemed to secretly prefer guys.

There was a closeness that only happened between guys. There was something about when you were with someone who was so much like you, shared similar interests, had similar experiences and feelings, and was even the same in gender that just didn't happen ever when Shishido had been with girls. If he had his ideal girl and Choutarou both standing in front of him and had to make a choice of either, who would he pick? Wouldn't that be the ultimate test?

He was still holding Ohtori's hips and even though the freshman was trying to politely get away, Shishido wouldn't let him go. Shishido knew without hesitating who he would choose. He said aloud maybe more to himself than to Ohtori, "I think I'm bi, but I prefer guys to girls. I mean, girls are nice and everything, but all I can think about lately and who I want to be with is you, Choutarou. Unless you don't want to be with me?"

Shishido's heart broke a little at the thought and he figured he should get this out right now. "If you don't want to be with me or anything, if you just want to go back to being friends and just want me to be your big brother, can you tell me now? I won't be mad or anything," Shishido felt an ache after he said it. No, he wouldn't be mad, but he would be heartbroken.

Maybe after all it was what he deserved though. Ohtori should have an out now, "And I know it's sudden for me to ask you, but if you don't want to be with me, please tell me. I really like you, even if you are a guy. That doesn't matter to me at all. I think if two people like each other then they should be free to be together. It's more about liking the person than their gender, I guess, and look, I know I'm not good at stuff like this. You'd think I would be, right? I mean I've dated a lot of girls, but I've never asked anyone if they want to date me. Hell, I've never even asked anyone out on a date before. What I was trying to say was it's not allowed to date anyone at Hyoutei, but they still let girls and guys to date, you know? It's not fair, but they do. I just meant we need to be careful." Shishido shrugged.

Ohtori still hadn't said anything so even though he felt his heart breaking, Shishido went on. He may as well get it all out even if Ohtori decided he didn't really want this. Then at least Shishido figured he could say he had really tried and given it his all. "And I know you tried your best with Atobe today, and hell, you did really well, but what you don't realize is how dangerous Atobe is. It's stupid, but he's really jealous of you and really...stuck on me. He only wants what he can't have, and like I told you, I won't ever go back to him so it's stupid, but he is dangerous. If he wants to cause problems he can."

Shishido felt grim, "Hell, he'll probably have me pulled from playing tomorrow because of earlier and because I didn't go with him after the party, which is lame but it won't be the worst thing in the world. But if he wanted to, he could have had both you and I expelled from school. It would mean a black mark on our permanent records for a homosexual incident. And you don't need something like that to follow you around. If he wanted to be a total bastard, he could have just said it was you and gotten just you expelled. Do you have any idea how hard that would be for me? To be here without you around? I don't think I could do it. In fact, I know I couldn't. I'd go home and have to live with my mom. It would suck so bad you have no idea, but it would be better than..."

Ohtori suddenly hugged him hard. Shishido braced to not fall into the mirror and gasped for air. Ohtori let him go slightly so he could breathe. The freshman's words came in a gush, "I want to be with you, Shishido-san. I want that more than anything. I really like you too even if you're a guy too. I like you so much, Shishido-san. I thought maybe you didn't like me because I might be gay, but I was wrong. Were you asking me to date you? Or to go on a date?"

Shishido blinked and tried to breathe. Ohtori freed him slightly more to look down at him, and Shishido blushed at the question. "Yeah, I guess I was asking both and..." Shishido sighed. Damn it! Really, he was bad at this. He should just say it outright. "I have an old futon in my room. I was thinking we could set it up and put your sleeping bag and pillow and some of your things around it in my room."

Ohtori seemed to go from elated to deflated in less than a second, "For me to sleep there? So Taki doesn't bother me anymore?"

Shishido was annoyed. Did he really have to spell everything out? Then fine! "No. Well yeah, that too, but no, it's so people will think you're sleeping every night on the futon instead of sleeping with me!"

Shishido took a breath and tried to calm down. The hot image that ran through his mind suddenly was of him and Choutarou sleeping together--but in a sexual way. It completely distracted Shishido for a few seconds and cooled his anger,"Yes, I do want to date you if you want, and sure, we can go out on a date if you want, but the change I wanted to ask was if you want to stay with me? You know, like every night?"

Ohtori looked shocked, "Y...you're asking me to move in with you?"

Shishido was shocked when Ohtori put it those terms, "Well, not officially or anything. You can't move all your stuff in except what you need. And I mean Atobe would throw us out of school in a heartbeat if he finds out, but..." Shishido thought about everything. How he felt about Ohtori. How he felt about just thinking of Ohtori not wanting him or not being around. Who Shishido would choose. Shishido shrugged, "Yeah. Date me, go out on a date with me, and move in with me. Sleep with me every night. Do you want to?"

Ohtori was still looking at him stunned. Shishido was just about to make a lame joke that he could think about it if he wanted to, but they were both naked and should probably put some clothes on when Ohtori suddenly hugged him again. He whispered a few words that Shishido couldn't hear because his blood was pounding in his ears from the bone-crushing embrace. "Chou...tarou...I can't...breathe..." Ohtori let him up for air but still held him tightly.

Shishido didn't hear his answer and decided he really wanted to hear the words. He worried Ohtori said something that he wanted to say first, but then he thought maybe the freshman said his given name and damn it, he didn't get to hear it, "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear what you said. Tell me exactly what you said, baby."

Ohtori said softly, "S...sorry. I said...yes. Actually I think I exactly said, 'Oh god. Yes, Shishido-san. Yes, to everything.'" Ohtori buried his head in the crook of Shishido's neck as if he was embarrassed instead of adorable.

Shishido smiled. Half-way at the oh god part and because he was so adorable, and then fully when he realized that Choutarou agreed. "Good, then go bring your things to my...to our room?"

Only then did Shishido realize they were naked and holding each other still. And they were dating. And damn, they were living together. Shishido shrugged. It would work out fine. He would make sure it did. This way too he knew that Ohtori would be safe in his arms every night. It was an exciting thought. "Do you need help with your stuff?"

Ohtori said, "No. I can do it. It's not like I can't go back later if I need something."

Shishido smiled, "Good. But first, give your...boyfriend a kiss?" It was an unusual word for Shishido. It didn't roll off the tongue, but he figured he would learn to make it work because it seemed to make Ohtori happy.

Choutarou rewarded him with a genuine smile and even a small giggle before he complied. Their kiss went on longer than Shishido had planned, but was so sweet he didn't want to stop. And both of them were grinning like idiots at each other when they finally did separate.

Still smiling, Shishido wrapped a towel around his waist and must have made an annoyed noise as he tucked his wet hair off his cheeks, behind his ears.

"Is something wrong?" Ohtori said and sounded curious. He was covering himself with a towel too.

Shishido half-smiled. He was so comfortable around Ohtori that without realizing it, Shishido did things he did only when he was alone. Like make noises or talk to himself. "No. Nothing, I just hate going to bed with wet hair."

"I could...I could braid it for you Shishido-san...maybe?" Ohtori smiled brighter than the candlelight. Why this would make him happy...? Shishido figured maybe Ohtori just liked touching his hair and maybe was pleased with being able to do something for his senpai.

"You know how to braid hair?" Shishido asked, amused as he blew out the candles and put them securely away for next time. Sometimes on girls Shishido guessed braids looked okay, but they really looked like too much work and bother. Girls were always asking to braid his hair and he wasn't sure if they just took a really long time or if the every girl just did it really slowly so they could talk to him more. And he hated undoing a braid because it left his hair in weird kinky waves the next day. Like a ponytail band made but everywhere.

There were a couple of guys around who played tennis at other schools who wore their hair in braids or even cornrows, but Shishido thought they looked rather lame and vain. Shishido liked his hair, but it was also nice because it was a simple thing. It was easier for him to keep long and tie it back than to bother with it. Like now, he just threw it back into a ponytail so it would be out of his face when he cooked. Easy.

"I do know how, Shishido-san. I used to wear my hair in a braid all the time when it was long. Especially when I played tennis. My sister showed me how to do one kind, but we taught ourselves how to do a bunch of others." Ohtori seemed very happy, almost excited about this. Shishido wasn't sure why.

"We? You mean you and your sister?" Shishido was distracted by tying his hair back and getting it high enough to keep it from sticking to his neck or getting in his way. If it wasn't so late, he would have probably used his hairdryer to at least get some of it dryer than this. It would take hours to dry now. He shrugged to himself, walked out of the bathroom, and over to their small kitchen.

Ohtori followed him out of the bathroom wearing his towel but with his robe over it, "N..no, Shishido-senpai. Me and my friend. I told you about him. We were doubles partners and best friends. We both wore our hair in long braids when we played. I'll go get my things."

Shishido remembered only then the pictures he had seen of Choutarou and his best friend with their braids. Something tugged at his memory but nothing solid. Shishido shrugged and decided to let it go. He was out of cheese so he made a bread and egg thing he hoped Ohtori liked. In a frying pan Shishido made a hole in the center of several pieces of bread, took out the holes, and cracked an egg into each hole. A little cinnamon and some sweet syrup when it was cooked and it was done. Shishido didn't really have a name for it or anything. It was something he invented one day with limited supplies and no money, but he found he liked them.

Choutarou appeared wearing baggy sleep pants and a well worn t-shirt. It fit him tightly and looked nice. He contributed some green jasmine tea to their meal, and then proceeded to ravenously wolf down most of the bread and egg things. Shishido wasn't really hungry so he didn't mind. He had eaten at the party because free food was free food.

Still Shishido asked, "Are they, okay? I never made them for anyone before."

Ohtori grinned despite his mouth being full. Shishido could tell he was trying to be polite while he ate,but he must have been starving. When he swallowed he said, "They're really good Shishido-san. What are they called?"

Shishido shrugged. "I don't know. I only make them for myself and I never gave them a name, but I'm glad you like them." Shishido was finished eating. "I know I probably don't have to tell you this, but I'm going to say it anyway. Remember how I said we have to be careful? Then I don't want you to get upset or anything if I go to dinner with Atobe or something. He and I are just friends and we can't afford to let him get suspicious, okay? So around everyone else you and I will act just like we always do, but it doesn't mean my feelings for you will change or anything. Do you understand?"

Ohtori nodded, but he didn't look happy. Even his pace of eating slowed.

Shishido speculated and said his best case scenario, "I think that eventually, Atobe will get tired of this and move on to something else. I'm kind of like a fad to him and he gets over fads quickly. He'll get over it even faster if he doesn't think he has any competition."

Ohtori swallowed and said, "But he does." And then looked mortified, "Oh...I..."

Shishido took his face in his hands. He didn't know why he so enjoyed doing that but he did. He caressed his soft cheek and ran his other hand gently down that horrible mark Ohtori said his violin left behind. Someday, Shishido wanted to hear him play without having to take a beta-whatever pill. He wanted him that comfortable and secure. "No, Atobe has no competition. Not with you, baby. Not for me. You've already won me, Choutarou. Tomorrow's going to be busy and I won't see you much if I have to play, so can I take you out on a date tomorrow night?"

Ohtori looked at him in that adoring way, but instead of agreeing said, "No one ever asked me out on a date before..." Shishido felt pleased until Ohtori added, "At least no one I liked."

Shishido laughed slightly, "Oh really? Who's been asking you out on dates?"

Ohtori smiled and blushed, "My senpai. My big brother. Who likes me. Who I live with." His smile widened and he looked wicked, "But I don't know where he wants to take me."

Oh. Well, Shishido hadn't really thought ahead that far. He wasn't broke, but as usual he didn't have a lot of money. The perfect place for them to go on a date came to mind. Shishido teased, "Se-cr-et...so what's this big brother of yours like?"

"He's beautiful inside and out." Ohtori said without even thinking about it and Shishido wondered if that was what Ohtori really did think about him. It made him feel really good and forget that he usually didn't think it was true about himself. Choutarou asked, "Can I have a hint? Please?"

Shishido smiled and began to gather up their dirty plates. "Yes," He stopped with the plates and put them down. Turning, Shishido kissed Ohtori deeply and hard and wondered if he would get that the kiss was the hint. "I think you'll like it. It's late. We should get to bed."

"Okay." Ohtori smiled adoringly and helped with the dishes.

They finished quickly together and went to brush their teeth taking turns in the sink spitting and then rinsing. It was a nice companionable feeling that Shishido really enjoyed. In his room, Ohtori took off his shirt and Shishido put on his sleep pants before turning out the light. Shishido's futon was all set up with Ohtori's sleeping bag and pillow and it even looked like Ohtori had slept there. Choutarou must have climbed under the covers and adorably rolled around.

With the light out, the room was for once dark. Shishido felt for Ohtori's hand to lead him to the bed. He said, "It must have gotten cloudy out. This way."

"I hope it doesn't rain," Ohtori said as he climbed in next to Shishido. "But maybe it will give Atobe more time to cool down if it's postponed?" He sounded very hopeful.

And naive. Shishido knew Atobe better after all. "Maybe, but don't worry. Either I'll play or I won't. It's not even a big team or anything so it doesn't really matter. They aren't even ever seeded. They're nobody." Shishido shrugged as he pulled the comforter up over Ohtori's shoulder so it stayed warm. "Is your shoulder better?"

"My shoulder? Oh. Yeah. It's fine. Thank you. I just...I really wanted to see you play, Shishido-san." Ohtori said adorably as if he didn't watch Shishido play every day twice a day, but Shishido understood exactly what he meant.

Feeling out, he kissed Ohtori right on his mouth without being able to see him. "I really wanted you to see me play too, baby. You will. If I can get on the roster once, I can do it again." Shishido ran his tongue along Ohtori's lips and inside his warm mouth. He tasted the peppermint of his toothpaste and growled a small moan of pleasure as they kissed. Shishido was hard again from them laying in each other's arms barely dressed and Ohtori's skin against his was driving him wild.

Ohtori kissed him back for one hot long moment, and then broke the kiss. Reverently Ohtori said, "You can do it again Shishido-senpai. I know you can."

Shishido thought to himself what? Kiss him again? Oh tennis. Yeah. Right. Great. Whatever.

He reached for Ohtori's mouth with his own to kiss him even more, but Ohtori kissed him for a second and then stopped. "Shishido-san, you might be playing tomorrow and it's late. Maybe we should go to sleep...?"

Shishido growled turned on and frustrated, "I don't sleep, remember? And I might not get to kiss you like this again until our date tomorrow night..." Then Shishido had a coherent thought. Ohtori was totally dragging with exhaustion all day. He shouldn't keep him up like this. It was dangerous and stupid and hell, he lived with Choutarou now so they could do this whenever. Shishido smiled, "I love kissing you, baby. Do you know that? Whenever we start, I never want to stop. Kiss me for two more minutes and then we'll go to sleep, okay?"

Ohtori sounded like he was smiling, "Yes. I love kissing you too, Shishido-senpai."

It didn't sound like Ohtori was talking about kissing, but then his lips were on Shishido's. Hot, sweet, deep, tongues and teeth and lips moving together. Shishido forgot to think again for at least five minutes while Ohtori kissed him hard and senseless. It was so perfect and their timing was so synchronized that Shishido couldn't even tell who ended the kiss first. They were perfect together.

"Good night, Shishido-san," Ohtori said and sounded sexy and husky.

"Good night, baby. Sleep well. And Choutarou, I want you here when I wake up in the morning, okay?" Shishido glanced at the clock and thought to himself if he fell asleep right then--which was never going to happen--he could get a little over five hours of sleep. How damn nice that would be. Until then he could enjoy being like this with Ohtori. He wished for once it was a clearer night, because then he could have watched Ohtori as he slept.

"I'll be here, Shishido-senpai. Sleep well, when you sleep." Choutarou said, and Shishido only then realized that Ohtori knew he probably wouldn't sleep. That Shishido was laying here because he wanted to hold him and be held.

Shishido smiled at how perfect everything was. He kissed Ohtori softly one last time and said, "Not another word until morning. I'll watch you this time, okay?" Ohtori giggled but didn't answer and Shishido laughed slightly when he realized why, "Well you can tell me okay, I guess."

"Okay," Choutarou sounded like he was smiling wide again and very happy. Then he pulled Shishido closer to him and settled down with a contented sigh.

Shishido knew exactly how he felt. He felt the same. In fact, he only noticed then that they were not only holding each other, but he was holding Ohtori's hand under the covers. He didn't even realize it until then. Shishido felt so comfortable and secure that he hadn't given it a second thought or worried if his hand was sweaty or anything. With Choutarou stupid things like that didn't even matter. This felt so natural and right. He reached out to give Ohtori a light kiss on his cheek.

He waited for Ohtori to start making those cute little puppy dog snores he had done earlier when Shishido found him in his bed.

He didn't wait long.

Shishido fell asleep first.

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